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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:00:54 PM |
the consequences of deciding to leave your marriage is preventing people from getting married.the fact that men almost never get cutody of there kids, lose there homes ect.
If you both own the home one of you gets it and the other one gets bought out. If you bought the home and she stayed home and took care of it you still both own the home. Most places push for joint custody now. The only guys I know who lost their house and kids didn't really want either. But they got a buyout for half the current value. Financially almost every area in the western world has pretty equitable divorce laws.
Women's tendency to push file for divorce is only high in places where custody transfer to women if generally high. Get married and live somewhere else if that's your problem. Places with such laws disappear every day.
And, as a matter of fact, it isn't the legal systems escalating involvement that makes it less desirable. The current legal system is far better than that of 10-20 years ago in most places. As time goes on the equitability of divorce settlements is getting better, not poorer.
Of course, if you really mean, "as God intended", then you're absolutely right but I don't know why you put up this little argument that divorces are unfair toward men. God intended that women couldn't divorce a man at all and a man could only divorce her for adultery or abandonment. And, in either of those cases she was out on her ass and you could marry her hot younger sister if you wanted. So, yeah, that pesky legal system is making things terrible.
as a man in marriage you have little control.
So, for fear of divorce you feel she'd be able to run your life because the woman you marry wouldn't care about it at all? Women are just generally cold hearted ****es, is that it? Or are you so hung up on having control yourself? Have you thought that through at all? | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:35:05 PM |
I believe some are skeptical because they have been married and have left a good chunk of their monies/property to their spouse when they divorced. Some are not willing to take that chance again.
It's not just the loss of money/property. When you've let yourself be that vulnerable with someone emotionally and it bites you in the ass, it can take awhile till you're willing to do it again. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:43:57 PM | I have been married two times (13 years and 20 years) and my ex's got everything. I left them with a house full of stuff. I didn't ask for alimony. I can take care of myself. (Yes guys ..... I am not the norm)
I am happy being single. Why would I want to get married again? Why would I want to settle down again unless I really know the person? I believe I have the same views as some men.
I will casually date until I find the right person. I could change my mind about marriage, but right now I am happy the way things are.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in marriage, but with the right two people who know each other very well. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:53:48 PM | Most married people that have been married (men and women) give me the advice " Don't ever get married." These friends of mine range in age from 30-45 and are equally divided between men and women. To me it seems that single women age 22-28 are so desperate to get married before they are 30 or before all the "good one's" are gone, and therefore I think that women tend to jump into things way before they are mentally and emotionally ready: in turn settling for guys that aren't quite "right" for them.
I think that today people don't take marriage as seriously as they used to, for a lot of reasons. ---It's so easy to get divorced, It seems like the next step after living with someone, Pressure from family after you have lived with someone, Getting pregnant. Believing that Love means Happy Ending(with no work, or compromise). ---- I think those are some of the reasons that people have given marriage a bad rep. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:00:57 PM | I am not afraid of the "M" word. I was married for most of my adult life and was the happiest. The biggest problem is finding someone else who isnt afraid of the word.  | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/10/2008 7:11:06 PM | | Ive been divorced for 9 years now , dated ,been in a couple of short term relationships , but committing to someone forever , well never say never but I just cant see it, Ive read so many profiles and the one thing that sticks out is that we are all fussy maybe too fussy , we dont want this ,we dont want that ,we want this , we want that ,but one thing is for sure ,we dont want what ever it might be that happened in our marriages to ever happen again. because that person was to be there forever . Some got burned finnacially , some had they're hearts broken , some brought it on themselves and regret ,never say never but if I do the M thing again . She will accept me for all I have or do not have , She will love and accept love , she will be my best friend as I am hers. She will totally trust as I totally trust . Honesty and no secrets ,. and that is the key . No secrets | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/11/2008 12:08:45 AM | single1919
<div class="quote">Ive read so many profiles and the one thing that sticks out is that we are all fussy maybe too fussy , we dont want this ,we dont want that ,we want this ,
Maybe the word is just being cautions and responsible. I would hate to commit to someone again and find out she wishes to leave (cause life’s ups and down get a little stressful ) as it hurts everyone. As well as close friends . Just want to to be kind and have fun ! and do what's honest. Be great to find the right women | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:00:12 AM | Nahhh.... "FUSSY" is definately the right word.
