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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:31:50 PM | christy2luv,
You joke about wanting to be introduced to guys like GotFin mentioned--nice, single, successful, and in good shape. You yourself may well be very much motivated to meet guys like that.
But it's become clear to me that few of the women on these sites are sincere when they say that. Does dipping one toe into the water, dating-wise, let them tell themselves, their girlfriends, mom, etc. they're in the swim? A truly motivated woman would put in a lot more effort than what I see. With the insincerity so evident, it's galling to read all the complaints about how all they meet are low-lifes, liars, and bad lovers.
The profiles are a dead giveaway. Many either say next to nothing or are incomprehensible, and it seems every other one has misspellings. (Bulletin: there are dictionaries everywhere.) They often look like they were dashed off in ten minutes. The e-mailing's another indicator. I must send at least twenty for every one sent to me first. My messages always show I've read the lady's profile, and I've never sent one that wasn't friendly and appropriate. Any yet not one in ten is answered. I doubt that I'm any exception.
It's certainly an odd way for women to show how interested they are in meeting their dream men. Put next to no effort into your profile, or into searching for guys that look good and writing them. Then sit on your backside and expect great guys to trip over each other competing for the honor of first having you write them back, and then getting to spend their time and money on you. Even though, of course, for all any of these great guys knows, you could be a complete harridan, with the brains of a flea and the morals of a scorpion! Good luck. Uh ... tell me again what's in all this for me? | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:45:29 PM |
I must send at least twenty for every one sent to me first. You know, I just don't think it is my job to chase or throw myself at men, although I note that this seems to be sort of unusual for California. If they write me, fine, if they do not, fine too... I am perfectly happy all on my lonesome. EastSideEddie, who used to be here and left a while back told me... The treasure does not go looking for the seeker, the seeker finds the treasure.
A lot of men come on really strong here, just like the women, and then disappear. If they are truly interested, they will stick around, if not, then I didn't need or want them anyway. I am all for mindful acceptance of the present moment. Whatever happens, happens and I am not going to fret my fluffy little head over it. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:55:06 PM | Christy2luv
dofiagle... I still can't stop ... I've never seen anyone approach the filters by messaging through the forum... not sure why I think it's so funny.. but I do.
Don't feel alone I thought it was funny too. LOL I'd just found that mail filter and thought, "Well, shoot, I'll can beat that!" Hope I didn't embarrass her too bad. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:08:00 PM | There is one particular guy from California here who does this all the time to women. He keeps leaving and coming back under new screen names, expecting that no one will notice.
As long as it is a quick comment, it's fine. But drop it after one, or it looks stalkerish, aggressive and nasty. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:27:25 PM | When people are around each other, they can show interest in all sorts of ways--through their speech, tone of voice, facial expressions, body postures, the scents they wear, and so on. None of that's available online. So in person, a guy might smile and say hello to get a sense of whether a woman has any interest in him. Because he's free to do that, I understand why women would be reluctant to take too much initiative--to "chase" or "throw themselves" at men. In California or elsewhere.
But in this context, that same reluctance indicates an "I can take it or leave it" attitude toward dating--which you yourself express. That's your perfect right, but if that attitude is as common among the women on this site as it seems to be, it strikes me as odd even to call it a dating site.
As for the "seeker" and the "treasure," I notice the treasure in your friend's formulation is necessarily the woman. As a guy, it's not a very pleasant thought that a woman couldn't also treasure me. But it's also one that no longer surprises me much.
I often wonder what makes so many women on this and similar sites believe guys will keep jumping through hoops for them, unless they also believe they will eventually benefit. When these women, however fervently they may say they want to meet an attractive guy, in fact do so little to encourage that result, they are practically inviting the very guys they'd like to know to stop trying. And if two people DO become a couple, I think the one who tried much harder than the other to bring about that result is likely to resent it. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 12:26:19 AM |
Really? Have you seen the statistics of women who leave physically abusive men... and immediatley hookup up with another abusive man... and then another? Just for fun, read up on how the biggest problem at women's shelters is not the woman fleeing a bad guy, but coming back again and again... because she's attracted to abusive men but can't admit it. Again, personal experience -- knew a women that left a bad situation, got on with her life... her next boyfriend -- a just out of prison convicted murderer. "Oh, but it was just a homeless guy he punched to death, and he really didn't mean to kill the guy... he's really sweet and misunderstood". I'll never, ever forget her saying that.
That's really a broad generalization. Most women are not like that. Most women are not like you have described. At least not the women that I know. I hardly see womanhood reflected in your examples in the women that I know. It seems as if you are focusing on the worst examples of women and then broadly applying it to every woman.
I think it is a real shame when people need to watch a TV show to find out how to live. At least if you are reading a book, it's not a completely passive activity.
If watching a TV show helps you or reading a book or going to church or talking to a friend it doesn't really matter as long as you are getting something positive out of it. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:20:14 AM |
Have you seen the statistics of women who leave physically abusive men... That's really a broad generalization. Most women are not like that.
Do you have a citation to support that? | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 3:52:34 AM |
christy2luv,
You joke about wanting to be introduced to guys like GotFin mentioned--nice, single, successful, and in good shape. You yourself may well be very much motivated to meet guys like that.
