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Edam
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Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 126 | |
| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:01:18 AM | This is about Fibromyalgia? My Step Dad has that.
While it's no laughing matter and it causes great pain for those afflicted, I don't considerate a disability.
At least i thought this was a more controversial topic, as in would I ever date someone who had CP or something.
Fibromyalgia isn't something that makes the way you're percieved for first impressions in the negative. At worst, people you meet will develop misconceptions about your motivation and ability to so anything, because you're always in pain.
It's not like you're paralyzed from the neck down, and a lady is going to think "Do I love him enough to be his girlfriend and care provider?"
It's not like fibromyalgia is contangious, I mean say you had AIDS instead and the lady of your dreams met you, and she fell madly in love with you and you were supposed to be together forever.
She'd have to make a serious choice about it. Be with the man she loves, or live alone? (assuming me only love once, for dramatic purposes)
But, you don't have to worry about said extravagent considerations.
I say for minor ailments, I would have no problem dating the men with them.
If I were the lady that met my one and only and he had a terminal, contagious illness, there's a 75% chance I'd go for it if I knew for sure it was "the one".
Cancer, no problem.
As for the more obviously ones, quadroplegia, paraplegia, my answer would be "get to know them first." | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:48:15 AM | Thank-you DucesWild.
OP, one thing that I have learned from my sister is that she doesn't feel sorry for herself. I think our family feels worst for her than she does. She is very self concious (what 21 year old in University wouldn't?), and tries to hide her legs, but she does have the attitude that says "Take me as I am or forget you."
Good Luck and Take Care. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:26:15 AM | It's the ones that CAN'T overlook the disabilities, however minor or major that miss out. Like a couple posts ago, when the ones that CAN'T seem to get past their own wants of perfection, are going to be asking the SAME question on down the road when they fall apart (disabled for whatever reason).
I could cry the blues because of being disabled, but I have more fun laughing it away than I do letting it bog me down and miserable. September 2006, I had a mild heart attack. I didn't stop and think WOE is me. I told people I got bored and had to liven things up a bit, and laugh it off.
I'm not disabled I'm "technically" retired.
While whoever I'm with (whenever I find someone to be with) is working, I can take care of the housewife duties. I'm not ashamed to admit I have no problems with dishes, cleaning, mow the lawn, take out the trash, or whatever.
The one girlfriend, she cooked and I surprised her with doing the dishes. She looked at me with a funny look and said "You don't have to do that!" I told her I KNOW.
Being a disabled veteran hasn't stopped me from going camping, having fun, fishing, all the stuff I've done before becoming disabled. It just slows me down to living a retired lifestyle is all.
Don't mean to sound so preachy, but I laugh when I see the certain people saying "I want someone who can keep up with me" or the people that turn and run at the first words of a person being disabled, or seeing a wheelchair.
I'm not wheelchair bound, but the one day at the VA hospital I was stuck in one for a couple hours. I can honestly say my arms would look like Popeye's if I was in a wheelchair for life. Go ahead and keep up with someone in a wheelchair while your feet are killing you from walking all day. Still want someone that can keep up with your fast paced lifestyle? | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:37:45 AM | | I understand about being disabled and the difficulties in dating.Just being diabetic and high bloodpreassure are a turn off to guys when i tell them that i have had strokes and am currently witing to get onto dissability, they turn tail and run.Don't let other people make you feel like you are less of a person for your dissability, good luck with your fight against this painful disease..too bad you're so far away;) | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:14:22 PM | Well, this is an interesting post.
I can tell you that I've had fibromyalgia, along with some other related diseases, for 11 years; I have my good days and my bad days. A change in climate with more stabilized air pressure year-round made a huge difference between me walking up stairs and crawling on my hands and knees instead. It can be a dehabilitating disease that every sufferer experiences differently. There is no pinpointed cause, and no magic cure.
