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Posted: 3/11/2008 3:11:41 PM | I just have to bite on the what type of man like to dominate issue. I consider myself dominate. My work is very stressful, I have to make high pressure descions, and deal with sudden changes while workin under strict time constrants (yes it actually say that on my resume). If your submissive in myline of work, u will be dinner for someone.
Life spans it's own little sexual quirks. I mean what makes some people have scat fetishes? Or foot for that matter? You can't judge how a person is going to be sexually based on thier job or thier behavior in the bar. That wild crazy jock getting all the girls might be a CD... .. That tough butch cop u meet might like to dress in frilly night gowns and play cheerleader with her fem girlfriend..who happens to wear the****in the relationship.
Again, I say judge a person on how they behave out the bedroom, not on what brings them pleasure in it. (for u my dear..u know who  ) If you are so lucky to have a sub...be gentle, for they are not your toilet. Again, discuss what you like people.... openly, and without expectation. (thats for the fellas that think a lady telling him she likes to be spanked and give BJ means she is inviting him for exactly that) Again, it's sex, not rocket science people. Lets behave like where out of high school when in that area.
Later | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:36:27 PM | I've found that within my limited experience, most men just naturally ARE dom, though in this day and age of feminism, I think some men forget that sex is still primal, and throughout most societies throughout history, men DID dominate in the bedroom.
So I think that some men need that side of them to be brought out.
But that doesn't mean you need to be a ragdoll! Dominance is more fun when it is taken, not given, so make him work for it, let there be a power struggle there.
There is nothing sexier to me than a man who will grab my hair, slap me across the face and toss me around like a ragdoll but not all people are so into it... | |
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| submissive women
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:09:30 PM | stephanie i agree with u T O T A L Y lol | |
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Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 104 | |
| submissive women
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:53:29 PM | You know what I've noticed? This thread made me actually think about it, it was something I had realized before but I never really thought about. The women that are serious about it, earlier posts like from anaisangel and other women who are into it, they are really some of the smartest women I have ever run across. They're generally successful, extraordinarily articulate, just all around smart. I'm talking doctors, lawyers, I mean really intelligent and DRIVEN women here.. that's another commonality among them, is how driven and dominant they are in their lives outside the bedroom. And they're generally HAPPIER than the rest of us, they're not quick to temper, and they just do more good instead of sitting around on their asses unemployed watching Judge Judy and the shitty car insurance commercials that were obviously made by graphic design school students at some crappy technical college you ALSO see tons of commercials for at 1 in the afternoon during a weekday. But sure, yeah, a degree for being an interior designers assistant is always a promising future.
On a sidenote, they're also not very good at humor. They're a lot more business like, straight to the point.. that's not to say they don't have a sense of humor; they do. But they're not gonna get up on stage anytime soon, you know what I'm saying? But overall, very very intelligent and passionate women. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2008 7:04:54 PM | | No. Push me down and have your way with me from time to time. Prove to me you have a sex drive too or I'm gonna get bored and assume your not into it. | |
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Posted: 3/12/2008 11:26:20 PM | domiNATE = verb
domiNANT = adjective
A person is not dominate, s/he is dominant. Dominant is a personality trait. Pulls hair sexually, or pulls hair in anger [as two separte examples] are actions and / or fetishes. Being 'in control' is different from being 'a controlling person.' A controlling person works to counteract life's randomness and to control things... a person in control is usually 'in control' of him- or herself and is at peace with those circumstances and people surrounding them.
The same is also true of the opposite side of the spectrum. Submissive and passive are not the same thing. Submissive means that they take their cues from the other side, and / or they PREFER to take their cues from the other side. Passive means they let the other side do all the work. Passive and spineless and submissive are all different, too. Spineless means they 'cannot' be in control out of some sort of limitation, be it self-imposed, psychologically imposed, or otherwise. Submissive means that they WANT the freedom to be able to ask their boyfriend 'So where are we going out for dinner?' and not always get the same 'I dunno, where do YOU wanna go honey?' An assertive man is capable of saying "I dunno, let's find out" if he doesn't know the answer without automatically FEARING rejection.
