| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:09:45 AM | Great Thread... I never talk about my Ex's whats done is done leave it in the past where it belongs.. I recently stoped see'n a chick that I really really liked because every 10 min she kept talk'n bout her Ex. I think i knew more about her Ex then about her LOL.. If he's your Baby Daddy ok I can tolerate a lil bit, but other then that ZIP IT ! As Fabulous says in his song ..
"I'm better then your EX, gonna be better then your Next, Baby screwed up so she better be from Texas...."
Ha ! I LOVE THAT LINE ! | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:44:35 AM | | Thank you!!! Details never used to bother me until one guy shared WAY TOO MUCH about his ex. We'd be out and run into a friend of his and the first thing out of his mouth would be "I was dating XXX last time I ran into him" Keep in mind he was only with this chick for less than 2 months!!! When we broke up he told friends I was too jealous...because I didn't believe he was over her. I even knew how much he spent on dinner for the 1st date and how much (or lack of) body hair she had....talk about inappropriate | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:11:57 AM | | Agreed and well said... It's tacky as hell.. and a MAJOR turn off.. Nobody wants to hear the new guy spouting about what he and his ex did sexually or otherwise... | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:52:48 AM | This is something I can totally relate to. My b/f used to talk about his ex every single day for hours, whether we were on the phone or in each other's company. He was TOTALLY OBSESSED with the fact that she didn't remain friends with him like she said she would. Now he criticized her for a lot of things and didn't paint a very good picture, said he didn't love her, yet couldn't stop talking about her. This went on for months even though he knew I didn't want/need to hear it.
Any other woman would have walked after a few weeks, never mind months, but I stayed because I loved him so much. Unfortunately it did phenomenal damage. If I had walked I'd have saved myself a lot of pain. I felt like 2nd best, like he had me but it wasn't enough, like I couldn't measure up to her memory. My feeling of self worth took a nose dive and insecurities set in. I couldn't believe it and just wanted to scream 'What's wrong with you?' There was even an amount of resentment for the way he'd made me feel. He has never taken any responsibility for this and still won't to this day. I am trying to work through it but sadly it seems I'm the only one trying. We did split up but are supposed to be sorting it out. He seems to be past caring though now. How anyone can be obsessed with somebody they say they didn't love is beyond me. There is a HUGE difference between mentioning somebody in passing every now for and again for a matter of seconds and talking for hours non-stop about an ex for months.
I agree whole-heartedly, guys...DON'T DO IT.
In short, he has destroyed something that was so fantastic because he was obsessed with his ex. We love each other but...... | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:56:43 AM | I was married to my husband for 25 years before he died. he was my childrens's father. He is a part of my past...I'm over him but I will never forget him. If you arenot interested in my past life, and vice versa...you are not my type of man...
enough said | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:16:57 AM | Loveis- I think you are in a different boat entirely. It is one thing to discuss your deceased spouse- and another to discuss an ex spouse. I will talk about my ex if asked. And there are times he comes into conversation more often than I like. But certainly do not BASH your ex, or try to plot revenge, or wish them ill, or call them names- or discuss your sexlives. That is all a bit much for me. The way a person talks about their ex says a lot about the kind of person they are.
 | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:23:02 AM | I want to know about where they have been on vacation ect. as I don't want to be a repeat road trip down memory lane. I want to have memories of our own. Talk away...I don't mind hearing it because a person that loves you will keep it in check...not chronically talk about it. Its important to know where others have been. You get alot of information that could help you make good decisions along the way with that person. So be patient and be a good listener...if they are psycho about it leave them...however if they are trying to confide in you to help you better understand them...we have two ears for a reason...to listen twice as much as we talk. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:04:09 AM | | So many of the women I have dated talk about their exes that I just do not pay any real attention to it anymore unless that is ALL they talk about. Sometimes sharing the horror stories is fun. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 11:58:00 AM | My ex-husband is a major part of my history, anyone I get involved with is just going to have to accept the fact that I've been married before.
I've got nothing but respect for my former husband. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 9:57:09 PM | | One should not bring up an ex the first few dates, but I don't think it's possible to never bring up an ex that played any significant part in ones life. The only type that could pull that off is someone phony that easily detaches from loved ones. That I would have more of a problem with. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:02:09 PM | op, this goes without saying, yet some people still don't get it.
Don't talk about your ex, all you're doing is pissing off and devaluing the person you're with. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:41:29 PM | Alright, let's turn the tables...
I don't trust someone who can't talk about their past relationships. How am I supposed to know you without knowing your love history? I think maybe people have been burned too many times by "not over the ex" types.