My sister and her husband are my inspiration; they met 11 years ago when she had just been diagnosed with MS. It was a triumph to see her walk down the aisle - very slowly - to marry him. He has since been her champion through two years of chemotherapy and modifying their home to accomodate her wheelchair. He is my hero. I hope that I whomever I spend the rest of my life with is of the same character, even if we're not tested in the same way. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/11/2007 11:43:55 AM | Yes I would date someone with a *disability*.....in my opinion most of us are *disabled* in some ways or another anyways....it just happens that for some it shows a little more than others...that's all.... | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/18/2007 4:44:50 AM | Why is it considered OK to start a thread 'Would you date a disabled person' when I see no thread asking would you date a Bald, Tall, Fat, Skinny, Short etc person?
Firstly, disabled people should not stick to dating other disabled people, disability does not make a common bond in the way that two blonde, tall, short etc people do not automatically make a good couple!
Secondly, disabled people are not 'easy marks' we are not grateful of any attention we can can get, we are discerning as the rest of the population.
Not all disabled people are nice people, just like the rest of the population, some will lie, cheat and all sorts...just like the rest of the population!
Just because the media likes to show heart warming fuzzy stories about disabled people being very brave, does not mean we are all above reproach!
Not all disabilities are equal, so I don't think its as easy as deciding to or not to date a disabled person, its deciding what is important to you about a person.
After all if someone is in to water skiing and rock climbing then its unlikely that a disabled partner with mobility problems would be something they would want, but would not have a problem if they were for example deaf, as they would still be able to share the activities, and that is a choice.
We all have the right to our choices and preference, and its not about making a special exception to date a disabled person, its about looking at what is important to a person to have in a relationship, and what is superficial.
No one should be critisised for their preferences so long as they are not founded on ignorance. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:11:13 PM |
Why is it considered OK to start a thread 'Would you date a disabled person' when I see no thread asking would you date a Bald, Tall, Fat, Skinny, Short etc person?
I see lots of threads about 'Would you date a fat person.' | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/19/2007 7:09:35 PM | | It would depend on the disability and how he handled it himself. I do have to say that I wouldn't start dating someone that needed a caregiver, but if I was in love with someone and they became disabled, I would stick by them... as long as there was mutual love. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/21/2007 2:45:22 PM | Yes , In fact my wife lives with one,me. I have PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from Three Combat tours of duty and I had it when we got married 20 yrs ago. Since then I have had my back fused in three places,I have an artifical Right shoulder ball joint ,no Rotator cuff on either shoulder ,Fibromyaljo and Cronic Pain Syndrom I also lost a toe due to infection. I know I have other problems but I think you get my drift.
She has never threationed to leave me ,she just loves me and takes darn good care of me. It's not what a person has on the outside it's what we are like on the inside. I am on this site not to find someone except for friendship I beleive we all need that and if I can provide it to someone else then I will. I can listen to problems or read questions like this and provide my openion. Thanks for reading and a beautiful day to all.
The Ghost  | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:48:07 AM | The original poster asked a very good question, its one i have wondered about for years, i am registered as blind but fortunate enough to have some sight, i am still single at 48, never married, i think no one has tried harder than i to find 'love', i cant speak about attitudes around the world but here in the UK there are an awful lot of women that though wont generaly admit it, they wouldnt consider a relationship with a disabled guy, my profile now has no mention of poor sight but when i contact users and mention i have poor sight almost always further emails are ignored, i dont know what it is i have to do to succeed, its clear just being a nice guy isnt enough in todays world.
i like so many others dont want pity or sympothy, all i ask is a chance.
stuart UK | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:18:37 PM | There is no question: I have gone out with women with disabilities since my very first girlfriend, and in fact prefer women who depart from the norm in one way or another.
When you love someone and know them well, the "disabilities" part seems to fade, and they simply become the characteristics, both good and sometimes unwelcome, of the person you love and spend your days with. Personhood trumps disability, especially when you come to know someone.
-Gray | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:27:42 PM | | I was in a laundromat a few years ago and met a man in a wheel chair who was doing his laundry. We started chatting and I really liked him and thought I may never see him again so I asked him out. He was paralyzed from the waist down but that didn't bother me at all. | |
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Kixxie
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Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 140 | |
| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:16:23 AM |
"Would you disable someone that you date?"