A waitress at a restaurant is submissive -- she takes her cues from the paying customer. The customer is dominant -- dictates the flow of the conversation and the whole restaurant process [as far as the table is concerned.] A spineless waitress is not the best waitress one could have, as she needs to be able to say 'I'm sorry but I can't serve that item to you because we ran out' -- nor would a snotty waitress be sucessful if she said 'Are you SURE you need dessert? You look like you've had a few too many as it is.' Spineless or snotty customers typically learn their own just lessons, one way or another, as well. But with clear delineation of roles and protocols, happiness is achieved -- for example, it is VERY poor form for the waitress to SIT DOWN where they can be seen by the customer, and is EXTREMELY poor manners to sit at the customer's own table. It's also extremely rude for the customer to want to apprach the waitress's station to get her attention, and it's extremely unfair for the waitress to put the customer in a neglected position where they feel that the only way to get a friggin napkin is BY going to the waitress station.
Another example is master and pet. Let's say you own a dog. The dog doesn't get a 'vote' in whether or not it's time to go to the veterinarian's office, but the dog's best interests are typically given very thoughtful consideration. The master decides what is eaten, where, and when, when playtime is, when sleep time is, and determines disciplinary actions, including how discipline is administered, when it is administered, and how fairly it is administered. The dog is submissive, but is still ACTIVE in the relationship. It may whine for water, or to go outside when it's needed. The dog may controbute to the security of the house, may help in hunting, or might even be willing to lead a blind friend through a crowded city, if it's taught how. Dogs can even be trained as law enforcement officials. But they are submissive. Powerful. Usually loyal[with personality quirks, of course.] Their submissive needs are offset by submissive contributions. Equitable and balanced.
Etc etc.
No relationship can work without balance, and even 'equals' can find themselves in imbalanced relationships. Likewise, dom/sub relationships CAN be balanced, and clinical studies of dom/sub relationships suggests that they might be slightly MORE likely to be balanced [by virtue of detailed communication] than vanilla relationships. If a both parties in a relationship are submissive, then there is no balance. Same if both are dominant. Even with dom/sub matches, they have to be dom/sub IN SIMILAR AREAS. As a dominant guy, I look for a woman who demonstrates that she is submissive yet CAPABLE of being independent. I want to slowly conquer a woman, romantically speaking, and I do not want a woman who would cruble instantly for me or anyone else. I like a challenge. Kind of like taking a young colt, and breaking it and training it to be a useful horse. Generally, the more fiery the temper of the colt, the more powerful [and therefore useful] an animal that horse will turn out to be, in over-simplified terms. In terms of submissive women, I want to avoid the spineless ones.
My point, boys and girls? Submissive, dominate, dominant, 'daddy hangups,' all of these are WORDS. Try not to use WORDS without having at least some idea of what they mean. Using WORDS without knowing what they mean usualy results in flamewars and pissing contests. One important word is HONESTY -- how can one be HONEST about their needs when they don't even understan them? How can one understand them without talking about them and paying attention to what someone else says?
And yeah, if yer a submissive non-smoking female, contact me please. No need to live in a particular area. That was a shameless plug because, hey, this is a dating site, so I'm kinda supposed to.
Ciao. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2008 10:39:43 AM | | Last comment on this. There are levels to be dominate. I like to be dominate in the bedroom, period. I might tell my lady to be aggressive, but as one poster put it "I am topping from the bottom". Am I like that always..of course not. But I can't be with a woman that won't allow that control... Just not fun and is unsatisfying to me. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2008 12:17:59 PM | | so you want to be domiNATED in the bedroom? or you want to be domiNANT? seriously, that one typo will determine which of the two completely opposite meanings is what you meant. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 4:13:37 AM | | think your every navy guys dream and agree with you hundred and fifty | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 2:24:47 PM | Personally I prefer dominant men. Men who are sumissive and meek in the sack make me nauseous. And I agree that its something primal. Its that excitement that he has the control and power. Just my personal preference. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/14/2008 2:28:53 PM | | Yes, we do like submissive women but dominance is being trained out of men, gradually, so it is less out in the open. I don't think you need to slap labels on it, though. You can communicate in ways to a man to draw that out of him and let it be ok with you, easy thing to do. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 3:16:02 PM | I think you might be right.But I was with a girl who said she was submissive,
but she just laid there and let me do all the work.That's not really sex,is it?
I mean,you can get the same response from a blow-up doll,no? | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 6:22:39 PM | | I think that submissision and starfish sex are mixed up too often. If you are having sex with someone where the sub/dom situation may arise, then it's obviously about someone taking control over where the session is going. which is super arousing, but that doesn't mean the other person should just lay there! If a guy says to me, "get over to the bed" and pulls me there by my hair, it doesn't mean i'm just going to go limp and half dead! haha. The sub should still be involved, just let the dom do the directing. otherwise ronnie is right, it's like sex with a plastic doll! and that ruins the sub/dom feel. | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 9:18:36 PM | | my sister was raped by one of these wonderful men on plenty of fish.may be that is why we woman are so careful...you think? have agreat night | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:27:30 PM | While I am sure some men do like submissive women. I'll take a confidant woman who knows what she wants and is prepared to ask for it anyday.
