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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:34:56 PM | | I agree there are some people on here acting as they want to date ,and I've read they're profile and e-mail them and there reply is i'm sorry i'm married and have'nt taken the time to take my profile down and as i'm lookin at other datin sites there listed on there aswell "whats up with that" kinda behavior. take the time and take profile down out of the repect of the reader and new spouse. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:57:12 PM | | I agree with the posters who basically said that the guys who aren't players are sometimes not given a chance because of the guys who DO play games. I try to keep an open mind and give everyone the benefit of the doubt - until I'm proven wrong.. but sometimes it's difficult to do that. It would be nice if we women could read you men (and vice versa) and figure out why the heck some of you act the way you do! I think it would make life a little easier on all of us! I know that at my age I should know when a guy is BSing me... but sometimes I don't. I wish I could figure out why a guy would be attentive, remember things from your profile, talk about getting together again...then totally blow someone off... ignoring emails, etc... if I could figure that out, I'd be a very rich woman and a happier dater! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:20:08 PM | | Ya know, it's no wonder people are afraid to get back into the dating game. It just seems so complicated. I was married for 29 years. Prior to that, I was not what you would call a "ladies' man". So, I'm not that well practiced on dating, and I really haven't got a clue how to be a player. All I know is, I get really nervous about sending an email for fear of saying something dorky. Then I get even more nervous if given the opportunity to make the first phone call. And the whole thing of it is, all I want to do is meet someone to spend time with, and if I'm lucky, I'll make a new friend. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:23:00 PM | I appreciate your thoughts, snazzyshaz, but I think my post doesn't ask for females to jump on a soapbox to vent their frustrations with men. There are many threads out there for that. Vent away! That is why this POF forum is good. Gets the frustrations off the chest. Just do it on a thread that says "OK, ladies....scream away!"
All you men that have answered, I have truly enjoyed all of your thoughts and answers...
Maybe I will change the wording to "dating and romancing style" instead of MO.
Some of your styles are very heartwarming....
Ladies...these are real men. You can be real with them. That means going for coffee and sitting back and relaxing with them. You don't have to come to a meet/greet all dolled up to the nines or look like the next sex symbol of the week. Just be yourself in a nice, approachable way. It does go a long way with these guys. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:36:54 PM | post 105
I think alot of women actually know who the players are and who's honest. they know which guys have experience in hitting up on them and they know they are the players. they know the guys that don't have experience in e-mailing a good message or writing a good profile or whatever are the guys tht aren't the players and are the good ones but yet they continually go for the experienced ones. don't let them fool you, they know they want players. in another thread I was in everyone came right out and said you need a game even the women
game = player the better the game the more experienced you are at playing the more the women want you
no game means no experience means not a player women don't want you | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:55:11 PM |
Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Usually, I start with a bit of strutting and sideways glances. I know I'm beautiful, but I wanna make sure I've got the gal's attention. Next, I might let out a bit of a 'come-hither' kinda squawk and flap my wings a bit so she can glory in the size of my wings and how my huge pects can manage those monstrous things.
When I've finally got her attention and she is rapt, I spread my tail feathers, open my wings and face the sun, then slowly rotate so she can fully, completely appreciate the glory of me and my plumage.
When she falls down doing the funky-chicken, I know I'm in like Flynn.
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:17:31 PM | I find that just taking a genuine interest in what they have to say is the cats meow.
women are so used to being attractive that it becomes the norm to them..
the term been there done that comes to mind. //.. so.. they want more
something they don't have.. a good mans genuine interest.. in something more than her looks.
the reasons why the players get so much play is because they have more experience.. and experience gives them confidence.. witch in the animal kingdom translates to security.
unfortunately being in this position of having whoever you want is a lot like being a child and pick whats for dinner.. you know they will pick the candy soda etc.. they may be able to get what they want but aren't able to make an informed decision .. YET.
at least not untill they have been burned.
thats where we come in.
I find that If you are at all able to dismiss their looks as an after thought.. and concentrate more on what they have to say and of course take a genuine interest.. they will gradually see the error of their ways and finally discover what chicken marsala tastes like for dinner.. as opposed to oreos
finding women you can share an interest with will also weed out a lot of the dates that had no chance of developing into a healthy relationship, there by giving you more confidence.. and we all know by now what that translates to.
=) | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:22:54 PM | i went out with a guy who would break up with me, and then the next day be back on here, and looking for someone else because i hurt him in some way, it has left me very confused and misled about what a guy really wants from a relationship, he said that if i didn't want to go to bed with him that there was no relationship, even if i wanted to wait for awhile. he accused me of using me for money, and we were going out and very much inlove, so what was wrong with that? he wanted to look after me, and move in with me, but then would get very manipulative when things didn't go his way, and play the blame game. everything was always my fault, yell at me, swear at me, and say nasty things to me and put me and my children down, said things that were nasty about my eldest daughter, who is estranged from me as it is.
he said that he couldn't get the feelings that were soooo strong for me back and that he had tried and tried, but that he didn't love me any more.
as far as i know if you love someone, the feelings never die, they just get hidden for a while, but you cant say that you love them, and then you dont. that you dont want to be with that person anymore.
i felt that i was losing myself in the relationship, that he wanted to change me into something that i wasnt, i was told by lots of people that he was a controller, and had issues, but i loved him, and wanted to be with him, so when i finally made the decision to be with him, he then started to hate me, and said that he doesn't even think he will ever be able to love again. because of me. but he is on this site ..... again, looking for someone.
i do hope he finds love i really do, but it hurts that he can break up with me and then be on this site again. why am i here? i know it probably seems hypocrytical, i love him but am here. .... i just want to make freinds now, and maybe find love again.
i soooo hope i dont sound confused. but i certainly feel that way, i feel that i have been used and played, not the other way around.
that just doesn't compute with me. | |
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Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 113 | |
| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:42:49 PM | Well, what an interesting thought. When I first started out on this site, I tried putting all of the things I am into on my profile. I tried starting conversations with ladies about things I saw in their profiles, but it wasn't working out for me. I finally changed my perspective to the ladies viewpoint, and saw at once what I was doing wrong.
First and foremost, most women are going to be somewhat skeptical about meeting someone they found online. They're worried about liers/cheaters/players. Foremost, they're concerned for their safety, as well they should be. I realized I was coming off as too pushy, asking for telephone numbers/e-mail addresses/dates up front. This was raising alarms with these ladies.
Now, I don't initiate contact with any expectations. In fact, I rarely initiate contact at all anymore. I've found that by letting the ladies set the pace of things, it works out better for all. Also, I changed my profile completely. I put out there exactly what I'm looking for, and this lets a lady know, up front, what to expect out of me. Honesty really is the best policy, for me anyway. I may not be looking for a relationship, but at least she knows this before she talks to me. Just because I date (and sleep with) multiple women does not make me a player, because I tell each one up front. Can't be a player if you're honest.
(Side note: Women can be players too. They may be playing the game a bit differently, with different goals, but dishonesty is still there...) | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:52:34 PM | | your best bet is to go to an even playing field. some guys are good at picking up girls at bars, some guys get girls to like them because they are genuinely good guys. if you aren't the kind of guy that has luck at the one night bar thing, do something like joining a softball team or something. something where the girl will get to know you for you, not who you become after beers and start sweet talking. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:37:49 PM | honeybeehere....
The topic of this post has nothing to do with your story. Please find a thread that fits your woes.
Go to a counsellor and learn what love is.
If you want to read about what decent men are about then learn from this thread. It's refreshing and gives women hope. I just wish that more men would write on this.
All you great men! Non- cynical, honest, straight goods, romantic, fun, teasing, protective, respectful and thoughtful....are you out there?
We need to give you smiles! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:11:33 PM | *I haven't read any replies, so excuse redundance.*
Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman? I think first of all, most women will agree, this is a trick question. 
The men who are honest and decent on these sites are having a hard time with romancing distrustful, cynical, bitter women who's hearts have been trampled by callous men who are players. Funny how you didn't infix a "the" between romancing and distrustful...
These men are out there trying to meet women who say lovely things on their profile, are trying to get to know them and are trying to instill trust. They should know better 
I see some have given up. like those guys.
So, let's hear it loud and clear from the good guys! Ah - here's where I come in.  Well, since, as you've pointed out, women like screwing up perfectly good rules, even those evolved over thousands of years, us hapless men need to wake up and adapt. So what do we do? We have to force ourselves to be something we are not (I.E. a heartless a-hole player), and once we're in, slowly start revealing our kinder, loving, emotional, compassionate human side. (Too fast and you get rejected (essentially, for being human), and those who do not employ this deception, will never get "in" in the first place.)