Actually, I wasn't joking... I DO want to be introduced to the type of guy he described!
Does dipping one toe into the water, dating-wise, let them tell themselves, their girlfriends, mom, etc. they're in the swim?
Matchlessm...
After reading this several times, I still don't understand your analogy on the dating & swimming thing. In dating, what do you consider "dipping one toe into the water" and being "in the swim"? I'm not one for deep, analytical thinking and would prefer clear and concise questions.
A truly motivated woman would put in a lot more effort than what I see. With the insincerity so evident, it's galling to read all the complaints about how all they meet are low-lifes, liars, and bad lovers.
Ummm... Is this a generalization or should I be worried that you think I'm "unmotivated", " insincere" and a "complainer"? Either way... you made it sound like a compliment!  | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:16:17 AM |
But in this context, that same reluctance indicates an "I can take it or leave it" attitude toward dating--which you yourself express. That's your perfect right, but if that attitude is as common among the women on this site as it seems to be, it strikes me as odd even to call it a dating site.
actually, this IS a dating site--a site to meet new prospects for whatever one may be seeking, whether it's a lover, a ltr, a spouse, an intimate encounter, someone to go watch movies with, etc. not everyone is seeking the same degree of involvement or commitment.
imo, and from personal experience, some of us women adopt this "take it or leave it" attitude simply to retain our sanity when it comes to all things "dating". I've learned it's best to NOT place every ounce of hope early on into my dating prospects, hence avoiding setting myself up for failure and emotional turmoil if a relationship doesn't pan out. this is why some people can "date" more than one interest at a time, because they are not forcing the issue of making every person they meet a potential ltr or spouse.
in other words, personally, I don't let my hopes get too high.
sometimes, it's best to just let nature take it's course--either the sparks and chemistry is there or it's not, we can't force someone into loving us, let alone like us.
I think the one who tried much harder than the other to bring about that result is likely to resent it.
this puzzles me. is there a dating score sheet tallying up who made the most moves? | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:56:27 AM | matchlessm makes a VERY good point about women with the 3 sentence profiles, like they spent a whole 30 seconds on it. This tells me one of 3 things is going on:
1) She really doesn't care about dating, and it's OK with her that she's going to only get responses from guys sending form letters to EVERYONE, since nobody's going to get a feel for her personality in 3 sentences. She's put a bare minimum effort into dating and getting to know me, and will be a high risk of failing to show up for the date.
OR
2) She's illiterate and/or has no personality, creativity, or imagination. Sadly this DOES accurately describe some people, and I have no interest in dating them anyway.
OR
3) It's a fake profile by a spam-bot or some other trick to try to get me to sign up for some website... or she's simply a hooker. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:04:20 AM | Dr. Phil's first books are excellent - "Life Strategies" and "Self Matters". I don't too much care what degrees he has or doesn't have, he's has some great messages.
His best is something that EVERYONE needs to learn: "You teach people how to treat you".
This works for dates, kids, dogs... everything. I am amazed about how many people don't get this concept.
If you reward a child for throwing a tantrum (with a snack or attention), he's going to keep throwing tantrums. If you reward your date (with affection) when he/she shows up late/drink/bad attitude, they're going to do it AGAIN.
And to the guy who thinks I'm less masculine because I watch a show sometimes designed for women -- well, I DATE women, and it helps me understand their world and thought process by stepping into it from time to time. I learn a LOT by expanding my mind and experience outside of what people tell me I should experience. I'm not a sheep. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:32:19 PM | christy2luv,
An article I had published in a law review shows how obscurely I can write when I really try. It's worthless as law--but it cures insomnia like nothing else. I keep a copy in my bedside stand, and it's never taken more than two pages to do the trick.
I wasn't asking for an answer to my question, but just speculating. I'll rephrase it. I wonder if a lot of women post profiles on sites like this so they can kid themselves, their women friends, mother, or whoever else wishes they'd find a guy who's a keeper, that they're trying to--when in fact they're not making a serious effort. Like someone who's a little afraid of the water dipping their toe in the pool, so they can tell people they went in.
When so many profiles show almost no effort, and so many of the women here seem to take very little initiative, it strikes me as less than sincere when they then bemoan how all the good guys are taken, etc. It's kind of like hearing someone constantly complain that they just can't find any good jobs, when you know they spend very little time looking, fill out their application materials in pencil and don't proofread them, never speak to anyone in charge of hiring, and don't make follow-up calls.
I'm glad what I wrote came across as a compliment. I'm not trying to put anyone down--certainly not you personally. I'm just explaining why a lot of the lamentation I read by women on this site doesn't ring true. Most of them would do better to sharpen up their own games, rather than continually ragging on guys.
I'm well aware women are contacted by some disgusting men, and I only wish I could get one of these slobs to step into a boxing ring with me. But please don't think guys who do Internet dating get to avoid all that. I've had to cope with more than a few of their female counterparts, rudeness, personal insults, manipulation, selfishness, and all. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:57:25 PM |
should I be worried that you think I'm "unmotivated", " insincere" and a "complainer"? Either way... you made it sound like a compliment!
