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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:47:02 PM | There are quite a few levels to this question. A woman can be quite assertive and aggressive socially and ALSO like rough sex, in which she takes a "submissive" role in bed and there are also very shy, submissive women socially who can be quite assertive in bed, too, but not "rough".
I have a dominant streak and a socially submissive woman makes the radar blip all over the place, I feel her call to me without a single word. I dont like "rough" sex at all, though ...dirty names, hair-pulling, all that.....uh-uh.
All these labels are kind of one-dimensional and stupid, if you ask me. I know...you didnt ask. Just saying.............. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:49:26 PM | | Rather than D/s I'd say you prefer an "aggressive lover who isn't afraid to take charge".. is that a fair assesment? | |
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exxess
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:10:10 PM | | no offense but I wouldn't get that from your pictures. Ya sometimes its nice to have them a little submissive not always. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:20:33 PM | | There is a pretty easy way to tell if one is submissive or Dominant. 4real, I can't contact you because of your limits, but if you send me a note, I'd be happy to let you in on it.Good Luck | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:40:18 PM | Knowing a dominant man should be easy ... if you can't tell one when you are in His presence ... You are either very unintuned OR ... He's not dominant. ~laughs~ As for His sexual leanings/proclivities/preferences ... you'll never know those until you ask Him about them. In so far as D/s is concerned ... there are as many different variables and preferences are there are 'nilla ones -- some like power exchange but don't participate in a lot of other kink ... some love kink and switching roles ... just depends.
So the only way to know if a man is dominant in the ways that interest You is to open up an honest dialouge with Him. Some Men are only dominant in the bedroom and some are dominant in virtually every aspect in their lives. What are you looking for? Just a sensual Dominant or sexually aggressive man? It definitely helps to know what you want before you swing the doors wide open and announce yourself as submissive. Many people in 'nilla venues equate submission in any form as loosely moral and out for sex with just anyone or ... see you as someone they can easily manipulate. So funny how folks don't realize that being submissive doesn't mean that we are on the Burger King menu to have it "their way" at the drop of a hat and at hello. ~laughs~
good luck!
~angel | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:49:06 PM | | Well I am very submissive myself and sometimes its just a matter of feeling a guy out. There is something about him that will project the dominant behaviour. I find that most of the time I can tell on a first date if the man is more dominant or not. Also, if you really don't know, nothing wrong with asking, especially if there seems to be a mutual interest | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:50:13 PM | | thanks angel, im lookin for dom in every area, bedroom and relatiomship i want and need that sorry bout the confusion.... | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:52:42 PM | | yeah see i ask and they lie, they say they are dom but then when it cums to being that way its like WTF??? | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:58:59 PM | Um, I don't know. I feel like I have the opposite problem. I look young and a bit too cutesy in appearance...so guys who message me on here (and dont' read my forum posts or even really read my profile) might think I'm a "sweet young lady" (yes I've actually gotten that).
When in reality I'm pretty dam* gutsy and outspoken. I think in person I come across as too dominant, too aggressive. I don't think in a bad way, just not the sweet young thing I look like. Even with my circle of friends - it's pretty easy to shock them. In fact, one of them was shocked to find out I was on a dating website and really looking forward to being free and having great sex at some point! LOL Do I *not* look like I'd enjoy sex or something?????
Someone on here, based on my forum post, suggested sexually I'm also a switch and that made sense. The sub game is fun as is the dom game..but to me it's all a game, part of making sex fun. Teasing, playing, all that stuff. And in real life, I'm probably the same. SHy and insecure sometimes, but opinionated and outspoken others.
I'd like to meet someone at some point who can compliment both sides of me and not be turned off by my being outspoken. (because in a good secure relationship, the shy and insecure side should disappear). Of course, at the same time, I would NOT be happy w/a submissive guy either. I like guys with a good set of balls, who know how to use them. LOL I can't stand being around guys who have no opinions and can't make up their minds. I want someone who will stand up to me and hold on to his opinions as passionately as I hold on to mine.
And the same in the bedroom. Not afraid to push me down and attack because he wants me so badly...but also will let me do the pushing down and attacking sometimes. "Zest". I want someone with Zest. And not the soap! Would that be a good word for what you are looking for?
