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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:42:29 PM | | I have no M.O. I talk truthfully and pleasantly. I want them to see me as a real man should be. Sometimes though the truth of the matter is that the women have been lied to and treated badly. Monogamy easier spelled than lived. If you are interested in someone on-line then have the common decency to correspond only with them.....it will put our gender in a much better light.......... | |
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*Echo*
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 52 | |
| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:43:49 PM | OP, I truly wonder where the following data come from:
The men who are honest and decent on these sites are having a hard time with romancing distrustful, cynical, bitter women who's hearts have been trampled by callous men who are players.
Is that really a gender specific phenomenon? I saw many men, who may be honest and decent, yet they are bitter and cynical because their harts have been tramped, often in their past marriages, and are unable to romance honest and decent women.
Some men have become completely confused on their role in the dating world. I see some have given up. Many people are confused on their role in the dating world, myself included. But so what? We are in the same boat here. Some have given up? So did many women. But then blaming the entire gender/ other people for giving up on dating is a poor excuse for become cynical and jaded themselves.
By blaming lack of desirable dating results for some men on other men - and consequently women you are grossly oversimplifying the whole issue, which makes me wonder in whose interest that is?? There are numerous factors making dating difficult besides "players" ; one of them is statistics. Let's be realistic here: Internet is not a magically working formula which has to bring instant results of sending someone super compatible in no time into your mail box. Even if they are compatible, they are humans and might simply be not on the same page as you are, no matter what gender, and no matter if they had bad luck meeting any players or charmers before.
Women have become very skittish because it's a more dangerous world out there for them than it was 25 - 30 years ago. We have been looked after, protected, and provided for thousands of years. Evolution is slow. Apparently, in 25 years evolution did a quick reversal and all Nature's rules about men and women are kicked to the curb.
Now that really made me laugh. I don't know in what world are you living in but 25 or even 30 years ago I was neither protected, nor looked after and certainly nobody provided for me. Add another 25 years to it - and the same story was with my mother, and certainly with the majority of women of her generation. They worked. As mothers, homemakers, employees, farmers, office workers, teachers, nurses, nannies, you name it. Nothing was given to them on a silver platter and no one was protecting them, whatever that means. (in many countries even law didn't "protect" them, still doesn't in many instances).
Women were protected and provided for for thousands of years? What anthropology classes did you take?? Women were doing a bulk of work for thousands of years and were men equal partners and providers, and their hard work was absolutely crucial for the survival of their families, tribes, nations and the whole human kind. Sure they were "protected" just like every other member of the society was; everyone was precious and everyone's work was necessary for their common good.
Frankly, Op, I find your making nice with "nice men" post quite offensive. And please, don't tell me that I am entitled to my opinion; I know it, that's why expressed it, obviously.
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:40:58 PM | | once again, seeing a lot of bitterness and hate here-ladies if you allowed yourselves to be taken in by a sexy guy because you chose to throw caution to the wind, hate yourselves-then , if you still want vengeance, take vengeance on the guy who you're pissed off at-don't use some unresolved past experience cause you to lash out at every new guy you meet-or you will forever be in your own way... | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:22:34 AM | Echo...
Yes...yes...yes... look at the player threads on here...yes....yes ....yes....on and on...
Women singing.."I have been played!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Men singing"Women do the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Reptitive ad nauseum..
What does show up more in these player threads is actual stories of predatory hunters and the clear damage they leave in their wake. Sorry, but I tallied up in columns which gender was the worst offender according the stories. Men came out as the clear winner in this race. Like it or not. It doesn't make me a man basher. I like men very much and they actually do talk to me about what it is like out there.
I also have a good friend who works in this area. She is a family therapist. She has the data that supports my words.
Now, Echo, lets be realistic instead of idealistic. There are differences in gender in this world. To think that we are the same in every way is plain hogwash.
If you want to digress about women and on and on....go to another thread.
All I have done in this thread is to give good and decent men a say. That is my thread. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:39:06 AM | Spumoni,
I asked what their modus operandi is when they meet a woman that they want to date and romance. Not how to have a long term relationship. Where did you get that?
Dating sites are dating sites. POF is a dating site. People are on here to find that SO.
There are people on here who would love to know what it is that attracts the right SO and then, the hard part, to keep it alive with love, respect, passion, and loyalty.
So, I asked, in conversation, to a slice of the pie. The pie being couples who have made it for over 30 years and are still in love. What was the secret. Read my previous posts. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:52:11 AM | river-eye,
Are you a nice guy that is angry at women who were sucked in by a charming, warm, sweet-talking man who dangled love and romance before their eyes?
It is non-productive to be angry at the women who were taken in by this kind of man.
I think you can be in your own way, too, if this is how you feel. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:14:34 AM | Well, I change stuff up. I use rose peddals, special candles, oils, silk from different countries, newer love music (90s to now), little tokens used as favor chips so I know when to spring into action sometimes on cue if needbe. I also hit the chocolate button- godiva all the way.
