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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:38:21 AM | Caramelcakes....
Everything you're writing is almost identical to what I've just gone through. If you'd like to read my blogs on another site, I'm sure you would see definite similarities.... I can relate so well to everything you're saying.
People like that are selfish... they look for their own happiness at other people's expense. I know you're hurting... on the 27th it will be 2 months since I found out and broke up with him. I am still feeling pangs of pain from being treated so calously.
What he's doing will catch up to him someday.
Sharzi | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:41:29 AM | | I'm in so much pain. I keep thinking to myself that maybe it has happened for a reason as like some people have said, any man that can lie about living with someone else has a definate character flaw. He says I've got issues?? He obviously needs to look close to home as well. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:49:54 PM | People always say that ... "You've got issues" ... and especially when they are the guilty party. It's much easier to point a finger at someone than to own up to what you've done. Justifying it, just eases their conscience. But, as much pain as he's caused you, he will get that back someday.
Email me privately if you like. I know exactly how you're feeling.
Sharzi | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/12/2008 9:12:50 PM | Just take this one day at a time, Caramel. Trust in what you believe in to get you through this and take care of yourself as I've already mentioned. Get support from these forum threads, private email, and real time friends and family. I hope you can steer clear of the man as I don't think he'll be good for you and he may attempt to play you some more and return--in other words, pull one of those on again off again deals which are so not fun. They are terribly dramatic, draining, and numbing. They are not healthy.
I would suggest taking a break from relationships for a little as well. Take the time to reflect, get some insight into what you really want next in your life, and review this whole situation as to where you may have made your mistakes in judgment or whatever pops up during your review, so that when you are actually ready to date again, you'll have this baggage put behind you.
Please hug yourself daily from me as well. You're going to be fine. Believe in yourself.  | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:42:41 AM | | Thanks. I feel much better today. I just feel as though I don't need someone that unstable in my life anyway. also that if it hadn't have happened the other day, it would have happened eventually anyway and probably when he had someone else lined up already. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 4:51:02 AM |
I asked him to swear on his son's life that he did love me - (something he has done on numerous occasions in the past to prove he was telling the truth) and he refused.
WHY on earth would you say that? From what I can see throughout this thread, youre putting so much pressure on him constantly to "prove" that he loves you.....if you really loved him and wanted it to work, you sure wouldnt be looking for reassurance all the time, you would be doing what you could to reassure him that you love him, not the other way around. Its like you have this backward. And as a parent myself, it wouldnt matter if I loved a man with all my heart, if he asked me to swear to it on my childs life Id tell him to f*** off. You were WAY out of line there darlin, sorry to say but geez. If youre not comfortable in how he feels about you, instead of trying to pry it out of him and force him to say things he doesnt feel, then maybe you need some space so both of you can breathe and decide what you want. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:04:58 AM | well it works both ways you know. He's asked for reassurance over and over again in this relationship (which I have given him on numerous occasions) and for the record he used to voluntarily swear on his child's life - without me even asking, when he wanted to prove something to me.
I feel so down again today. Lost and lonely and cannot stop crying. I cannot believe that only 3 weeks ago he was saying how much he loved being in love with me coz it was such a warm feeling.
I keep thinking the bad things etc, but then it all comes back to me how hurt and lost i feel and i just end up feeling just as bad a few days later. I don't know where to go or what to do to make myself feel any better. I love him so much. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:13:00 AM | ^^^ don't you just get bored to death with all the insecurities both on his part and yours. I am bored to death just reading about it. I wish I could delete this thread from my forums list. life is too short. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:18:13 AM |
^^^ don't you just get bored to death with all the insecurities both on his part and yours I think she actually thrives on that insecurity.
Have a look at her forum history. She's started numerous threads on the insecurities in her relationship. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 8:28:41 AM | | hi i bd there to i was with this guy name yanik for 5 yours and know that he hass a gf he sd to me he dos not love me i know how you feel bout there are more man out there for you i just mt a nice guy and know we are going out some times you just have to move on with your life it is hd bout some times you have to . | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:28:44 AM | | I was almost ready to be in favor of loclet's post, when I realized something. If he was with a known mental patient, in a relationship at that, he may have some self esteem issues, and you just happened to step on his toes. He may play out for the victim role, and run with the ball when he gets the response he needed to make you the bad person, and he wants to get you in a position to be in debted to him, and he will take advantage of each and every opportunity to indulge his sickness. It is illegal for a employee to get involved with a client in the first place, if that was the case. That is a clue. Allowing someone to be mean to his son should have invoked an immediate response to get out. However the fact that you said things to him, was enough to make him leave? What is wrong with this picture? I think maybe this was a blessing in disquise. Something is not siting right here. Leave it alone, find a real man. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:37:54 PM | I want a pic OP. And I agree that the guy worked at a mental hospital and dated customers.  But seriously have fun with it sweetheart. I'd enjoy things and have fun.  | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:53:20 PM |
I have never been this happy before in a relationship.
There is your first clue....
. After 3 months, I found out he'd been living with someone for the first 6 weeks of our relationship.
And you still stayed with him....that was your second clue....
Reason being, the person he was in a relationship with was an ex-patient at the mental hospital where we worked. He had had enough of this relationship because he was deeply unhappy. She had a borderline personality disorder and was very abusive and was horrible to his young son, coz she was jealous. He said even though he knew it was wrong, when I emailed him it gave him and opening out of his situation, which was pretty dire.
She was just another you.......sounds like he is the one with BPD...
Maybe he met someone else....and now YOU are the mental case ex.....
The red flags were just a flying..... | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:39:17 PM | 1/ Man wants sex.
2/ Man joins dating site.