Good luck OPie, also. I am new to all of this, still divorcing and just learning what I want and what's important to me. But I am hopeful that there are indeed "real men" out there who can take charge, and go for life "zestfully", in and out of the bedroom.
Kaylie  | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:20:23 PM | Hmmm...I always seem to gravitate to the sex forum threads! They are definitely the most interesting to say the least. Heck...I studied psychology/sex ed in college & earlier today (after reading the this forum) was the first time I ever heard of jelqing (google it if you'd like to learn more). Anyway...getting back to this particular thread. Stating and/or labeling dominant/submissive is vague in itself. There are many variants...as many of you noted earlier. I, myself, fit in neither category...but rather both. It all depends on the day and my mood. Many times...I like to take control . But the rest of the time...I like to be quite a bit more submissive. Communication is the key in these situations. Communication is the number one reason relationships fail...though most people think it's sex or money. Realistically...it's not communicating about sex, money, or anything else that deems problematic in a relationship that makes it destined for failure. So...when I feel like I want to be more submissive one night and more dominant the next, I just speak up! It has worked so far. I would think this is the appropriate way...right guys?  | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 9:50:39 PM | | ~I agree with heathenistic, being dominant does not mean being domineering, & alot of guys can't make that connection, so they just come off as an ass. Most everyone I know would be blown away to find out there's a submissive side to me, In my life I've alway's had to be ridiculously strong. Im a single mother who worked and raised 3 kids alone without any help, that within itself made me tough, add to it all of life's other challenges & choices & so on ...so having to be tough everyday in a world that eats the weak, it's hard to be a woman in whats still a man's world in alot of ways, I think we lose alot of our ability to be vulnerable. So for me to be able to submit myself to my man, not to a man who is domineering or disrespectful (he'd last about a hot 5 minutes), but to the man who knows what I need & what I need him to be, who completely brings out the woman in me , I think it should be liberating, not oppressive like im sure some would view it..Someone once told me that "When a man owns his woman, she more-so owns him" I didn't get it at the time... | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 9:51:13 PM | You know, I know your pain.
It seems every ex I've ever had, SEEMED nice and manly right from the start, but lol, I always end up being the dominant personality in my relationships. Which is NOT a happy place for me.
So lately I've been very blatant in my search for DOMINANT men. There's a LOT more than you ever know until you say what you're looking for.
If all you want is sexual domination and vanilla equality the rest of the time, there are so many men who are more than happy to fill the role for you. Just be up front with what you want. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Unless you're on a kinky dating site, most men aren't going to put that they want submissive women. They'll be almost instantly stigmatized and have every feminist for miles burning panties on their doorsteps. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:13:01 PM | Based upon further comments by the OP, it seems she isn't looking for a dominant partner. Apparently it goes further than that.
If this is something that crosses outside of the bedroom, than it should be very apparent from the start whether or not you are going to get what you want.
Again, not to critcize, but how could anyone enjoy such a one dimensional relationship? | |
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Render
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Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 39 | |
| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:05:48 AM | What it boils down to is society. Men now have to worry about upsetting a woman they want to be with, so we have to take a more submissive angle to meeting women. If we come right out and say what we want, we come across as chauvanistic, boorish, etc.
I prefer a woman to be dominant in the bedroom, but need equality in the relationship. If however, she wants a night where I take control, that's okay too. Every sexual encounter is different, even between monogamous couples. You have to change things up now and again.
On a slightly different, but related note. We all know that it's the bottom that controls the sex. The top isn't going to get to do anything if the bottom won't first allow it. It's actually a reversal of the Dom/Sub roles. By allowing a man to spank you with a paddle, you're actually the one in control. If you truly want to be dominated by a man, then you are choosing to allow the man to take that role. True dominance, in it's purest form, is taking without permission, and that isn't allowed in our society anymore, nor should it be. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:11:04 AM | It's kinda hard to tell a lot about someone's sex life, sometimes it mirrors the rest of their personal/professional life, sometimes it mimics it. It's sorta one of those things where unless you straight up ask 20 questions you'll never know. Plus some men claim to be dominant or submissive, they aren't exactly either, so getting exactly what you're looking for could be tough.
