| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:03:01 PM | I've had the experience with a few very immature women (girls really) that once I've said "I love you" they start taking advantage of me. I've since become very aware of what those 3 words mean to me, and I don't use them unless I really mean it and I'm sure that the feeling is mutual.
I don't know you or your situation, but perhaps he's just a little gun shy. Give him some time, love is a scary thing for anyone who has truly loved someone and been betrayed. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:40:25 PM | My parents never told me they loved me, and aside from the fact that I'm 37, divorced, and paralyzed by my intimacy issues, I'm quite well adjusted and happy!  | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:49:58 PM | | I would talk to him. If it is important for you to hear the words tell him. But, actions do speak louder that words. I would rather have someone who shows me they love me than someone who tells me they do and yet acts like they don't. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:01:57 PM |
My question is, how many guys have issues with the words even if they feel love, and do any other women get this?
I suppose I will reveal a truth about men. Here is the thought that goes through the mind of a man about this issue:
"I said I love you when I met you."
Here is the expanded version:
"I said I love you when I met you, didn't I? I'm here, with you, which shows that I still love you. I don't think I need to mention it again. I don't like it when people repeat the something over and over again."
Does that make it clear? It has nothing to do with love, or issues. It's just how the mind of most men operates. Once a man says something, he believes it remains so until he says otherwise. It doesn't even cross his mind that he needs to repeat these words, unless he believes he was misunderstood.
Women on the other hand, need to hear the same words over and over again, and think that when a man doesn't say them, he doesn't love them. That's just not true. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:11:45 PM | x file: you said....
Does that make it clear? It has nothing to do with love, or issues. It's just how the mind of most men operates. Once a man says something, he believes it remains so until he says otherwise. It doesn't even cross his mind that he needs to repeat these words, unless he believes he was misunderstood.
I disagree, there are some things that are worth repeating. If you are with someone who likes to hear those words and you really feel that way, you should tell them, tell them everyday. It's not a lot to ask. What if a women thought the way you say men think? "I had sex with you once before, why do I need to do it again?" I think you'd be singing a different tune. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:26:35 PM | Comparing "talking" with "sex"? Nice!
However, I agree with you that one should say what's truly on one's mind. And if that is "I love you", one should say it. But I think you missed the point.
What if a women thought the way you say men think? "I had sex with you once before, why do I need to do it again?" I think you'd be singing a different tune.
No I won't. If I could I would have a different women every other night. I wish there were women who actually said those exact words. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:38:36 AM | You are a classy guy.
please don't speak for "most men" because I really don' t think the majority of us think like you. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:47:37 AM | It doesn't always need to be said. I was raised never hearing those words. It actually kind of freaked me out the first time my father said it to me about a year ago (when I was 37). I think my mother first started saying to me about 3 years ago after her mother and her had a serious fight and they stopped talking to each other, even more so after my grandmother died. Some people have problems saying it, I know I did for a long time simply because it was a foreign concept for me to say it. It still feels weird when my parents say it to me and I say it back.
As long as he is showing you he cares through his actions that is all that really matters. Just lead by example and eventually he may or may not be comfortable with saying it. It's not just men that have problems with saying those words. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:00:40 AM | | We rarely ever find a relationship that gives us 100% of everything we need. You want to hear him say the words and I know personally how much that means to a woman, but in this case you may have to realize that it isn't his way to be verbally demonstrative of his love and learn to accept that. He shows you everyday and that means so much more. Give him time. As far as children goes, my dad never hardly ever told me he loved me ( it wasn't his way either) but I remember climbing up on his lap and him hugging me or letting me "read" the paper with him. There are countless memories of a man who hardly said the words but it showed in his eyes and actions every day of my life. He went in early for heart surgery over 11 years ago and never came out, I didn't get to tell him that I loved him before they took him and at first it bothered me then I realized that every day of our lives we knew and that was more than enough. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:01:01 AM | In my limited experience, I've noticed that when people say things like"Men aren't supposed to this" or Women aren't suppossed to do that", it usually is something that they were taught. I mean actually told that. Some people are raised with very narrow and rigid gender roles. My ex and I had widely varying views about how to raise the kids, but the bigger problem was her believe the I wasn't even supposed to have any views on the subject at all! Raising the kids was the mothers job and that was that!
I could lose my man card for this, but when we love a woman for real we are supposed to show her. Talk is cheap, but real men let their actions speak for them. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:18:14 AM | My daughter and I tell each other we love each other every time one of us leaves the house. Instead of saying bye, I say I love you. Even if her and I are having one of those days, I say it and it is during those times, that it is perhaps most important that she knows that despite any disagreements, I still love her.
While parent/child love is unconditional and different than that between a man and a woman, the principle is still there. Express the love often, either through those three little words or through your actions...and frequency is going to be different for every couple.
I think it is very individual as to how often one needs to hear it. about time!!! Another one was not ready to hear it after eight months of dating.
I do not need to hear those words often to know. He will show me!! If I am feeling it, I will say it or express it in some way. Through actions or words, he will have no doubts about my love. And when the times are tough, I will say it again. Like with my daughter, if there is a disagreement or misunderstanding, he will know that despite it all, he still has my love. ( I know this can be a tough thing to do, but well worth it in the long run)! | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:45:03 AM | People show & feel love in different ways. The way your man shows his love may not necessarily be the way you "feel" his love. Possibly, your telling him you love him isn't what makes him feel your love for him.
