| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:08:10 PM | Some of the most romanitic things a man could do.........
Touch with tenderness, Snuggle after making love, Treat her as the most special person in your life, Be available when she needs help, Be emotionally giving, and Share your thoughts and dreams with her.
But not to leave out:
That you know what makes her happy, you are gentle when making love, You listen intently. You really listen! You are playful with her when the two of you are alone, you give her flowers, poems, love notes for no special reason, and you compliment her.
Make time-take time just to be together, to talk, to touch, to love. Don't rush things. Relax. Savor the moments, the experience, the feelings. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:39:06 PM |
You sound like you have read
The Way of the Superior Man
by David Deida
or are you just right on target through intuition?
Good on ya"
If you're talking to me, I am familiar with his work, but I haven't read that book.
Yeah, I suppose you could say that male/female polarity and attraction is my specialist subject.
Once I've learned everything there is to learn about it, I'm going to leave the house and meet some real life women! YEAH!!!
Maybe. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:13:50 AM |
sorry leeanne but honesty doesn't work and you women know it. it's hard to be honest anyways when most women won't give the good guys a chance to talk to them in the first place.
Well I for one have a perfect relationship that is totaly based on honesty! Not for one second have we had to second guess one another! We have NEVER argued - never had reason to disbelieve or to wonder why! The strongest relationships I have in my life are based on honesty! The relationships that I find difficult - are the ones where there is some lack of honesty! Sooooooooo I take honesty above all - as the bond that can hold two people together!!! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:59:28 AM |
sorry leeanne but honesty doesn't work and you women know it
I'm not Leeanne but it's obvious from your post that honesty hasn't "worked" with the women you've dated ONLY. I'd bet your definition of "worked" would be different from others'. When someone uses the word "worked" in connection with a quality such as honesty, it suggests there was an expected outcome. It would also tend to suggest you may be one of those individuals who "uses" honesty, rather than is just an honest person. Big difference, I don't expect you to know what it is. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:21:19 AM | does this make me look fat??
how does my hair look?
If I were to die would you remarry?
there are other questions of varying degrees but If a guy were to be honest in any of these questions he would be in trouble. LOL
also.. for the women.. when was the last time you were honest to a guy on why you didn't want to date him..?
LOL | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:38:29 AM |
excogitator (Msg #124): You self-contradict - for everyone to be a "player", it would have to be in relation to people who are true to themselves, which there are many of.
"People who are true to themselves" are not necessarily not players. As some of those who adopt the label for themselves say, being a player is about "being yourself". So "everyone" means everyone. Unless they're not in the game. Which, again, doesn't necessarily mean they're being "true to themselves".
wallflower1 (Msg #125): You now know what we refer to when we say "player" on this site.
Oh, glad to have the law layed down and to be informed what it is. Like I said: "...term of convenience". Women dispense The Rules, and men play the game. If this makes these players a$$holes, it must be part of the rules... (If it's not a game, why the need for rules - such as "you must be honest"?)
But do you mean to say we can now henceforth dispense with all the threads from women who are wanting tips and advice on how to better play men? | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:03:23 AM | I have read most of the comments and a lot are close.
lady's i can understand the mistrust you have for men for one reason or another but you have to remember guys get burned to. Yes we have hearts too and we also find it hard to trust woman for all the same reasons. Trust and honesty takes time to establish it does not come with out effort and sacifice. So the next time you meet someone and that goes for both parties there two side to ever story i am not saying to tkae him or her at face value just don't be quick to judge. There really nice guys out there and some of us have children so don't be afraid to step up just like woman we once had a family and all we are looking for is what was taken away just like you ladys is that so hard to believe. Its's the truth take it from someone who know once you here i have children it becomes taboo. Romance is between two people don't let others tell you what is good for you only you know whats good for you. Childen are not luggage they are people just as you were once. So don't use them as an excuse not to be with someone you may like. It's not far to you and definite not to him. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:43:39 AM | Msg 133 - Being cynical does not make for a good interaction in a relationship!
In a truely honest relationship those questions can be answered and accepted with merit! As well honesty saves a lot of BS when you have made the decision not to date someone! Both men and women should have the gutsiness to break things cleanly - by saying the truth!! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:27:58 AM | also.. for the women.. when was the last time you were honest to a guy on why you didn't want to date him..?
