| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:10:25 AM | | OP STOP IT....Cant you see he's turning this all around on you. Just stop this crying and texting......hes loving it. Sit back.take a few long breaths...pity yourself for a moment if you must, and move on. Nest time make sure someone doesnt have baggage before starting a relationship. No matter what anyone says, seeing an ex patient of his is so crossing a line here. Which proves how unstable he probably is. Then you brought up his sister being jealous. If he cared that wouldnt matter 1` tick of the clock. Just get yourself together......go to counsling if you must, but leave him alone. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:12:56 AM | | he doesn't seem like he'll ever give me the chance though - not even to talk to him over the phone, everything he is saying is over text messages. He hasn't actually finished with me but it's obvious he's given up on us. And that hurts big time. I know what I did was very very wrong but we had an otherwise, happy caring loving relationship that like he said, felt like it was going somewhere special. I just can't believe he'd be willing to turn his back on that. I'd do anything now to turn back the clock and take away those angry words. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:17:56 AM | OP - I reread the thread. And really believe you are like a past girlfriend who walked out on me. All I have to say is. Your guy in this situation is probably just as flightly and sensitive to comments and rejection as you are.  | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:36:33 AM | he's come back to me, says he loves me. I asked why he wouldn't let me speak to him and he said he was 'determined' to stay angry with me on Sunday. He said the thoughts were wirring round and round in his head. He says he wants to give us another try to get back to how we used to be. I asked him if he had any intention of dumping me and he said 'of course I didn't', he said he needed to lick his wounds.
And yet, still things aren't quite right. He is still affectionate with me, but he's not texting me as much in the day, he used to tell me he loved me - over and over - he's not. I have to ask him. I know it's only been two days but I'm scared I've damaged this now forever. I know I should just back off now, but it's hard when you've gone from having a totally head-over-heals in love man to one that seems somehow indifferent.
I'm still doing my own head in.... I don't know what advice i'm looking for, just if any one else has been in this situation? | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:11:28 AM | Poor Dear...Hang in there...You will find a lot of good support from folks on this site...This issue is yours alone...I have no great words to offer you...Hang in there, you will figure this out...
Do not listen to the demented wackos that have twisted issues of their own... | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:27:53 AM | | OP - Well, you say you are with one another. Apparently he still likes you. I'd consider how you manage your anger. That way you both won't do something you may not have necessarily wanted later. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:16:42 PM | I really don't know...but, I can tell you what I think and that is I doubt things will ever be the same. You called and called and texted and texted...what type of respect would anyone have for someone who did that. He might have accepted you back ...but, who really knows his motives. Maybe he just doesn't want to be alone...maybe he is going to give it just one more try to see what happens...who knows. You did not let him come to you on his terms and that puts you at a disadvantage. Not only that....you might have some very good reasons for feeling insecure...personally I think you do. His sister gives out your number to the ex....it sounds like him and his family make you feel like crap. why do you want to stay with someone who makes you feel like crap and insecure? He was deceptive from the beginning. He sounds manipulative. Anyways, like I said ... I really don't know ...but, that is what it sounds like to me. It is just a bad idea to act and feel so insecure...i can't see it helping any relationship. You should look at why you feel this way.....
Good Luck | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:49:55 PM | OP, you are blowing it. He's told you he wants this to work. He's told you he had no intention of dumping you. Heck, how long were you apart, a day, two? You have to stop being impatient. Love takes time, and you want immediate constant reassurance. Your own experiences need to be your judge, not his constant stroking of your ego.
You can do better than this. Be the better woman. Rely on your feminine intelligence. Don't be at the mercy of your emotions.
If you can not avoid following your emotions, be honest with him, and say that you will make his life a nightmare, and are only capable of hearing sweet nothings by men who will lie to you for sex.
IF you can get a grip on your emotions, and let your head rule your heart, you will realise that the most sensible thing to do, is to do nothing, and just let things work. Because anyone can see that if you stop over-analysing this, and just get on with life, then you will not have any more problems.
You are over-reacting and you know it. Be the better woman. You know it's in you. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:27:25 AM | I have been with a wonderful man for 7 months. I have never been this happy before in a relationship. Happy???
During that seven months you've constantly started threads in these forums, because you're insecure and you constantly suspect he's no longer interested in you.