I am very random as well. I can bust something out in the park, at an amusement park, home, subway, on a mountain, and almost anywhere I've ever been. Heck I can make the hospitol romantic. Don't ask me to do it while I'm working though. Or during my lunch break- quick reaction chips are only for after hours and days off. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:20:09 AM | | And I agree- all the paranoia and anger flying around these days is making it dificult for mister right. Having an open heart doesn't consist of mistrust. If I have to save a person's life on the battle field, they have to know how to just blindly trust me. I will never just let one of our guys die- why would I eve break somebody's heart because a better piece of tail walks through the door? I know some men do it because they've been hurt before. I've been hurt in some really bad ways, but I know somebody out there has a heart like mine that can take a licken' and keep on ticken'. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:20:19 AM | | And I agree- all the paranoia and anger flying around these days is making it dificult for mister right. Having an open heart doesn't consist of mistrust. If I have to save a person's life on the battle field, they have to know how to just blindly trust me. I will never just let one of our guys die- why would I eve break somebody's heart because a better piece of tail walks through the door? I know some men do it because they've been hurt before. I've been hurt in some really bad ways, but I know somebody out there has a heart like mine that can take a licken' and keep on ticken'. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:34:31 AM | I dont think women were treated better in the past, woman now have more rights than ever and got them becasue they needed them to leave bad marriages and beocme independant from bad situations.
Its too general, the percentages are not high enough to equate where women are concerned at all.
Some people attract certain types or assume that because a woman isnt interested in being smothered or molly coddled or romanced she has been injured or let doen by men.
Crap....... I am not romantic at all and it has nothing to do with past relationships it hs to do with my personality and how i like to relate to the men I am with, and it doesnt mean I havent been treated like a queen, or have been treated badly,
the men who carry on about this crap are narrow minded and havent got a clue, women are people and peopel are all differently.
I know better than to try to communciate to men who believe this myth because it is impossible to communciate them, its the not because they open the car door , its because they think we should cave in at the knees and tell everyone what a great catch he is for doing it and in most cases they doo all that stuff and forget about helping with the real issues in life. Putting the bin out and doing dishes and really helping is far more romantic then opeing the car door, it doesnt make you a nice guy deep down where it counts its superficial........ | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:38:36 AM | Sorry OP, but you're not going to get a legit answer on this. Why you ask? Because all men are players to a certain degree. Now, they're not players with every women, but just with women they want to sleep with. Most of these so called players are more than willing to settle down with that certain special women. But, it just happens that you aren't the one he is interested in settling down with. So, he'll use the same techniques to romance you as he would to romance someone he is truly interested in. The only difference is that the person he is truly interested will get a call back. You won't get a call at all.
This whole ridiculous idea of dividing men into two camps, one of players and of one legitimate romantics is such a crock. All men are capable of being both depending on the situation.
So, the next time you get taken advantage by a player, realize this. He's really not a player in the classical sense. He's more than willing to settle down with that special someone. But, it just so happens that you weren't that special someone. So, he just had sex with you instead. He's more than willing to be in a relationship. Just not with you.
If it makes you feel better, you call label him a "player." In reality, he's just a man like every other man. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:53:21 AM |
all men are players to a certain degree... This whole ridiculous idea of dividing men into two camps, one of players and of one legitimate romantics is such a crock. All men are capable of being both depending on the situation... He's really not a player in the classical sense. He's more than willing to settle down with that special someone. But, it just so happens that you weren't that special someone... speaking of loads of crap!
heathenspirit claims if the man ends up marrying the woman, he was not a player -- in that instance. But let him choose to select a different mate than the one he has been intimate with for a while, he is a player.
Can a leopard change its spots? Can you be a little bit pregnant? I rest my case. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:09:44 AM | | wasllflower1,i apologize, what i said must have offended you personally-what i'm getting at here is the trite crap in women's profiles,don't like cheaters,liars,etc. well duh!who does? now what prospect is going to admit he cheats or lies to a first date?if you put this in your profile,you're doing more hurt than good, because the dishonest are going to use it against you! every time i see this, i wonder if some poor woman with misplaced anger and aggression is going to put the NEXT guy thru the blender because of what the LAST guy did-there's a remarkable lot of nonaccountability these days; governments,schools,businesses, and people who all want to transfer or shift blame for bad circumstances somewhere they don't belong-because the people involved don't want to face the simple fact that they are also partially to blame for the problem-but you're right,wallflower, it must be my fault some player took advantage of somebody i don't even know yet, and she allowed him to do it-that certainly is something i for which i should be made to suffer... love and trust is the reason for this site,and to allow this we have to shed hate and anger from prior situations first... | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:43:05 PM | heathenspirit claims if the man ends up marrying the woman, he was not a player -- in that instance. But let him choose to select a different mate than the one he has been intimate with for a while, he is a player.
No, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm talking about players in the sense that they only want a casual hook up with a woman. They say all the right things, make the right moves, and appear genuine and sincere - and then they vanish once they get what they want. That's completely different than being in relationship and eventually breaking up.
And my point was that many men exhibit player-like qualities at times in order to get some action. That may not make them a chronic player. In fact, it may actually be out of character for them. But the romantic dance requires that a man "play" the role of interested suitor. So, he behaves in a way that a women expects from a man who is interested in more than just her body.
Now, I don't expect many men are going to own up and admit this, but I expect quite a few are nodding their heads and saying "yep, I've done that."
Women often feel a sense of comfort in labelling men as "players." Not realizing that some one else's "player" could become another women's devoted boyfriend or husband.
Can a leopard change its spots? Can you be a little bit pregnant? I rest my case.
So once a player, always a player. Maybe in some cases, but I think those kind of chronic players that women like to think are lurking on every other barstool are the exception, and not the rule. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:50:28 PM | | OP, IMO, what you are looking for is something to look for which will make a player more obvious, and how non-players work-you're not going to like the answer.-most of the sexier, more charismatic guys(who can't wait BTW, to give you any time) are players. most of the guys who will respect you, treat you like a lady, and give you time to create trust and get to know you-you will probably feel are not worth your time-so, how do you tell the "good " handsome, sexy, guy from a player?ultimately, time ... | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:56:27 PM | I thought this made a lot of sense.
Taking a girl out on a date already says a lot. But this whole business is not just about seducing someone. You must gain the confidence and trust of the person sitting at the other end of the table. More than that, you must make her feel good in your presence and even want more. How to do this? Simple! When you're not flirting with her just let her take control for a while.
Always keep in mind that women's favorite subject is themselves. This little "bug" in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don't think it ever hurt anyone. What I'm trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious... just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.
Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you'll receive the most "points" for cherishing her intelligence.
Always listen to her when she talks! Sounds too obvious? Maybe, but the key thing is that it counts less if you've been really listening to her as long as she thinks you weren't. Therefore you can use several tricks like saying confirmation phrases ("I see", "yes" etc.) showing that you're following her. Just don’t do it so much that she mistakes you for her shrink. Re-telling what she just said is another useful skill as long as you don't abuse it. You simply rephrase what she said and she'll know you got the point. Nevertheless it can be very annoying if you overuse it.
And, as I mentioned earlier, when she makes you curious about something just ask her! This proves you were listening in the first place. The same happens when you make a compliment based on something she just said.
But curiosity can also be used whenever you run out of topics in a conversation. Every woman is curious by nature so all you have to do is to stir her curiosity and forget all about you running out of interesting subjects or her getting bored.
Caterina Christakos is a published author and dating coach. Learn more of what to do and what not to do with women. Go to: http://www.powerdatingexplosion.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Caterina_Christakos | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 8:09:45 PM | Very good post!!
I have always said that it is the guys who are not honest about their intentions, that lie to get what they want, these are the ones who make it look bad for all of us.
I am no saint, but like the saying goes "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the prince" (and that was by a woman).
I have met a few people from here and have been asked of my dating experiences. I am honest in saying that I have met a few, online and in person. Only to get the "are you a player" question. Come on now, how many first chats, first meetings, first dates are exactly what we are looking for. Unfortunately, people lie about what they look like, and a lot of other things. Women learn this and men do too. I have heard women say that some men are married or that they say they look a certain way or are a certain height and in person that is not the case. I truly am 6'6, and my pictures are recent. It sits badly with me that I have such a problem in finding someone. Another post on here was about why are you single? And another asking why haven't you met that person?
I am not a player, I am looking for one person only, compatibility, chemistry, attraction, intelligence..all of it and when I think it might be there, well to be honest let me put it this way. .. I have seen the picture (hence physical attraction is there), and they have said all the right things and so I meet them. The picture turns out to not be recent, to which everyone is subjective and feels they haven't changed, or the words were along the lines of what they aspire to be.
Given this, I have met a few women and I guess just because I haven't met the right one and gone on a few first meetings, I am classed as a player by some. Though I don't kiss, nor sleep with them, just coffee or a drink and then good night if the chemistry is not there.
So be it, but the questions begs, How many frogs have you kissed?? | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:44:50 PM | Dating is a game.
Men can say they don't want it to be, women can deny it. That doesn't change anything. It's a game.
To date, one has to play; it's not a choice. If people don't play, they don't date.
The only choice is who to play with and a hope that he or she wants to play as well. Follow the advice I learned the hard way, pay attention, and enjoy each other.
Life isn't too short for games... it's too short for losing games."
