| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:45:12 PM |
If someone rejected your proposal, what would you do?
I've never proposed (and never will) but i've had women propose to me.
I've turned them down as marriage doesn't appeal to me. Not suprisingly, they flipped out.. but i guess thats understandable. Women tend to do that when they don't get their way.
lol | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:21:55 PM | I have decided to pass on this relationship. I simply can't stand the hot and cold behaviour with him anymore.
Over the weekend (no sex), I was the greatest thing since sliced cheese. He loves me. He says I am his and so on and doesn't want me to leave and go home on Sunday. I reluctantly go home and am feeling all loved up.
Fast forward to today which is Friday here. I haven't heard a peep from him since I left Sunday. I texted him a few times letting him know how my new contract was going and emailed him a forward of funny pictures. He didn't call or text any replies at all. Nothing. He never bothered to ask how my new contract was going.
No, he isn't busy either so that isn't it.
Forgot to add, I suspect he will call today or tomorrow acting like nothing is wrong and expect to spend the rest of the long holiday weekend with him.
So yeah the extremes of major loving up and then the sahara desert is driving me up the wall and so I'm done with him. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:18:08 AM | | It seems to me he is too chicken to break up with you so he avoids you until you break up with him. Move on. You see the kind of person he is. Why would you want that person as one-half of a marriage? | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:49:22 AM | DL wrote: If he marries you, what additional benefits will he get?
tralaza wrote: What benefits? Plenty. I'm not one of those girls
who gives all the perks of marriage without being married.
In order for a man to want to marry you he has to have good answers
to that question and feel that you're the best he'll ever find. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:59:56 AM | My fiance rejected my proposal a few years ago. Granted, we were younger, and he said "I'll marry you, just not yet".
I was horribly hurt... I was angry, and I didn't know what to do with myself. We were living together at the time... I think I just went silent for a while.
But I loved him too much to leave, and he was right, we were young.. so I stayed.
We're getting married in August. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:29:57 AM | Historically, the old custom of a woman proposing to a man on February 29th started hundreds of years ago and he was 'obligated' to say yes or a stern fine was imposed on him. Nowadays, so many old customs have gone by the wayside. In fact, I was seeing someone for a long time and was planning on proposing to him on the 29th but he ended the relationship three weeks beforehand so he wouldn't have to deal with it.
They just don't make men like they used to unfortunately. Try to look on the bright side, if you really think about it, he probably had some quality that was tough to deal with, like all men do, and maybe you should focus on the fact that at least you won't have to deal with that anymore. Just rest assured that sometime in the future you'll find out he took up with some other unsuspecting woman and gave her a worse time than he ever gave you and it will all come out in the wash that he ended up doing you a big favor by turning you down. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:56:24 PM | | finally, OP seems to understand. He likes the OP maybe. But not enough to commit to her, or to the marriage WITH her. In my view, too much damage is done. And (in my view again) if it's advanced relationship, partners should not go "missing" for days or not return phone calls. TALK IS CHEAP. His " I Love you's" are just that - talk. His actions (being distant, not replying, not calling) are the actions that speak volumes. Congratulations on seeing that for what it is and deciding it is not for you. I hope you will be able to do what's best for you. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:37:57 PM | I still don't get this one...I'm sorry
Soooo....it doesn't really matter about the 'person', Marriage is the Thing.
Ok...I'm mulling that over.....
nope, nothing coming in clear about these so called Timelines, or time limitations.
If you found a person you love, and who loves you, and many good things occur, but he....or she...for some reason does not feel like marriage...after an X amount of time.....the buzzer goes off....and they are out the ****ing door.
Then...you just ditch that person...and begin the quest for some 'body' to Marry.
any 'body'.....even though your love vibes may be tangled up with this person you blew away
.
Sooo....then, Marriage has , in this age, not much to do with love...just capturing somebody that wants to Marry.
huh....isn't that something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Akimbo`````````````````````````````
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:48:01 PM | | akimmbo, no 'love' is a non-committal thing.. hehe...when one person can say "I love you" one day and not return your call the next..Something a a person can conveniently say to another at the right time to keep another hanging around for whenever they need him/her. is that what it is? Maybe 'love" means commitment to OP? How about that? If the marriage is important to the OP and is not to her BF, it does not mean that it is more important than "love". It is just as important. Love is supposed to be unconditional, relationships are not unconditional. We stay in the relationships as long as we fulfill each others needs. If needs are not being met, it eventually breeds resentment and frustration, no matter how much love is there. If they don't see how their relationship should be it the same way, thats fine, but would be better to be clear about this and if she feels that her need (be it commitment, marriage or whatever) is not being met.. Both will be better off with someone else. JMO. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:14:16 PM | The OP found someone who has been committed to her for 3 1/2 years. Obviously he wants to be with her, has been faithful as far as we know, and is willing to live with her. So why is she ready to throw all that away over a piece of paper.
