| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:08:53 PM | few months back some guy emails me and asks me something thats already in my profile, and that was my response. he writes back and gives me some excuse on how he doesnt read profiles because people lie about themselves and he'd rather discover the 'person' on his own.
so i said... oh really??/ so u r telling me that u openly ignore and disrespect information i took time out of my day to think about and put out there for people to see and read and know, so they dont ask me questions i already provided answers for, then u hit me w a guilt trip and justifications as to why it is ok for u to do that, but u r not even man enough to admit ur wrong doings and apologize, rather pass on responsibility to me all w a poor-me pity trip?
That's my pet peeve, hands down - online, offline, on the job, with friends, wherever. I HATE to repeat myself. Talking to 10 guys in a week who like clicking pictures and have no intention of reading your stats before they waste your time is a recipe for constantly repeating myself. Ain't gonna happen.
I like men who not only can read, but like to read and seek out reading material. Those men don't ever have a problem reading and retaining information from my profile and sometimes forum posts as well. If you ask me, those who say women lie in profiles use that excuse to cover up the fact that they either can't read, don't like to read, or don't care to read. All of which are dealbreakers for me anyway...it makes for a good filter.
Oh - and I forgot to add the men that either want you to meet them within 10 minutes of talking, want to come to your house, or invite you to theirs. WTF? I don't think so... | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:30:28 PM | Woah. Amusing. I like these stories a lot. 
I haven't personally gotten too harsh an email but I have a feeling one is coming. lol
We all have preferences and I have found by meeting people that it is amazig what one will learn to appreciate... and what one will learn to hate with a burning passion. Ok, maybe just toasty. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:43:00 PM | I have had this debate with friends. They say I'm too picky. I don't believe so, because I'm totally fine with you asking for as much as you want back. I am all about the preferences. As long as you list them to some degree. The ones that get me are the profiles that list next to nothing on them. The pic is nice, the basics match (non-smoker, no kids, distance, ect.) but all they are looking for is a 'honest, loyal, funny guy'. I write a nice little witty email and....cricket sound...nothing! Not once, or twice, but about 70 of them. If you want a guy with hair, say so...that's cool. Or a certain build, look, income...whatever floats your boat. That's not shallow...it's preferences. Besides stuff like that, you have no idea the type of person I am.
Funny... once I IM'd a woman, I very, very rarely do that unless it's a really good match. I thought this was.
-paraphrasing-
Me: Hello
Her: Sorry your not what I'm looking for
Me: Oh sorry, your profile was very nice, guess there's something in mine you didn't like
Her: Didn't read yours
I had the urge to write something nasty...but thought better. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:30:16 PM | Now that's funny.
You know what's been a source of inspiration? Reading the book The Year of Yes. For those who may not have heard of it the writer apparently said ‘yes’ to every date or meet she had. It’s a really great book about the glory of lowering your expectations. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:54:09 PM |
That's my pet peeve, hands down - online, offline, on the job, with friends, wherever. I HATE to repeat myself. Talking to 10 guys in a week who like clicking pictures and have no intention of reading your stats before they waste your time is a recipe for constantly repeating myself. Ain't gonna happen.
The only thing I could see is that something slips someone's mind or forget something in your profile that's actually minor, in comparison to other things.
I know that happens to me. I loathe repeating myself, but if someone makes an honest attempt to get to know me, I don't mind saying something that they could/should have read in my profile. As long as they're showing that they've read it and remembered at least some of the stuff, I'm good to go. If someone asks me if I like bowling, that's fine, it's a quick mention in my profile. If you ask me about music, that's a bigger thing, I gave that more attention.
I remember birthdays and stuff like that. I just forget smaller things and sometimes ask the same thing twice or repeat myself with things I divulge voluntarily. But hey, it's called a quirk. I'm not forgetting names and birthdays and favorite movie types and music if it's given more than a quick mention. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:16:24 PM | A couple years back I had someone freak the he!! out because I didn't say in my profile I was not into smokers.
He just went totally bonkers, and told me that I had wasted his time, blah blah blah... We had exchanged like 3 e mails a piece.
The moral of the story, you are damned if you do and damned if ya don't.
I have to admit I do get tired of reading posts about people saying you could have missed your soul mate by not going out with someone without a picture, or not giving a frumpy person a chance.
