| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:54:00 AM | And there are some of us that tried very hard to do it right by dating many, waiting, and not getting married until after college and living on our own. To many marry to soon for all the wrong reasons, and move from one dependent life style to another without the experience of living on their own, being financially stable and independent.
Even with all of these considerations, about half of all marriages will fail, and if you try it a second time, the percentage of failure goes up even more, and a third marriage has about a 70% chance of divorce. Who would really want to commit with those odds without thinking long and hard, and taking the time to make sure this is what you really want to do, and the one you are with wants it as well.
Society has changed much with its feelings dealing with those that live together, or are just committed to each other without marriage compared to what was considered taboo before. Unless there are children involved that need to be considered, or you plan on having more children, I see no reason to go down the marriage path quickly at all.
I made my mistake with my marriage, and it almost always takes two to make and break a marriage, and I worked as hard as I could to try to save it and keep it stable for many many years. Once failed, I just do not want to make that same mistake again, and I am even more cautious and careful compared to when much younger and not married ever.
I have learned to never say never, but for me at least, marriage is not the answer for a real relationship, but many other things are, and that is what I will strive for.....
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:54:10 AM |
Hey, guess what. Many women, like myself are afraid of the M word. I find that many men DO want to get married. They seem to need women more than women need men.
I detest the institution of marriage......I feel tethered, smothered, and isolated. So, don't think this is a 'man' thing. Nowadays, (especially among older women) marriage is not coveted.
Enjoy being single. It's fun! It's liberating. I wouldn't give up my freedom for anything or anyone.
Wow, saved me a post. I second what she said.
Oh and marriage as a requirement to want to date someone? Yuck. Slow down - if it happens, it should be a natural next step to an already long healthy happy relationship. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:00:43 AM | Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER going to get married. Does that mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone? Not at all. That's exactly what I want. But from what I see, people don't understand what marriage should be.
It's not the beggining of something, it's the affirmation of something that already exists. Since no one I know believes that, I'm not getting married.
EVER!
But if I find a woman who feels likewise, there's an outside chance. There's also an outside chance I'll wake up tommorow and have super powers.
Just to put it in perspective. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:07:33 AM |
When we are young we get married for lust. But as we get older we know there is more to a relationship than lust. I say leave all options open and make better choices and see where it leads.
Long answer: What if you get married because you know there is far more to a relationship than lust, and you also feel that the person you're saying your vows to is the person you want to spend the rest of your days with more than anything? That's ok right?
So then after that, the person you feel so strongly about, takes away everything you've given them, emasculates you in every way possible (short of actually making you a physical eunich), betrays your trust, lies to you, stabs you not only in the back, but staring at you face to face, leaves you with nothing, and then proceeds to keep you at arms length for two years, all the while keeping you dangling on the string of hope that things just might go back to how they were before, while all the while being with other people.
Your values are now shattered, your faith and trust that people are generally good are obliterated. Ms.Right now seems like a comedic fallacy of an idea.
Some get married with an honest intention, and knowlage of what marriage should be. Only to have it all stripped away, and the person that was wronged to feel as though they've been used up, and tossed aside into a corner, forgotten about like a broken childrens toy with no value at all.
Given that point above, you honestly don't know why some men would rather give themselves and episiotomy with a chainsaw as a scapel, than try marriage more than once?
Short Answer: Some Guys are too battered and bruised to try the Cluster F that is marriage more than once. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:07:54 AM | Marriage is not native to men's nature. Most men fear their own ability to stick it out with one woman the rest of their lives. We often don't come to marriage until we realize that the woman we love will not have it any other way, and we must marry or lose her. Then we sacrifice and go against our nature.