OP, take it from me, being married is not going to guarantee you ANYTHING. Take it from someone divorced after a 12 year marriage. Being married did not cause her to be faithful. Being married didn't stop fights from happening. Who's the one with the problem - him for saying no to your proposal, or you for breaking up with him because he didn't accept? It could have been a LOT worse for you - I asked someone to marry me last year, she said yes, and broke up with me two days later because we suddenly had "problems that couldn't be solved". | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:39:23 PM | 3.5 years....old enough to marry....
he doesnt want to marry you now he wont want to marry you in another 3.5 years.
Dump his sorry ass and find someone that will love you and give you the future you seek...or you can settle and wait around for him to never truly commit. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:32:49 PM | Dear madame Red and Blue
I appreciate your point of view.
I am no stranger to committment....both inside and outside of marriage vows.
and, at my age I am certain that love, unconditional true love does not grow on every other tree and dangle into your arms like a fruit to be plucked.
I am simply saying , in my way of thinking, that if more humans were committed to the magic and uniqueness of their bond , then perhaps there would be more real love in this world...irregardless of a piece of paper that pronounces a couple man and wife.
If twocapture that rare bird of love, isn't that what matters. What is the need for a countdown to marriage. If two people decide to marry, that is great, if one is waivering, why are they labeled 'unable to commit.' It is an idea planted in the heads of some, that is actually a pressure where no pressure needs to be applied.
One piece of paper..or ten..or twenty pieces of paper will never be a final seal of approval to what the heart already knows.
regards
Akimbo | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:36:58 PM |
if more humans were committed to the magic and uniqueness of their bond , then perhaps there would be more real love in this world
Mahalo, 'Kimbo, for those beautiful words . . .
It seems like, from the OP's posts on other threads, that part of her motivation for wanting to marry might be that she wants Australian citizenship. I'm not discounting her professed love for him in any way . . . but perhaps we don't have the whole picture here?
People have all different kinds of motivations for wanting to marry, often based upon their own personal myths about How Things Have To Be In Order For Me to Be Happy. Or it can be strategic - like getting citizenship or creating bonds between powerful families or making your CV look good.
Marriage is not just a "piece of paper," as many seem to think, but a legal/social/spiritual contract that can have as many layers of depth and meaning as the two individuals involved want to make it. It's not a necessary ingredient for a loving and committed intimate relationship and it's not a worthless and anachronistic exercise either. The only important factor, really, is that two partners be on the same page about it. If one is yearning endlessly for a ring and a wedding, and the other really would prefer not, then there's a conflict that can only be resolved by somebody "giving in," which is not exactly the best foundation for the marriage . . .
The two of you may have become quite close in your 3 years of corresponding long-distance, OP, but you've only been physically living in the same place, where you can see each other as often as you want, for less than a year. What's your rush? | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:53:07 PM | ^^^^^^^ agreed kimbo..
my love comes from spirit/heart
if a man left me because i would not marry him... then he didnt love me...
no paper can prove/validate love.. or create a bond that dosent exist..
smiles/peace | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:56:03 PM |
It's not a necessary ingredient for a loving and committed intimate relationship and it's not a worthless and anachronistic exercise either.
Yes, well put my EKM
I have often thought that those 'pushing' so hard for that magical document
do not really understand the sanctity of it.
The love's celebration may lead two to Marry
But getting married may....or may not lead to lasting and mindful love.
'kimbo | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:06:18 PM |
if a man left me because i would not marry him... then he didnt love me...
Yes, i agree, this is another rational example of what we are discussing here.
Now, we may be on to something.
I personally was dismayed by all of the previous comments to just' "leave' the person and find someone else....and how 'hurt ' and angry people became simply because their partner wasn't perhaps ready.
It is folly to reach a conclusion then, that the person who rejected a marriage proposal 'at that time' is a user and a player. If he/she truly understood love and spirit..they would still celebrate the gift of love that they hold.
