| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 8:16:06 AM | | I dont doubt that he cares. I think he cares however, when its all about him. He really crossed the line in dating an ex-patient. And then to see you before he ended that and not tell you was another biggie. Now hes pouting like a little boy because you have a problem with his contact with her. He should have been a man and told you he was in a precarious situation and when he took care of it started seeing you. This however is just my opinion. I see a lot of red flags here. I would proceed with caution. JMHO | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 8:39:28 AM | It amazes me that many people are so quick to blame the guy. As has been pointed out by some of the more perceptive posters, he didn't call his ex, she called him. She didn't even have his number, so obviously he hasn't been in contact with the ex. Not his fault.
it took him ages to even admit that he couldnt' forget some of the stuff that I'd said and it was going round and round in his brain.
That's quite understandable...you said some pretty horrible things to him. He's supposed to just forget it because you said you were sorry? It doesn't work that way. When you attack a person's character it is very hard for them to believe you when you tell them you didn't mean it. Obviously the thoughts had already been in your mind before you spit them out in a fit of anger.
I acted out of anger. I didn't want to hurt him.
Yes you did, or you wouldn't have said it. Your feelings were hurt so you responded in kind. Considering this last outburst was a repeat offense, I don't blame him a bit for having second thoughts. I'm not saying you two will never get past this, but I can almost guarantee that your relationship will never be the same now that he knows you view him as weak and needy.
One last thing...I noticed your profile says you drink more than three times a week. Correlation to your bad behavior, perhaps? | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:24:42 AM | | No I dont think hes fallen out of love with you x Doesnt sound that way at all to me. However youve said a few things that have hurt him and the hard part is that youve hit the nail on the head with the stuff youve said. Your right with your words but it wasnt his fault she contacted him. However the person that gave her the number is a stirrer and should be avoided at all costs. id leave him to stew on it no matter how hard that is on you. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:12:28 AM | well thank u everyone that has been kind enough to take the time to reply to me. 
I tried contacting him this afternoon. He had his phone turned off so I sent him a message saying "Hi I really need to talk to you. I understand you probably don't wanna talk to me at the moment but I'm really hurting. Please let me know where I stand" and when it finally delivered to his phone (he must have turned it on for a second) i tried ringing him and he rejected my call and turned it off again.
I've since sent one saying "Am i to presume it's over? After all the love we've shared and feelings? I really really love you and its breaking my heart" that was over 4 hours ago and his phone is still switched off | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:14:23 AM | | I'll let you in on another secret as well. His sister IS jealous of us, we know that - he knows that and he admitted that she would have given his number out to his ex in spite because she's jealous of us as she is not happy in her own relationship. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:23:36 AM | | dont fall into the trap of chasing him however hard you are finding things...if he is decent he will contact you,if only with an explanation..dont beat yourself up over his hang ups.. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:39:08 AM | Everybody is different and yes, some people can fall out of love that easily. I think you know and can sense the relationship is coming to an end. Once it gets to that point there is little you can do but accept it, morn the loss and move on.
The moving on part does not happen overnight. You will experience pain such as that you are experiencing...loss of sleep, can't eat.... I think you are wise not to get in touch and annoy him anymore. Some people say...talk to him, maybe you can work it out...but, it has been my experience that this doesn't help matters at all...you just end up feeling more pathetic.
It sounds to me like time appart is what is needed. Time can put things into perspective. So many people have little patience and really don't understand that by giving things time things do change. They want to know right then and there what is going to be. Well...that just makes things worse, where if you wait a bit and let the emotions settle both him and you will figure out what you want.
Sorry for your loss....nothing is permanent...just because someone is telling you they love you one minute does not guarentee they will feel that way tomorrow. Some people are fickle. The fact he was living with someone and persuing you does say alot about who he is. Try to learn what you can from this experience and understand that not all relationships will have an unhappy ending. Perhaps this was just meant to be...
I just read your other posts...it sounds like you are not allowing this thing time. Just know ...no matter how much you contact him and want to talk it out....it won't necessarly change things and make it better. Often it makes it worse. You can not force things to be the way they were. All you can do is give it time....if he really meant he loved you, he will realize this on his own, with time. You can not make him realize this. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:49:03 AM | OP has reason to not trust this person. This person cheated on his former gf for six weeks.
OP is correct that this person is needy and had to find another person before he'd let go of the first one. This would foster distrust with anyone.
OP is correct that this person is not exactly high in the "trustable" arena. Problem is....most people who cheat do not see it as wrong. Therefore, when they are taken to task about it, they will turn away rather than apologize and attempt to move forward by being a better person.
