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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:32:57 AM | | People w/ acrophobia aren't afraid of heights nessesarily, they're afraid of falling. The same could be said about marrige. Also, not to be a jackass or anything but, I think that a lot of women don't want to BE married as much as they want to GET married. In pther words, they want THE WEDDING. If this doesn't apply (to you) ...let it fly.But A lot of times some women have an unrealistic ideal of what marriage is. When talking about'Their Big DAY", adjectives are often used to describe what they would envision. For instance A "perfect"wedding, a "dream"wedding, a "fairy tales" wedding. Wanting to be a "Princess", and live happily ever after w/ her"Prince Charming". The one thing they all have in common is...none of them exist, It's all fantasy. In the fairy tales the prince nad the princess get married, and wlk off into the suset. THE END. Problem is it;s FAR from the end, it's the beginning. It's the beginning of a very challenging journey filled with love ,laughs, heartaches, pitfalls, joy, and pain of the highest magnitude. I've found that even the most practical, forward thinking, logical, uber-realistic women , STILL have the fairy tale aesthetic tucked away in their minds somewhere.Guys don't grow up thinking about marrige, and wedding and the like , the way ladies do. As a result we don't get the warm fuzzies like a good number of ladies do. When you factor in that unfortunatly most marriages end in divorce, and it's almost always the man who loses his stuff It kind of makes sense that a lot of men don't want to sign up for that. I have been married before, and it went south. We both had a hand to play in the dissolution of it. AS a result, I'm not afraid of marriage.... but I'm also in NO hurry to repeat putting myself in a situation like that again either. Think about this. There's a difference between being afraid, and simply not wanting to be bothered. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:37:55 AM | | i was married once bfore myself,what i did find was that i never felt more commited to my wife after i got married.i had already devoted myself to her.i was married to her before the ceramony. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:11:06 AM | Obviously marriage doesnt mean what it once did...the world has changed a lot! Im totally glad I'm a baby boomer. Ive had the best of all worlds, including Woodstock and Disco.
So, call it what you will, I just want my man to have some of the same dreams and goals I have .
A Partner in Crime.  | |
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jtm216
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Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 279 | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:18:29 AM | Serious answer: Because it's a VERY serious proposition. Ask Paul McCartney. And two guys I know personally who have lost ALL of their personal belongings
( oh, he's just kidding, he doesn't mean that, that stuff doesn't really happen, reality isn't really real, men aren't really taken for almost everything, anyways........I'm just going to deny the truth, because, you know, life is sooooo much easier that way...tra la la la la )
No. It's really really serious.
I have no problem with it.
You: Wanna get married
me: No. i love you, and will have a ritual, and even put a ring on my finger for you, but, I won't make any lawyers or churches any money they don't deserve ok?
The End. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:53:23 AM |
I have come across many men who want to date or have long term relationships but come right out and say they are not looking to get married. The minute you say your looking for a serious relationship most men run. Is it because they have been burnt, hurt, or lost everything? I know marriage is a serious thing and some just don't believe in it. I have even seen men who were dead set against marriage and then turned around and got married. I think men should leave all options open and not be so rigid in their stance against marriage. When we are young we get married for lust. But as we get older we know there is more to a relationship than lust. I say leave all options open and make better choices and see where it leads.
Marriage these days is kind of worthless except for the awesome tax benefits and insurance perks. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:24:38 PM | Marriage is nothing to rush into, and it's all about a woman you love more than life, who's just as ready as you are for a happy marriage.
I "Deepy crave" everything about love, children and marriage. As you can tell I'm a big hearted guy, with an a lot of love to give. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:35:33 PM | It seems most are cynical here, but this common outlook doesn't surprise me. Divorce in america is the norm, I only knew one other child growing up who's parents were still togther.
I think I'm lucky, I know I'm different. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:49:03 PM | | To answer your question: You stated that some men were dead set against it, but turned around and got married. Here is the wisdom behind that. If a man is outwardly dead set against marriage and finds a woman that loves him and and gives herself to him ( not only that way ), he will marry her, because she loves him regardless and it shows him that she was not holding marriage as the most important issue, she was holding love as the most important issue. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:36:58 AM | if I went on the same concept it would sound something like this..........
"Its not Happiness I fear, its the "failing" I cant handle. So, Im never, ever, ever gonna be happy.