LOL
I do it all the time..OTOH...there is a difference between honesty and considering others feelings? Brutal honesty when the reason isn't important is just being mean in my opinion. I, personally, don't need to know that a man doesn't want to date me because he thinks I'm unattractive? I don't think we are a good match works fine for me...most men I don't want to date are for reasons I have no problem saying, but, I would never unnecessarily hurt someone's feeling in the name of honesty. Now, once involved in a relationship, if things go bad, I'm certainly going to be honest about why, because that's the only way to maybe fix it.
And as leeanne says, in a true honest relationship, there shouldn't be anything you can't say or talk about, but, you have already established a connection there, and you would say it in a non hurtful manner...Honesty just for the sake of honesty is not the point. Being brutal defeats the purpose...which is to communicate and try to repair...
EDIT: what is it with guys and the "do I look fat" thing? What I, at least, am looking for if I ask that question..is..does this outfit flatter me? If it doesn't , I want to wear something that does...I ask the same question of female friends...it is possible to say no, it isn't flattering without saying :yeah you're fat? LOL...( also, it is nice to hear, I love you no matter what it looks like?..lol) | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:52:59 PM | life of leisure...
Can we refer the definition of players and the rules by women for men to play by to another thread? I would love to digress with you on it, but this thread is all about what the romancing styles of men are who just want a good woman to love and are looking at having long term or marriage. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:20:52 PM | Your right leeanne I guess I was just trying to make a comical point and it sounded too serious.. And Im sorry If my observation came across as cynical.
we all lie every day in varying degrees.. sometimes to keep from hurting a persons feelings.. other times we are just not being honest with ourselves. and other times more often than not.. because it makes things convenient,, for the moment anyway.
I just find it so funny that the behavior and desires that comes from some "good women" is contradictory to what they are telling the world that they want. like "total honesty"
as for asking a guy if something makes you look fat "should obviously translate to " is this flattering on me. then why in the world don't women just ask if its flattering? LOL
does this mean that no matter what a woman says its always going to have some alter meaning..? or is she too afraid to take responsibility for the statement at face value?
lol
Or is it just that thing John Gray speaks of on how women tend to use absolutes and extremes in their statements and its up to the guy to give them a fair chance to re evaluate what they just said by asking If its what they truely meant. basically giving them a chance to opt out gracefully from what may have been an absurd statement.?
Now me I don't know why women have to be wired that way but if its how it is then its how it is.
I just wish it didn't always seem like women wanting total honesty just so long as they can handle the truth or in some cases "what they want to hear". | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:02:04 PM |
I just wish it didn't always seem like women wanting total honesty just so long as they can handle the truth or in some cases "what they want to hear".
I think it's another mars/venus thing....when I say I want honesty, I mean about your feelings primarily...not honesty as in ...some disparaging remark about how I look..because, from a female ( at least mine) point of view...it you think I look that bad...why are you with me? And if you can't say nice things, that are also true , because I like to hear them and they make me feel loved...then I don't get it. If you have nothing truthful and good to say...why are you with me, I say again?
Yes, women want to be told that you find them attractive, that you love them...etc...from my view again, I would never say something mean to a guy I cared about if it wasn't necessary? I would like to discuss openly and honestly any concerns...but, to me that doesn't mean insulting me...because it's true? Because then we come back to...if that's what you think, why are we together? Women ( not all, again..hate to get taken to task on that), want to feel appreciated and loved, and many also are overly sensitive to criticism especially about how they look...so, in our head, fantasy or not, reality or not...if you really love us, then unnecessary meanness doesn't make sense?
And I know it's been said before airbrushguy...but, most women when they ask those kinds of questions ...underlying is really the question " Do you love me even though I'm not perfect?" We don't want to be reminded of our imperfections, particularly if we have any body issues ( which many women do, even "normal" sized ones), because we already know what they are and beat ourselves up about it...guess, what we want from the man in our lives...is some kind of confirmation that he' s ok with us just as we are. And being brutally honest that we aren't is more about feeling unloved than false modesty or wanting to be lied to. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:31:33 PM | | I dont try to do anything and neither should anyone else. People should be themselves. If they naturally arent' likeable then why would you want him to do special things or say special things to make you like him. If he's a good person naturally, then he shouldnt' do anything but that. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:25:29 PM | well, eventually all men must become players to a certain degree if they want to be successful, because a women will not want a nice guy without player skills and charm.
I'm guessing most nice guys forced to develop their player skills, will just complete the circle and in turn prey upon the women that rejected them before, using and losing them, because now they can have any woman they want.
Ironic. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:47:42 AM | Well that just happened where I was brutally honest with a man about why I didn't want to see him. I knew him face to face for less than a few days but online for months, before he started attempting to add my students (some of whom were 16 year old girls) to his friends list on Facebook.
