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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:23:00 PM |
emphase wrote: Would you really kiss a stranger the
first time you see him or her? I can see how it can happen
if there is instant mutual attraction... But usually, even
if both parties like each other, it seems just too quick for me
... Is it my perception that is flawed or not?
If you know how to make people feel trust and comfort
soon after you meet them, my advice is go ahead and make
out with them right away if that's what they want you to do.
It's going to work to your advantage. The exception is,
if YOU are not comfortable moving that fast, then I think
you're better off delaying the kiss, irrespective of what
the other person wants. You can experiment to see which
approach works better for your personality and intended outcome. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:36:59 PM | My rule: the first 20 minutes of the first time you see each other in person is the first meet--comparable to sizing up one another in the goumet coffee bean stand at Safeway. If you're both sticking around to see how the coffee grinds and brews, then you've entered the first date. In short, anything less than 20 minutes (usually accompanied by a cool hand shake departure) is a first (and probably last) meet. Anything more than that says that there's probably enough of a connection (or at least lack of vomit) to call it a date.
So to answer the question, it's not the initial intention or the prescribed definition that matters; it's the outcome. Words are just symbols for experiences.
BTW, poster 14--I most often pay my own way. If I don't, then it's probably a <20 minute first "meet"
~CLS | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:59:01 PM | I don't believe in the 20 minutes timeframe to say if its a meet or a date.
I often invite girls for a meet and it lasts 3 HOURS in AVERAGE... And I don't french kiss these girls... I just double cheek kiss them and hug them after the first meet even if it lasted that long... Hell if I had to french kiss every time I met a girl the first time, I would be afraid of herpes (just kidding... but still!)  because I tend to meet a different girl every week or two week so that's alot in the end... I rather think about "our potential" after the first meet, like I call her back 2-3 days later to book the real date.
But again... Like I said... Maybe I am just doing it wrong. Let me know if I am wrong. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:01:15 PM | If I meet up with someone with the intention of romantic interest, it's a date. If we don't want to see each other again, it's not a 'first meet', it's a date with no spark (or whatever you want to call it). - SlyKnight
I would also agree with this definition. When I am single & looking, I mention something in my profile
about a "first date/meet/whatever", for the comfort of those people who find the term first date
uncomfortable or intimidating.
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The thing is that many girls here wrote they expect the guy to kiss the girl on the lips on the "first date"... Would you really kiss a stranger the first time you see him or her? I can see how it can happen if there is instant mutual attraction... But usually, even if both parties like each other, it seems just too quick for me... Is it my perception that is flawed or not? - emphase
I would not say that your perception is flawed, but more precisely that these women (who expect the
guy to kiss them, on the first date) are not really "your type". Or they have been meeting the wrong
guys. You sound nice & even a little old fashioned (which is not a bad thing, at all). I just started dating
online 3 years ago, after the end of a 10 year marriage & I am absolutely amazed at the number of guys
who expect first date sex! Like, WTF!?! | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:12:56 PM |
I would not say that your perception is flawed, but more precisely that these women (who expect the guy to kiss them, on the first date) are not really "your type".
The reason I am asking the question is to see what is the commonly accepted practice on a first meet or first date if you happen to have some chemistry... I am not prude nor old fashioned. If it is expected to make a move on first meet or call it first date if you want... I WILL DO IT next time I meet a girl I like.
I don't want sex on first date either by saying this, I just want to make sure the girl is not going to turn me down because I am too slow or not enough proactive when in reality I just have a wrong approach that I repeat with every girl (if that would be the case). | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:20:58 PM | I agree OP, it is a first meet...I might have sparks, I might not. There are some that on the first meet, I knew I never wanted to see them again (usually for bending the truth). Then there are those where you need to see them a few times to decide.
As for the question about women "expecting a kiss on the first date/meet/whatever". I never go into a meet with any expectations. I am just meeting another human being who might have some common interests with me and there might be a connection on other levels. If a kiss happens, it happens because it feels right for both. If it doesn't, not a big deal or a deal breaker. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 58 | |
| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:26:26 PM | I have actually never heard of a "first meet" until I joined POF. Does it really matter it is called a "date" or a "meet"? The bottom line is if at least one person is not interested in the other person, then the 2 people won't see each other again regardless of what you call it. I think some people call it a "first meet" because they don't want to say that they went out on a date with someone they weren't interested in. Which isn't a big deal IMO.
I think calling the first "encounter" a date or a meet is just different words to describe the same thing. First dates should be relatively cheap, low key and simple.
