| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:29:10 PM | For me, "uncomfortable" is nowhere near the accurate word.
BORED TO F'ING TEARS is the accurate .....words.
I start charging by the minute the second someone wants to launch into a long history of the "issues" of their exes....Therapy does not come cheap, and neither do I.
INDIFFERENCE is the opposite of love...not hatred! If you are going to biatch all the time, then you definately are not over them yet!
I don't talk about my ex to guys because .....I sincerely doubt they'd want to hear about him.
Instead I come here and bit*ch continually about him.   | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:23:00 PM | Ex wife...or Ex relationship? Never been married...
I always bring up the "Ex to the third" (3 exes ago)...She was the ultimate psychosleaze standard on which others are compared!
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:33:04 PM | | I actually new all about my ex gf's ex lol (funny how that is aint it?) I knew everything for the most part even the circumstances of the break up. It didnt bother me however cause the guy was a total ass and knew she wouldnt go back to him. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2008 2:35:42 PM | Bethlett....another GREAT answer
Nice and to the point
What I'm seeing is just to tell the person you don't want to hear it, even if it hurts and even if it makes you look like a "biatch" as you put it! | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:01:56 PM | I generally try to avoid bringing up the ex and I never ask a girl about an ex. Unless we've been intimate or developing an exclusive relationship, I never ask a woman how many guys she's slept with. In fact I never ask that question period, and I usually end up being the one who's asked. The simple fact is that exes are not relevant to our situation.
Sometimes you can tell a person is still bitter by the way they explain how their previous relationship ended. I always simply say it wasn't working out and in the end it was best for both of us. I generally avoid saying bad things about my exes even if they cheated and had no regard for honesty. Keep in mind that if that last one had not ended, this new one would not be beginning.
RavenEyes, you make a good point and I've been guilty of talking about an ex which resulted in the new girl wondering if I was over her. That was a long time ago and I've since realized that if it's not relevant to something this new person and I are talking about, there's no need for it to come up. It's not even about jealousy because I know that any woman who is attracted to me and with me will be happy. I have no reason to be jealous so it's probably more about being considerate.
It's just like when someone wears something unflattering... you don't tell them you look like shit in that outfit, you tell them: That wouldn't be my first choice, but come on, I'll help you find something that will definitely make you look great. It's all about being considerate about the other person. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:34:13 PM | Thank you! I could not have said that any better Raveneyes. When a man I meet keeps bringing up his ex, it is a big turn off, so please, guys and gals, don't ruin something new with something old.  | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:46:10 PM | | YEAH, what angelspice said. OP is 100% right. Maybe much later in relationship, when you're both quietly discussing both your pasts, but that's months, or maybe years in the future, and not a topic to enter lightly. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:03:29 PM | It's not whether the guy or girl brings up the ex - It's how many times they are brought up. I went out with a guy for 2 months - talked to him daily, and his ex was all he talked about. She had not only moved on, she was remarried, and this dude talked about her as if she was going to come back into his life at any moment!! Mention them once and I'm fine with it, twice is ok, and talking about the mother of your children is fine if you're meeting her to arrange who's getting the kids that weekend, but every day? YIKES!! [/B]
I'm happy to say I've found someone and we discussed the X's in our lives in the first two conversations. They have now been replaced by conversations about what we want for ourselves. :) Couldn't be happier! | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:07:17 PM | I don't know why people do this but it makes me angry and could result in my throwing things.  As you stated OP, sometimes it is normal to bring up an ex and needs to be done. However, there are some people that just always talk about their ex. I do not understand why. Isn't an ex an ex for a reason and if they find a way to always talk about their ex, I would think they still were hung up on the person. I once dated someone who always talked about his ex of four years. Needless to say, we did not date for long. At one point I decided I could no longer take hearing about her, the times they had etc so I, like an adult, just stuck my fingers in my ears and loudly shouted "I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it..." over and over again. Turns out, he still had feeling for her and she just grew out of love for him. I love myself too much to want someone who is still in love with someone else.