Mind you I would want a dominant woman ether.
Dirk | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:34:07 PM | Depends on what your definition of dominant is. I'm not into S&M or anything of that sort. But I've found girls that I've dated tend to let me be in control when it comes to kissing and whatnot.
Not in any out of the ordinary way, just they let me do my thing and seem to like knowing I have a plan in my head on how the next 20 minutes or so are going to play out. In the end, everyone ends up happy.  | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:48:09 PM |
While I am sure some men do like submissive women. I'll take a confidant woman who knows what she wants and is prepared to ask for it anyday.
I think i'm about as submissive as they come...............and i'm very confident!! and i do ask for what i want...........ahead of time LOL.............there is alot of communication involved, and unbelievable trust involved. He will know what i want to both do and have done, what i need, and he will also understand that, at that moment, i CAN'T ask for it or initiate it on my own. That is why it is talked about ALOT outside of the bedroom.
And for everyone that thinks a submissive woman is a dead fish...........no, quite the opposite really, you've just found a dead fish LOL. And not all submissive women want to be beaten up, thrown around, abused. Sure, some do, but not all.
Until you've experienced it, how could you possibly understand it? | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/15/2008 5:11:36 AM |
While I am sure some men do like submissive women. I'll take a confidant woman who knows what she wants and is prepared to ask for it anyday.
I hate to tell you this... but that is the definition of what a true submissive is. :) You have to be confident and know what you want and how to ask for it for any relationship, especially a D/s one, to work. Being passive and unsure is not being submissive. | |
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| Do men really like submissive women?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:08:37 AM | Well..well…Interesting question. I think the more important question to you is what type of man do you want? Rather than trying to fit the man. And you answered your on question by stating what you like, didn’t you?
That said, I guess I sound like a dom and I am when I’m in that mood or mode at that time, other times I’m sub. My preference is for varied, keep me guessing on who’s going to jump who… Keeps things interesting, same way I don’t want to eat the something everyday, do you?
A. | |
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Posted: 3/16/2008 2:36:24 AM |
my sister was raped by one of these wonderful men on plenty of fish.may be that is why we woman are so careful...you think? have agreat night
It IS true that rapists give guys of all sorts a really bad reputation. My apologies by association.
That said, what the  are you doing in this thread? '...by one of THESE wonderful men on pof...' Until you find my friggin DNA at the scene, 'maam,' I'll have you kindly keep your accusations, veiled or otherwise, to your own god damned self, thankyouverymuch. Talk to the cops, don't complain to men and women who, while sympathetic, have not one single iota to do with your family's tragedy.
And in case you thought you were equating 'careful' and 'submissive,' ...
Why do I even bother? | |
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Posted: 3/18/2008 10:48:25 PM | I have an unusual problem, in day to day life, I am the boss. Really, I am gen the "shift boss". However, that being said,,, I daydream of a lover that can take me romantically speaking, and make me his " submissive ". I've only experienced sexuality where I am either the one taking the lead or where every move is mutual. I think that dom/sub play could be very healthy and fun!  | |
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Posted: 3/19/2008 2:58:25 AM | I have an unusual problem, in day to day life, I am the boss. Really, I am gen the "shift boss". However, that being said,,, I daydream of a lover that can take me romantically speaking, and make me his " submissive ".
There is nothing unusual about that. You just described a large majority of the true submissive women out there.
Personally. I prefer confident women.
So you're saying you like submissive women? | |
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Posted: 3/19/2008 1:35:58 PM | | I perfer confident but submissive women, Eastern European women have this down really well. | |
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Posted: 3/19/2008 2:28:13 PM | Here's the situation, perki.
As a Dom, who believes he understands relationships, the women in the "vanilla" world are probably more submissive than they realize.
The women in the D/s world are much less submissive than they realize.
The dark little secret is that men and women loving each other successfully are usually in a D/s relationship to some extent. Successful relationships depend on establishing a system that deals with power struggles before they occur. Most problems in relationships relate to power. Hence, this discussion, if you think about it.
The only difference between a successful D/s relationship and a successful "vanilla" relationship is that in the D/s relationship there is an agreement that the Dom will be allowed to enforce the relationship.
The elements of loving are the same in both relationships, although not the same for men and women. By elements I mean the criteria by which men and women decide that they are being loved.
Chuck | |
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