That's your idea of a "happy" relationship? | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:36:39 AM | You don't seem very happy to me either. The level of drama in your relationship would make me crazy. But if you are happy with someone that lies, pouts, ignores you, has a family that does not like you and plays games then you seem to have it all in one big package.
How does your kid feel about this guy? Is she comfortable with a man going in and out of Mom's life/bedroom and making her cry for days at a time? | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:17:15 AM | | I think his major issue is the fact that you arent letting him get over the fact that you told him you trusted him then when the first sign of having doubt, you flipped out. Theres a piece to this thats missing and if you covered it after the original post, I apologize, but what exactly happened with his ex when she called him? Did he take the call, go to meet her, etc? Or did she just try to call him and he blew her off? Its not his fault that his sister gave this woman his number. Obviously he has done his best to avoid this woman. Maybe you should look at that as a compliment to how he feels about you rather than the actions of another person that he had no control over. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:48:51 AM | I love him dearly but i've had enough now. I am banging my head against a brickk wall. He is denying anything is wrong, gets annoyed with my requests for reassurance (Yet before embraced it with open arms)
He Makes out he's a sleep when I try and hug him then says its all in my mind and that it's me thats living in the past and won't let us move on from whats happened.
when i ask him if he loves me he says yes, but still the distance....
I know how he was with me before, I am an intelligent woman so obviously I'm gonna notice the difference.
He used to be insecure, always asking for reassurance and my love for him, which I used to give... he always said to me "I dont' mind u being insecure, one day we'll work through that together, one day you'll realise how much I love you but dont' keep; it bottled up - share it with me then i can help. I could talk to you all day about your insecurities, just don't like it when you accuse me"
but now he just sighs and gets angry when I ask him or p0int anything out.... I feel like I'm going mental. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/8/2008 1:54:33 PM | I think you both need to talk and listen to each other instead of arguing. You have some trust issues with him because he was dishonest, however, if you haven't seen this type of behavior after the first incident then you should have cut him some slack.
He needs to reaasure you also that there's is nothing going on between he and his ex-girlfriend. You both should try to work this out and not attack each others character. Stick to the facts of a disagreement and work through it. It's okay to disagree, but you have to be fair.
I don't think he has fallen out of love with you. I think you've bruised his manhood with your words and this has really hurt him. Give him time and make sure you both apologize to each other. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:38:31 AM | He simply doesn't feel the same anymore, he's thinking hard, and probaly that your not the girl he thought you were, damage done unfortunatley.
Time, and I am sure you will get your response, you gutted him from the sound of it, its unrealsitic to expect it to smooth over so soon, and it doesn't show how sorry you are to expect him to forget it so easily,
but if he is holding on to it so tightly and sulking that is not a good sign about him either
love is such a ........ | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:47:53 AM |
I love him dearly but i've had enough now.
OP - Can you handle not be emotionally distant from him? Honestly. You say you love him but suggest he is not making himself available to you. Actually you seem to be comfortable functioning under these conditions. If he does not respond well to how you are. Then I'd don't disagree that its probably not going anywhere. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/11/2008 3:49:36 PM |
I know how he was with me before, I am an intelligent woman so obviously I'm gonna notice the difference.
If you want him to be closer to you OP then being open with him that you want him to be there for you how he had been. It is not abnormal for the relationship to cool off after the honeymoon period. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:36:57 PM | Seems to me ...that BOTH..parties..Need & would Benefit greatly, from taking a Little bit of a break from eachother..to re~evaluate thier feelings?? Why not suggest some downtime OP?? for the both of You?? Suggest a month apart..IF this relationship was meant to b..It will Be..But i am getting the VERY uneasy feeling that You are pushing for IT...and he is Just too insecure with the fact of loosing you altogether..to let you go! VERY unhealthy gounds for any relationship...Both of You should take some time out..and apart...and reconnect in a months time to discuss wether or not you want to continue with this relationship..IF it's salvagable or not..Good Luck!!! | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:57:42 PM | CARAMELCAKE WROTE:
**********To cut a long story short I asked him to take me home, which he did and he didn't seem to bothered by it either. We had a talk when we got to mine and he said that he did feel a bit different, not that his feelings had changed but he had basically undergone a 'character assassination' last week and he was finding it hard to get over it, feelings were still werring round in his head. He wasn't as reassuring about his feelings like he is normally if I'm feeling insecure, didn't seem to come near me, which is totally unlike him.
