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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:53:24 AM | So HE has to commit to you emotionally, and risk getting his heart broke, while YOU get to play the field. Doesn't sound fair to me.
I agree, I don't like clingy/possessive women...she's got to have a CERTAIN amount of independence, but...
Beyond the first date, NO, I don't like "hard to get" women. It's too much work and gets very irritating. Either make up your mind that you like me or you don't.
If you tell me that we're not going to be exclusive, fine, that's honest--I'll make it just about enjoying a few laughs and some animalistic, mechanical sex...and won't get too emotionally attached or invested with you. Meanwhile, I'll be chasing others too... | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 11:12:12 AM |
I recently read a very good book (STUPID title, but great book) called Catch Him & Keep Him -- it's an eBook. The premise of the book is this: men do NOT want to be chased by needy, possessive, clingy women. They want to be the pursuers, they want to 'win' a woman.
OP -- Yet another lame book, written by another lame writer who thinks that they know what we all want.
FAIL. 
The advice the author gives is for women to date many men simultaneously (NOT sleep with them, date them), and to be honest that you're playing the field. He goes on to say not to be too available, not to be demanding about getting time with him, and basically to keep it lots of fun, playful -- an non-sexual until you 'get a commitment'. The theory being, if you sleep with him too soon, he will never be committed to you emotionally.
Uh huh...that advice is similar to "Send yourself flowers, candy and "things" to get a rise out of your man". Both are equally stupid and pointless. If I have to "compete" with another suitor, I won't waste my time because the rules are never coherent and ever fluctuating, and generally tend to read as just simply "Whoever has the most money and buys me the most things and does everything I say will win". I'm not a fan of the "puppet on a string" mentality.
FAIL.
I totally get and understand everything this author states, but the last bit sticks in my craw a bit...so guys, tell me -- if a woman sleeps with you early on in a relationship, is it possible for you to develop real feelings for her, or is she always going to be a f*ck buddy in your minds?
I really want to know what guys think about this...
She'll always be just another piece of ass. Another victim of "hit and quit". Not only that, but in my opinion ONLY, if she's givin' it up so soon, she has no class or self esteem and thinks that droppin' her drawers is a sure fire way to get me "caught". A fine example of the weaker sex relying on sexual wiles in absence of anything fundamental or rewarding, like a sense of humor, a drive to achieve, a dreamers heart, ambition, intellectual ability and so on.
EPIC FAIL. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 1:46:18 PM | | Trying to get with a woman that's hard to get gets you nowhere. Why men fall for such women is beyond me. If a woman is hard to get or I don't have a chance with her, I don't bother. It's not worth it/ | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:07:55 PM | if a woman sleeps with you early on in a relationship, is it possible for you to develop real feelings for her, or is she always going to be a f*ck buddy in your minds?
I really want to know what guys think about this...
If you don't have to work for something, then it has little or no value.... It's only when we put forth an effort into anything that we perceive the real value of it...
Guys tend to feel that women who have sex too early, have probably had sex with a lot of other guys quickly too... Despite the professed, "I don't normally do this...."
We want to feel like the woman is with us because there is something special about us... not because she's done everyone else in the bar and it's just taken until now to get to us.... Sure, this might be the first time she's ever had sex early on in the relationship.... But we don't know that... so we tend to go with the most likely scenario...
Some guys will convince her to be a FWB, or FB, because if she sleeps with them too soon, they have no respect for her.... to those guys, all she will ever be is a 'fcuk toy".... They won't even make the effort to get to know her any more because to them, in many ways, she has gone from being a "person" to them to being a "thing"... They will spend little or no effort on her.... kind of like just doing the minimm to keep a junky car on the road...
In truth, some of us are likely to develop some feelings for her, we might even date her for a while, even be reasonably comfortable with her...
But she will be gone the moment we find a woman we really want to be with... someone long term.... someone who we felt we had worked for, and finally attained, who we ascribe a worth, a value too.... Someone a little more discerning in who she sleeps with....
Rather than someone who just fell into our lap so to speak.... This is why a lot of 'relationships' fail a few months or so down the road.... it had already failed a long time before, when she took him to bed too soon, but the guy just never told her.... | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:48:45 PM | Holy crap. So, after reading this thread and others I've been informed that
a)If I sleep with a man right away, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked women using sex as a tool.
b)If I wait too long to sleep with a man, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked woman using sex as a tool.
The moral of the story?
Stay away from men who who've developed a strong opinion of what I do with MY body.
A man that will sleep with me and then devalue me for sleeping with HIM is not for me. A man who devalues me for making a decision to wait to have sex is not for me.
Thanks for the education. | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 81 | |
| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:09:26 PM | OP, have you heard of Mimi Tanner? She's also got an on-line book about this subject. She says that, no matter what most men claim, they actually enjoy the chase. She advises women to play hard to get, because it'll make the man only want her more.
N. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:38:16 PM |
Holy crap. So, after reading this thread and others I've been informed that
a)If I sleep with a man right away, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked women using sex as a tool.
b)If I wait too long to sleep with a man, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked woman using sex as a tool.
The moral of the story?
The moral of the story is this -- sleep with a man when and only when it's what *you* want to do. Don't sleep with him, or withhold sex, just because you think it's what you are supposed to do to snare him. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:01:57 PM | The moral of the story is this -- sleep with a man when and only when it's what *you* want to do. Don't sleep with him, or withhold sex, just because you think it's what you are supposed to do to snare him.
Point taken.
I was actually thinking about it from the opposite angle. We have to worry about losing a man based upon when we sleep with him, as well?
A woman can do what she feels is right, *catch* a man with her entire being (or think she did), and then end up dumped in the long run because she did it too soon or too late?
If a man thinks I'm ready for sex too soon for his liking, I would think the right thing to do would be dump me right then and there. Not have sex with me, lose respect, and then keep on looking for his virgin bride while he strings me along.
Likewise, if he thinks I'm taking too long, dump me before you sleep with me.
But that's why I say I'd rather just stay away from people that have strong opinions like that. The type of person for me takes people on a case by case basis and doesn't bring a bunch of pre-conceived notions to the table, or at the very least, is willing to set them aside and do a full review :). | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:24:39 PM | | While it is completely true that nobody wants possessive, clingy, needy women.. or women who are too "easy" to get into bed.. we're also not circus performers either. Nobody wants to jump through hoops | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:31:17 PM | The book you describe sounds like every other more or less popular advice for sale on the shelves.
The only thing in your OP post, to my mind, is that you seem to be refusing to accept the written word about when YOU should have sex with a guy the author has never met, much less met you, much less know anything at all about your relationship or the relationships of any readers of the word.
That the book comes at some price confers NO greater authority, credentials, or validity. Lots of folks buy Ann Coulter's books, and not just the ones who want to monitor her fringe-thoughts for the safety of the rest of us.
Sounds as if the only validity in that book, for you, is that you had already arrived at some of the same/similar thoughts; you validate the book.
Viewed another way, I think there is more validity in polling pofers through this thread, who, seemingly, draw upon their individual, IRL experiences, to offer opinions on your OP.
K, I ranted. I'm done. You're an intelligent woman, and you've already floated the question to the pool.  | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/22/2009 5:04:24 PM | | No Way! THE CHASE is a big waste of time and the less of it the better. Granted I'm not saying its good to go for someone very easy, but rather I'd much prefer someone serious and takes me seriously! | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:11:55 AM | | Really not into the whole "Chasing"game. I've dates women for years after having sex on the first date. I think that book only refers to the "Playa" guys...So if you want the guy that's banged most of your friends, that's probably a good tactic. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:19:15 AM |
THE CHASE is a big waste of time and the less of it the better
That's what's wrong with people an society nowadays...
Everyone wants it handed to them on a platter.... God help them if they had to actually make a friggin effort.....
Instant gratification....
The equivalent of the McDonalds of Sex.... instead of fine dining....
Ever notice that when you go to a quality restaurant, you tip the waitress....?
But at McDonald's you don't....
It's because you don't care about her.... and she doesn't care about you either....
Think how that applies to 'easy' and 'hard to get' women.... | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:43:12 AM |
A fine example of the weaker sex relying on sexual wiles in absence of anything fundamental or rewarding, like a sense of humor, a drive to achieve, a dreamers heart, ambition, intellectual ability and so on.
I'm not sure a quick piece of ass automatically assumes a lack of sense of humor, drive to achieve, etc.....not to mention self esteem....a woman who sleeps with you early on may be well be a very secure woman who is confident in her own judgment and makes decisions accordingly....without influence...
On topic, I personally don't subscribe to anybody else's notions or rules besides my own when it comes to dating...and sex | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:32:55 AM | | Women who require some kind of game or chase totally turn me off. I don't jump through hoops or beg for a date or meeting. Any woman who demands this kind of behaviour is just looking to control or degrade someone so in short, no, I do not like "hard to get" women. I prefer a no nonsense up front interest in one another and then see where it goes from there. Books written by women who are clueless as to what men want need to get another hobby other than misleading the public. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:29:11 AM |
Holy crap.
Never understood this phrase. Having encountered all sorts of feces in my life, cows (wonder if Hindus worship everything that comes out of one), dogs, pig sh-t is especially nasty, so is almost any fowl's, I never could find anything in it to revere. As kids, we did frisbee an occasional well cured cow patty around, and in Oklahoma, and Wyoming, I think, there is an annual contest of skill in the toss of bovine (and buffalo) waste, but I grew out of that phase a long time ago.
A great deal of nasty shyt is tossed on these pages.