There you have it - sleep well.
- Your Excogitator | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:42:40 AM | ^^^^ Ding! Ding! Ding!
For about the 70th time around here, everyone is a "player", which is a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men all the time, only they call it 'dating'. He only becomes a "player" who we're aware of -- one of those kinds of players -- when she loses badly.
Men who are NOT players never go on dates. If he's on a date, he's a player, and it's not a very clever move to try and sound better than all those other guys by denying it. Even a woman can see through a juvenile racket like that. But maybe he'll be lucky and she'll like guys who are into rackets. Happens all the time. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:31:45 PM | The most attractive thing for women, from my experience at least, is to follow my own 'purpose' as number one priority.
Too many guys are chameleons - they change their entire personality, beliefs and character for each woman they meet. God forbid they should be honest about what they actually think for fear of losing the girl.
The old dating advice of 'be yourself', although cliched, is very good advice when applied correctly. Most guys unfortunately take this to mean 'I'll be myself..I just want to buy her lots of expensive dinners and gift to impress her', when in reality it means that you have to be true to your core values and stay on track with whatever your life's purpose is.
Women do not want a man who is weak and afraid of the world - so all the posters who say 'but I'm such a nice guy, I never say anything rude and I agreed with everything she said and she never returned my calls after the first date' should really take a look at how they are coming across to the world. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:20:10 PM | life_of_leisure
For about the 70th time around here, everyone is a "player", which is a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men all the time, only they call it 'dating'. He only becomes a "player" who we're aware of -- one of those kinds of players -- when she loses badly. You self-contradict - for everyone to be a "player", it would have to be in relation to people who are true to themselves, which there are many of. The rest, I have to totally agree with.
Men who are NOT players never go on dates. If he's on a date, he's a player, and it's not a very clever move to try and sound better than all those other guys by denying it. Even a woman can see through a juvenile racket like that. But maybe he'll be lucky and she'll like guys who are into rackets. Happens all the time. So how do men who are NOT players get dates? (Or how do they go about then, to get themselves into a relationship?) Women WANT players - they enjoy getting played! I've tried standing around women without playing them - they find it boring and drift toward players. Every time you approach one genuinely (true to your heart, let's say), she gets scared and flees.
BadBoyPassion
Women do not want a man who is weak and afraid of the world - so all the posters who say 'but I'm such a nice guy, I never say anything rude and I agreed with everything she said and she never returned my calls after the first date' should really take a look at how they are coming across to the world. Yeah, they should. By the way, it's likely the world that comes across as juvenile to them. Being nice, kind, courteous, without saying anything rude takes GUTS pal. That's strength. Giving into, and voicing every inane thought in one's feeble mind is what I consider weak. Not enough will-power to keep mouth closed? I dunno about the agreeing part - I guess some people can find at least a little sense in anything, and aren't the type to stir the pot over minutia. I think love really matters on nothing but how two people feel in each other's presence. Even opinions have zilch to do with anything! It's all a hill of beans for players to complain about, when they should just walk up to the person that has their heart and befriend them, telling them how they feel... Which I suppose is how silly games begin in the first place.
- Your circumlocutorily excogitating Excogitator | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:28:48 PM | Ahhh...Life of Leisure...
semantics..
There are two meanings to ass*hole. One can be described as a medical term "anus". Would you like further descriptions of it? The other meaning is ....well....you know.
With the word "players" it has also evolved into 2 meanings. One meaning is: PLAYER: participant in a competitive form of sport or excercise. The other meaning: PLAYER: "ass*hole" who "plays" and "toys" with women's or men's emotions and feelings regarding love.
When we refer to "players" on a dating site, we refer to the "ass*hole" meaning.
The English language is full of "one word with two meanings".
For example "chicken, pig, cow, skunk, ....et al".
So, now you won't have to do a "for the 71st time!!!!" You now know what we refer to when we say "player" on this site. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:00:22 PM | honestone...that's your name in this profile. You are saying it doesn't work?
Honesty works for me. Confident, honest, straight goods, masculine, strong, opinionated, no-fear men turn me on!
If you are confusing honesty with being wimpy, emotional, let all of your woes out behaviour, then, yes, I will run!!!
Think about what honest is. | |
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You sir are a very smart fella...And seam like a very sweet man