Unfortunately sexual compatibility is always the hardest part of any relationship to figure out right off the bat, because if you get to it too quickly it kinda could put a damper on the entire rest of the relationship, may be the only reason to be a couple. However if you take too long, you may be locked into a serious relationship with someone that just can't satisfy you. | |
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Posted: 2/29/2008 6:26:27 AM | what i really want dark isnt one sided, my career is so tough on the rest of my life, i am this dom at work and when i get home and in my home, i want to be the sub, im sorry if u feel that it sounds boring, as a matter of fact im not sorry, i shouldnt have to be THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!!! im just askin for advice on how to get it,
i am not gonna sit here and lie, sure sumtimes VERY RARE i may enjoy playin the sub in bed but once the sex starts i want to be taken.... sumone wrote in the post, sorry i forgot your name.....my bad that true dom is walkin up and taking something u want without permission, I WOULD LOVE to find someone when in a relationship with me, would walk up whenever he wanted and take me, is that so hard to find???? there are a lot of dom qualities i look for i just wanted sum advice on how to find out without askin or if i should ask when where and wut to say..... u feel me? | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:04:50 AM | I'm not saying your wrong, I'm simply suggesting that you're having trouble finding what you want because a lot of men just aren't comfortable.
The kind of guy I am, women are almost always suprised by my own dominant qualities. The thing is, and I really believe this, you have to ask. You have no choice but to ask, there's no real way around that.
I actually think it's unfair you can't seem to get what you want. Everybody should be able to get theirs. Maybe some guys are lazy. There's a difference between being dominant and selfish, you know?
I'm not going to get hardcore on a woman if she doesn't ask me to or we haven't talked about it beforehand. Do you realize the social, cultural, and moral stigma that applies to smacking a woman around? And yeah, that's part of what happens when I'm dominant. I also like to be slapped around myself. Anyway, I've had plenty of women who asked me to get rough and take control. But it so piledriven into our heads to treat women with respect, we often balk at the idea of having a woman be completely submissive while we are dominant.
Like I said, you might have to step outside of the role you want to get where you need to be. I've had a woman grab me by the throat and effectively say "Take it!". You know what happens when she does that? Anything I want!
I really hope you can find what you're looking for. And I'm sorry if I was too critical. I guess what I need to say is, you're not boring. You actually sound like you would be a lot of fun, but for me and me only, I need more than that one role to sustain interest.
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:14:56 AM |
If the time is right.....Is there anything wrong with grabbing a handful of hair, pulling your head back and filling your throat with something other than air?
Where do you FIND these superlative women who can handle this sort of thing?
If someone did that to me, all that would result is that I'd have a gag reflex and vomit all over them and the floor....at which time I'd be REALLY pissed if they refused to clean up the mess they caused.
I definately do not want a man who would be that unrealistic....
Guess that means I am not submissive........ | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:41:16 AM | Bethlett ... whether or not you like to be rough handled or whether you are a mistress as it were of deepthroat has no bearing on whether or not you are submissive. We all have talents ... some have oral talent ... some people sing ... some people draw ... it takes all kinds. Your prowess at -uncommon- sexual skills isn't any reflection upon that at all. ~laughing~
Side note: A great many people immediately form a -negative- picture in their minds of what a submissive is when discussions like this arise. Most people think it means a doormat who can't think for herself, has low self esteem, wants to be abused, was already abused, ... in general they think it's someone who has issues. Our culture has bred such a -sameness- and drummed such a mantra of -equality- into things that anyone who expresses desires to be Dominant or submissive are really frowned upon. As i've said before ... D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships can look like anything from a traditional 1950's household, to any range of kink and preference in between.