I think if a person believes in actual soul mates, they are NOT going to miss each other because they didn't happen to have a pic, or were all frumpy.
It seems funny to me that just because someone is attracted to us, and we aren't to them, that some will give a hissy fit and tell you, you are really missing out.
Yeah, will make a note of that, and if I die an old bitter hag I will remember the frumpy guy without the picture... | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:56:40 AM | Since I've started this "on line dating" thing NOTHING surprises me anymore. The people that contact you saying "wow you are beautiful". But when you ask for a photo they become irrate. Whats the problem they've seen yours, it's only fair to ask for theirs. Then there is the saftey issue I'm not ever going to meet anyone unless I have seen several pictures of them. And they have to be current, clear pictures. Not pictures from 10 years ago standing so far away you have zero clue what they look like.
At this point I have my profile set to HIDE. I've been burned out on these type of people. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:03:49 AM |
The only thing I could see is that something slips someone's mind or forget something in your profile that's actually minor, in comparison to other things.
Stuff like where I live, my age, my interests, and what I am looking for (or not) here should be major things when searching for someone. These are the things I'm talking about.
I know that happens to me. I loathe repeating myself, but if someone makes an honest attempt to get to know me, I don't mind saying something that they could/should have read in my profile. As long as they're showing that they've read it and remembered at least some of the stuff, I'm good to go. If someone asks me if I like bowling, that's fine, it's a quick mention in my profile. If you ask me about music, that's a bigger thing, I gave that more attention.
I agree, but when someone starts from square one and knows nothing at all, and it's clear they didn't read it - I explain that they can either read it and get back to me or move on. BUT the fact that they didn't read it in the first place pretty much checks them off the list. I like men who read willingly, and those who do will automatically read before sending messages.
I remember birthdays and stuff like that. I just forget smaller things and sometimes ask the same thing twice or repeat myself with things I divulge voluntarily. But hey, it's called a quirk. I'm not forgetting names and birthdays and favorite movie types and music if it's given more than a quick mention.
I understand - I was talking about basic stuff that anyone seriously looking for a match to their profile would have retained. | |
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DonQ
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Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:18:43 AM | Your were right on the money in my opinion. I have peeked inside more than a few dating sites and the one profile that I'll never really forget was by this woman in her mid thirties. She stated emphatically that that ANY man who wanted to date her would be required to submit to a credit check to verify income, homeowner status, and credit score ( she expecting a score of no less than 725 with an income of over $75,000), would have to volunteer for a finger print/back ground check, and a blood test (to rule out any STD's or other lingering health problems). All of this on top of height/weight requirements and apparently god-help you if you had an "excessive amount" of body hair.
And in my opinion, she really wasn't very attractive. Kinda short and dumpy really.
But hey, playing Devil's Advocate here, maybe she had a lot in life and didn't want some one to be leaching off of her trying to take it all away. I can understand wanting to protect yourself but wow. I'm guessing she's spending a lot of Saturday nights alone. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:24:03 AM | | No it isn't just you. I recently had a guy get very mad at me for telling him I don't do "coffee dates" or "drink dates". If a man can't spend a few dollars buying a woman a salad or some type of dinner, what kind of investment will he make later in a relationship? I'm not the "meet me for coffee" or "meet me for a drink" type of girl. He wrote me a few scathing emails thereafter. I pointed out that there are many, many women here who would love to have a coffee date with him. I don't care what anyone expects, I know what I want, and I go for it. Best just to ignore the guys who get angry because you don't do what they want you to do. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:43:24 AM | I'll agree, some of the people here are freaky. I had the one who kept sending emails with the present attached. His emails would all be about how beautiful I am. I tried to be open minded (considering his fairly empty profile) and ask a question. Just more emails with presents and how beautiful I am. It is a total turn off and yet I'm sure he is upset that women (since I doubt I'm the only one to have this reaction) are being too picky and not giving him a chance.
I understand my looks may not be someone's cup of tea. I'm a great person but I do have the "few extra pounds" issue. However, if that isn't what a guy wants, I can't force him to see me as an attractive person. I'm ok with that and certainly pass on the profiles I read that stress that they are looking for someone of a certain build or activity level.
