Nergal
|
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 251 | |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:14:30 AM | Its not the word .. its just a word when all is said and done .. its the ring and the signing your life away that gets me ....  | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:19:30 AM | I say we replace marriage with male sex slavery...and maybe throw in some household chores.
He can keep his money, just put out and wash my car - before you leave. lol | |
|
Nergal
|
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 253 | |
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:11:39 AM | With half the marriages ending in divorce these days, I think both men and women are far more cautious before trying it the second time around. It's not the M word that strikes fear, it's all that goes with it. If living common law suits someone, then who are we to judge? It's far less costly to get into that arrangement, and get out of it, too.
It's when 2 people have very different expectations from a relationship that things get challenging, and may ultimately lead to its demise.
I am not one of those 'marriage minded' women, I enjoy my own company. It's not a closed subject, it's just something I don't think about, a lot. Tried it once and really hated it, learned my lesson, and don't need to do it again. That's all. 
Pink | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:07:36 AM | I don't like the "M" word either, never use it. It doesn't describe the life-partner commitment that I'm looking for, and it has a whole lot of unnecessary baggage attached to it - you're the wife, so YOU do the cooking, you're the husband so YOU cut the grass. We have developed specific roles as a culture that go along with husband and wife. One of the things that really irritates me about "new couples" is this almost immediate and insatiable desire they seem to have for trading barbs in a good humoured, lightly sarcastic way, that speak to these traditional roles. What is it about the institution that makes so many of us feel like we need to behave a certain way in order to perform to expectations here?
I've seen lots of 'untraditional' marriages that really work - one couple I know have been married 5 years now - he has a condo in a city that's commuting distance by ferry, and she lives in the family home here. He's home Thursday nights for the weekend, leaves Sunday night for the condo, because he works there. It's not perfect and granted they are getting tired of it, but that was the best solution to the "who is going to quit their job and move for us to be married" question. The answer is, neither of them, until circumstances changed for either one.
I think it takes a pretty strong relationship to make that work. My brother lived in Zurich and his wife in Bern for about 8 months while they tried to figure out the same sort of thing. So I think there are a lot of creative solutions if we don't get caught up in "how it's supposed to be." | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:34:32 PM |
Enjoy being single. It's fun! It's liberating. I wouldn't give up my freedom for anything or anyone.
That statement only works for women, that's all. I don't want to get married either and I find single life exciting and natural for my groove. But if a man mentions that, then he's labeled as selfish and not a "real man." Funny how when women say they want their freedom, everyone applauds her opinion, but they hate the men who say the same thing.
Equality my butt! This equality thing only puts more men in the dark, because they're EXPECTED to get married by society rules. But a woman who wishes freedom is perfectly normal by society rules. | |
|
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:56:42 PM |
does marriage have to be a legal venture?
Good question. In my crystal ball, I can see Marriage becoming illegal as Society and Humankind further evolves! | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:01:40 PM | Good question. In my crystal ball, I can see Marriage becoming illegal as Society and Humankind further evolves
i believe it is the way god intended it.read the bible.no mention of divorce,seperation,or lawyers for that matter.marriage is of the heart.anything else is an untrusting wish to make trust. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:06:40 PM | | I love being in a relationship, but I don't fall over myself to be in one. A legal transaction? Perhaps. I look around the joint and is seems that looking for a stable relationship is much like interviewing for a job, applying for a loan, and having a life insurance exam. But speaking strictly for me - sometimes I just want to be in my own home alone with my 2 cats and enjoying the solitude. Okay, I can already hear someone thinking "get used to loving all that solitude, pal" and that's fine. There is no biological imperative or social imperative pushing me to get the ring. If it happens, it happens - if not, I'm still going to enjoy my own company. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:04:09 PM | "read the bible.no mention of divorce,seperation,or lawyers for that matter.marriage is of the heart"
I believe the bible does reference divorce or separation, and I believe lawyers are also referenced. I can't recall the exact passages, but I'm pretty sure there is some criteria for separating offered?
I don't think marriage was ever created "of the heart." It was all about money and property and who owned it, and who it went to when you died. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:38:24 PM | I believe the bible does reference divorce or separation, and I believe lawyers are also referenced. I can't recall the exact passages, but I'm pretty sure there is some criteria for separating offered?
I don't think marriage was ever created "of the heart." It was all about money and property and who owned it, and who it went to when you died.
ii guess i could be wrong,but i doubt it.
the second part is called a will. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:16:49 PM | Lawyers are mentioned in the bible... forget how it goes "woe unto you lawyers who do no work and profit from the work of others"... some such thing. (my dad became a lawyer in his 40's and loved that quote).
Divorce is also mentioned... abandonment and affairs are the only reason, in the OT only a man may divorce, in the NT women may divorce.
Whew, the things I recall from my HS Religious Knowledge class. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:17:19 PM | Don't take this the wrong way, but
You are 53.. What is the point to getting married? You already had children, raised them etc. What is wrong with living with someone, and keeping your assets separate? | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:54:15 PM | Because the M word comes with a W words, too often several C words, and very little of the S word....
Followed soon by the D word and the A word.