This is a really good and actually a really fair question. I have raised a son with a handicap for the last 21 years, so from experience, I know that depending on the handicap, it can slow down the person you're doing things with. For instance, due to my son being blind and having a bad back, simple things like grocery shopping usually takes twice as long as if I were going grocery shopping alone. I dont mind, because as his mother, teaching him independent living skills is part of my job. He needs to be able to do things like that proficiently when he's out on his own. But, when it comes to the dating world, although dating someone with a handicap hasnt been an issue with me, dating someone that would slow me down....would be. I'm at the point in my life where, now that the kids are pretty much doing their own things, it's time for me. There are alot of things I want to do before I grow too old to be able to enjoy them. And I wouldnt want to be with someone who would slow me down, or with whom I couldnt do things with them because of their inability to do so. Am I looking to go bunji jumping? No. But, if I want to go ice skating, play in the pool at a pool party, go dancing or something to that effect, I'd want someone that I could do those things with. I guess it depends on what both parties have as "want to be able to do's" in their lives. In being totally honest, I'd have to say that when it comes to a relationship, someone that would "disable" me, would be out of the question for anything more than friendship. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:07:07 AM | Actually I have.... The last guy I dated had broken his back (thats how it was explained to me I could be wrong about the technical term for it) a few years ago, and even now still suffers from constant pain in his back as well as a herniated disk, while he can walk, he is almost always in pain no matter what he does.... When we dated I looked up a bunch of stuff on the internet about his condition, so I could feel more at ease.... I even went so far as to inquire about sex and how he was able to function....
Before that I've been interested in a blind guy, a deaf guy, a guy with a prothesis (an Iraqi war vet), as well as being good friends with a guy that has CF.... Who is to this day one of the most awesome guys I know...
So the short answer?
Yes I would date someone with a disability - if I was truly interested in them. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:43:04 AM | | i am a disabled person too and i have found a lot of ppl think that i am looking for a carer. they automatically presume that i cant look after myself which is rubbish. i am a single parent and have been living independently for the past 13 years without any help from anyone. I also have a child that has adhd and that seems to be another reason for men not to be interested in me. i am not looking for a father for my child either. i have been totally honest about my situation on my profile so that whoever reads it knows my situation fully. but this has meant that i havent got many replies | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:56:17 AM | OK..this is an easy one for me as i do have Fibromyalgia..when first diagonosed..I was like HUH??? WHAT'S THAT??? You know what I mean...since then I have been reading up on it...I have had it for SEVERAL,SEVERAL years...I have found,like you...when someone asks me what's wrong? I explain and they run like I have the plague or something...then..I have found a few who really care and say..could you tell me what it is? How may I help..I explain to the best of my ability and then show them some information so they may better understand it...It's like a HUGE all over body ache...severe muscle spasams,,I also have neuropathy(sp)...on some days the headahes are so bad i want to bawl...then others I am fighting fatigue big time...I have tried different meds...some work,some don't..one thing People need to understand about this...it's not all in my head..I won't die from it...I WON"T LET IT CONTROL ME!!! I get out an dwalk..etc...
Dating somebody with a disability is no different then a normal person...sure we may have bad days..but you know what...we bleed just like you!! We are NOT contagious...we do know how to have fun,although we may move slow at times... If someone with a disability asked me out,,I would go...I look at the PERSON & HIS ATTITUDE | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:23:28 AM | Wow, this is an interesting thread...
I am temporarily disabled - 8 months ago, I was in a pretty bad car accident. For me, life changed in an instant literally. I consider myself lucky; but I am currently still dealing with the effects of the accident (which was a broken femur, broken hip and a damaged knee). What I have noticed is that when I am out and about, I am no longer "flirtable" (due to the cane I walk with). On dates...beforehand, I disclose my situation. However once we get on the date, I often hear, "Will you ever be totally normal again?" or "How long is it going to take for you to get all better?". Understand, I do not get the feeling these questions are asked out of true concern (because if so, the wording would be different, or more along the lines of "Well how do you feel?" or something like that). It is almost as if seeing my condition makes it all "hit home" and then the warning lights start illuminating.
When it comes to dating; I do not see myself making an issue over minor disabilities. However anything that may take a good deal of extra care could be an issue (I get worn out taking care of me sometimes!). I came very close to going out with a guy in a wheelchair, but ultimately turn him down because his personality was quite overbearing eventually. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:50:33 PM | However once we get on the date, I often hear, "Will you ever be totally normal again?" or "How long is it going to take for you to get all better?". Understand, I do not get the feeling these questions are asked out of true concern
Sometimes they are out of true concern for you... but very rarely. They usually only ask out of concern for themselves.