Lots of 'nilla folks (those who aren't into D/s for those who don't know the venacular) are into various aspects of kink and power exchange too. They simply don't identify it or count it as an important part of their relationship. If you were to survey 100 'nilla people and 100 D/s people you'd find an amazing amount of crossover in the activities that are practiced. Some people simply choose to define or celebrate things in more concrete terms. It's fairly common for 'nilla folks to have alot of the trappings and toys of the D/s or BDSM set ... and they think nothing of it ... it's all just a bit of kink to liven things up.
i am very dominant in my job ... no one would ever peg me as submissive in my workplace if they didn't -get- very deeply what most submissives are about. However, my last few Doms have been able to pick out my submissiveness even in the most hard core dom activity i have to complete to get through my day. People who are acutely aware of D/s leanings or the symbiotic relationship of those in D/s CAN pick it out almost anywhere. Doms don't see submissives as weak because they know ... a submissive in the lifestyle isn't generally submissive to just anyone. Most are very healthy emotionally and self actualized and in touch with themselves. Their submission is only inspired by someone who is stronger than themselves and for most of them that means an incredibly strong Dom because they can't -give- their submission to someone weaker than themselves. It makes no sense and it's just not safe.
People may take on all sorts of roles in sex as in life ... and some identify the roles they most enjoy with the natural leanings of their personality. You can take on the role of a Top or a Bottom just for play ... for example. It may not be anything like your true nature however, it's just what you are doing for the moment to have fun. Some people -switch- roles depending on what they are in the mood for. Some people have more clearly defined roles that reflect their inner drives and manifest those in D/s relationships. i want to leave being in control behind when i leave work ... i want to get to allow all of my inner drives to please and serve those around me and make them happy to flow. i don't want to have to deny those parts of myself therefore i want to be with someone who enjoys them and allows them to flourish. i want the inner journey and the -push- as well as the freedom internally that responding to that push means ... i want to explore the depths of myself and for me ... those depths include submission.
~angel | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:59:45 AM | I feel that the submissive partner has all the control. You're the one with the codeword or the one who's letting it happen. That's a big part of the thrill to me, that my partner is letting it happen. That this is what they want.
Being on the other side feels so awesome too, having someone excercise their will on you is another huge thrill. Either way, I think it's a healthy thing. As long as your motivations are good.
I am a little touchy on the subject of it leaving the bedroom though. They are seperate things, I need someone to act as my partner. Sometimes she'll take the lead and sometimes I will. But I prefer to do everything as a team, bedroom or not. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:11:46 AM | Was dating a gal who was wayyy too submissive.
Drove me ..Nuts! She..never expressed herself!
Like, reaching down her throat, looking for her. lol
"Are..YOU..in ...THERE?" YES! Even in the sack!!lol
I tried to get her to open up, she got...ANGRY!!!
[would make a GOOD thread]
Believe it or not, SHE...chased...ME!!! GO FIGURE!!
Just didn't gel. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:44:13 AM | | BTW There is a D&S munch right in Tom's River. The people are very nice. I'm not sure what the rules are about websites are so I won't post the link. But if you haven't tried it you can e-mail me and I will forward the details. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:35:34 AM | | when it leaves the bedroom, i dont mean i dont have a voice of my own, but i liked being told what i can do in the relationship to make him happy, i like sumone who is borderline controling, im sorry for me its a turn on and i do have my own feelins and thoughts and a big mouth, i think it more has to do with the fact that i have NO role in my life im allowed to be sub in, with my family im dom, with work im dom, with buziness issues im BEYOND dom, so i think the reason i like being the sub to a man is cuz i like that feelin of pleasing sumone and im not lookin to get choked and never had a code a word, maybe dark thats goin a lil far LOL i meant sub in a diff way kinda, lol there are all diff types of dom and sub as i now see, LOL keep givin me this stuff though its great!!!!!!!!! | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:47:16 PM | For me, giving pleasure is pleasurable.
In fact, it's essential, part of the balance that makes it perfection. The full circle thing.
I am more interested in my ladies orgasms than my own, that's a fact.
And variety is the spice of life in a monogamous relationship, mix it up, have fun with it.
I have a strong personality but dominating isn't something I need.
On the other hand, if my lady wants that, I can supply it because I'm all about turning on the woman I'm with. | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:33:15 PM | | I've found that men prefer a submissive woman to a top woman. I've also found that being a switch has made things difficult. My partner is entirely vanilla- no bdsm games, between us. | |
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