| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:45:55 PM |
I see... since I don't share your opinion, I'm on my "high horse".
No its not that you don't have the same opinion. You don't have to worry though there are plenty of other people out there that share your moral convictions about monogamous relationships. It's quite prevalent. However what I stated was less a matter of opinion and more a matter of real human experience. So your opinion isn't conflicting with mine necessarily. It's conflicting with the reality of the situation. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:48:58 PM | As far as I'm concerned men can do all the looking they want. Oh, and so can women. I don't buy this crap that men need to "spread their seed". There is a difference between looking, fantasizing, and acting upon it.
If I hear it from a man's lips that "men aren't monogamous", he can give all the lip service he wants. He just won't be with me. Period, end of story. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:56:46 PM | | Men are born to not be monogamous . They married but tend to wonder. They date but still, are seraching while they date. They love but still in search, of loving as many as they can even when they have someone to love them. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:02:00 PM | | My observations have shown me that the majority of both sexes are not monogamous. The ones that howl the loudest about how true and faithful they are, are usually the most unfaithful. On several occasions I worked in environments where I was the only male working with a large number of women. It was an eye-opening experience and my final conclusions were that about 90% of all married women will be unfaithful if they are with the right guy in the right place and time. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:25:40 PM | Come on custis...90%...must be where you live...of all the women I know personally...only one ever has...and her husband knew?
All this talk about being monogamous forever? Semantics...all most women mean is exclusive when you are in a relationship? Not one person forever..though many would choose that if they could have it... | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:34:21 PM | | I have come to believe only recently that some men really truly only want one woman. It is a very wise and lucky man who realizes a woman needs to trust him completely in order to really release her passion for him. Then their relationship is elevated to a much higher level than what he could have with more casual relationships with many women. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:42:40 PM | I agree with post 230. People are confusing with the classic definition of monogamy of mating for life with the modern concept of exclusivity while in a "relationship." They also playing fast and loose with the concept of "cheating." An openly non-monogamous person isn't capable of "cheating," because they would make no promise of fidelity that would be broken.
I have come to believe only recently that some men really truly only want one woman. It is a very wise and lucky man who realizes a woman needs to trust him completely in order to really release her passion for him. Then their relationship is elevated to a much higher level than what he could have with more casual relationships with many women.
Of course, this is true under the mantle of BOTH people preferring a sexually exclusive relationship. It isn't true if both partners are non-monogomous, in which case the trust and resulting passion is based on other aspects of personality and compatibility than a shared need for sexual exclusivity. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:25:53 PM | That line is about a pile of B***S*** (you'll notice the caps)
Monogamous - the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner for a period of time.
Read above again.
Sorry about that, seems to be some confusion about what monogamy is. That being cleared up. It seems to me all people are "by nature" monogamous - it doesn't take more than two to make a baby and that is what sex is about from nature's point of view.
As far as men OR woman being monogamous in our society it is 1000% choice. It's called free will , courtesy of someone with a really warped sense of humor, and that whole land of the free, home of the brave thing. If someone tells you they aren't monogamous they are really saying, "I do not have the ability to commit to one person" and if that is how they want to live their life, fine, find people of a like mind and have all the fun you want. If this is not how you want to live your life, also fine, find someone of a like mind and make a commitment to be exclusive. And to both groups of people , if you realize the person you are with or want to be with is the other type, RUN!! RUN SCREAMING LIKE THE HOUNDS OF HELL ARE CHASING YOU!! | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:32:37 AM |
Monogamy is the custom or condition of having only one mate in a relationship, thus forming a couple. The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos, which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos, which means marriage or union. Serial monogamy is having no more than one sexual partner at a time but allows for multiple partners in a lifetime. In western culture serial monogamy is common; evidence of this is high divorce rates.
That ought to clear the confusion I suppose. Monogamy is connected to marriage for life. One partner till you die. Marriage is a social construct and isn't a matter of human nature.
So by the definition you can still use monogamy to describe human relations but the hook is that its more accurate to say we are serial monogamist.. which is kind of awkward. It's a deviation away from actual monogamy. I think its safe to say we are not monogamous in the sense we do have more then one partner over the course of our lives which is the cardinal rule of monogamy.
Further evidence that humans are not fully monogamous in nature is the prevalence of polygamy in other cultures. As well as high rates of adultery found in actual marriages. Never mind the masses of people who never get married. On and on the evidence shows that actual monogamy runs contrary to human nature. So the expectation of marriage(actual monogamy) runs contrary to human nature which isn't actually monogamous. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:58:14 AM | I've often wondered if the cavemen were monogamous. I mean when you think about it pack animals often have one male with many females, for animals that's just good sense. For people, however, there seems to be a slight ownership issue. Alot of women don't like to feel owned but men need to feel needed as much as women.
I want to feel owned and needed and still keep my independence. Can I do that? At the same time I want to make my future partner feel owned and needed as well, and still have them keep their independence.
Still I believe too many people marry out of fear of not wanting to hurt the others feelings or that's why they don't end the marriage. I think we need to go back to the state of mind where we knew we could die at any moment and just go with it. Stop being so bloody afraid. Can we have any of this? or is monogamy just a pipe dream? For men and for women. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:22:40 AM | "Come on custis...90%...must be where you live.."
It could well have something to do with geography, or even the type of people attracted to the job. I was young, single and horny as well as stupid. These women were pushing me into closets and literally raping me right and left. Some of them were people I never dreamed would cheat on their spouses. I remember one gal in particular, a brunette about 40, who carried a bible and prayed before she ate her lunch. She was insatiable and followed me into a dark and empty room two or three times a night every swingshift.