It's not easy to find someone spontaneous these days. Everyone is "cautious" because they are running some software called "fear of ____" in their brain. Esp Internet types.
All this "I don't want this" and "I don't want that" just shows a person to be insecure and fear-motivated. It's a bunch of bullshit.
These days I am here for the forums and I find my women offline.
Before I gave up on Internet dating, I had a profile which worked well for me. It was a long one which told anecdotal stories and took the piss out of "No this, no that" crap. I think it resonated with people. One person rather over-exhubarantly claimed that it was the "funkiest" profile in all of PoF.
If you are going to write a profile to advertise your companionship, do yourself a favor and leave all your negative reflections from the past where they belong - in the past. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:07:41 AM | People are afraid they are going to repeat their mistakes.
They don't trust themselves to make good choices.
They don't trust that a large part of it (the other person) will be beyond their control. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:15:09 AM |
It's not easy to find someone spontaneous these days. Everyone is "cautious" because they are running some software called "fear of ____" in their brain. Esp Internet types.
I think anyone at any point in history naturally doesn't want to repeat the same thing twice if it's not something positive regarding relationships, it's not just these days, and it's not just internet.
All this "I don't want this" and "I don't want that" just shows a person to be insecure and fear-motivated. It's a bunch of bullshit.
These days I am here for the forums and I find (my) women offline.
I think everyone should be finding people on and offline - I never thought it was wise to search ONLY online because so many single people aren't online. However I think people offline have the same laundry list as online, the difference is you can't readily see it and avoid that person. Offline people have it in their heads instead, and you don't always know what they are until you've started dating them and invested some time.
If you are going to write a profile to advertise your companionship, do yourself a favor and leave all your negative reflections from the past where they belong - in the past.
I agree that you can certainly have your profile reflect what you don't want by listing what you want. It comes across as way more positive and inviting. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:39:49 PM | regarding Westpark's comment on joint custody
I was going to look up locations in the States because I was remembering Canada. I do recall that as of early 1990s over 30 states had joint custody legislation and 12 preferred it. But given that you're Canadian... it's the default in our country. The Supreme Court has clearly stated it's the best situation and in all provinces it is assumed without documentation proving otherwise. In most provinces it's pretty easy for a guy to win joint if the wife is pushing for full custody as long as he has been a reasonable human being up until that point. I have heard many a woman lamenting Canadian courts for making it so hard for them to get full custody. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/12/2008 3:34:10 PM |
Marriage these days is kind of worthless except for the awesome tax benefits and insurance perks.
Tax breaks? Ever heard of the marriage tax penalty! You will end up paying more in combined taxes by filing joint returns than you will as two singles filing separately. This holds especially true if the married couple's income are relatively equal. There is no tax benefits from being married there homeboy. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/12/2008 3:49:51 PM | I've had many wise, but miserable, elderly married men tell me to never get married... I listened.
Add to that all the divorced men and their outcomes of divorce and you have one hell of an argument against marriage. As you said, we are now increasingly listening to the stories of elderly men. Consequently, we are now capable of forming an informed opinion of the merits and pitfalls of marriage.
As a matter of fact. Can anyone tell me what a man has to gain from a marriage?!?! Maybe I am becoming cynical in my old age, but I can't see any reason why men should consider marriage in today. SO GUYS, tell me, what is in a marriage for you that you can't get from a LTR? | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/12/2008 4:09:41 PM | I am a woman who does not want marriage and wants a long term relationship, It has nothing to do with what you wrote, I did not married for lust and neither did the man I married, some people are alot deeper than you can possibly imagine.