That will fix THAT."
Oooh yeah, that'll show em.
P.S. Hey Dirtbag (Ive always wanted to say that). It was fun at the time, I didnt say disco should still be around. Pay attention. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/8/2008 11:31:01 AM | "These days we all own our own crap, so it's no longer valid. Outside of children, or being able to get a tax break or access to the hospital room of a lover in a coma, what's the point?"
The point is if you start living together, and a couple of years later decide you don't want to live together anymore, he owns half your stuff, because the law recognizes living together as a common law marriage. So, getting married, with a prenup in place, protects your ass(ets). | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:01:06 PM | I don't know if the word "afraid" is fair.
Afraid implies that people are weak for avoiding marriage. I don't think people are weak, I just think they are "apprehensive" about marriage.
I'm afraid it's a bit of denial.
There are some men who don't want to get married period under any circumstances. There's nothing you can do about those men, their mind is made up and their views are set in stone. Each reason is as good as the next as to why they don't want to deal with it.
Then there are some men who MIGHT get married under the right circumstances and time. In that case, if men like that don't want to get married, it's not because they are "afraid", it's because they DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.
He's afraid!
No, he just doesn't want to marry you.
He's not mature!
No, he'd gladly marry someone else, you just aren't on that list.
He has commitment issues! Probably from his childhood and he hates his mother!
No, he just doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you.
That's the ultimate price of an engagement ring, you have to leave him with the power to decide when to give it to you, if at all. If you ask me, that price, for a stupid rock, is a little too high. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:24:07 PM |
I have come across many men who want to date or have long term relationships but come right out and say they are not looking to get married. The minute you say your looking for a serious relationship most men run. Is it because they have been burnt, hurt, or lost everything? I know marriage is a serious thing and some just don't believe in it. I have even seen men who were dead set against marriage and then turned around and got married. I think men should leave all options open and not be so rigid in their stance against marriage.
Right now? The negative aspects of marriage are somewhat frightening. I've seen most of the marriages amongst my family and friends go through rough times, or fail completely degrading into divorce, custody battles, support payments, and tons of stressful crap that I never want to be a part of.My goals in life also aren't centered around finishing college just to get a job and settle down with a wife and children right away.
That being said, I'm open minded to the concept sometime in the future. Basically, If I run when "serious relationship" is mentioned, I'm just not interested in that specific woman. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:52:24 AM | Yeah, I'm not sure that men are really afraid of the M word, it's more like they
aren't really interested in it any longer after so many of them came out of the
recycled spin dry of their last failed marriages. There is simply no motivation
left in them to do it again. Many just feel resentful toward women because of it.
Another poster had some words of wisdom which sums up my feelings as well.
The older guys from what I see are usually just coming off an expensive divorce, have their kids raised, and are finally "done" with the constant
pressure and treadmill of wife and kids. A lot are ready to bust loose and have their second childhood. I think they call it midlife crisis. And some of them, alot of them, have decided that they are just going to "play" away the rest of their life, because they feel they have paid their dues and deserve it.
I also think that alot of them have not found fufillment with the whole matriach role and feel a bit gyped and empty. So they are going to try it a little different. Free wheeling sex, fun, and whatever ego boosts they can get from as young a woman as they can get. And as long as they have a bank roll and their little blue pills, they find lots of playmates. merry0709
I also happen to be in that minority that believes in marraige and the benefits of a
long term situation. Unfortunately, we're women who'll need a lot of patience and
will no doubt have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find that rare man who wants to make it legal with us. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/9/2008 7:52:50 PM | | men are afraid of marriage because we dont want to loose our freedom. When we hear the 'm word' little bells go off in our head and we see a prison gaurd with a baton saying welcome to cell block m | |
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Dug01
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Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 295 | |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:47:06 PM | "most men"
lol, I assume you have data to back that outlandish claim up?
I can only speak for myself, I am not afraid of marriage, but rather the inequality that exists in the system and the rampant epidemic of self centered people inhabiting the planet. But this is only my opinion, what could I possibly know?
By the way, this topic is grossly redundant as it has been discussed extensively in a thread that is still closed under review: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts4993414.aspx.