~Carrie | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:32:58 AM | Agreed with the OP, no one cares about your ex, nor wants to hear about them.
Lord knows if I hear that, chances are I'll suddenly feel very sleepy or have to get out of there because it sounds like the person still has them on the brain and probably wants to get back with them. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:34:16 AM | OP I'll take my hat off to you (and my clothes too if I were 20 years younger!)
It's ok for a person to answer a simple question that has been asked of them, however in most cases IF you ask a simple question you end up with the person's life history about their ex. Before you know it you become an 'ear' and after the person has dumped their history onto you, they no longer need you or become too needy.....ya just can't win!
Ok so a person has children with the ex that doesn't give them a reason to crap on about their ex! Sure the ex will be in their lives because of the children, but we don't need to know about every breathing moment a person has spent with their ex.
I'm sure we can all write a book, but the ending will be the same. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:21:32 AM | | depends how they talk about the ex...when i talk about my ex's is cause i don't have much of a life so its the only thing i really got to talk about...its more stupid stuff they did though i talk about and how stupid they were....or how karma came back on them....so unless you want to hear silence then accept the fact i talk about ex's screw ups | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:03:09 PM | I don't mind hearing about his ex..it helps me to understand him better. I can see where hes come from good and bad. Plus...its honest to realize they had a life before you, especially if kids are involved. It helps me to be aware of potential off limit subjects with the kids that they may be having a hard time with. We aren't in middle school..some just need to purge the ex and get them off their chest. Its good to work them out of their system. If you make them stuff it down..it may come up in a more perverse form later on. Don't act like their life/pain /joy never happened..its an insult to their spirit. I think insecurities make us want to be the big dog on the block...but lets be real...maybe they were the love of their lifetime and if you want to be the same or better...you have to learn to listen and understand them better, earn it like the rest of us....I have had more meaningful relationships with the open and honest...talk away...I know who I am and know my happiness is an inside job...talking about ones ex doesn't define that in me. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:10:57 PM | RAVENEYES
you are so right, I recently started talking to a guy and all he talks about is his ex girlfriend............ad nauseum.........it is discouraging and makes me wonder why is he on a site to meet people when he is obviously so not ready to move on and still latching on that woman's breast............. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:04:49 AM | | Could not agree more. It only leads the person to feel they are being compared all the time. So insulting and a huge insecurity issue by the person who has to mention theri ex.s | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:07:27 AM | | man I was hoping someone would write a forum post about this.Let me say something that I heard a pastor say once before"it ain't over if you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night crying or reaching for their pillow"You are definitely no over it if everyone you decide to bring into ur life ends up being compared to him/her at every available moment.If you find urself saying things like"man I can't stand that song because my ex loved it so"then ur not over them.When you get involved with someone you are getting involved with their mom,brothers,sisters,aunts,uncles,etc. and yep that includes all the baggage they own and let's face it some do own it and won't let go of it.Imo when you first start dating someone then you really don't need to mention ur ex at all or just to say that is the past and best to leave it there.Also if you have kids then there are plenty of times when you can commun. with the ex about ur toddlers or teens when ur new mate is not present.You can ask if ur mate would like to know about any conversations or you can choose to keep ur mouth shut about that other part of ur life especially if you are just starting the dating process with this new mate.One of the things you can teach urself is how to listen to urself when you talk and to listen to others.If they come out the gate talking about the ex then it is best to leave them alone because everything you do will be compared to the ex.. If all they talk about is how bad the ex did the kids you best run for your own piece of mind because it will only get worse. | |
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| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:09:45 AM | Great Thread... I never talk about my Ex's whats done is done leave it in the past where it belongs.. I recently stoped see'n a chick that I really really liked because every 10 min she kept talk'n bout her Ex. I think i knew more about her Ex then about her LOL.. If he's your Baby Daddy ok I can tolerate a lil bit, but other then that ZIP IT ! As Fabulous says in his song ..
"I'm better then your EX, gonna be better then your Next, Baby screwed up so she better be from Texas...."
Ha ! I LOVE THAT LINE ! | |
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