All of them girls. He also started adding girls from my sons friends list. He had no explanation for his behaviour other than lots of people add people who they don't know to their friends lists.
He also explained that he had met lots of people that age through his work and church etc.
The part he didn't seem to understand is that it's not okay for a stranger of 52 years of age to start trying to add children who he doesn't know,on my list to his friends list. It freaked the kids out.
The other part is that he expressed a genuine interest in getting to know me better and we had future dates planned out.
Clearly something wrong with this guy. He commented that he thought "I was crazy"....wow!!!
Just a little warning.....and yes, I was very clear and I reported him to the Facebook team. I think they removed him.
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:25:42 PM | Although I don't consider myself the romancing type, sticking to the old fashion ways shouldn't fail. Taking her to a nice dinner, buying her flowers from time to time, simple backrubs or footrubs at night. Treating her to a spa twice a month where she can get a pedicure and a manicure.
I agree evolution is slow. And the dating site is definitely turning into a war zone between men and women. Hate to say it but it seems to be getting worse and worse... | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:49:50 AM | Well, I'm no player and I don't really do the traditional romance thing with women, I just do my best to get to know them(genuine interest) and to let them get to know me. I would prefer a woman to be with me for who I am and not for what I do for her. I also don't particularly feel comfortable forcing my personal needs or desires on someone else though, it might be what's expected of most men but I find it disrespectful, so she has to want to be with me and take some initiative herself as well.
I don't really believe in the traditional concept of romance, which just seems like a very one sided concept of a man doing everything for a woman(actually, nothing turns me off more than a sense of entitlement and superiority from a woman). I don't like to do things just because everyone else does it or because that's what is expected of me by social tradition either, I guess it's just part of who I am to question question everything. For me, romance is simple random acts of selfless kindness, willingly perpetrated by both involved without expectations or ulterior motives.
I can't really say that the way I do things really brings me much success and I'm sure the players have a lot more success doing what they do but, at the end of the day, that is just who I am and I will do what feels right/fair to me regardless. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:07:37 PM | | I'm: open honest, interesting, conversational, intelligent, respectful, gentle, quirky, mysterious, mystical, relaxed, confident, polite, humorous, pleasant, witty, sexy, complimentary, aware, attentive, generous, well dressed, display some interesting bling, ask about her likes/dislike/interests/goals, and sometimes lick my eyebrows. I also perform magic/mind reading. I then let her persue me. It works...which is why I am now taken. I found someone here, and hid my profile, but continue to post to the forums to help others. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:09:47 PM |
There have been so many threads about what stinkers men are. Which in turn are making men give ugly comments about women. This is a dating site and it's turning somewhat into a war zone in some areas.
The men who are honest and decent on these sites are having a hard time with romancing distrustful, cynical, bitter women who's hearts have been trampled by callous men who are players. These good men are trying to romance women who are confused about their place/roles as modern women in general. These men are out there trying to meet women who say lovely things on their profile, are trying to get to know them and are trying to instill trust. Some men have become completely confused on their role in the dating world. I see some have given up.
Women have become very skittish because it's a more dangerous world out there for them than it was 25 - 30 years ago. We have been looked after, protected, and provided for thousands of years. Evolution is slow. Apparently, in 25 years evolution did a quick reversal and all Nature's rules about men and women are kicked to the curb. (That can be another thread.)
So, let's hear it loud and clear from the good guys!
I'm one of the guys who have basically given up. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 11/17/2009 5:41:29 PM | Dude.... what u said is on point and what urks me is that women like to complain about the very thing they created or lusted after..The Playa...aka 'bad boy' or "thug" if u live in the "hood!" ha ha
I bet the women in their younger days who are complaining now were lining up like people waiting at a concert to be with these "playas!"
NOW that they are older (and supposedly matured), are meeting the SAME men they MESSED around with when they were younger! They feel they won't ever get that GOOD guy soo they settle for worked best for them or thats all they derserve....a..TAAAH DAAAAH...u guessed it...a PLAYA!!
Of course a lot of chicks play GAMES but like u said... it's called dating... When we do it... it's GAME PLAYING and men tend to be honest about their intentions (and women go right along and BANG them anyway) soooo I often wonder how are these women getting PLAYED???? I don't let the outdated and whacked out "double standards" women say about us bother me when they are doing (or have done) the EXACT same thing and then have to the nerve to "****" about it........ | |
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