Why can't people just BE together without complicating it? I mean, statistics say that they will be going seperate directions in a couple of years, so why get money and property involved? | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:35:41 PM | Man, how you can you all feel this way about being married. It's what my passion is for, well what I meant is the passion for a woman I love so much, marriage has always been something I've wanted, I was engaged once and excited for it. I'm close to gettin happily married now, so I'm really ecstatic. I thought more guys wanted this, I want it and crave it deepy,
Personally I believe marriage offers a lot, but I also want a large family. So I know I'm not like most here.
My parents are going on 33 years, it's a great role model me and my brother, and a very happy marriage. My current Gf is the same, her's are going on 34 and very happy as well.
Like say, after a very long time of being married, and still being in love with one another. Plus hopefuflly having raised a number a children, (i've always wanted a lot). Looking at your sweet loving wife and saying "Look at these, beautiful children we've created". Obviously I'm a romantic, and it only seems to get deep with age.
But, don't get me wrong, I mean I hope I didn't sound preachy. Because I believe in divorce if people can't mesh, and there is zero chemistry. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:33:01 AM | Ive dated alot recently and just in general chats and about the guys past it leads them on to views about marriage, divorce etc and I have found the opposite.
I dont know whether its the age group I date (35-45) or what and on a first date with one he jokingly said shall we get married! I dont think men are afraid of marriage at all.
For me marriage isnt a big issue yet ive lived with guys that have bought me engagement rings and one split with me cos I didnt want to get married.
I think its a vicious circle really. Me, Im not bothered about marriage at all and therfore I think when you say that to people they see it as a possible rejection and they actually see it as a goal!
My female friends dont want to get married at all! Totally against, and again same thing, propasals from everywhere!
I think you have to ease off pressurising guys and brow beatin them into submission over it. Let them think its there idea. Tell em on first meet i dont wanna get married and watch them shake their heads and pursue. lol | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:37:40 AM | | Id rather have tried and failed, than to never have tried at all. And I definately believe in pre-nups. I dont want his stuff, and I SURE dont want him taking off with mine. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:03:48 AM | You are 53.. What is the point to getting married? You already had children, raised them etc. What is wrong with living with someone, and keeping your assets separate?
I agree - except the living together part, unless you have a really BIG living space (or a duplex, I really think that's a great idea).
Why can't people just BE together without complicating it? I mean, statistics say that they will be going seperate directions in a couple of years, so why get money and property involved?
Good question. Marriage was created more or less to provide financial stability and ownership of property in a time where it was needed. These days we all own our own crap, so it's no longer valid. Outside of children, or being able to get a tax break or access to the hospital room of a lover in a coma, what's the point?
Man, how you can you all feel this way about being married. It's what my passion is for, well what I meant is the passion for a woman I love so much, marriage has always been something I've wanted, I was engaged once and excited for it. I'm close to gettin happily married now, so I'm really ecstatic. I thought more guys wanted this, I want it and crave it deepy,
Do you crave marriage in and of itself? Or do you think WHO you marry might have a lot to do with it? It just sounds like marriage is the destination, and the spouse is the transportation the way you worded it. I can't say that the words "deeply crave" look right connected to "marriage". I always thought marriage should be something you want AFTER you find someone and build a solid relationship, not a plan that you fit someone into. If I misinterpreted, then I apologize.
Ive dated alot recently and just in general chats and about the guys past it leads them on to views about marriage, divorce etc and I have found the opposite.
I have too - men my age and older seem to be REALLY intense. They, enjoyed marriage, and even tho it ended in nightmare seem to want to nail someone down all over again. Scary. They talk about it before you meet, and you get the feeling if you stand still long enough they'll try to marry you or move you in when you're not looking. It's just a vibe they throw off - seems to be not about you, but more about them being afraid to hit a certain age single.... | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:40:43 AM | Re post 274
I agree with all 4 "points" made in the post.
2nd point. Marriage was IMO created for the now obsolete reasons it did
3. Indeed the noion of craving and marriage do not bode well together, that is scary IMO
4. What the poster describes is "scary" indeed.
To have tried and have failed being better is a generic rule of thumb in life but does not bode well with marriage. Because marriage is much too complicated, emotionally and bureaucratically an affair for this general axiom to apply. One is better off starting a company and failing than getting into a marriage and failing, IMO. | |
|
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:19:25 AM | Personally I am not afraid of words. It doesn't really make sense to fear a communication protocol.
If you were to ask me if I was afraid of getting married, I might give the following response. I don't think there is a fear of a Christian tradition (marriage) as much as there is a failure of commitment. Your guy in his second response about the D word sums it up.
I think marriage is a nice idea but it doesn't work very often because not many people can keep their promises these days. That's what it comes down to - authenticity. There is basically less and less authenticity in the hearts of man (and woman) today. EVERYTHING is optional these days - including keeping your word. This kinda makes marriage is a joke. It's an expensive joke but it's not very funny for most - particularly for guys and particularly when there are children involved. In Australia, you are treated like a criminal if your wife leaves you and takes your kids. Then you gotta get lawyered up and prove to the court that things should be equal.
The lack of authenticity is not more to do with one gender or the other as far as I can tell. I find it curious that there is this assumption that more women want it than men. Perhaps this IS the case - which which case I find that anomaly curious. | |
|
Home
login 
