| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:14:25 PM |
Mr Upforadventure: Not all the ladies want to "shack up". Good luck finding a mate with that attitude.
I haven't had any problems. Not all women are looking to marry. I said that I enjoy, and look forward to continuing to enjoy great relationships. I disagree with your mischaracterization and insinuation that you cannot have a fulfilling relationship without a piece of paper from the state. The paper isn't where the love comes from. There is an abundance of women who aren't looking for marriage out there, and there will continue to be.
A good friend of mine is a lesbian, and all of her friends live that lifestyle and they're in some of the most successful, committed relationships I've seen outside my own family. Does the fact that every gay person in the country can't get married mean they are all damned to an eternity of "shack up" relationships? I think not. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:17:24 PM | I don't know that 'being afraid of the M word' is a gender thing - nor do I believe it is particularly 'fear'. I think as we 'mature' - we find our needs have changed. We're not looking to make babies or raise a family - all we ask for is a caring, loving companion - I'm in a ltr because that's what makes me happy. I don't need or want to get married. God knows being married won't prevent heartache! Right now, I can love with my all - and hope for the best. And if I am happy till I die, I win! If that happens to be tomorrow, I still win! If it all comes crashing to hell a week from Tuesday - well, it's been a beautiful thing right up to the end!  | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:18:46 PM | When we are young we get married for lust. But as we get older we know there is more to a relationship than lust. I say leave all options open and make better choices and see where it leads.
~OT~ What an odd statement. At least in my mind. I certainly didn't get married for lust when I was young. I married him because I wanted a husband and family of my own and he and I were, at that time, in (what I thought) was love. Hell ~ had it been lust, I certainly wouldn't have married him ~~ I would have just kept him around to be of service. To each their own thoughts on that note I guess.
I am not certain men (or women) are afraid of marriage. Geez, maybe it's just those I have known, but there have been offers, it just wasn't for me personally. Many of my friends are newly married, three couples right here on POF all in their 40s or older.
Today ~ I see absolutely NO reason to marry. I've done it, failed at it, and learned through it that I don't need any State agency telling me or anyone else that I'm in love, monogamous, and most likely in a relationship for the long haul. It's who I am and I see no reason to legally be tied to another human being just for the sake of a ring and a piece of paper. Not to mention the proverbial ending, should it occur. No divorce needed in Domestic Partnerships. Heaven forbid it ends, BUT ~ that's when you tell them you are thankful for the time spent together, hug, and wish each other well, not hire a lawyer. From where I sit ~ other than pension/health insurance and possibly funeral/Will issues, I see no practical reason to marry at my age. And, with the legalitites I just mentioned, Domestic Partners can carry each other on insurance, Wills are meant to protect and provide for those we love. Short version: it's not in my future and I doubt that will ever change. JMO  | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:24:18 PM | I ask this what Do I gain out of a Marriage that I cant get out of a long term relationship.
also in Canada dont ever live with a women period for longer then 5months after that if in a relationship your classified as basically married and she can still nail you on alimony and stuff like this | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:28:06 PM | | I for one would love to be married again. Its how you treat each other, respect each other, make it fun. You just got to find the right person in life to do that with and a marriage will flourish. I think thats what most of us are on here for is to find that person. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:28:16 PM | Married people do crazy things to each other. They kill each other, they sue each other. They "kick him to the curb". They steal money...
Marriage, especially when people aren't trying to raise a family, is a very vulnerable relationship for both parties.
It saves money and so forth.... but although I'm still married to my high school sweetheart, I can understand why many people just don't want anything to do with it. It's dangerous!!! | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:33:16 PM | OP
I take flack from women about my perspective on marriage all the time but it doesn't change it.
I believe marriage is a legal agreement and contract. Nothing more. The commitment to stick with each other through thick and thin can be made without the legal contract.
I think marriage is also irrelevant with the type of women I want and am attracted to. They are just as driven and successful as I am and have their own livelihood and assets. Marriage is to make sure the woman has access to a man's assets in case he dies or he dumps her so she can continue to survive without him. For women who want this "security" it seems more important but I also don't want these type of women either.
The other reason for marriage is for legal clarity of custody of children. I do want kids so I know marriage is in the cards if that does happen. But I know the woman I do get married to will be just as careful with the contract as I will with prenuptial agreements, asset protection strategies, etc.