A date doesn't necessary mean that a long term or serious relationship will develop. It can simply mean that there is a chance of a long term or serious relationship developing
I completely agree with this. The first 1, 2, or 3 date(s) / meeting(s) can be used to determine if there is any mutual interest. A first date doesn't necessary mean that there is strong mutual interest. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:49:50 PM | OP...
I was enjoying everyone's answers and kept thinking that I never had a "first" anything that turned out how I expected it to. Then I realized that you have repeated on at least a couple of occasions "I want to know if I am doing it wrong".....so I need to just point out that NOTHING IS WRONG as long as it is what you are comfortable with.
If we all told you that you HAVE to kiss on the first date and have sex on the second would you really force yourself to do with when it is not your style or what is comfortable to you?
I was once advised not to focus on labels...It was the best advise I ever received, as I had spent a significant amount of time trying to figure out what it is I was doing....
Too much time chatting without ever meeting, meeting after months and months and just recently TWO YEARS of keeping in touch, getting along GREAT on the phone or while chatting only to meet and have all the air taken out of my sails....So many things cannot be LABELED. What was it, what wasn't it? Should I? Shouldn't I? You'll drive yourself bonkers....and this coming from a self proclaimed OCD sufferer...
Anyway, do what you are comfortable doing. Personally, I like your style...Seems most men I meet want a roll in the hay on the first meet.
One thing though, if you are concerned you might loose a girl you actually like, I would strongly suggest COMMUNICATION. Like letting her know you really enjoy spending time with her and maybe not waiting 2 or 3 days to call....that sounds like a rule too....If you are open, and friendly and there is even the slightest bit of chemistry, you should not be loosing any girls just because you didn't stick your tongue in their mouth..
People are different, so MO's are individual and we can most def share but don't go overboard with the thought of "I must be doing it wrong."
Happy Fishing  | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:58:57 PM | I'd say the first meet could be the first date but not that they are necessarily so. I think that, while we try to assimilate getting acquainted with someone initially met online, with our more traditional and (for most of us) familiar experience of meeting someone offline, we have to acknowledge that they are somewhat different.
Under the more traditional scenario, boy "meets" girl; they chat for some duration; and, if the vibe is adequate between the two, they arrange to communicate later (usually on the phone) and (ultimately) make a "date" to further explore how well they get along with one another in person.
Under the more modernistic (online) scenario, boy identifies some attribute(s) in girl, which suggest(s) to him that she might prove to be an appealing person to meet and, with any luck, date. With this online process, the "communication" step occurs first. Here, they begin to communicate first, ideally permitting some of their respective personalities to emanate through that communication. For some reason, members of the online community (more notably, women) feel a greater degree of apprehension about the prospective mates they meet online than they do those they meet off (even though they, themselves, are members of the online community; and also even though the same people they know only online are known to others solely offline, and thus possess no greater likelihood of being "crazy" than anyone one meet first meet offline). As a result of that apprehension, they often tend to want to protract the "pre-meet" communication stage, much to the chagrin of the men wishing to meet and get their relationship moving on the more traditional path.
At some stage, the two parties decide to escalate from the digital and/or telephonic modes of getting acquainted and arrange to "meet" to ascertain if the one's physical attributes are acceptable to the other and to "put a face" to the voice and/or emails. This "meet" could take the form of anything from a fifteen minute cup of coffee and a handshake, to a full-blown "date" where the parties spend seemingly endless hours together.
Since a "date," however, generally suggests the two parties making a plan to get together and engage in some joint activity to see how much "fun" they can have with one another, I would say that a "meet" can be scheduled as a first date, but does not have to be a date at all.
After all, "meeting" someone, only to discover that they looked nothing like one imagined or had been led to believe, and/or who had breath that smelled like a landfill, might preclude one's decision to ever make a "date" with him/her. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:07:30 PM | emphase wrote: I don't want sex on first date
either by saying this, I just want to make sure the girl is
not going to turn me down because I am too slow or not
enough proactive when in reality I just have a wrong
approach that I repeat with every girl (if that would be the case).
In the method I use, I generally set the schedule for
physical escalation, and it's my responsibility to calibrate
the stimulation and pay attention so the lady is turned on
enough to welcome my advances at each step in the sequence
in the correct order (hands/feet, legs/arms, torso, neck, face).
If I get resistance at any point, it means I need to stop, go back
and build more attraction. If I hesitate when the woman wants
to move forward and go for what I want, or I don't know how
to set things up so that I can do what I want and keep her
comfortable, or I don't know how to gracefully deal with
obstacles, the lady will assume I lack confidence and skill. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:55:55 PM | Just go meet her, trust your gut, and see how you both feel. The rules are gone. If you’re mentally checking in with some guidelines that nobody agrees on anyway, you’re going to miss the moment.
