| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:48:31 PM | I want to start out by saying I am a man who happens to have MS and a couple of other problems to deal with. and I do. I am not a vegetable or house plant that just sits there. I live, love and enjoy life.
My MS is a part of my life that I do have to contend with. But it does NOT define who I am.
I have some other health issues that I wont mention here. I do tell all when I am getting to know someone and it seems like it could lead to something. And I do have MS in my profile.
Some people ask questions. I am happy to answer them openly and prefer they ask directly. Many people have an image in their mind of me in a wheelchair as soon as they see MS. I am not in a chair. I may be some day. I may not. I do have a cane I use at times.
As far as dating. I have dated a woman with MS. We ended up not working out. But it had nothing at all to do with the MS.
Dating someone with a disability or more correctly a challenge is something I would do with out any hesitation at all. I have done it. It is a non issue to me.
I have had many women that start out wonderfully. Great conversation. Lots in common. Then when they really realize what MS is and what "could" happen they grow silent and either ignore any further contact or disappear. While I am disappointed when this happens they are the real losers then. Not me. They are missing out on a great friendship if not a great relationship. With out really giving it a fair chance. Yes MS has no cure. And yes I "might" get much worse. But they can have something happen to them they don't plan on too. And just because there is a "might" in there does not mean it is a sure thing that it "will" happen.
I am grateful to the MS for reinforcing for me what is truly important. Love,caring and compassion. Not things or appearances. All that is temporary at best anyway.
What is not is my ability and desire to love and care about those close to me.
So I will date someone with a challenge. Just as I will someone who does not have one. if they are someone I like and am attracted to. That is after all what is supposed to happen anyway.
Wes | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/24/2008 10:06:34 PM | I'm disabled, but you'd never know it by looking at me or conversing with me. It doesn't effect me sexually.
So you can't tell just by looking at someone if they are disabled.  I would definitely date someone that had a disability.   | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:31:49 PM | Hey,
You're going to think I am crazy, but trust me I wouldn't f#$% around with this stuff. Read John Sarno's "Healing Back Pain". In the book he describes a condition called TMS (tension myositis syndrome) that is synonymous with FMS. It is treatable and requires no medication or special pills or whatnot. 0. There is hope. I have seen 100% complete rehabilitation in my line of work as a assistive device engineer working with severely disabled patients. I have personally seen patients completely restored to normal.
I have the book on mp3. Email me if you want it. Do not blow this off. It can cure you. Good luck and write me if you read it. I'd like to know how it goes. You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. No joke. Good luck.
Rensy
p.s. My only motive is to help. I don't make any money off selling the book. Dr John Sarno is a world class back specialist (don't worry, he works with FMS patients too) and his book is a best seller. He doesn't need from me the few dollars I can drum up by recommending it. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:27:01 AM | | I wouldn't discount dating someone with a disability. I myself suffer from acute pain in my joints; though it's nothing compared what you or others have, I would hope someone would try a little understanding and compassion for a condition we cannot control, and give a friendship or more a genuine shot. :) Rather than just writing it off from the get go. | |
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AS82
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Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 206 | |
| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:35:36 AM | I haven't thus far, but I've also never been pursued by a disabled person. I think it would matter to what degree because I don't know what I could handle. Your disability doesn't sound that bad. I'll just message you cause i have some questions and I'mnot about to read all 9 pages to see if it's been answered | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:46:15 PM | I have experienced the same problem, as I have a son who has a mild neuro-disability as well. I have found that it's hard to find people that are ok with it.
Maybe there are certain questions to ask people to see if they are perfectionists or not.
If they are, don't date them.
Maybe: "How do you define diversity?" or Do you agree with genetic engineering?- Why? Probably the best question would be:
"What is happiness to you?" See if they paint a pie in the sky pic for you.
Also, if they are clean freaks, workaholics, religious fanatics or materialistic, chances are they are perfectionist.
There are a lot of elitists and perfectionists out there, we are young, but you (and I) will find someone with a deeper, more mature spirit if we are smart about it.
I'm sure of it.
Good luck and I hope you are well.
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/26/2008 2:38:41 PM | I guess it depends on the person. If you use your disability as a means to sit on the pity pot, absolutely nobody will date you. I dated a man who was burned horribly in Desert Storm. His fingers were destroyed and half of his face melted off. He is a beautiful person and we are still great friends but not compatible romantically.
My best friend suffers from Crohn's disease. Horribly suffering. She has a colostomy bag and most of her genitalia is scar tissue due to the massive diarrhea and the acid destroying her. She is getting married.
I have a child who is brain damaged due to child abuse. At the center where she goes to for after school programs, there are developmentally and physically disabled people there who are married, have bfs/gfs, etc. There really isn't any reason why you would be single unless you use it to say "Poor me"
I live in wheelchair excessible housing (for my daughter) and my next door has Cerebral palsy and is wheelchair bound but has children from a previous marriage.
I can list on and on and on....
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:26:37 AM |
There really isn't any reason why you would be single unless you use it to say "Poor me"
There's not? Really?! Here, I thought most people headed for the hills when they met someone who was disabled. Silly me. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:47:53 AM | | In a pose of question, I wonder if she did spent all the money and/or had affair with someone while acting to be good to him. I believe, it is very hard for disabled to left someone for a new one unless their heart were torn apart. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:17:06 PM | Yes. I actually went on a first date last night with a guy who is mostly deaf - I am a bit bummed I can't talk on the phone with him but we are texting & emailing - he was quite nice.
