| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/1/2008 1:10:17 AM | Early in doing my mother's elder care I finally asked her if it was at all possible that she would ever be happy. Could she conceive of it. She replied: "no." What a release., I stopped trying to do the impossible - to make her happy. She spent the rest of her life quite happily unhappy. Interesting to watch how no matter what she came up unhappy.
My God, I have another sister!
I still want my mom to be happy, I wish I could give her that somehow, some way. She's not very nice but I still want the best for her. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/1/2008 8:38:08 AM | When I bought my car... I really wanted the green one, it had a cd player and it was green. But the blue one had the keyless remote and was $600 cheaper.
I settled on the blue one... I can buy a cd player for it and have it painted.
I've gone out with several men over the last year. I would've gone out with each of them again. I liked them, but there were only two of them I really liked and would liked to have seen again. One I have not seen again, but I still talk to him almost everyday. We've become incredible friends who I feel as if I can talk to about anything. The other one I have seen a second time.
Neither of these men are perfect... but both are absolutely incredible because of the qualities they have. I'm pretty sure that neither of them would meet all of the qualities I was looking for in a man a long time ago. Would I be settling if I was to fall in love with either of them. I don't think so. They both have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. Oddly these two men are a lot a like.
I think when you meet someone and you feel like you "click" with them that you should take that chance. See what happens and where it goes. It shouldn't matter if they are less than perfect or if life circumstances are slowing things down. Even if they don't meet all of the criteria you've decided you want. I think you should see what happens and where it goes.
I strongly believe that life is too short to pass up missed opportunities because you feel like you're settling. In the long run how is it settling if you fall in love with that person?
One last comment... I really love my car even though it's blue! | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:55:00 AM | When I bought my car... I really wanted the green one, it had a cd player and it was green. But the blue one had the keyless remote and was $600 cheaper.
I settled on the blue one... I can buy a cd player for it and have it painted.
I've gone out with several men over the last year. I would've gone out with each of them again. I liked them, but there were only two of them I really liked and would liked to have seen again. One I have not seen again, but I still talk to him almost everyday. We've become incredible friends who I feel as if I can talk to about anything. The other one I have seen a second time.
Neither of these men are perfect... but both are absolutely incredible because of the qualities they have. I'm pretty sure that neither of them would meet all of the qualities I was looking for in a man a long time ago. Would I be settling if I was to fall in love with either of them. I don't think so. They both have a lot of the qualities I'm looking for. Oddly these two men are a lot a like.
I think when you meet someone and you feel like you "click" with them that you should take that chance. See what happens and where it goes. It shouldn't matter if they are less than perfect or if life circumstances are slowing things down. Even if they don't meet all of the criteria you've decided you want. I think you should see what happens and where it goes.
I strongly believe that life is too short to pass up missed opportunities because you feel like you're settling. In the long run how is it settling if you fall in love with that person?
One last comment... I really love my car even though it's blue
thats what i was trying to say....geez i wish i wasnt stupid. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/1/2008 1:12:56 PM | | I don't see how being with the one you love and the one who loves you is settling. Unless they have terrible negative traits, spouse beater, drug addiction, spend themselves into bankruptcy etc. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:01:48 AM |
I don't see how being with the one you love and the one who loves you is settling.
Ok, I'm not understanding you. Did somebody here really say that being with the one you love and the one who loves you is settling?
Basically, I'm interested in people's opinions on waiting for "the right one". What happens if you come to the end of your life and never experience a good relationship because nobody seemed right enough? Will we wish we had chosen somebody who was pretty good, rather than waiting for someone who was just right? I'm not talking (obviously) about marrying somebody who is really bad. (At least it's obvious to me that one should never do that, but perhaps I do need to say it.) I'm talking about the difference between good and fantastic.
I used to work with a woman who was in an arranged marriage. We talked about it, and she said she was satisfied with it. She seemed really happy to me. (Once again, I would think it's obvious I'm not advocating arranged marriages. I'm not.) She didn't feel her life was "too short" to be with him. They met each other's needs and were satisfied. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:19:13 AM |
Ok, I'm not understanding you. Did somebody here really say that being with the one you love and the one who loves you is settling?
Okay, so you found someone whom you don't think is the ultimate one. You think she is pretty good. She loves you and you love her, right? Instead of waiting for the "right" one, you marry her instead. I don't think that's settling. If you don't love her, or she doesn't love you, I think that's settling. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:53:27 AM | Not speaking about the OP or other responses here, but I have observed that some people have this goal of the "right" one that is unattainable, and seem to be holding out investing in a real relationship that is available to them. They're concerned about missing out on something better so you don't get their full attention. Kind of like the hokey pokey - they put their left foot in, then their right foot, but they never get to the end and put their whole self in and just cut loose.  | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:49:49 PM | | But "settling" is a realistic option for alot of people, no one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives!....At some point in your life you have to "throw in the towel" | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:33:21 AM | Okay.