The simple truth is, matters like this will never be resolved under the current environment we find our selves in. Perhaps the answer could lie in; some men are just tired of the old dog with the old tricks and have decided to divest them self in self interest like the vast majority of the so called politically correct world has done for some time now.
Maybe the answer to this imagined or real dilemma lies somewhere in the horrible mess the authors of political correctness and the slaughtering of liberty that has ensued since their rise to power. Or maybe I have it all wrong and us men are just a-holes needing to be exterminated, brain washed or put under absolute control of those who know what is best for everyone.
I'm sure the real truth matters little to some and it is much easier to place blame on all but self for the obstacles we find before us that are constructs of human kind.
Regards,
Dug01 | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:36:15 AM | Give it some, Dug01!
I'm with Dug01 - at least on a sentimental level.
In my experience of a bitter separation and more recently a breakup which was never going to happen cleanly, it's an age-old question of love vs power because the two cannot co-exist. Power is diametrically opposed to love. If you want one, you have to give up focusing on the other.
Marriage has been turned into a power play. Quite simply, men have been disempowered by the system - especially if there are children involved.
Not only does this leave a lot of jaded men out there who have been "burnt" by marriage, but it also makes any given marriage much more likely to fail and much less likely to be fulfilling. It does that because there is no room for love anymore.
You wanna get married to me? See if you can deal with this without having an attack of the politically correct convulsive up-chucking...
If you are married to me, you have to trust that I will act in the best inerests of the family (us) to the point where I will put the interests of the family above my own and even lay down my own life if neccessary. To this end, you have to accept any decision that i make - period. I will wisely take into consideration the words of my wise wife, but my word is final - period.
You will also show me the proper respect attributable to a person who dedicates his life to the welbeing of the family unit. I will always treat you like a lady, and be open and unreseved with my affections for you in private. I will make an effort to set up quality time for the family where practicable. In return, I expect you to be infinately patient and understanding of me. You will keep your word (marriage vows) and you will NOT whine and complain to your friends/family when the going gets tough. We will discuss all issues and deal with them head-on. This will transpire when I am good and ready for such discussion (not while anyone is all emotional). There will be no coersion when you don't get your way. There will be no putting the tranquility of the relationship on the line simply because I make a decision you do not like.
Love is being able to commit to such a plan - not a bunch of romantic bullshit. If you don't like it, then go kiss some more frogs.
Now who's afraid of the M word? | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:46:45 AM | | i simply dont believe that the marriage that is provided for a couple today is what god intended it to be.the legal system is destroying it. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:05:55 AM | I "Deepy crave" everything about love, children and marriage. As you can tell I'm a big hearted guy, with an a lot of love to give.
I crave pizza sometimes, because I know what it tastes like - had I not ever had pizza, "crave" wouldn't be possible for something I know nothing about.
If you've been married already and had kids and you crave it, that's fine. However you can't crave something you've never tasted, so if you've never been married or had kids, is it based on something you've learned? Just curious. It's just the context that's puzzling to me, that's all.
The point is if you start living together, and a couple of years later decide you don't want to live together anymore, he owns half your stuff, because the law recognizes living together as a common law marriage. So, getting married, with a prenup in place, protects your ass(ets).
My point was why live together either, actually - but I guess if two people really feel it's necessary in this day and age to cohabiatate, I guess that makes sense.
men are afraid of marriage because we dont want to loose our freedom. When we hear the 'm word' little bells go off in our head and we see a prison gaurd with a baton saying welcome to cell block m
That's not just men - that's pretty much the same vision I get in my head... | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:30:22 AM |
i simply dont believe that the marriage that is provided for a couple today is what god intended it to be.the legal system is destroying it.
A marriage isn't "provided" for you by anyone. It's something you make. The legal system doesn't destroy marriages, it has almost no involvement in them. It's primary involvement is in divorce. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:59:11 PM | A marriage isn't "provided" for you by anyone. It's something you make. The legal system doesn't destroy marriages, it has almost no involvement in them. It's primary involvement is in divorce
the consequences of deciding to leave your marriage is preventing people from getting married.the fact that men almost never get cutody of there kids,lose there homes ect.as a man in marriage you have little control.if your wife decides that she would like you to change in some way ,you better do it.if you wish the opposite,she can thre4aten divorce.she knows shes covered.why do women file for more divorces?because they have less to lose. | |
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