Let's face it, most women want men who are confident, who have fun in their life and will include the woman in that fun, and who can talk to a woman on an equal basis. There is no "one size fits all", just learn to recognize and go for the ones with whom you can connect, and avoid the ones with whom you can't. The reason most nice guys finish last is because they are labeled nice, when in reality they are meek and boring.
Don't hate the player. Don't hate the game. Just make a decision whether you're in or out.
Because the game is going to go on, whether you join or not.
So, if you want the company of the opposite, you need to learn to play the game.
And......you need to learn to play it to win what you are most interested in winning.
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:04:56 PM | Of course, eazk. what you are saying is true..
The dating is a game of life. We have to play if we want to meet anyone. The more that you play, the more skillful you will become. That leads to confidence. Very attractive.
IMO the word player is a participant in any kind of game where there is a winner or a loser. We learn to win gracefully and lose gracefully.
On POF and in the dating world itself, the word "player" has acquired a certain stigma.
As in all games, there are cheaters. People who don't play the game honestly. And they don't play with basic rules of integrity and fairness. These people are the ones called players in this dimension. They come in all colours, sizes, shapes, styles and genders. One thing that they have in common? They don't commit.
So, lets get on with hearing from the ones who don't want to be labled "players".
What I am seeing here is men who just want to be natural, honest, kind, giving, and thoughtful.
Thoughtful. That is something that makes my insides go warm. Thoughtful and considerate. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:43:20 PM | Well, I don't know if I'd be considered a good guy, because I led someone on that I met from here for about 3 weeks. Unfortunately, it was because I had met two women, one generated by this site, and another through a situation at work. I am still with the girl I met at work, but I feel rotten for leading the other girl on for so long. I don't think your "war zone" is limited to this site. Look at any public forum for men and women to interact socially and develop some sort of relationship platonic or intimate. These "good guys" you speak of tend to lay back in the social situations because so many of the "players" out there have either soiled the playing field or made women so skittish that they are unreceptive to comments. The only thing I can say I've ever done is attempting to be as honest, without being too revealing, to a woman. This includes giving her the most pertinent information possible. I'm not going to tell a woman I just met that 4 years ago I weighed 50 lbs more for instance.... Other than that, romance has, arguably, never really been alive except for inside the fantasies and imagination of people who believe that love exists only as a positive thing.
The distortion regarding the concept of love is truly interesting. The word "love" has been thrown around pre-maturely so much in the last 25 to 30 years that it has been a major cause of this evolution in human nature that you see. Couple that with legal rights, human rights, and criminal prosecution, and its a wonder that men are not arrested for simply considering talking to a female in an enclosed space such as a bar or club. With the way litigation is heading, that may get a man prosecuted for sexual harrassment. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:20:10 PM | First off the term modus operandi, to me, puts a "Negative or Criminal" sense to romancing a woman. As far as I'm concerned this is the wrong foot to start with.
Secondly if we must use the term, then we should be only using the MO of respect and treating a woman as an "Equal". If we were to do this, we wouldn't be considered "stinkers, dogs, pigs, etc................. Some men bring it upon themselves and then all men pay for it.
Thirdly, if both sexes treated each other as "equals" there would be less people carrying around baggage from previous relationships. Before we get involved in another relationship we should be over the previous one.
I guess that thought can lead to another thread. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:51:42 AM | | well, what about guys on here posting profiles and yet there married or in a personal relationship . He says oh, i havent taken the time to take my profile down so, my girls and i are looking at another site she's on . wouldnt you know low and behold he's on there to . so, yes we are going to be skittish given that this is what we come across . | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:54:33 AM | Wallflower~...so how is it players are not natural, honest, kind, giving and thoughtful. Basically, if a man takes the time to learn what it is a woman wants and to integrate that thought process into who they are, is that a bad thing? What is the issue with being communicative, direct and always willing to make you feel like you are the center of attention?
But the real truth is, no one (well, actually very, very few) want to be labeled as players. More often, guys who are lacking in some of the communication and interaction skills are quick to label the men who excel at it as players? WHY??? For the exact same reason women will label another woman who beds down with a man as a slut...it's their weak attempt at demeaning the members of their own sex who are more successful at relationships.
People who call men 'Players' are for the most part simply weaker players. They didn't get what they want, so this is sour grapes.
Let's try this with a different spin...think back to high school...don't you wish that boys would have been taught how to communicate, to interact with girls way back then? To understand what is important to women, and to account for and help nurture those needs? How many women have said over and over again "Why don't men get it?" The truth is, MEN do get, it's the other 95% of the guys that don't. So, if that makes us players, then so be it.
But to be fair to your thought process in the post...what you are discussing is liars, cheaters...and that segment of the other 95% who pretend to be men...the fakers. So let's call a spade a spade...you're asking the guys who simply use communication as a trick to get a woman into bed...not the men...and not the guys who don't get it.
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