| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:23:26 AM |
A sub in the BDSM world is NOT the same as liking submissive women. In the world of tie women up, with gag balls and beat them in cages, the original post isn't addressing that to the layman. A submissive woman on the other hand, is generally the title given to the person who obeys what she is told to do without question most of the time. Totally different people.
I think you might want to do a little BDSM 101 research. Your premise might be accurate, but the explanation couldn't be more wrong.
In BDSM submissives, come with a whole list of practices and desires that the 'Dominate' must learn in order to appease the sub. Who's the prisoner here?
In a true D/s relationship, no one is anyone's prisoner.
And if the 'Dominate' doesn't get it right and beat the submissive up the way she loves to be beaten, she leaves. That simple.
Being a pain-slut and being a submissive are two drastically different concepts. Not all masochists are submissive, not all submissives need physical pain or punishment. It's entirely possible to be submissive without bondage sex ~ many people call that particular "type" of submissive a "traditional gender role" sub.
Submissive women aren't like that. They find strengths in weaknesses that make feminist scream out in ape like anger because she isn't acting more like a man. More forceful, more direct, more gutsy, more demanding and more competitive. This in turn outrages the feminist and men are denigrated as a race for not allowing women to be as equally outrageous and malevolent because men are chauvinistic pigs.
I'll give you the feminist comment. I know that I have personally been accused of single-handedly setting back the supposed "movement" that is so often discussed by those labeling themselves as feminists, simply because I don't choose to view things as they do. I've yet to meet a Dominant (a true Dominant) that was a male chauvinist, so I suppose this is one of those debates that could go on and on ~ because I have met plenty of male chauvinists that were not of a Dominant nature.
~OT~ Any time the words dominant and submissive are thrown around on a site such as this: hetero/monogamous/conversative (by and large), there are going to be mass quantities of the ill-informed, uninformed and stereo-typers who really have NO idea what a true submissive or Dominant (for that matter) really is about. There is a huge difference between being a controlling jackazz and being a Dominant. There is a huge difference in being submissive in nature and being someone's punching-bag, doormat, abuse victim, etc., etc., etc. JMO  | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:18:43 PM |
A real man always dominates his woman.
Very true, New.
And submissive women are loving women.
Power is a part of every relationship and some very good relationships work because the power flow is defined.
In traditional D/s relationships, the power exchange can be defined as the submissive extending the power to control the relationship to the Dominant, in exchange for the Dominant's commitment to cherish, understand and respect the submissive.
The submissive entrusts her care to the Dom. In addition to trusting, the submissive commits to accept and appreciate the control the Dominant provides.
It truly is a symbiotic relationship; very balanced, egalitarian, even. The submissive can always withhold consent, if there are issues regarding the trustworthiness of the Dominant. So, the power rests with the submissive, which is extended to the Dominant based on the level to which the Dominant can be trusted.
One final point: Many "vanilla" relationships that work follow the same model without a formal definition of what the model is. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:29:03 PM |
I love submissive women. They are fun to be with inside the bedroom and out.
Do you think that's because they understand loving? | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:14:22 PM | | People have all sorts of various appetites and interests. My sense is when women post they are dominant or a dominatrix they likely get swamped with replies. | |
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ndulj
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 287 | |
| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:07:00 AM |
cool! what an interesting thread.i think i know where you're coming from 4realgurl...my partner is a very strong and proud Aries woman,who has never been able to submit to a man in previous relationships,but has always harboured that secret need.being a very 'alpha' Aries male myself,when we met,she recognised in me immediately that i was a stronger character that she could be a 'real' woman with and our sex life is fantastic!it's not about hurting or dominating....merely the natural urge in a woman to feel safe and protected and she can't feel this with a man who is 'weaker'...although i do think dominant is probably not the best word to use.i direct her in bed and she wishes to please my desires,to feel no option but to give in to me as the force of my power and strength overwhelms her....it is in no terms a one way experience as i love nothing better than seeing that incredible beauty in her face as she orgasms...indeed it often brings me to climax just watching her lose herself for a few moments.yes there is hair pulling and some light spanking...we have experimented with mirrors and some light bondage,but really the whole domination thing is more of an emotional rather than a sexual need.a man needs to feel he is king to his woman and she needs to feel he is strong enough to protect her in the world....i truly think this is an animal need which exists still from our primal beginnings
~sigh~ | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:51:22 AM |
In OC women are very aggressive and the guys don't really try.. Makes it very hard to find a good guy!