'Kimbo | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:14:00 PM | You're right. If a woman is offended whenever someone doesn't
want the same things she does, she's going to have a hard time
getting and keeping a good husband. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:29:41 PM | | After 3.5 years if he says no......he should at least offer an explanation why | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:16:34 PM | Some people will never get it * sigh* so sad.................. listen young Jedi
what you should do is raise your right hand, bend your arm 45 degree, see your fingers, make sure the fingers move simultaneously up and down, this is what we call here across the pond as " buhhhh byeeeeeee" or in simple terms, bye bye, good bye, see ya, later, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out , ciao, or as my southern friends say " go on a git"
This guy obviously doesn't take your relationship seriously, I'm betting hes promising you one day you guys will move in together , he's moody, loves the relationship as it is.
You guys are not singing from the same song book, 3.5 years together and he doesn't want to take it to the next level? are you waiting for Moses to come down from the mountain top and shout it to you sis? dump the hump and move on. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:27:06 PM | | I had a 3 year relationship where I really wanted to get married. His not wanting to really put a strain on our relationship and we split up because we weren't happy. I sometimes regret not having more patience about the marriage issue. We were committed, but I was scared that I would wind up spending 10 or 15 years with him, and then he would just decide to take off. I think it's best for us now that we're not together, but I wonder if he would have come around at year 5 or 6. Maybe he just needed more time. We did use to think we'd be together forever. He is with another girl now, and they are still not married, and he seems very happy with that. Then again, I have friends that went through a break-up 10 and 12 years later (never got married), and I would hate to be in that situation, feeling like I wasted 10 or 12 years of energy into a relationship that wasn't quite right enough to make the committment. I know of a couple of successful marriages though, where the man didn't propose until 5 years in (younger couples), and the woman waited patiently. Maybe some guys just need time to be ready. | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:14:23 AM |
I sometimes regret not having more patience about the marriage issue. We were committed,
hmmmm....and, you 'think' it's best for 'us' now that we're not together.
See the language.....there is no 'us' anymore'
And you are single and on a date site.....
People have stated that they are glad they didn't put all of that 'energy' into a 10 yr relationship that broke up.
I had an almost 20 year Marriage that blew up..with children involved...so, the only guarantee that you got...is that you are alone dear Dumpling Girl
Too bad we don't put that 'energy' into the relationship instead of into the argument about whether to go down to town hall and get a piece of paper or not.
If you give or receive true love, they are never ever wasted years
regards, ```````````````````'Kimbo``````````````````````` | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:49:06 AM | Congratulations on finding out the truth. It's better to given the opportunity to move forward alone than to bring someone into a marriage they are hesitant about. That feeling will, without fail, end the relationship and cause far more distrees than you are feeling now.
Grieve the situation and when ready, forgive him...... and yourself and move on to a happier future. Just don't bring the feelings you have now into the new relationship you are moving into.
just a thought | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:00:39 AM | Kimbo, I don't understand the point of your post. I already said i sometimes regret not having more patience, so were you just trying to rub my nose in it? I don't even know you, and you sound like you have so much resentment. There's nothing wrong with using the word "us" to refer to myself and him. We have a positive friendship, and "us" does not necessarily mean a romantic couple. And in the end, I am happier to be alone and single and on a dating site than to be in a relationship where I felt like I could make a stronger committment than the other person. So I reiterate that I think it's best for us (him and me both) that we are not together. I am very clear about us not being together. This was years ago.
It wasn't about the piece of paper, but the promise of making the relationship work for the rest of our lives. It is a hugely significant difference than just being committed to each other until it doesn't work anymore. Marriage is about the promise of working on *making* it work whether it feels like it's working or not, because there are always going to be rough times when it feels wrong, or someone else that seems more interesting coming into your lives. Without the promise to work on staying together, I have to say that I can't see that it would be possible to stay together for a lifetime. It's like leaving it up to chance, and not really giving it your all. It's hard enough for people to keep it together even when they do make the promise. Snowball's chance in hell without the promise.  | |
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| Marriage proposal rejected
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:04:42 AM | Well fair enough he rejected the proposal, but did ya ask why, maybe he has some issues he doesn't want to tell you, marriage is more just beyond "yes I do", maybe he is just protecting ya from any hurt that may affect ya in a long term, if you couln't understand him in 3.5 years of a relationship, how can ya understand him in another 3 years.
I would recommend talking to him and asking for a reason before you end it
Cheers | |
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