OR
They aren't people whose idea of intimacy precludes stuff that might bring up uncomfortable feelings...jealousy, "boredom", or just plain discomfort toward meaningful disclosure.
I want to a person to share with me. We all have exes and our relationship history is as relevant as our job history or family history or travel history...moreso really! | |
|
| |
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:49:13 AM | Well this is a sensitive subject. I can see both sides and I certainly don't expect a guy to never mention his ex but I think moderation in doing so is important. In other words a guy who brings up his ex an awful lot when it's not necessary or even relevant to the conversation is a bit worrisome. And no, I never want to hear about the details of their sexual activities. lol
LHG | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:59:48 AM | I call it emotional throwing up........you first meet someone....and they tell you all the horrible things...and it makes you wonder why in the world they would tell a complete stranger. I mean a bit of information at the beginning is ok...but to dump it in your lap from the very get go is a hard thing to digest..to talk about it after you take the time to get to know someone is one thing. I don't feel if they do this from the very beginning that they are over this person or they are still very hurt and very angry. I understand this happens at the end of a relationship and it takes time to get over them and this is a way of dealing with it. But to dump the whole thing in someone's lap at the beginning of a first date or the beginning of a new relationship is very very hard on the relationship. Besides I feel like whenever someone does this that they are not ready for a new relationship because the old one is still to fresh.......this is not to day that talking about it later on is a problem as long as it isn't 24/7 or I am compared to that other person...........Blue | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:10:57 AM | Seems to me one could use that information to their advantage, if they just listened instead of getting jealous, no?
If someone speaks highly of somone, tip, copy that attribute as much as possible. If they bad mouth a lot, try your best NOT to be that way...
I'm thinking it's a great way to learn about your partner...maybe thats just me. | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:10:44 AM | I will have to make and amends.....I talked to someone the other day and he brought it up at the very beginning our life experiences and the things we had in common with past relationships.....he didn't gripe about his X.....even through he did talk about it he wanted to know how to move past his past relationship.....he was smart witty and had a great insight to life. But the way he did it is what grabbed me....his questions were smart and his insight delightful. He asked questions about dating and talking to other people. He listened asked questions later. He was honest. But he is also in a very small minority of Men and Women. He had asked questions about dating and moving on. He listened before he asked any questions or made any comments. He was seeking information and moving on. He will be a friend. I remember I once had this conversation with a total stranger and I was the one who needed to move on and he was kind enough to help me through the maze.....and today he is still a very good friend that maybe getting married to a best friend of mine. So I take back what I said before. Sometimes people just need to be heard. But I have to say the ones that are really listened to are the ones that do it without bitterness and hatred. They are trying to make it through the maze of dating and learning to love again. And sometimes the ones that have moved on and understand can guide them....if they are ready
Blue | |
|
| |
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:18:04 PM | Let me tell you, you are absolutly right, we don't want to hear it. It takes away from your relationship. It makes a me feel as he is comparing me with her . OUCH THAT HURTS, STOP IT... | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:13:20 PM | Well, I do tend to agree, but OP, you sound like a 5 year-old throwing a temper tantrum.
You aren't the ONLY person out there that has attempted to date someone, or had a friend or family member date someone hung up on their ex's.
I was guilty of it as well, up until a few years ago, when it was brought to my attention. I've found ways to talk about my Ex's so that they are not as intimidating. Now when I talk about something, instead of "My Ex did this..." it's "oh I had a friend once, or I knew someone once that did this..." It's Soooo much less intimidating or threatening to say it the latter.
And I too, if I hear a guy talking about his Ex, either his Ex-Wife or Ex-G/f. I'll end up completely shying away from him for the simple basis, that he apparently ISN'T over her. If he was then it wouldn't be on the forefront of his mind... No one wants to feel compared, or have to walk in someone else's shadow...
We all have good times we remember of the past, (bad ones too), but don't let what happened in the past, affect the future! If you are unaware if you talk about your past, ask your best friend. They can help you identify whether or not you do, and help you work through it.
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
|
| STOP BRINGING UP YOUR EX...GIRLS AND GUYS!!!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:35:18 PM | I totally agree with you OP
This very thing destroyed a relationship for me. We constantly talked about our ex's. I hated it.
I am in a relationship now where we hardly ever go into detail about our past partners, and it is working so much better. You can still share past memories of places and things without going into detail about the person you shared them with.
My relationship is so much more healthier without all the details of our ex's. Sometimes I feel as if I started over again and the slate was clean for us both. | |
|
Home
login 