In the end, if we're successful, we become men from that union. Until then, we're more like boys. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:18:45 AM | | I am really enjoying all the imput to this post. I can see both men and women have reasons they would rather not be commited long term by marriage. yes its an old tradition and yes it can be expensive. But that is each couples choice. I perfer a very small in expensive wedding with close friends and no fuss. I also do not mind a pre nup. If a man has aquired alot of wealth before we met its his. If he wants to share it with me thats fine but he does not have too. I do not want a mans money I want his heart and I want to give him my heart. Simple as that. Someone I can laugh and cry with share the ups and downs of life and go hand in hand into old age trying to do our best to make each other comfortable and loved. A ring to me simbolizes that I am taken. When i was married men hardly ever approached me because I had on a wedding ring and engagement ring. It means I found someone that I am very happy with and I am no long looking. It means I am not going to dump you over a simple fight. It means we all have good and bad days and if we care about each other we will work past them and try to have more good than bad days. It means having someone to wake up with and go to sleep with and snuggle with. It means being able to help each other over rough spots in our lives. It means knowing your not alone and you have a faithful companion to go places with and to share intimcy with and know each others needs and wants. You see I don't look at the negative part of marriage because marriage is not the problem. Our choices of who we marry is. BTW I am not in a rush to get married. I never said that I am in a rush. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:36:16 AM |
It means I found someone that I am very happy with and I am no long looking. It means I am not going to dump you over a simple fight. It means we all have good and bad days and if we care about each other we will work past them and try to have more good than bad days.
Unless of course you come across a wolf in sheeps clothing, and they're make a really convincing sheep. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:51:48 AM | But when and if the time comes I would like to know that that person is also willing to cross that line and be commited
see you look at marriage as commitment.men look at marriage as a security blanket for females.you want to be commited,do so.if you need to get married to believe the guy is,you shouldnt be getting married.hense marriage is not needed. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:52:17 AM | Really? You have personally told many men that you are looking to get married and they run? Maybe they just don't want to marry you. Or maybe they aren't interested in someone who mentions marriage early in a relationship.
And I don't have any idea why everyone thinks it's because they've been hurt or burned in the past. Sure, that's probably true for a number of folks (male and female). But I'd say for the majority who aren't interested in marriage, it's because they don't see any need for it.
I don't. Frankly, I'm able to commit without the government making it "legal." I have no interest in remarriage. I'd feel differently if I wanted more children. But I don't. I have no idea why people are so obsessed with marriage once you've had the kids. It's as if they feel some need to force another human to legally commit. I'm optimistic and trusting enough that I'll take their actions/words for it. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:52:56 AM | Very good Arugula..........
I am with you all the way, and have the mindset that you stay with me because you want to, not because you have to......
Just my opinion....... | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:07:44 AM | | I agree with many of the posters here that the real issue isn't the M word, but rather the D word. As a happy bachelor of 30 I have no intention of ever marrying, primarily due to hearing all of the stories of men who've been down that road. Only a fool would invest in any institution with that kind of risk. There's very little upside and massive downside. I'm perfectly content as I look to my future of a fulfilling life shared with great women whom I will not ever marry. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:33:56 AM | Women talking about marriage often falls in the same category as men talking about kinky sex. It's the same thing.
It's not about being "afraid" so much as it's just that it's not our thing, it's women's thing. It's difficult imagining a man fantasizing about marriage. Now that would be kinky. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:03:36 PM |
: Really? You have personally told many men that you are looking to get married and they run? Maybe they just don't want to marry you. Or maybe they aren't interested in someone who mentions marriage early in a relationship.
Arugula are you addressing this to me? I am not telling men I want to get married right off the bat. I just wonder why men tell me and all my friends and relatives, who all say that men do not want to get married and tell them that right off the bat. Its like saying I just want to drive the car for a as long as I want, but do not want to buy it just use it abuse it and leave it. Women are letting themselves be pulled into the new "I don't want to get married excuse". So we all fall for it and say okay. Meanwhile the men just get what they want and move on. Sorry but that is so sad. But if women don't care then go for it. I respect marriage even though I had a bad marriage I am not bitter. I made the wrong choice. Simple as that. I am very careful now. I know what I want and don't want. I frankly don't see any relationships where people live together that lasts long. Which brings me back to my statement that women are allowing men to use them. Like the one guy said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. You don't think most men feel that way? | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:10:01 PM | Arugula are you addressing this to me? I am not telling men I want to get married right off the bat. I just wonder why men tell me and all my friends and relatives, who all say that men do not want to get married and tell them that right off the bat. Its like saying I just want to drive the car for a as long as I want, but do not want to buy it just use it abuse it and leave it. Women are letting themselves be pulled into the new "I don't want to get married excuse". So we all fall for it and say okay. Meanwhile the men just get what they want and move on. Sorry but that is so sad. But if women don't care then go for it. I respect marriage even though I had a bad marriage I am not bitter. I made the wrong choice. Simple as that. I am very careful now. I know what I want and don't want. I frankly don't see any relationships where people live together that lasts long. Which brings me back to my statement that women are allowing men to use them. Like the one guy said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. You don't think most men feel that way?