ROFLMAO ... Christy2luv what a brilliant response. Yes, considering the source of the comments I'd take it as a compliment! I knew I was reacting to him with a "eeeeeeeeewww. yuck" but couldn't come up with how to respond. You got it in one. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:59:03 PM | mztaken,
I don't see how a dating site could work if most of the women on it were pretty much indifferent about guys. If they're that blase about meeting men, what's to make the men all that interested, either? There's got to be a happy medium between "take it or leave it," and walking around on cloud nine every time someone of the opposite sex pays any attention to you.
How about if both men and women just showed a nice, friendly interest in people they were attracted to? I don't mind taking the lead, but it's not very encouraging when most of the people you're pursuing seem uninterested in meeting guys in general. I remember how good it used to feel, as a guy, to be aware that girls in general were so excited about us. I've heard all the reasons why so many women have become jaded and suspicious, but knowing why doesn't make the situation any less regrettable.
I don't know what you mean about scorecards, but I'm going to stick with what I said. Take two roommates. Both of them benefit if their apartment is clean and attractive. But if it's that way only because one of them takes the initiative to do all the cleaning, straightening, dishwashing, etc., wouldn't that person usually begin to resent the free rider? Or, if Amy and Barbara only do anything together if Amy calls Barbara and suggests it, do you think after a while Amy might start to wonder if it's worth it to be friends with Barbara? Just food for thought . . . . | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:14:52 PM | ^^^can only speak from my own perspective, but it's not a matter of indifference, it's a matter of being a tad selective and not worrying about if there will BE a potential in my future. there is a difference, between being blase and not chewing my nails waiting impatiently for "him" to appear.
if a man has viewed me several times, added me as a fav, and he intrigues me, I'll often take the plunge and ask something innocuous in reference to his profile...to see if there is a ball to get rolling....I even respond to those that are way out my comfort zone (age, distance) out of politeness.
as I said, I can only give MY POV. I have no idea what other women do on any dating site.
my 'scorecare' comment is a direct response to your words, you made it sound as if only one is doing all the arranging and wooing................I could be wrong. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:25:32 PM | How about if both men and women just showed a nice, friendly interest in people they were attracted to? I don't mind taking the lead, but it's not very encouraging when most of the people you're pursuing seem uninterested in meeting guys in general.
You know, just a thought here, perhaps the people that you are interested in are not interested in you? I get alot of emails from guys that I'm just not interested in for reasons of my own, but that doesn't mean that when I see or get an email from someone who I see as a good fit for me that I either respond to even make the first move.
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:30:44 PM | cncgandolf,
I took note of your insult, and I won't waste my time getting into an exchange with someone like you. You don't know me in the least, and yet you take a completely unfair personal dig at me by "considering the source of the comments." You couldn't make it more obvious that you do that because you can't come up with any rational response to my comments themselves. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:59:49 PM | Barbe1963,
Obviously that's a possibility, but I kind of hoped not to be rejected by 95 percent right out of hand. That certainly hasn't been my experience with women I've met in person. The unpleasant post you recently made to me on another thread made pretty clear you don't much like me. You don't even know me, but why should that stop you? (And I actually had thought you seemed nice!) So I'm hardly surprised to see that it's you chiming in here, with a comment you must know isn't something I or anyone else is likely to want to hear.
Well, I should have known they'd see through me. Truth is, I used the photo of the lawyer who helped me with my last DUI, and he wrote the profile as if it was him. Me? I'm 5 foot 4, have crooked, yellow teeth, rotten breath, a combover, lots of dandruff, a pot belly, a squeaky voice, acne scars, and chronic body odor. I'm also ignorant about almost everything, completely lack any taste or manners, like to torment small animals, have a heavy drug habit, live in in a doublewide in the desert in abject poverty, and am dumb as a stump. To say nothing of the fact I drive a 1976 AMC Pacer that smokes and has primer spots. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that all those brain surgeons with the Miss America looks I've been writing to don't need to think very hard before deleting me. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:25:13 PM | The problem with this form of communication Match is that what you put in writing is sometimes different than what you put out in person. I'm sure you are a nice man, but I'm sorry to tell you that your posts come off as bitter and angry. At least that is how I perceive them, and after all perception in this form of communication is what it is about. I obviously didn't express myself very sensitively, and I apologize for that, I should have sent you a private email rather than in the forum. Reading your posting history, you are blaming your lack of success on the women online or at least that is what is coming across, and this is never going to get you the results you are hoping for.At least that is MHO.
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:52:13 PM | Perception is what it's all about. These forums give people a chance to find out just how weird and crazy everyone is. It's okay.
Indicative of the anonymous nature of posting to an internet forum, you are what you write. | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:11:14 AM |
An article I had published in a law review…
… you are what you write.
Um, I once wrote a letter that appeared in Letters to Penthouse… | |
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| What women are looking for in men.
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:47:41 AM | but..........I thought to "brag" meant to share your largess with others...I could be wrong.
go forth and forage!!!!!! 
time's a wastin'!!!! | |
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