I used to have a lot of filters on my account but after seeing how many people think they can order a perfect partner like ordering a meal ala carte, I decided to open mine up to the possibilities. It does mean filtering a few more weirdos out but I'm wanting life to be different than it has been, not more of the same stuff. Some people are open that way, others want to be particular. There is no right or wrong on your preferences because those are going
What more people need around here is respect that not everyone comes to this site with the same mindset as their own. While even online rejection hurts, it is part of life and you can either accept it with grace and a good attitude or you can let it become another block on your shoulder. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:47:53 PM | It absolutley annoys me when someone has not at least read the basics on my profile. 10 minutes into an IM convo and I excuse myself to go have a smoke and I get the "WTF you smoke? Gross!"
Ummm... yeah... that is what "smokes: often" means!
If things are dealbreakers for you, at least take the time to make sure you IM people without those qualitites... for instance I NEVER IM someone whose profile says they want children... | |
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_JAFO_
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:54:34 PM | It happens all the time that people hide behind their computer and get nasty for one reason or another. Sometimes it's a misunderstanding. Other times it's just because people are jerks.
Don't let it get to you. That's what he wants.
Instead: BLOCK. DELETE, and forget about it. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 39 | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:46:18 PM | medana
esp since my profile says i am NOT necessarily interested in meeting people offline at all, and am here just for the casual peeking in and forums.
yes, sorting systems might be faulty, but we CANT possibly go out w everyone, unless thats all u do. i have to pick and choose somehow. Is emphasizing your "NOT" a stratagem to draw attention away from the relatively inconspicuous "necessarily" (followed still by the "not" supporting "at all")? Inconsequentially, the entire statement gets abolished when you say "I am here JUST for the casual peeking and forums" - if that was the case, why so hung-up? But of course, you flipflop again, admitting you have to pick and chose somehow - for what?
Some people quickly cease to amaze me, others never start at all.
- Excog | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:16:19 PM | mr excog, am guessing ur fav past time is splitting hairs.
go ahead
my profile explains in details why, which u would have realized had u not been focused on splittin semantics. it also says it is NOT THAT I AM NOT OPEN TO SOMETHING, just that i am not here for love, it is not my main drive in life either, neither is it at this point in my life, i am too busy, i cant organize mail or keep track of it for the life of me, so one should not get upset if i don't write, i am not here to be serious about anything, or to meet people offline.
however, my statement about having a sorting system was general, referring to life and situations like these in general.
and for your grammatical clarification, groups of words together are used to emphasize what one word alone can't... meaning 'not' and 'not necessarily' mean two different things. i emphasize because people tend to read thru lines, and often when i say i am not looking for this, they miss the not part, which am sure has happened to many others not just me.
now go get a life and leave me alone, will ya. i have the right to flip backwards and upside down if i so wish, feel free to flip flop away and to bigger better thaaaangs
jeeeeeeees  | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:35:41 PM | I am currently going through 20 year old pictures trying to decide whether men would find my Olivia Newton John phase (complete with headband) my blond sister from Heart phase or my Madonna phase most attractive.  | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:10:27 AM | | I can't blame people for being 'picky'. But some of the profiles I read don't even seem realistic. If you can't find someone that fits those standards outside of this site, I have my doubts you will find them on this site either. I don't even know if some of these 'perfect' people even exist. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:23:27 AM | | The part I love is that when you read these profiles that have the laundry list of things they will ONLY accept and those they will not accept no matter what, you KNOW there is some poor sap out there who is going to read them and go "holy sh!t dude....that's totally me! I can cram myself into her little soap box for her! I can BE controlled! Hell for her I'd change half those things to say I am just for the chance to be with her!". Scary. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:50:06 AM |
I am currently going through 20 year old pictures trying to decide whether men would find my Olivia Newton John phase (complete with headband) my blond sister from Heart phase or my Madonna phase most attractive.
Don't forget the leg warmers. Hahahaha. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:53:43 AM |
The part I love is that when you read these profiles that have the laundry list of things they will ONLY accept and those they will not accept no matter what,
Nicely said, Deuce. The funny thing is that 90 percent of the women I have gone out indicated that they did not like men with facial hair, yet we went out, didn't shave the whiskers.
So go figure. | |
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