No. One does not fall "out of love" because of an adversity. If he can walk away now, it is because he always could. He should realize that he is approaching your relationship from the position of having been a cheater and liar to begin with....and as such, he has a lot of making up to do. I am not sure why the two of you had such a row over this one phone call, but I'm assuming it was because he actually gave her the time of day and chatted with her, instead of saying "Hey. I am in a relationship with someone I love. You and I are done. Time for you to move on. Goodbye".....which is what he SHOULD have done.
Those who lie and cheat ALWAYS find ways to rationalize their behavior. And "silent treatment" is just yet another red flag to indicate this person's inability to function well within a relationship. Silent treatment is immature and selfish.
I think there are much deeper issues here than a single post can reveal. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:59:52 AM | | The one thing i have trouble accepting is that only last week he text me after the actual argument and said he could not contemplate not having me in his life, he would be heartbroken. So how can he go to silence and block me out now? If he felt all of that I dont' think he could be able to, which leads me to believe it was a load of bulls | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:11:25 AM | I know you are hurting...I could be a little jaded. But, I have had men say the sweetest most endearing things you could imagine. I believe they meant it at the time. But, things change and just because they said it does not mean they will always feel that way. I know the things that were said to me made me fall for this person even more. But, when things changed I took that as a cue...to distance myself....it is necessary to give them space.
The only way you are going to know if he really meant what he said is to give him his space and let him come to you on his own terms. Again, you can not make someone feel something for you. All you can do is give it time and wait and see...actions do speak louder than words. At least now you will know, by how he acts, if he truly meant what he said. Words are cheap...don't keep hanging on them...if his actions don't change, at least you will know he isn't who you thought he was anyways.
And btw... the silent treatment sometimes speaks louder than words. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:54:47 AM | He lied to you about living with someone else.
He lied to "everyone" by keeping that relationship a secret.
He was behaving unethically by living with a former MENTAL patient from his work.
You believe him when he claims he didn't give his former lover his phone number?
I hope this character is worth missing sleep and meals over.
My advice would be to take a good look at who this person really is-- be honest with yourself. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:09:10 PM | | divineadvisor what you've said really does make sense to me, its just so hard not to feel overwhelmed with helplessness at not being able to talk to him and empty feelngs of never being with him again. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:51:22 PM | I completely understand.... what ever you do though....don't contact him. it is not going to make anything better. try to get out today....do anything to try not to think about it. go somewhere...do something fun....get a facial, message or your nails done...go shopping....visit a friend..a long walk...anything...just don't contact him. if you must then morn...stay in bed...read a book. but, whatever you do just be really good to yourself. heartache is so hard.... i am so sorry. but contacting him will not solve any problems it will just make it worse. if you must contact him...wait a few days or even a week (the longer the better). Plan out what you will say. but, if you contact him you won't know how he truly feels. you won't know if he is just being polite and tring not to hurt your feelings...by saying something like "i think it is time we end it..you are a great person, but...." you risk an awkwardness of putting him on the spot. he could be rude and angry, like you said he was acting.
i know i personally would want to know that when he contacts me it is because he truly meant he could not go on without me. These are all things you won't know if you contact him. You can't make it happen...he has to be the one to contact you. also, if you show self restraint and don't contact him it will give you a sense of selfesteem. You will prove to yourself that you will not humilate yourself for anyone.
good luck....these things are very hard...but, they pass and how you handle the situation now will effect how you feel about yourself...it can actually be very empowering knowing that you can handle the most difficult of emotions and not crumble and give up your sense of self. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:23:47 PM | Hi, i just read your post and no, not other posts. (Not yet!). If I were you? I would sort myself out. What am I doing to myself? 7 months aint long, but how is it that you are making excuses for the wrong things he should have known better? the feelings of emptiness you are feeling now is so common, you have not just learned to cope with it. Once you do, there's more to come! Oh dear, if I were the boy, I would stick my neck out , and no girlfriends for a while, and I would stand up to the ex-girlfriend, and to you i would also sort myself out. So you wont have any illusions on what this relationship is about.
Why am I sounding so cruel? Coz, i've been in the mincemixer as well as anyone else. Bu I now apolozise, but if you need to hear the head speaking, i'm here.  | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 3:28:24 PM |
I'll let you in on another secret as well. His sister IS jealous of us, we know that - he knows that and he admitted that she would have given his number out to his ex in spite because she's jealous of us as she is not happy in her own relationship. Now you know how this argument started. His sister passed his number on to the ex, so he ex would ring him, and that would make you insecure about the relationship, and that would make you volatile and end up having an argument with him, because she knows him well, and knows that he would back off and if she's gotten to know you, she knows that you would react this way too.
I've known many women who played these sort of manipulative games and were very good at them. They happen all the time, and they've ruined many relationships. But that doesn't have to mean that it will happen to you.