Just relax, give her your attention, improvise, have fun and leave your agenda at home. She’ll love you for it. Or not
...I found myself guilty of doing just that..."mentally checking the guidelines". I found that if I went in with no real expectations, only wanting to enjoy the time spent getting to know this individual, I was much more relaxed and spontaneous.
In response to your original question OP...I consider this a first meeting, and if all goes well, hopefully a "date" will be forthcoming.
...maeflowers | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:21:01 AM | OP-- Although there's really nothing wrong with wondering ( it shows that dating and relationships with substance are important to you), you need to relax.
You wrote:
Do you think it is required to be more proactive during the "first meet" and that "first meet" should indeed be "first date"?
A) Call it what YOU want and stop stressing about the definition.
B) Even if it is a date, why must that include kissing? You set the rules--it's your life.
C) It's important to show a woman that you're interested in seeing her again, but you don't have to "sell out." Being steadfast in your beliefs is a sexy attribute, and any women who would reject you because you don't dive down her throat on the first date/meet (whatever it's called) is probably just out for an ego boost. And yet, many men are rejected because they did get "fresh" on that first date/meet. It's a crap shoot, really, so you're better off going with what's right for you and see where it leads.
CLS | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:10:26 AM | ...I found myself guilty of doing just that..."mentally checking the guidelines". I found that if I went in with no real expectations, only wanting to enjoy the time spent getting to know this individual, I was much more relaxed and spontaneous.
In the end, the bottom line is this exactly.
No expectations, no boundaries, no pressure, no cost or huge time obligation - just go, enjoy it for what it is without a lot of worry about what's beyond that. And what it is is two people sitting face to face for a few minutes, and learning about a new person. Simple.
If I am meeting someone for coffee or a drink, I look at it as a stop I was making anyway, and if someone else is there, it's a bonus. I wouldn't ever meet someone somewhere I wouldn't go alone anyway - so the outcome is really irrelevant to the activity. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:44:14 AM | Now I must ask myself.......... Is the first meet/date half empty or half full ???????
LIANAPET !!!!
ON THE NOSES ! At least from my opinion. You are very wise and can clearly explain yourself here and all would be wise to reread what you wrote. The OP is asking a general black and white question to which there IS NO black and white answer. Way too much gray in there and hopefully a lot of colors to come. It really does depend on just who the 2 are in themselves and their energy , the time of day, the placement of the stars and so much more including which side of their bed they woke up on. LOL There are guidelines that help each person in their quest to find a mate , partner or friend and these change from person to person. Go with the FLOW , OP and do what feels good for you. Stop THINKING so hard and LIVE !!!! You can go your own way, and if you find that the person across the table from you "gets it" , you might have found a match! Take it from there.
Reading all the different responding ideas here really shows just part of all the DIFFERENT reactions to the OP question. There is the overall answer to what you ask OP. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:28:16 PM | first date and first meet is all the same thing.
to some, the word "date" puts too much "pressure" and "expectations" so they rather call it a "meet". i totally dont understand it cause... well... a date is just a date. nothing more and nothing less. and when you go on a first date, you do meet for the first time, lol.
ive been to both (first meet/date ~depending on the guy's preferred choice of words~), and let me tell you something... the only one diference between one and the other is... the GUY! lol.
its all BS if you ask me. you call it tomato, i call it to-mah-to.
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:19:45 PM | There is a big difference between meeting someone for the first time and going on a date...
Not necessary. If you go on a blind date, you haven't met the other person before. But some people would still consider it a date. As stated earlier, some other people might consider meeting someone from the internet to be a semi-blind date. You haven't actually met the other person before. But you have seen pictures, a profile and had some phone/email conversations with the other person.
I do not see why some people are so picky about terms.
I agree. It's semantics. Just different words to describe the same thing. Regardless of what you call it...First dates / meetings should be relatively cheap, low key and simple.
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:30:19 PM | I think a first meet is just that...when it comes to this internet dating/meet thing.....
... mind you I met someone here for a first meet....and we went for a lovely walk on the beach.... ended up having dinner... going out later and laying on a blanket under the stars til 1 am....so go figure... lol.
A meet that lasted like 6-7 hours. | |
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| Do you consider first meet the same as first date
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:36:01 PM | Blind means....sight unseen. Thats why its called a "blind date"
The point I'm making is this is still called a blind date ( not a blind meet ) even though you have never seen or met this person before. | |
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