Maybe it's they don't want to to try. All that aggressiveness is running them off? | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:28:31 PM | | I can only speak for myself, but absolutely. As far as how to tell if a guy is dominant or not? Seriously? That should be obvious in everything he does from the time he approaches you. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:46:32 PM |
.merely the natural urge in a woman to feel safe and protected and she can't feel this with a man who is 'weaker'...although i do think dominant is probably not the best word to use.i direct her in bed and she wishes to please my desires,to feel no option but to give in to me as the force of my power and strength overwhelms her... STREAKYBACON
NDULJ: Why do you sigh? I think Streakybacon is right on. It's about the differences between how men and women are wired---beautiful differences--yang/ying when things are balanced. I have spoken to many, many women who CRAVE a man who is stronger and protective, makes her feel safe. These are strong, intelligent, professional women. They are sick and tired of these mamby-pamby, "tell me what to do" men who want a mommy instead of a real woman. The other extreme is men who are so threatened by the power of femininity that they become controlling and abusive. Masculinity that he describes is not about "Hey **** my soup is cold." It's not about abusive control. It's not about disempowering the woman. It's about complimentary differences that each empower the other. It's about loving her in the way that she needs to be loved. His needs are met in doing so. He's talking ying/yang, masculine/ feminine differences that are expressed sexually. There is beauty is in the contrast--physically and emotionally. For me, a man who wanted to be submissive in bed-????----I would run the other way so fast! I would feel he was not present to his masculinity and I would be totally turned off. just my op. | |
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ndulj
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 292 | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:32:35 PM |
For me, a man who wanted to be submissive in bed-????----I would run the other way so fast! I would feel he was not present to his masculinity and I would be totally turned off. just my op.
What a great concept, soulfoodwanted. I'll use my Dom skills and instruct her to dominate me, while I'm submissive.
If I Dominate and force her to accept my submission aren't I still Domming?
Hmm. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:56:20 PM | I tend to like things to be equal. (Meaning, mix it up a bit...)
Communicating your needs seems to help. Some people don't seem to talk a lot about the act before they do it. It can be helpful to share SOME information. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:56:57 PM | | NDULJ: Ohhhhhhh, how nice. I thought bacon's post was beautiful and, yes, misinterpreted your sigh. feel like sighing myself actually............. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:15:04 PM | I never consciously sought out submissive women, nor thought of myself as a dominant. In fact I never really thought about those things at all. Some things that have recently happened in my life resulted in me reexamining some parts of my past, and it seems that indeed I am attracted to submissive women, and that I am a dominant. I just tended to gravitate towards rough and experimental sex, and I assumed it was what most people did so it never occurred to me to question it.
The best woman I have dated in the last few years was somewhat of a traditional gender sub I guess (according to a definition posted earlier) but it was not a title she claimed or anything. I just thought she was really good at understanding men, and what we need, and how to inspire us. I didn't think of things in terms of D/S. She was very sweet and very shy. She was also a super smart, subtly sassy, deeply introspective, and an amazingly authentic and aware woman, entirely capable of managing her own affairs, but she simply slipped into the more traditional roles, and for me it fit really well. I became more dominant, and more powerful which in turn had the effect making me more caring about her well being and happiness. I realized she was of great value, and of course like anyone with half a brain I wanted to keep that value and safeguard it. She was a treasure. And seemingly not all that easy to find.
She was a submissive in the bedroom as well, but not a masochist or pain slut, which for me personally is even more of a turn on. Dominance in the bedroom seems to have a lot of different levels and degrees, from what I can tell, but I have really only just started looking at all this for myself. I have always taken charge in the bedroom simply because I thought that was the only way to get anything done. Up until recently I was restricted by a ridiculous number of internalized social norms that really clouded things for me. Mostly I would take it slow and continue to push the envelope. Because of these internalized social norms I rarely had the opportunity to push things near as far as I'd like. At present I have found it necessary to reassess all of this. Which has resulted in me realizing that not only do I prefer submissive women in general, I also prefer extreme submissives in the bedroom, and to a great extent masochists. It seems to me these women are quite adventurous, which really opens up my options.
What I do not understand is this whole fighting for dominance or proving dominance or challenging dominance thing. I mean if a woman really expects a man to prove his dominance, then it seems to me she expects him to revert to force. If he reverts to force, how much force is he allowed to use until you acknowledge his dominance? I suppose that is what safe words are for, but really it does not appear to me to be an intelligent choice to challenge the dominance unless you are willing to pay the price. To quote Apocalypse Now, "Never get outta the boat! Never get out of the boat unless your gonna go the whole goddamn way."
What I cannot stand in the bedroom or in life would be a submissive that lacks all life skills or vitality and passion. I am not here to baby anyone. I don't have time for that sort of thing. I think I have experienced those women in my past as well, and frankly I could not take them seriously. What I most hope to find is an interesting, exciting, intelligent, adventurous, loyal, and courageous submissive/ masochist who wears that moniker well and proudly, not someone I am going to have to fight against on a continuous basis.
Although . . . . . from time to time a little wrestling match is an alright thing I suppose. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 5/24/2009 12:27:07 AM | | depends on my mood, but yes submissive women in bed for most of the time. If a woman wants to do more then it's fine by me. I don't like the cum at the same time or ordering me to finish quicker. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 5/24/2009 6:53:32 AM | I agree with being a man. She is my woman I am her man and all is good. But if she wants a boy look for a boy, I am not afraid to grab or hold down or show true passion. We are there together and I do what works. Any woman I was talking to I would make it clear to her about how I feel when it comes to making love. There is alot to my and I can be gentle and loving or damnit woman get on your knees. All I really ask for is loyalty and a willingness to be with me.
KW | |
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