Idon't feel like sharing my views on marriage, but just accept that people have valid opinions on the topic and rarely has anything to do with what your talking about....
I can't imagine meeting anyone who could change my mind about it, and you describe men who hve fixed ideas about marriage and then for some reason change their mind, you would have to ask their reasoning behind it not assume.
In my expereince men actually take the matter far more seriously than women.......
Men really consider the aspect of marriage, and all that entails and women tend to be focused on planning the wedding.
Long term relationships can be more fullfilling and last alot longer than marriage, if children are incolved then you would be hoping that the parents are prepared to make a ommitment prior to conception for the wellbeing of the child, apart from that it is up to each individual to do what is best for them...... | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:29:09 AM | | forever is a matter of the heart.if you dont believe in your heart you are going to be with the person forever before you decide to marry,marriage isnt going to help you. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:45:58 AM | Rita Rudner used to tell a joke that whenever she met a man, her first thought was "Is this the man with whom I want our children to spend every other weekend and alternating holidays?"
It got laughs, but it's too true.
People go into marriage these days already preparing for the inevitable divorce. Sad, but true.
Single works for me, thank you. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:52:37 AM | | Here is a tip you can share with any younger man between the ages of say 20-35 who is contemplating marriage------DON'T DO IT! A hundred years from now, taditional marriage will be obsolete and most of civilized society will enter into co-habitational contracts which will last anywhere from 2-10 years. Since modern marriage is nothing more than legalized domestc prostitution, the male usually gets the short end of the stick. I know this sounds harsh but do the math.....if you are single and you just want to have a date with a nice girl and eventually get laid....(believe me ladies it is all we ever think about!) the total investment of time and effort is minimal, At best , you will meet a nice horny girl and have a fun evening and you end up at her place til 4m waking up her older (married) sister with all your crashing and banging! At worst, she becomes pregnant and you do the honourable thing and marry her and raise your child the best you can and pay your rent and phone bills and argue about the lack of babysitting and whose parents are worse....well you get the picture. All the while, this same young man dreams about what it would have been like to go back to that house and have sex with the older (married) sister who always gave him that wicked sexy smile everytime you came over to boff her younger sister. THIS IS WHY WE HATE THE M WORD- The great male conquest for seducing other women ends when we put that ring on our finger and are forever persecuted for wanting to have sex at 3am or outside or just as company is about to show up etc etc etc.......... | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 322 | |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:40:47 PM |
I crave pizza sometimes, because I know what it tastes like - had I not ever had pizza, "crave" wouldn't be possible for something I know nothing about.
If you've been married already and had kids and you crave it, that's fine. However you can't crave something you've never tasted, so if you've never been married or had kids, is it based on something you've learned? Just curious. It's just the context that's puzzling to me, that's all.
Oh my! I'm sorry sweetie, but that is SO wrong! Pizza is a food..lol...and marriage is a 'concept'. You don't have to like marriage, or 'crave' it . or even have been in it, to understand that it is something more in line with an 'idea' of 2 people coming to gether with the ULTIMATE comittment of love and exclusevity!
Marriage says " I love you more than myself and would lay my life down for you". The absolute ultimate comittment! If it's 'just a piece of paper', like I've heard SO many times ove the years, why not sign it?
I'll have to guess then, as a concept, today's generation just doesn't get it!
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:15:03 PM | Some may not like the M word because of the A-word(alimony).
If women were unable to look after themselves it would make sense to keep divorce law as it is, but in this day and age of equality it boggles the mind.
High divorce rates don't help either. So they want to be very sure of someone before they take that leap. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:50:25 PM | | It's curious because demographically speaking, men are happiest when married and women are happiest when single. I'll have to put my hands on the actual study, but it's bounced around the national media a few times. | |
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