I think some women love the attention of a big wedding and they have this "princess" dream they must live up to. Hey to each their own but to be honest all of that is a big hastle for guys. I am one for a small ceremony and invest that money into other things rather than a show to be the star of.
But that is my 2 cents. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 1:37:08 PM | Me: Really? You have personally told many men that you are looking to get married and they run? Maybe they just don't want to marry you. Or maybe they aren't interested in someone who mentions marriage early in a relationship.
You: Arugula are you addressing this to me?
I have come across many men who want to date or have long term relationships but come right out and say they are not looking to get married. The minute you say your looking for a serious relationship most men run.
Yes, I was addressing this to you. Maybe I haven't had this issue because I don't address getting married or having a long-term relationship early in the dating. If I'd been out with someone a few times and they tell me they're looking for long-term, I "might" say "So am I" but if I'm still trying them on...so to speak...I might run because it would make me feel pressured. I believe that relationships evolve, or not, without having to define things every step of the way. It creeps me out when someone tries to define it. I remember one guy saying constantly...."So, what are we now? What do you want to call this." I ended up calling it quits because I didn't need the pressure. I liked him. I was enjoying him. But I didn't like having to put what we had in some little box. It wasn't enough to say "I'm only seeing you and I'm enjoying it." He wanted some other type of commitment. Eff that. It was too soon and wasn't a natural part of a conversation. You both know at some point if it's going to work or not.
You: Which brings me back to my statement that women are allowing men to use them. Like the one guy said why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. You don't think most men feel that way?
I'm sorry you feel that way. And no, I do NOT think most men think that way. If they are connecting with you on lots of other levels AND the sexual level, they're going to stick around. I don't EVER feel used. I like sex and I have it when "I" want to...assuming he wants to as well. I could say "Why buy the bull when you can get the beef free," but what's the point? Unlike you, I don't consider sex something to keep in a box until he's a good boy. I consider it to be something that TWO people do....not something that one person GETS. That type of thinking is just Ewwww to me. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:11:31 PM | so sad to see so much bitterness and stereotyping here...
maybe i'm just stating the obvious here, but i (being a mechanic)tend to keep what works, and shed what doesn't-an open relationship thrives on performance by both parties; at some level both people know if they stop doing what they do and being who they are now- the other person can walk away-many(maybe not all) people get married, and think they can stop doing the things which made the relationship work in the first place -and in many cases are suprised when the relationship goes to seed!-kind of like the one about the pastry which reduces the sex-drive in women by 90%(wedding cake) | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:26:44 PM | Heh, I'd sure like to know where these women who are obsessed with getting married are. I don't think I could find a woman who wants to marry me if my life depended on it.
And is it really true that men don't like big weddings? If so, I must be one of the few men out there who have planned their dream wedding for many years and have put a serious amount of thought into what their wedding tuxedo will look like. I've never been invited to a wedding before, though. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:26:52 PM | | I am also sad to see all the bitterness on here. I will get remarried one day I hope. I have learned through my mistakes and will try to find someone who feels the same as I do. I know she is out there somewhere and I will continue to look. Happy fishing everybody | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:31:53 PM | | I wouldn't say it's "stereotyping". After all, a divorce rate of 50%, 70% of them filed by women, call for wariness, if not outright fear. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:30:50 PM | Treat us individually. If a woman dumps on you, that doesnt mean we all will. Whats up with that?
If men would just stop lumping all the women in one bunch of bad apples. We are not all the same. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:35:06 PM | A lot of people are afraid of the institution. It isn't commitment fear--- its just that the 50%+- success rate has a lot of people shaking their heads.
I tend to think that I would get married... but it would only happen after a great deal of thought on whether the relationship could last, and with a good, solid foundation. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 4:21:21 PM | Everyone want's love, security, companionship.
Unfortunately, disappointment, disillusionment, contempt,
have not been dealt with any ceremonies, or fanfare.
If TRUTH IN LENDING law's were to be applied to marriage,
love, honor ,obey would be banned, replaced with.....
Loathe, Ignore, Torture,Belittle, Cheat, Connive.......
take THESE vow's instead.....then......CELEBRATE!!