Communicate with him ~ in a loving, non-threatening or judgemental way...just don't hold your feelings in if it's important to you ~ it could lead to resentment and possibly drive a wedge between you. (Check out Five Languages of Love) | |
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lignin
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Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 39 | |
| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:52:01 AM | | Some people may have been told they were loved, but the words were just words. They would not use worthless words where they meant it. I'm thinking of childhood there, but it lasts. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:55:44 AM | | Be thankful you have a man who thinks more of those three words than a lot of other men do. For many guys, using the phrase "I love you," is just another way to try to get you between the sheets. Apparently, he finds those words more special and perhaps even sacred than many other guys do. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:02:57 AM | | yeah im a little afraid of saying it... i wont say it unless i really truley mean it, and even then i still find it hard. i will show i love someone quite easily.. i dont know why but telling someone "i love you" does frighten me. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:11:01 AM | i have experienced this and i when i asked he said it was because if he said it all the time then it would start meaning less and less so when he did say it it meant " i really do love you soo much" the words i love dont frighten me but i sometimes feel they are too easily said these days and eventually i love you can start to mean very little because you love some one "" more than that".. smore is a great word cause its easier to say than i love you and really means i love you more than ...  | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:22:32 PM | I feel letting your partner know you love them in words is a important as in telling them by deeds and actions of affection. | |
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Epica
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Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 44 | |
| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:30:49 PM | | I can tell my kids I love them till I'm blue in the face. To my parents, siblings, even my ex, it was harder for me to tell them. But the kids hear it numerous times a day. I prefer to show the adults in my life how I love them...for my ex it making his favourite meals, getting his favourite snacks when I went shopping, buying his favourite wine, bringing him a coffee or something when I met him while he was working, or opting out of girls' night out to spend the evening with him, just to name a few things. Thinking of him, the things he liked, the things I figured he'd appreciated was my way of showing my love when I didn't say it that often. I think so long as you feel he loves you by the things he does, that him saying it that often isn't that big a deal. But if it bothers you even a little, I'd talk to him about it and tell him that you'd like to hear more. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:43:09 PM | This is the chorus from a song by Toby Keith. The title is Me Too
Oh I'm just a man that's the way I was made
I'm not too good at sayin' what you need me to say
It's always right there on the tip of my tongue
It might go unsaid but it won't go undone
So when those three little words come so easy to you
I hope you know what I mean when I say, me too
This also reminds me of something I heard years ago.
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. She asked him if he still loved her, in all the years they were married he never said so.
His answer:
He asked her if she remembered him saying "I love you" when he proposed to her.
She said she did.
He said: "if it changes I'll let you know".
Nothing beats hearing it said on a daily basis, though. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:51:13 PM | Everyone has been raised different. My dad has never said it to me, but I feel it ever day. He is the rock, the foundation, old school. They never showed much emotion back in the day, he's hmmm 72 now, and I've never seen him cry. Funerals, his dad's funeral, my aunt and uncle, etc. He's always been the rock. But that being said, he doesn't have to say it as again, I feel it every day, he supports me 100% in all my decisions, unluess it's something REALLY stupid (do you REALLY need that 15th guitar?) He has my back , always has, always will. He has always been there to cheer me on in my accomplishments, pick me up when I've fallen, been a shoulder to cry on and a big old bear to hug.
But again, he's never told me he's loved me, but some people don't need words to say so. So it could be a case of that. Maybe your guy has never been in love before and it's something new. It could be a bunch of things.
:) | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:13:53 PM | love is...philios
eros
storge
agape...in greek.English is not specific | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:08:07 PM | I do realise that we are all brought up differently,.. bu reading this thread has saddened me. Such suppression of words of love here,.. such low expectations from people who have never had any better,.. its truly saddening.
Words can be as important as 'gestures' to some people.
Saying you love someone,.. putting yourself out there, to get a non verbal squeeze, or hug as a reply,.. would leave me feeling like I'd put myself out on a limb for nothing.
there are quite a few ladies on this thread who are desperately shushing the OP, telling her to appreciate the guy she has,.. dont rock the boat,.. be grateful that he shows you love, etc,.. so he shows her he loves her with gestures,.. he buys her flowers,.. he lets her have the remote,.. well, sorry to stop all the fuzzy wuzzy here, but big frikken deal!!! So he does what he's supposed to do when he is in a relationship and has a good woman,.. I'm sure the OP shows her love and actually says she loves him too,.. this is not a one way street... just because a man is acting in a reasonable manner, are we supposed to give out medals for that now?
Have our expectations become so low in relationships that we see normal signs and words of affection as something wondrous to behold?
I personally would have a problem with a man who thinks that 'men arent supposed to say I love You'.. especially if he wants children.. he'd better get over that particular little block he has.. as I want a man who can tell his Sons and Daughters that he loves them.. after reading so many sad posts about people never hearing their parents tell them they loved them.. it would be a serious concern of mine if a man wouldnt tell me he loved me,.. and especially if he had a problem saying it to his children.. will he expect his sons to follow in his footsteps.. and not say 'I love You' because its not manly? Gah!
If you can feel love, and show love, then why not say it? It does'nt compute to me.. Miss Eyre. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:22:24 PM | I have been in three relationships where the man "had issues" with saying "I love you".
It meant they did not love me. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:50:56 PM | Growing up, my parents never once told me they loved me, I left home at sixteen and never looked back. I consider my relationship with my parents to be a great one. If ever I needed anything I knew they were there for me, no questions asked. The point is they don't have to tell me they love me because their actions show me.
My ex used to tell me she loved me all the time. Then she'd be gone for days on end.
Actions speak louder than words.
You guys are just starting out, give him time and i'm sure he'll start telling you more often but remember his actions are showing you how he feels.
I tell my daughter at least once a day that I love her. | |
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