If you want proof of this, call her up and invite her over for coffee. But pretend to be quite happy and content in your life, and don't discuss him at all. If she has any interest in playing games, she will keep trying to bring the conversation back to him, and how miserable you must be without him. When you explain that he wouldn't want you to be unhappy, whether or not you are together, she will keep trying to give you excuses as to why you should be miserable without him. This alone will confirm that it was her who instigated the break-up. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:15:40 PM | To each gesture... its proportionate response.
I have to agree with most people here. Sure, he might have lied at the beginning, that's his part of the fault. Yet in this most recent turn of events, I think you are *mostly* the one to blame. Giving him hell for something that's not his fault at all. So in the end, you've got the bigger part of the fault, and need to apologize for it.
Why send these aggressive messages if you want a response?
"Hi I really need to talk to you. I understand you probably don't wanna talk to me at the moment but I'm really hurting. Please let me know where I stand"
"Am i to presume it's over? After all the love we've shared and feelings? I really really love you and its breaking my heart"
Nowhere do I see an apology. Just more blame for breaking your heart and an ultimatum to forgive and forget, like if the whole situation was his fault. It's not a pissing contest among men. You're a woman, you're supposed to be all wise (and whatever other stuff feminists feed society) and be able to apologize for your mistakes.
Seriously though, why not say: "Hey, I'm really sorry for what I said. I apologize. I know you must be hurt. I'm hurt by all this as well. I'd like to talk to you. Please get back to me."
When you back down, peace is made.
Plus words and feelings are of the instant. Things change. And it seems things have changed. Go help them change back in the right direction instead. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:51:58 AM | | well i did receive a text but it's just basically saying that i really hurt him, he doesn't think that I can love him if I can treat him that way, and that he thought we were going somewhere really special but Saturday made him feel stupid to even think that. He says I don't even know how he is feeling right now. I have said I'm sorry and I love him. I don't know what else to do. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:00:33 AM | Hes not done anything wrong from what youre saying, youve acted like a right drama queen and pushed him away and rightly he's had enough and rethinking the situation, sorry to be harsh but thats the way it is.
He didnt give her the number.. she got it from someone else... you basically abused him verbally and then wonder why he dosent come running back to you like an obdient little puppy? as thats the way hes been acting, he opens up to you and what do you do? kick him because you can.
Like some women you seem to think because he was all over you and loving, you had the upper hand... so you push it and push it... secure in the knowledge that he will come back everytime.. well this time he hasnt.. hope youve learnt your lesson. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:25:00 AM | Caramelcakes
Get over this guy, he was dating his ex-mental patient at the same time he was seeing you? Where isn't that just a huge red flag... All you did with him is set some boundaries, he shouldn't have even been dating you with loose ends like he had, he was in a relationship while he was courting you, what a cad...
You are a athletic young chic, black hair you say, you got the world by the tail, todays day and age you can literally do anything in the world that you could dream of, so take some time to your self. what do you want to do...
Soul mates do exist, you have to have the pheromones first, smell the inside of each other wrists, if you feel a little light headed after a couple of slow deep inhales. and the secret is both have to feel that way, look at their eyes , you will see it if they feel the bliss. that feeling, that is the base you are looking for. have fun with that....
I wouldn't give that dude another chance, and do not feel guilty, sounds like its being turned around on you a little, at the same time you do a good job beating your self up. a self empowerment course would be a cool thing to do.
Ever thought about moving to Canada Eh? have a smiley day and never give up on finding a soul mate, so worth the search, the pain, the waiting, just have fun on the way.
william | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:40:28 AM | | Thats what "HE" said! You need to run! He lived with her while dating you? (your first sign) Come On if he did not want the woman to know where he was WHY would his SISTER give out his number? (your second sign) People argue, people say things while arguing that they don't mean. If he truely love you a stupid argument would not cause him to disappear. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:48:24 AM | | well there's nothing more I can do. His mob is off again today. I have text him and said that I really love him and to please give me a chance to prove that I'l never hurt him again. I've also said that I gave him the chance when i found out he was living with another girl because I thought he was worth it. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:18:49 AM | but he now says that he's sick of having to cast his mind back to his past and being judged on it and that I should take a look at my own before I judge others. He said he wishes he had told me he was already with someone then I would have probably walked away and he wouldnt' be left feeling like this.
I am so devestated. I can't stop crying. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:41:29 AM | OP - I've had relationships with women who walked out on me. But from what you post it seems that your date was shattered by your comment about him being needy. Also I think it was good you waited until you guys no longer worked together before moving forward with the relationship.
As for him not mentioning his live in friend. That may not have necessarily been a bad thing. He could have wanted to be more confident your situation before voicing more about the situation. Also your opinion of him could have made such a difference to him emotionally that he could not handle the comments you made. Although I do believe that some feelings accelerate faster than others, his may have graduated at a less rapid pace. That is the feeling were growing by not to the point were you could say anything to him. And he would still stick around. But if you really like one another then you may want to consider how you come across even if you exceed to point where he is less likely to run away from you. | |
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