it doesnt seem to bother you that by getting married we are giving the women free reighn to not buy the care,but take it if they wish.if you feel you need marriage to feel safe from getting screwed.you shouldnt be getting married.either you know it or you dont. | |
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nero1
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Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 43 | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:25:47 PM |
Which brings me back to my statement that women are allowing men to use them.
Explain to me how men are using women by not getting married? Better yet, what are men getting for committing?
Marriage is such an antiquated, useless trap of an arrangement - it should be abolished in terms of being recognized legally. If you want to do it for religious reasons, that's between you and God. But the law should have no control in marriage. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:30:41 PM |
It means I am not going to dump you over a simple fight.
You haven't seen many marriages lately, do you?
"A simple fight" may end with a guy evicted from his house, from his children's lives, even being sent to jail.
Women made marriage dangerous for men. Now they're complaining because we don't want to step on the beartrap. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:32:41 PM |
Women made marriage dangerous for men. Now they're complaining because we don't want to step on the beartrap.
That's very eloquently said. That's going into my profile along with some other favorite quotes. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:40:38 PM | I gotta write that one down. What was it again? (((Women made marriage dangerous for men. Now they're complaining because we don't want to step on the beartrap.)))) yeah, thats it.
Personally, what Id like is a companion. Like everyone else, I want a best friend. A partner in crime. Nothing lasts a lifetime anymore. If we called it something else and not marriage, would it be as scary? Actually, I loved being married. I was just married to the wrong person.
Is it the finalization of marriage that scares you or her taking your money and half your stuff? I dont need his stuff, I have my own stuff. Women are just as concerned you will try to take half of their stuff too. Its all about trust.
Do people just want to be able to get out easily? No strings? People dont know how to trust anymore. I feel that love is friendship on fire.... and Im not afraid of walking thru fire for the one I want in my life. 
Mr Upforadventure: Not all the ladies want to "shack up". Good luck finding a mate with that attitude.
So, if the 'Cows' stopped giving away their 'milk', you would have to commit?
Ummmm....Lemme think about that one. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:50:32 PM | | I was Married for 40 years my wife died one year ago there is only one thing I will say about marriage it works but you have to work at it, there is good and bad in a marriage but you deal with the bad with the same open mind you used when you deal with the good, if you do that then your marriage will work. Bernard | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:57:01 PM |
I was Married for 40 years my wife died one year ago there is only one thing I will say about marriage it works but you have to work at it, there is good and bad in a marriage but you deal with the bad with the same open mind you used when you deal with the good, if you do that then your marriage will work. Bernard
It's not one sided like what you wrote Bernard. BOTH people have to be willing to work out the bad. If you get into a marriage, and a handful of months later, one person up and leaves for no good reason?
No wonder some refuse to go through marriage again. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:02:46 PM | I will have to disagree with that statement it is not just the women that has made marriage dangerous it is the man to i know just as many men and women that has caused the divorce.
It is in today world we should be able to do what we want and not have to be responsible for or on actions that is the way people look at it. I had a good marriage and she wanted the divorce and the courts gave her more than half and i was left with the bills. I did not run around on her nor did she run around on me. We had grown apart and she did not want to try to work it out but did not matter with the judge she got the gold mine and i got the shaft. I agree that the law should not have anything to do with it. I am not saying that i was at no fault but i was trying to work things out. | |
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