Only last week, he was telling me every five mins, how so in love with me he is, how I'm perfect for him, he's never loved anyone like this before etc, etc. *********
You are singing my tune!! I could have written this myself. I was seeing someone I met on here and he exclaimed his undying love to me all the time - that I was "the one" - and then a woman he'd been seeing before me (a married woman) called him (unbenounced to me) to tell him her husband was leaving her, and I felt this distance that he kept saying it was just because he was stressed about his finances - then one night he didn't answer my phone calls - found out he had been with her that night.
I broke up with him the next day. He said he did what he did because I just couldn't leave it alone. I couldn't leave it alone because his head was somewhere else and I knew it.
Bottom line is... if you have to question it, there IS something wrong. We don't want to see the signs or overlook the red flags. I was heartbroken... and he was selfish. Instead of telling me he wasn't sure about us, he told me right until the end how much he loved me. He lied because he wanted her... at my expense.
All I can say is, spread bad karma around like that and it comes back to you tenfold. They will know that pain someday.
Sharzi | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 1:01:38 AM | What a terribly hurtful situation. I'm sure you're having a myriad of emotions and probably none of them good. Honestly though, I think it's telling that this man was capable of completely lying to you and deceiving you about something as important as living with another woman for three months of the beginning of your relationship. This kind of dishonesty in the virtual beginning of a new relationship will not build future trust, it will build insecurity when the liar is caught, and well it should.
You are correct to be insecure. You are correct to be jealous. You are responding naturally and normally to someone who cannot be trusted. I'm not saying that he won't eventually become trustworthy down the road someday, but this man needs time and space alone to figure out what he wants next and what he's doing. He's obviously confused and insecure because he had to lie to you about his dating status, instead of being upfront and honest when you met him.
Let this man have his space. In other words, as hard as it may be, start taking care of you again and focus on working out, bubble baths, watching movies that help you feel better or at least comforted, see other friends you trust and appreciate, cry on your best bud's shoulder, but leave this guy alone for a while. And I wouldn't call him either. If he comes back to you, fine, ponder on it carefully, but I would watch my back if you go on as if nothing ever happened. You don't trust him, hon. There is good reason that you don't.
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Okay, well, I read the last page of this thread just now and see that things are moving toward a reunion between the two of you but you admit that things are not the same. Things are not going to be the same, unfortunately. You don't trust this man. You should not trust this man. He is not trustworthy.
It's not easy to find one you can trust completely, who is mentally and emotionally healthy. I say, be careful, and start reeling in those heartstrings a little. I see future heartbreak ahead if you don't take things a little slower and try and reign in your emotions. I don't believe this man is ready for a mature, healthy relationship. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 4:56:23 AM | well it looks like i was right. We got into a massive argument last night over something trivial, and he blurted it out that he doesn't f**king love me! (in his words) then he denied that saying he did. I asked him to swear on his son's life that he did love me - (something he has done on numerous occasions in the past to prove he was telling the truth) and he refused. Even when I asked him to leave. He said I make it hard for him to love me EXACTLY what he said about the ex!!
I asked him if he loved his ex and he said he had thought he did - but he obviously didn't and now he's using the same lines about me!
I'm not exactly surprised. He left his wife for someone else and was with her for 4 years, before he left her. Before he left the second woman he was actually sleeping with someone else from work but reasons this by saying that when a relationship is over you look at things differently.
I am gutted, I'm not going to lie. But he says I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship etc, etc well from the sounds of his history he has never really love anyone but himself.
I just hope I get over him real quickly. I just feel so unlovable and rejected by the fact he said he didn't love me | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:30:01 AM | He was also dating/living with someone else when he took up with you. Asking someone to swear on their child's life to prove their love for you is a very sick and twisted way to hold on to a man. Get out now. The drama the two of you inflict on your children is just sad.
Since the two of you work together and he also has another Ex he works with, I would seriously consider looking for another job. Seeing this man at the work place is not going to help you move on, nor is it going to make your career flourish. Bosses hate in-office romances because they add drama to everyone else's work day too. | |
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