3/ Man cant get off with woman he really fancies.
4/ Man takes whatever comes along.
5/ After sex a couple of times man realises this really is not the woman for him.
Its a very common story.
Just coz you get a message from a man doesnt mean you were top of his list........ | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:31:34 AM | | what the hell are you on about harrabyman, they didnt even meet on a dating site as far as i can tell or see in the history. It seems to me that yes of course the relationship started off terribly wrong but it wasnt a long way into the relationship the truth came out. She had a choice then to walk away but chose not to, its not like she was in love with this guy then. It seems since then he has dine everything to put things right but seems to get it thrown back in his face all the time. He must have done something right for her to fall in love with him as for the mental patient line, well no one knows the true facts about that but are so quick to judge. Why oh why do women have to constantly compare things with relationships, why should the past matter, surely it is about the here and now and how you make each other feel | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:00:54 AM | Gosh, When I read stuff like this it really makes me want to give up on women and go out and buy a bigger boat and get a dog.
Caramelcakes, He might have issues.....but you are just as bad if not worse than the last girl friend. You have abused him. Why would he want to come back to you? You would just do it to him all over again. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:29:02 PM | | some people say it's my fault this has ended this way, other people say it's his for being a cad and lying to me in the first place. Well, I'd say it's pretty much 50/50. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking. First I thought he was destined to break my heart anyways coz he lied to me and cheated. Then I thought well hang on maybe it was my fault for beating him around the head with the fact that he had done that to begin with. But do you know what, at the end of the day it was the both of us... you can't just walk away from something so easily if the feelings there were as strong as he said they were but he did. Just like I could never walk away from him despite the fact that i had EVERY REASON not to trust him in the relationship. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:48:49 PM | I have just started using this, make that perusing these forums and it seems like it will be worthy of my wisdom.
We shall see and If I continue I will use a different username.
As far as the answer to your question, which really is quite easy; he never was in love by any definition of the word with which I am familiar, unless you are equating it with lust.
Therefore, it was quite easy for him.
By the way the answer is not with or about him but with you.
From Day ONE he was using and abusing you and he is so unhealthy as to chose a WOW borderline personality over his young son. You sorta worked thru that! Then you sorta worked through a few other things.
I am sorry that you never had such a love and for your sake and worth I hope you never have another one like that.
You work in the mental health field. Get a good female counselor.
You are worth more. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:08:20 AM | He didnt fall out of love "easily" ... you pushed him there... intentionally or not.
We all have arguements and I agree its important to feel secure when you have a disagreement that a relationship can weather a bad spot, but its important as a couple to make some ground rules as to what is and isnt damaging....and where the limits are.
He probably started feeling like, "uh oh, I'm stepping into another bad situation" and he panicked. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster and it will eat at a healthy relationship in particular.
Also .. this guy himself may not be as emotionally stable as you think either... he was dating a mental patient! lol
Give yourself some real thought and realize 7 months really isnt a long time in a relationship to get to know a person... pay attention to your feelings and his ....
you're apparently still in the decision-process of this new relationship.... perhaps you' re the one falling out of love ....?
Food for thought. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:48:22 AM | wait......he sounds like my ''husband''''' won't go through the story
he had an abusive ex!!!!!!!!!!! right????????? and lived with somebody ....i never knew about.....................OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then calls me the abuser to people!!!!!!!!!!!! in the meantime!!!!!!!!!!! he punched me in my vagina while i was pregnant.......tried to committ suicide......i saved his life................he was in a mental institution....................she did not get the number from sis......he is trying to SHAG his ex.................because my ex tried shagging me with his live in girlfriend that he has ~ sounds like your are the girlfriend, right, eh? contact me if you need to know more of the identical psychopath pattern!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he is my ex husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/2/2008 5:05:20 PM |
To cut a long story short I asked him to take me home, which he did and he didn't seem to bothered by it either. We had a talk when we got to mine and he said that he did feel a bit different, not that his feelings had changed but he had basically undergone a 'character assassination' last week and he was finding it hard to get over it, feelings were still werring round in his head. He wasn't as reassuring about his feelings like he is normally if I'm feeling insecure, didn't seem to come near me, which is totally unlike him.
Basically you were being a drama queen and expecting him to cater to your whims as he usually does.. but because you as yourself put it gave him a charector assasination a few days before hes probably wondering if you are as physco as his ex to be honest youre acting like you are and hes wondering if the drama is worth it...
i suggest you call him, tell him you realise how badly you have behaved and you wont do it again BUT you will leave him alone for a week or so to have some space and come to you in his own time.. that will build trust that you CAN leave him alone if you say you will and he may return... if not.. yeah you pretty much blew it. | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/2/2008 5:30:13 PM | | Gee I wonder why after verbally castrating him. Not once but three times in the same week. I would have left you the first time......................It sounds like you are very insecure and sabotaged your own relationship | |
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| could he have fallen out of love this easily
Posted: 8/2/2008 5:59:24 PM |
I have been doing a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking
... yep and this is why things go wrong sometimes; overthinking .. over-analyzing .. and misguided anger ..
I think when you got back together you should have allowed the relationship to progress slower ... not asking for the same level of affection but rather letting it happen slowly, more naturally, and not in the aftermath of fresh emotional wounds. What I suspect is that he was still feeling hurt, and it may have felt contrived for him to profess his love with the same intensity prior to your argument(s).
true love requires time, patience, and it needs to be based on a mutual decision (i.e. "yes, I want to love you")
I don't know how things will go for you, but in your shoes, I'd take a step back and just let things be for a while (even if it means you may need to move on.) Words can be forgiven but sometimes they're not easily forgotten ..
best of luck | |
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