. It is almost as if seeing my condition makes it all "hit home" and then the warning lights start illuminating.
Exactly! You are a constant reminder to them that they are not invincible, and that people actually do treat you differently. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:11:56 PM | Honestly, what I really want to know is what type of guy were u before your current condition? U obviously have ur ideal woman and there is nothing wrong with that. However, as I read ur profile I noticed that u don't want a woman with kids and there is nothing wrong with that either. So, why do u think something is wrong because u find that a lot of women don't want to date a disable guy? Everyone is entitled to their choices. U made ur own in stating that u want ur own kids, so what is the difference? Choices is choices whether its someone who wants a fat bald man, a skinny big breast woman, a tall dark handsome, hardworking man which is my choice. To me there is no difference, we are all free to choose. If a woman wants to run because ur disable so what? U are running from a woman with kids that are not yours!
Thank u for allowing me to honestly voice my opinion and I wish u all the best. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:31:49 PM | This thread seems to have evolved along the way!
Personally I have no more problem dating someone with physical challenges than I have dating those who have none. It is important to get to know the person inside, beauty as well as physical prowess can be lost in a moment! Or it can diminish with age! Therefore I tend to look beyond surface features; personality, character, temprament and humour, all are greater influences. First, do we get on well together?do we share similar interests? Do we complement each others personalities? Would I spend my life with this person? All the usual questions!!!!! Presumably they are asking the same questions of themselves!
I have known or dated several ladies with various disabilities, and a greater stumbling block to a continuing relationship has been attitude; those who have been disabled from birth seem, in the most part, to believe that the world owes them something. My reaction to that? It's a tough break, but thats life.... continually playing the sympathy card doesn't create a conducive environment for love to grow!
Those who have become disabled later in life tend to carry a 'chip' on their shoulder!
Why me? You're lucky! My reaction to that? Life's a ****, move on as best you can, OK your vehicle is damaged but you are the same person you always were!
I don't do sympathy, but I am more than willing to overlook physical problems, more than happy to help those who help themselves! That go on despite adversity.
I have been lucky, so far, not to have been impeded by any disability or infirmity, but it could happen any time! I hope I would strive to overcome physical problems and be the person I have always been inside complete with the flaws and imperfections that make me an individual, good or bad, me is and will remain to be me! That is what I look for in others.
Look beyond the physical being, commit to the soul within!
Good Luck to everyone in their search!! | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:58:49 PM | I know the feeling man, i have Nystagmus, which is a neurological disorder that makes my eyes twitch...nonstop..its not noticeable unless its a bad day, but it keeps me from driving..and sports..and with it comes migraines, weird sleep schedules, eye fatigue, and its hereditary, so I'll pass this curse on for sure, ...i havent had a girlfriend in a solid 2 years..the ones i had before that were all in highschool, so its not like driving was an issue back then, but apparently its a big deal now....i had a few dates about 6 months ago, but when the girls mother found out i had it, I could tell she'd been discouraged from seeing me, considering our dates had to be double with friends or i would've never gotten there in the first place. Once she said "my mom knows what you have" she just "wasnt available" anymore.
I dont know what the problem is, girls just demand perfection...I've had plenty of interest in me, but when they find out the eye thing, theyre gone like a shot. I had one flat out tell me she doesnt want to get involved with something like that.
So i guess its obvious why i've come to this site. Dont get out much, hope to meet someone whos a bit more understanding and down to earth.
Just thought i'd comment, i see this is quite a long one. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:18:36 PM | actually, i dont believe it slipped my mind, but my first girlfriend only had one hand and it was never an issue at all for her or either of us..so i had to open the ketchup for her, nothing else was an issue
I dont feel sorry for myself, but ya cant help it when it gets ya down now and then... i get on without it just fine..heck nobody can tell i cant read any of the boards when i was in class, not even the teachers..i'd tell some of em at the end of the semester that i aced the whole class entirely by sound..i dont know man, someday reality hits everyone and some people will realize what theyre missing out on | |
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