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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:26:42 PM |
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you?
You mean be at odds about basic issues. I'd rather not. Only because it doesn't do anything. There are enough arguments that I'll come up rather than create them. Besides, I like to sit on the same side of the table as the women I date when we go out. So if your looking for the fun and excitement of arguing all day long you won't find it here.
I was wondering how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space?
OP I believe that is relative depending on the guy your with. If you want a consensus that seeks to give you information about how your guy might be. You may need to provide more information on your interaction with your partner. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:50:29 PM | Everybody needs personal space, but not everybody wants or enjoys it. You can't grow as an individual unless you take a certain amount of time for personal reflection, introspection, maintenance, and relaxation. I like to take a healthy dose of "me" time, but I enjoy doing things with others as well. Balance, I believe, is the key.
When I was young, I thought it was important for my partner and I to agree on most things, now I think the only thing that really matters is that we agree to care about each other. Unless she follows a train of thought that repulses me somehow (like torturing animals or something), I don't care what she chooses to believe. She could worship Buddha, Flying Spaghetti Monster or The Force for all I care. Republicrat, Democrican, Libertolitarian, it makes no difference to me as long as she is glad to see me smile and cares as much about my happiness as I care about hers.
I would be more concerned if I found that she only agreed with me to keep the peace. I would rather set someone I love free than feel responsible for imprisoning their mind. People are meant to be free to think for themselves. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:56:25 PM |
I was wondering how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space? How much personal space do you usually need?
To be honest, I have no idea how much I really need. I guess it would be a matter of fine-tuning during a relationship. That being said, I definitely don't want someone who always has to know exactly where I am and what I'm doing at all times. Yes, women of planet Earth, there are times when your boyfriend just isn't thinking about you.
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? or would you rather she just agree with you?
Sounds positively boring to have a sycophant in tow everywhere I go. I like intelligent, independent women who will challenge me intellectually. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:57:44 PM | OP
For me it is important for the woman to understand the concept of interdependence. That there are times in a relationship where we would be a "romantic" codependent relationship where there are no personal boundaries and we are "one" and in full intimacy. They have to understand this has to be mixed with times of independence where there are our natural boundaries between two human beings. Things like space, personal time, individual hobbies, etc are all a part of. If she takes this individual time as a personal attack and thinks this should be elminiated and wants a full codependent relationship I would say be gone.
As for your question about how much time, that is up to the individual. Some people say one weekend a month is individual time, some say once a week, it has to be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. As long as the person sees the concepts I have laid out above it is a matter of compromise from there. If she wants a 100% codependent "love story" type of relationship she needs to find another man.
As far as debates are concerned. I would say she must know the difference between debate and argue. If she debates an issue such as politics or the status of education and her possible solutions or my possible solutions that is great! I love that.
But if she wants to argue which connotates pulling personal attacks into the debate or getting emotionally charged then that is not debate and I rather not get into that. If she has to end her debate in "f&ck you!" then it wasn't a debate  | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:59:33 PM | I kinda like the g/f not being a crazy b*tch thing. However, just to answer your questions.
1. Yes, the understanding of personal space, which I would actually call "time for myself", is important. This amount of time varies from week to week, day to day. Sometimes if I am stressed out I enjoy just being alone for a while.
2. I would much rather have a woman who has a brain and actually has opinions than a girl who agrees and then asks me to go shopping. | |
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nero1
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Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 32 | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:18:01 AM | | Personal space is very important for any relationship to survive and remain HEALTHY. A lack of personal space is dangerous as it will encourage a couple to become immeshed to the point of bordering on CO-DEPENDENCY. Co-Dependency is not the result of love but rather a eventual reality deriving from a lack of self esteem. | |
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mxcniz
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 35 | |
| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:19:26 AM | | I FEEL THAT PERSONAL SPACE IS A MUST BETWEEN COUPLES. ITS NICE TO BE AROUND THE PERSON YOU LIKE OR LOVE, BUT THERES NO NEED TO BE UP UNDER THEM 24/7. I THINK IT MAKES YOU WANT EACH OTHER MORE WHEN U DO HAVE UR OWN SPACE. BUT ALOT OF TIMES THERE ARE TRUST ISSUES WITH BOTH MEN ANS WOMEN, WHEN NOT AROUND 24/7 THERES ALWAYS ACCUSATIONS BEING MADE AS TO HAT THEY WERE REALLY DOING WHEN THEY WEREN'T AROUND..IF YOU GOTTA GO THRU THIS SHIT, DONT MAKE ANY SENSE TO EVEN BE IN THE RELATIONSHIP TO BEGIN WITH. IF THERES NO TRUST, THERES NOTHING, WHETHER YOU HAVE UR OWN SPACE OR NOT.. | |
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