First we need to define "settling."
What exactly is settling anyway?!
If you find someone who makes you happy, and who is happy with you, who shares your interests, who you have a good sex life with, who you enjoy having around. Is that settling?!
And what the hell is a soul mate anyway?! I hear so much of this "soul mate" crap from people who serial date, and are constantly looking for the next "best thing" to enter their lives, even when dating someone they otherwise care about, and don't seem to know the first thing about it...
Isn't a soul mate something that is created by being there for each other through thick and thin? By being together, and doing together, and the choices you make along the way? It is a journey you DECIDE to take together... I choose you. You choose me. WE are together now. And what ever comes, we will face it together, and work through it together. That's just the way it will be from now on... It's a given. Because I've given of myself and you have given of yourself.
It's not some freakin' bolt of lightning that hits you from across the room, the first time you make eye contact. "Oh, so that's my soul mate!"
Fairy tales were created to entertain small children, NOT TO BE A PATTERN FOR OUR ADULT LIVES!!! And most of them were written by men, in an era where women were the property of their fathers, until they became the property of their husbands. The men worked these details out for you. You couldn't be trusted with things like decisions that affected the rest of your life... you're just a woman! (Does that really sound like happily ever after to you?)
Sorry Cinderella, in real life, those glass slippers would only break, and cut your feet. But you can walk a long way in a comfortable pair of "sensible shoes..."
And PUH-LEEEZE!!! -
Loving completely means learning to love some one IN SPITE OF their flaws, NOT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FIND ANY!!! | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:19:35 AM | From Wikipedia:
Settling is the process by which particulates settle to the bottom of a liquid and form a sediment. Ewwww... Now that's romantic! ^^^From good ole' Bob: ...If you don't love her, or she doesn't love you, I think that's settling. ^^^Bird: Loving completely means learning to love some one IN SPITE OF their flaws, NOT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FIND ANY!!! Well said, Guys.  | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:27:47 AM |
If you keep your expectations low, you won't be disappointed.
Wow, that statement is sad. Seriously, lowered expectations-are directly related to a lower feeling of self-worth. I know this was probably meant in jest but....the sad thing is that people actually DO feel this way.
Anyway, I digress.
I'm not too sure I even believe in the whole "soul-mate" concept. I think there are certain people out there who's personality is a better compliment to your own, and with whom you have a higher potential of having a successful relationship. From a purely mathematical standpoint, I just can't fathom how each person could only have one match in life. | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:33:04 AM | Well, that's the key to these picky, picky, picky people isn't it?!
I have this fantasy soul-mate, that no human being in the world could ever possibly live up to... I can't "settle" for this person, cuz they don't have x,y,z qualities. And that person isn't a, b, c enough for me...
I am not so picky as to think that there is only one other person out there in the known universe who could ever satisfy me, or make me happy. There are lots of wonderful people out there... finding one that "mutually fits" is the hard part.
That doesn't mean I am not selective about who I date, or who I would stay with.
And I think it starts with dropping all the labels and sterotypes, and pretenses, and taking people for who and what they are, instead of trying to turn them into the fantasy person we want them to be... | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:48:46 PM | | I think when you "settle"...is when you focus on the basics things..like looking for a person that has good hygene, doesn't try to harm you in anyway(directly or indirectly),doesn't want you to support them financially, and has no disablities, that's criteria that alot of people will follow if their looking to settle...the way i think everyone has flaws and problems even your "dream guy/girl"..so you just have to "pick your poison"...life is too short to wait and wait and wait and waitand wait and wait andwait..... | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:41:21 PM | I certainly don't believe in it--I suspect the phrase and concept originated in some self-help book. And I agree it doesn't make sense in view of how many suitable matches there are for any one person. The notion has a quasi-religious air to it. If this "miracle" ever does happen, the match must have been made in heaven. But it also provides a convenient rationale for people so afraid of rejection that they avoid it by finding some deal-breaker in everyone they meet. He/she just wasn't my "soul mate," and I'm not settling for less.
You mentioned low expectations. The most striking thing I've noticed on this site is the contrast between how serious most of the ladies claim to be about meeting a special guy and the lack of effort their profiles show. A few lines of text that tells very little about them and is full of misspellings is more the rule than the exception. I don't see how anyone could reasonably expect to get what she wants by showing so little effort. I would think that makes it more likely she'll have to settle for a lot less, or even nothing.
As a guy, it's not very flattering to realize a sketchy, sloppy profile is all the effort you rate. How serious would a woman believe I was, if I showed up for our first date in dirty work clothes, and without having showered or shaved? | |
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| Don't we always end up Settling?
Posted: 3/27/2008 2:00:57 AM | | Jim if you feel good about the person give it a chance life is way short plus soul mate isnt instant coffee.You may find out that was your diamond,the other stuff I would not worry about--all the best. | |
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