I have also dated someone who was in remission for Leukemia, someone with Krohn's who had shingles when I met him. My mother has had MS her entire life and I have cared for her since high school. (she is bed ridden) I don't believe in discriminating against someone. If I were in love with someone who was hurt I would care for them for life.
Where life has brought people into my life I have met and honestly enjoyed men regardless of physical issues. As an active person though I would prefer to have someone who can do the things I enjoy so honestly I am not LOOKING for a disabled partner, but having disabled people in my life I love dearly I know that people with so called "disabilities" who have awesome outlooks often know how to live more fully than the rest of the world!  | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:51:12 PM | I would date someone who is disabled. In fact, my last boyfriend was disabled. Isn't even allowed to work. I figure it's what's inside that counts, right? And trust me, his disability had nothing to do with why we split.
I'm currently into a guy, who is basically a friend of a friend. He lost half of his leg a little while ago, and I'm still completely into him. Which sucks for me, because he has a girlfriend. heh | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 10/27/2008 5:35:57 PM | I have an invisible disablity(means that you can't tell by looking at me), called "Multiple Chemical Sensitivity". It has many other names: "MCS/EI", "Sick Building Syndrome", "Chemical Injury", "Environmental Illness". There are a few more names that I can't think of right now. It is the same exact illness that the 9/11 first responders have from being exposed to the fumes at the WTC, or what many of our military are getting from being exposed to chemicals during their missions overseas.
Even the slightest exposure to chemical vapors, will usually cause debiilitating/painful symptoms. I have to be outside and in public with a respirator on my face. There aren't many places in our society that don't have chemical vapors, that usually don't make other peeople ill.
The things that make MCS people ill are: perfume, drier sheets in clothing, scented and unscented hairspray, pesticides, fresh paint, diesel fumes, air fresheners, soaps, shampoos, scented candles, etc.
To spend time with an MCS person, people need to be completely fragrance and toxic free. It is very, very difficult if you are a person who is used to using chemical products to spend time with an MCS person. So, just imagine how difficult it is for someone like me to date others!
I need to meet people who regularly shop in health food stores and use natural products or completely fragrance free. Even then, people with MCS have difficulty going in public, and anyone who dates someone with MCS will have to get used to being seen with a person with a respirator mask on. It takes some patience and getting used to, and much easier if a person was already fairly toxic free before being in my life.
Blessings!
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:35:45 PM | | Sure I would. My relationships with women who had significant disabilities were warm, wonderful, and fulfilling. I am much more worried about defective character than with a body that looks or works differently. Vive la différence! | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:25:14 PM | | I couldnt say it any better!!! well said!!! and oh so true!!! Thanks!!! Its too bad and so sad that more people didnt think the way you do!! I like to think of it as being challenged and not disabled!!! Dont we all have challenges??? Some are big...Some are small...Calling someone disabled puts a label on the individual!!!Some people cant seperate the person from the so called disablilty!!Isnt a person who cant look past a persons challenges Disabled???? | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:50:23 PM | I would date someone that is disabled. But before i would , i would consider just how much disability that i could handle.
I understand Fibro & know what's it's like & that doctors/medical science doesn't know for sure what causes it. I know there isn't a pill to take to cure it.
I deal with it.
People in general are selfish in that they don't want to be with someone that's going to cut into the "me" time & issues.
People who say their generous don't mean compassionate or caring.
As one to another honorprestige, i want to say that looking for compassionate and passionate at the same time is a difficult hunt.
Take care & know you don't row the boat alone. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:12:19 PM | | Yes i would however i cant really say no as im disabled myself. however can i ask a question of those who have said no because they wouldnt want to be a care giver, what on earth makes you think you will? would a man with one arm be incapable of looking after himself or a person with hearing problems? im wheelchair bound but perfectly able to look after myself and would just like to point out that their are services for those who have difficulty so if you opened your heart and your mind you may actually have an extremely rewarding experience and find Mr/Mrs right in the wheelchair you so fear! | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:09:05 AM | Safren makes an excellent point. I never felt at all that I was in an unequal relationship with my disabled partners. We may have differentiated our roles a little based on what I could do physically, but my partners contributed equally.
-Gray | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 12/13/2008 7:29:49 PM | | I am a DIFFERENTLY-abled woman and I can tell you first hand that there are VERY few guys who will even give someone like me a second glance..let alone actually take a chance on DATING me..but if so many people weren't so closed minded they would see that there is very little difference between an abled or diiferently abled person..learn to look beyond the physical and get to know the PERSON..we are people WITH disablities..we ARENT the disability! | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 12/16/2008 12:02:36 PM | The Mistress makes an excellent point. It's really wrong to identify a person with their disability. Relationships are between people, not between a person and a disability. Disability is just one facet of who someone is, and it's not really part of the connection between two people upon which a relationship is built.
I believe MofM when she says that it's way harder to get a second glance or a date for a woman in a wheelchair. But there are some of us who will: most of my relationships, including my very first one in middle school, have been with women with disabilities. I find uniqueness attractive, and the women I have loved have as a group been particularly competent and creative. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 1/20/2009 1:43:07 PM | Mistress does make an excellent point.
Whether it's wrong or not, people do identify other people with their disabilities. They just won't always admit it.
I believe MofM when she says that it's way harder to get a second glance or a date for a woman in a wheelchair
It's not hard to get second looks, they are just looks of pity. A date? Yes, there are very few men who would even entertain the possibility. | |
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