If you are a guy, under 40 and in good physical shape, just go to work in a nursing home for a while. My guess is you will find out that I am telling the truth and if anything, understating it. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:23:24 AM | "Monogamy is connected to marriage for life."
I totally disagree.
Monogamy to me means I'm committed to one woman while I'm with her.
You obviously made incorrect assumptions about *my* definition of monogamy based on more incorrect assumptions about my values and beliefs... hence your "being offended". | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:01:39 PM | tfence said:
Monogamous - the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner for a period of time.
Read above again.
Sorry about that, seems to be some confusion about what monogamy is. That being cleared up.
Care to share what "period of time" means? One night? a week? 50 years? How have you cleared it up? Um... WHAT exactly did you clear up?
If someone tells you they aren't monogamous they are really saying, "I do not have the ability to commit to one person" and if that is how they want to live their life, fine, find people of a like mind and have all the fun you want.
I just got out of a 15 year relationship with two 6-year relationships before that. My god, man, how long do my relationships have to last for YOU to consider them "committed"???
There is a huge amount of misinformation (and outright disinformation) about non-monogamous people. It is totally possible to be loyal, committed, loving, dependable, and honest in a non-monogamous relationship.
HERE'S SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS ME:
It's painfully obvious that monogamy doesn't create life-long relationships... looking around the monogamous POF members... so why do so many here knock alternative lifestyles?
James, Seattle, WAshington, USA, Earth | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:31:56 PM | | We aren't. Neither are women. Romantic love 'head in the clouds type' lasts approximately 30 to 36 months, long enough for you to get pregnant, deliver, and the child onto it's feet to follow the rest of the tribe of people as the women went out to pick veggies and the men to hunt. After that, the incredible urge to get together and mate with that same person declines. It is a marvelous thing about nature, we evolved this way. Men who stayed with women a shorter time might not have offspring that survived, and men who stayed much longer would have less offspring. Millions of years tailored our dna for us to behave in a way that enables maximum offspring in maximum combinations. For better or worse, genetically inspired behavior allows the guy to stay interested in the woman he impregnated long enough for the child to become somewhat independent enough (off of breastfeeding and completely dependent on the mom). Then on to the next person for both mom and dad, to enhance the different dna combinations with his and her genes to move on to the next generation. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:10:55 PM | Nope a man will still be on the look out as long as he can get away. A women can trust her partner ..completely , and really release her passion , most inner feelings , love him , worship him and still he will be on the hunt for other women . Especially if he is from POF and still on the re bounce from his divorce . The older men get the more they hang on to their memories of their last affairs, relationship or exs . Why because they are older and that's all they have to hang on to Memories . Any other women that comes into their life is just for a short time for sex and they move on or used any excuse to make her leave....One of their lines is I am taking medications it's the medicine! I need my space. Oh yes they talk a lot about their ex till they drive you away. Then they will talk about women they met on line what they did . Ok | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:07:54 PM | ooh seattle, so touchy, but, since you asked me to explain, I will.
The definition of Monogamous that I gave is directly from our friends at Merriam-Webster. Note the words SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. That does not address in any way the ability to be loyal, loving, dependable, honest, good or bad people. ONLY ONE PARTNER FOR A PERIOD OF TIME - My friend, if I really need to explain what that means to you than you are just in denial, but note it very clearly does NOT say FOR LIFE.
If someone tells you they aren't monogamous they are really saying, "I do not have the ability to commit to one person" and if that is how they want to live their life, fine, find people of a like mind and have all the fun you want. - To my fault, I should have added the word "sexually" at the end of that quote. I'll give myself 50 lashes, and I won't enjoy it..maybe
And as for my OPINION of how long a relationship needs to last to be "committed" - I am commited SEXUALLY from the moment I have decided to have sex with her until the moment I have decided I will never have sex with her again. But that's just me.
My post was not a knock at "alternative lifestyles" which brings up an interesting point, if you think not being monogamous is an "alternative lifestyle" doesn't that mean YOU think it is other than the accepted norm? hmmm.... Just screwing with ya
Needless to say, I stand by every word of my original post. Especially the running away part. | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:53:24 PM | I think , that line .....has changed women forever.....we now know....we must take care of ourselves...and our children.....we must expect our men to betray us....we anticipate heartache...we are suspicious at every turn....we are reluctant to get involved....and finally....we give up....and come to terms with being alone....And figure out...alone isn't so bad after all....!!!
BTW...I have not read this thread....nor do I care to.....the reality is.....the final outcome... | |
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| What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:10:38 PM | Re the Opost:
"C'mon....is this just a cop out for a man that needs an ego boost here and there? Men, do you really feel, deep down inside, that you were not meant to be with one woman for the rest of your life due to your 'wiring'?"
Indeed, for a man, and I do not see why for a woman as well, it is hard to imagine not making love to another person for the rest of their lives. Some people are IMO more self aware, some are not and find that along the way and during the LTR. They will promise an LTR but "cheat" down the line. Most people cannot sleep with only one person for 10, 15 0r 20 years. There are two types of monogamists. Most saythat they are and some even think they are, but their actions down the line say otherwise. Very few say and are indeed monogamous, over time.
"Everytime I hear a man use that line in conversation, I cringe."
Honesty and reality is indeed hard. That is why many people opt to bend both. So why cringe at honesty and self awareness?
As per responsibiity, well either we agree that affairs of the heart are that, thus not governed by logic or responsibility, the heart is fickle, or we throw away the heart and pretend it is Eros when in reality it is calculation based relations. Heart or logic. Cannot operate on both. Eros or Convenience/Angst/Commitment. Curtain A or Curtain B!
So, yes, most people IME do not "wind up" monogamous. | |
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