| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:09:32 AM | She's in her 40's and does not or cannot afford her own place and her male roommate knows nothing about you? Red Flag. If he was just a roommate she'd be 100% comfortable introducing the two of you and would have nothing to hide.
So she's either lying to you or using him. Are you willing to wait to find out who???? | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:56:38 AM | Whoa! It's only been one week! It's nice that you want to spend so much time with her, but you can't expect her to just forget about her own life just like that, especially after just one week. Have you two even discussed dating exclusively?
I admit, the roommate would concern me, it's natural, but give her a little time. You don't know the whole situation yet. I'd try not to overreact. Not yet, anyway. You'll scare her away for sure.
Best of luck to you. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:46:11 AM | I don't really expect her to just forget her own life..Yes we have discussed dating exclusively...
Anyway I was supposed to hear from her this morning and she was goin to let me know when she was coming over, but the phone hasn't rang once...Should I be concerned since she and her friend were out drinking and dancing last night, with all the law out there they could have gotten picked up after leaving the bar..
Thank you for all your comments and I am soaking in each one and weighing them out...:-) | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:49:06 AM |
I don't really expect her to just forget her own life..Yes we have discussed dating exclusively...
Anyway I was supposed to hear from her this morning and she was goin to let me know when she was coming over, but the phone hasn't rang once
Now I am voting with the "you are clinging way way too fast" vote. You haven't dated long enough, in my book, to be exclusive. 3 dates in one weekend this early is too overwhelming. If she has any kind of life at all she ought to have some other plans and activities for the weekend. I'm curious as to why you don't? Surely you are not waiting by the phone?
Remember, bad news travels very fast. If something wrong had happened, you woulda heard about it or will when you are meant to know.
Gandi | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:56:17 AM | (Just read the last OP post)...
*shakes head*...
lol. All this crap and headache she is giving you and you actually worry about whether or not she got picked up by the law.
HAHAHAHAHHA
DUDE. You are SO WHIPPED.
Grow some balls for god's sake.
God I wish women like that would give classes so the rest of us could find out how to wrap men around our little fingers, treat them like dirt, and then have them worry about bailing our butts out of jail. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:08:22 AM | | LOL not whipped, I just care about people in general...Think I'd actually bail her out...I wouldn't bail my own kid out if he choose to be out drinking and driving | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:13:18 AM | | Hmmmm...maybe they are still in bed and not up yet...just a thought...reason as to why the phone hasn't rang yet...sorry OP..I see a big ole hurt coming your way...brace yourself...if and when you do hear from her...tell her it's about time you met her roomie...see how fast she sets that up...in fact insist on it... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:27:00 AM | Here's and odd question, why not call her?
I wouldn't always wait for the other person, I would be seeing if she had plans with you, or had changed them. Wouldn't be snippy, would just want to know what the skinny was.
My oldest daughter and BF had broke up, she stayed until the lease was out, the two had seperate rooms. She started seeing a new guy, but he never came to her place, because her and the ex BF both agreed no new bf/gf at the apartment.
When the lease was up she moved out... Ok, moved home, and sort of has all her stuff in my garage while she spends most her time with the new bf which at this point is almost a 9 mo relationship.
I am not sure if she'd cancel on the new bf, to keep peace with her ex bf now roomie, but what ever it is, getting all possesive is NOT an attractive quality either.
People can live under the same roof and not have things going on. Things are new between the two of you, so perhaps instead of diving in head deep step back and see how things go.
My daughter gave her X bf a X mas gift which really ticked of her new bf... Thing is she and the x bf are good friends, and were together for over 4 yrs. They managed to make the switch from BF/gf probably because her Mum and step dad made the switch from being husband and wife to good friends.
IF someone has a tissy fit because someone gets along with their past relationships, that to me is a big red flag. I am capable of having a friendship with my ex what evers, and have found that if a person gets all bent, then they can get all bent over any guy that talks to me as well...
Not something I find charming...
Just a thought | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:37:50 AM | First of all, SLOW DOWN TURBO!! It's only been a week. Tell her your concerns.
Have you met this "roommate?" If not, invite yourself to her/their house, just to pick her up for a date, or something equally casual. Make sure he is home. Introduce yourself (if she doesn't do so first), see how friendly he is. If you sense hostility, you've got your answer. Or, if she is adamantly opposed to you being at her house, that is a huge red flag.
She may not be involved with him. But if he is hostile, or jealous, it means he WANTS to be involved with her! Yuck. That would be a very stressful situation to live in.
I had a male roommate. We were NOT involved in any way, shape or form, except the fact that we shared a house. It is possible, and for all you folks who say "no way", then you are pinheads. It is possible, in fact I have had TWO male roomies, and I never even considered sleeping with either of them. I also made it abundantly clear to each of them PRIOR to allowing them to move in, that at the first sign of physical advances, they would be out on their keesters. No second chances.
So, don't just assume because it's a roommate situation that one, or both parties cannot be trusted. and people, grow up. NONE of us is perfect--what kind of garbage do you have hidden behind your doors? | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:50:05 PM |
Anytime you meet someone new thats lives with a member of the opposite sex you can forget about it. No matter the situation do not fall for someone who lives with just one other person who is of opposite sex. DONT DO IT, NO NO NO< RUN AWAY
Nonsense.
I lived for a year with a male roommate.
Never had anything to do with him romantically or sexually.
We were both still in school.
A woman who lived with me before him finshed a year before me,
so this guy (a friend of a friend) moved in.
We were friends, not very close though...
It would have never occured me to have him introduced to someone I knew only ONE WEEK.
Nor was I interested in meeting his girlfriends.
Never gave it a second thought till this thread...