So, after reading this thread and others I've been informed that
a)If I sleep with a man right away, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked women using sex as a tool.
b)If I wait too long to sleep with a man, there's something wrong with me and I'm a wicked woman using sex as a tool.
Ha!! The only thing wicked about you is that you have an intellect and exercise it, unlike most of the people who push these concepts about when it's right for you to share the sexual side of intimacy. Hey, Darlin', these thoughts are not their creations- they're just the messengers, and there's some ancient rule about not killing the mailman.
Stay away from men who've developed a strong opinion of what I do with MY body.
Now there are two of us who refuse to consort with politicians.
A man that will sleep with me and then devalue me for sleeping with HIM is not for me. A man who devalues me for making a decision to wait to have sex is not for me.
Thanks for the education.
I had to take a two-semester course in constitutional law, a few decades ago, and we were talking about the first amendment and pornography, the working definition of which then (I think it's still valid) was "an appeal to the prurient interest, utterly with artistic, social, blah, blah redeeming value". I raised my hand, eagerly enough for the prof to call on me, and I asked what was so wrong with an appeal to the prurient interest. There were some girls in that very classroom that appealed to my prurient interest- what was I supposed to do? Alert the authorities? Lol.
The messengers of both genders will all too proudly tell you what to do with your body, and tell me what not to do with mine, or my first amendment mouth (e.g., bring up my taste or interest in sexual intimacy).
Yeah, I'm a slut, by most common definitions. Lol. Sex is a form of intimacy, and no less legitimate, effective, clean or appropriate than anything else two mutually interested people might do together to explore each other. Do special responsibilities come with sex? Yes, but no more so than those riding on the words I speak or write to you. So, does that make me an honorable slut? Lol. Yeah, I think maybe it does.
Hmmm-ya know, you're quite a thinker.  | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 11:50:58 AM |
I don't jump through hoops or beg for a date or meeting. Any woman who demands this kind of behaviour is just looking to control or degrade someone so in short, no, I do not like "hard to get" women. I don't jump through anything neither I beg for anything...but I love "hard-to-get" men. I enjoy the game and when sex happens too early (doesn't matter if it's great, good, or just so-so sex) it's kinda disappointing. It cut off the romance, all the thrill, and I think - OK, next time I'll wait.
Men who don't even try to kiss or hug me on the very first date make me feel as a hunter. Good thing they don't read these forums | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 1:54:17 PM | Games are the worst part of dating anyone. Eithet you like someone or you don't. Either is fine and being up front and honest about it is the only way to go. If they play hard to get, they play alone. Most guys I know feel this way quite strongly.
Life is to be enjoyed. Not played. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 2:03:17 PM |
if a woman sleeps with you early on in a relationship, is it possible for you to develop real feelings for her, or is she always going to be a f*ck buddy in your minds?
Is it possible to develop feelings? Of course. Is it possible that they won't? Ditto. There are no guarantees one way or another.
As far as pursuing women goes for me, I may make the first move but if she shows no interest (plays hard to get) I'll move on......... | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/24/2009 2:08:08 PM | | So let me get this straight, Chum hangs around woman, with no intimacy or anything like that and only after he tells her about getting commitment she has sex with him. Yeah right! That works quite well with all the doormat idiots out there. Such woman would bore me after three dates, and from there on I am the one who will tell her, "hey, let's just be friends." End of story. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:04:23 AM | Yes , i must agree, they like the chase, they dont want an easy, clingy, needy women.
But i do think theres a fine line, you gotta throw them the bait , let'em nibble a little 
But i would never give up too much info about "playing the field" , thats just shootin myself in the foot !! | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:22:03 AM | | i know men who see the woman who holds off having sex as a trophy. some men see it as a challenge to conquer and others see honor in it, like the woman deems the man worthy enough to share themselves with them. i think that people can develop feelings for others with the ones who sleep with them early. might have to do with maturity levels. if she is needy, possesive and clingy -then i can see how he might just think of her as a piece of meat. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:28:14 AM |
If you don't have to work for something, then it has little or no value.... It's only when we put forth an effort into anything that we perceive the real value of it...
I wouldn't find fool's gold any more valuable just because someone placed an obstacle in the way of getting to it, nor would I find rhodium any less valuable because I stumbled into a pile of it. If anything, the value of something is lessened by deliberately placing an obstacle in the path of reaching it. Effort is only rewarding when the effort is intrisically required, not when the difficulty is artificially created. | |
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| Do men really like 'hard to get' women?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:37:37 AM | | I don't mind a little chase..if she plays a little unreachable or "hard to get"In a more playful manner ..but if she's trying to test my resolve and it goes on too long or shes playing the game too hard...then I just walk away and there's no getting me interested to come back. There playing hard to get but she is making sure he also knows she is interested, then theres the woman who play coy and cold to make the man "work for it" and make an effort to look uninterested to see how much he wants her...these types i have no time or patience for. | |
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