Alien's visiting us would find us funny at best.
They would note that NO ONE would buy a vehicle with
a rate of failure of 99%,
yet, we dive into this other, more intense, profound
contract with gusto!
Looking for something, where it's least likely to be found.
Actually, I feel we, as a speceis, have MATURED.
Or, at least matured enough to realize that marriage as a concept
BREAKS, more than CEMENTS.
Rich or poor, more broken union's, than stopwatches.
At least "STOPWATCHES" can be fixed.
Anyone..know a good....WATCHMAKER???  | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:14:40 PM |
Treat us individually. If a woman dumps on you, that doesnt mean we all will. Whats up with that?
If men would just stop lumping all the women in one bunch of bad apples. We are not all the same.
No, if one woman dumps on you, that doesn't mean they all will. It means they all POSSIBLY will.
And no, you're not all the same. I don't think anyone has said that in this thread yet.
The point is that the capability for marriage to go sour far outweighs the chances of it going just right. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:18:38 PM | | Because the M word doesn't mean what the M word use to mean. Men aren't afraid of marriage as God defined it, they are afraid of the legally distorted godless mess that so-called marriage has become. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:30:17 PM | I know someone I'd marry tomorrow if it were possible so I guess I'm not afraid of it. But I never was married before so maybe I really am the genuis my buddies keep saying I am. Dunno.
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:43:58 PM | I don't think wo/men are afraid of marriage as much as just wanting to be "sure". Especially those of us who have been married before. At the end of the day tho, I think we all just want someone to hold hands with and be loyal to while we grow old and gray...lol  | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:51:43 PM | i feel inclined to agree with meteor54 here in that marriage is an outmoded institution:
100 years ago a couple;
--would snuggle up in front of the fireplace & sleep together for mutual heat-now there are 200,000BTU-96%efficient heaters that make this unneccessary--
--would team up to pay expenses-almost literally beating the wolves away from the door-the man working,the wife using her best home economics to make all the basics affordable-now men and women both work-two incomes-and no working woman wants to come home,put on an apron and be june cleaver...
--by virtue of the aforementioned job, the woman feels more independent, and doesn't feel trapped in an unhappy situation anymore--
---before modern cars,each person would go out into the world in different directions-the husband gathering things for the wife, the wife also getting things for the husband--
i could go on and on, but what it boils down to is the things which brought a man and woman together so well and FORCED THEM BOTH to be a nurturing team in the past are gone--we have a culprit to blame for the death of marriage as an institution and it's not men or women-it's modern technology... | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:27:09 PM | | I definitely don't want to get married its bad enough every other human being in the world is just waiting to sue you but then you have chicks who want a free ride through child support or the A word...Or they just want to keep all your stuff. | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:31:19 PM | Why?
Because the "M" word almost always is followed by the "D" word, which then translates heavily into the "C S" words and the "L E Y E H" words
(child support.....lose everything you ever had) | |
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| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:21:09 PM | | Well from the posts I am seeing about 80% don't want to get married and 20% do. I am not ashamed or feel strange because I am in the 20%. Actually I do not follow the crowd. I do what works for me. By all standards I should be a bitter hatefull man hater for the physical abuse I endured but I do not blame that on marriage I blame it on the person doing the abusing. I could have just as well been abused had we not been married. If I purchased a Chevy and it broke down all the time, should I just stop buying chevys? If I get thrown by a horse should I not ever ride a horse again? I am too optomistic to let a bad apple ruin my life. When I see 2 elderly people walking holding hands and looking into each others eyes with such love and joy, I feel tingly all over. It just gives me hope that there is true love out there if you are willing to be patient and wait for the right one to come along. I am not the live together type of person. Many think thats the cats meow but I don't. Does that make me wrong and others right. I don't think so. I think we are all entitled to seek what makes us happy. Dating a ton of people and being in dead end relationships is not for me. Its about as rewarding as winning a pail of dirt. I see no joy in shallow relationships. I do not hear people say I am so happy living with my man for 10 yrs. I think man kind has givin up on love, commitment, and 2 being as one. We want to have everything uncomplicated and easy and care free and without responsiblities. No more giving up your own selfish needs to please someone else. Its all about pleasing one self. That is why marriage is going to die. People just don't care anymore. | |
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