Some people are just too judgemental.
OP... after a week on the phone, she spend Friday night with you,
cancelled Saturday and made plans for Sunday...
For me, that would be too much not too little.
If she calls great, if she does not... well, then think whether you want to call her
or start looking for a different lady friend.
It seems this is turning into a big drama way too early.
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:10:18 PM | Obviously there's a bit more to this situation than meets the eye, and several other posters have asked the relevant questions that need to be answered before anyone can make much sense of this situation.
But in any case, regardless of the various attitudes about whether or not you should date a woman who has a male roommate, or whether she was wrong to cancel your date to go out with the roommate, or whether you might be taking this relationship too seriously at this stage . . . the thing that jumped out at me was your statement that she said she wanted to go out with this other fellow "just to stay on the good side of him."
Were those her actual words? Because if they were, I think that might reveal a lot about her character, her priorities, and her propensity towards manipulating people . . . all valuable information that might have a bearing on whether you want to pursue developing a relationship with this person.
I'd ask her exactly what she meant by that. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:07:01 PM |
I just care about people in general
I think we all care about people in general, as long as we are sane. In my opinion there can be, for the purpose of this discussion, two kinds of love, Constructive and destructive. When two people care about each other, but perhaps one or both let other things interfere with that, this is destructive love.
Some here may call you whipped, I might call you obsessed, for when one person is involved in a true love partnership and the other one is not, it becomes something else. Destructive!
I gave the advice once and I will give it again, see other people and take your mind off of her. Your in for a world of pain, and thats not love my friend... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:31:24 PM | | My sis lives in Hawaii, when she was single she shared a house with 4 people. Two men , two ladies. Everyone had their own room, paid 1/4 the bills and no one dated the other. Everyone's SO's were welcome to spend the night as long as it was 1-2 nights at a time and they had their own place. Family and friends were all invited to hang out. There were no secrets. What your lady seems to have is a guy paying the rent while she goes out and meets people. Unfortunately with a free place to stay she is expected to be his best friend or more. I would be highly suspicious of the arrangement. Anyone that does not have their act together by middle age is either a loser or a liar. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:45:18 PM | | why dose she have to stay on his good side if theres nothing going on between him and her, if its just a room mate thing why would he care if shes seeing someone else, your a smart man, use your head, think about everything shes said and put it all together, you are being duped, why ask what to do from us, cant you figure it out your self. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:19:01 PM | I don't know about everyone else...but for me...I just get leery when people of the opposite sex live together and then claim nothing is going on. Knowing how things are nowadays, I would be very cautious of that situation....
...........there are other fish in the sea..ocean...river...lake...pond...
You get the picture... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:39:14 PM | Hi Everyone,
I think I have all I need to make my decision, alot of good advice...To answer a few questions...This man was a previous boyfriend..I was told and that she was looking for someone else and to not be with him..
Anyway I had tried to call her when morning became afternoon and she hadn't made a call to let me know when she was coming over..Well it's 8:30 pm and no call no show
She was adamantly opposed to me coming to where she lives.....
Her actual words were she was goin out with him to stay on the good side of him...
She is living there rent free...
Anyway with what i have recently learned and no call and no show, and alot of advice, I am hanging this one up and moving on...
Thanks........... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:40:59 PM | If she cancel'd on you to go with a friend . . . . that's wrong. It is rude and plain inconsiderate to change plans because a better offer comes along . . . WRONG!
If she had plans with her roommate BEFORE . . .okay. . . . and had to say no to you because she ALREADY had plans . . . . again . . . . OKAY.
Bottom line is that you seemed to want to spend time with her and you were disappointed that you could not . . . nice and not sooooo nice.
If I were seeing a guy . . . I would not neglect my friends cuz I met someone . . . I still have a life . . . nothing wrong with that . . . if he were to get upset cuz I make plans with my friends instead of spending time with him (all balanced of course) . . . we just would not be a good match . . .
Best of luck,
~Myth~ | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:41:02 PM | Me think's you should take it easy !!
she has told you about him from the beginning, that he is a friend, she also tells you that she is going out with him as a friend, you are jumping up and down to soon !!
after just a short time that you have been seeing her.
If you push her now you will loose her. You are expecting to much to soon.
If you care about her and think that thing's could work out between the two of you, give her the benifit of the dought.
At this moment in time all you know is that she is going out with a friend . . nothing wrong with that !!
Don't make her feel like you are hounding her at this stage . .
best of luck | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:53:42 PM | | James...that would be the wisest thing to do...protect your heart...good luck to you...and one more thing...I bet she's not living there rent free...everything has a price if ya get my drift... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:49:32 PM | Ahhhh the rent free, need to stay on his good side til something better comes along and bails me out of this current situation...
Good luck for future fishing.... If she is living with an ex and is there because of finances it is best to move on.
Further more she showed no respect in keeping her obligation she made with you Sunday. Sounds like she is NOT ready to move on, nor is even a healthy bet for anyone.
Good luck, there are other fish, and this one seemed like a bottom feeder looking to latch on to the meal wagon... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:46:34 AM | : jamesDb on 3/1/2008 11 47 PM
Subject: Don't know what to do, need advice...
Message: Never have been there, she comes to my place and he knows nothing of us
HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT YOU?? That is a red alert -- pay attention and find another lady . . . this one is already taken and looking for another sugardaddy. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:00:01 AM | | yeah i lived with a few guys once, in a shared house, and i never went out with them! if i bumped into them in the kitchen or something, we would say hi... and thats it! why would she need to keep on the good side of him? BUT it could be all innocent though... maybe they are actually friends. and she just wants to hang out.. i dont know... it does sound strange to me, but you could be worried for nothing | |
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