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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:57:06 PM | | One of the most outrageous expectations I see from women is that once you take them out on one date they expect you not to take any other women out on dates. These women hate the idea of having to compete with other women. They want a monopoly on your time and attention until they decide if you are relationship material or not. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:14:07 PM | | The thing I hate the most is when a guy doesn't respect the need for safety on a online site. I had one guy recently who had no picture email me a very friendly message saying he would like to get better acquainted..etc. I responded in kind and didn't hear from him for several days, even though I could see he read my reply the very same day. After several days, he emails and says he wants my personal email address so he can send me "pictures" because he is very interested in me. Well, I don't give out my personal email address that easily. That's what this site is for, right? So I responded as nicely as I could that I don't give that info out, but that he could post pictures here and make them available only as private. His response? He deleted my message and of course haven't heard from him again. Go figure! | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:04:49 PM | Delenthyia: Plenty of Fish has moderators that can delete posts if they feel that the post is in violation of some sort of rule. If you actually named any of the people you were quoting from your emails, that would have been a violation. In addition, you can also request a post be deleted and a moderator will review it. I don't think they will delete anything unless it's a clear violation... but I've requested a deletion that was "sort of borderline" and it was gone within minutes... and one deletion that I thought was "clear cut" and it wasn't deleted at all...
I dunno about unrealistic expectations... I mean, if I could rub on a lantern, and build the perfect woman by telling a genie what I "really, really want" in a woman, she would probably share a few of (but not all of) the features of the women that have graced my favourites list. And, if this dream woman were to ever exist... she would probably read/delete me anyways. So, really... flexibility is the best policy. On the one hand, I'd rather a woman tell me "kthanxbai" right away than waste my time, on the other... if she has a Criteria posted in her profile that are stricter than NASA's, then I'm going to pass anyways. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:27:25 PM | | Well some people do. And these guys you mentioned are really some kind of freaks. Heck I know of some guys on here that are in half-way houses or under house arrest. (I meet a lot of people in my line of work some very sketchy) But I pretty well spelled it out in my profile what I'm looking for and I could have gone into more detail, but I preety well got it down to those women that would fit the bill would contact me and the others would just go to the next profile. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 82 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:27:00 AM | ocean...
me too
that, or no balls.
which is about the same - because a man that isn't happy in his marriage and sneaks around pretty much doesn't have balls to face his wife w the truth, so he lies, like a 5yo. that's being a weakly thang to me.
last case scenario are high rollers, but those are like lightning strikes, few and in between. and those usually send a private pic when they email. men of success are proud of their achievements, they don't want to hide, they just want to have privacy. so they always send a private picture.
not saying it cant happen that the one u give the least credit to could turn out to be gold under layers of dirt, but if someone shows me nothing and expects me to have psychic visions of how cool they really are, than i am sorry, but they aren't ready to meet anyone anyways (not that i am... LOL), be it friends or lovers. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:35:11 AM | If he's all about the "not shallow with no pics thing" perhaps he should stick to contacting women with no pictures. A match made in Heaven.
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asle
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Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 84 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:33:16 AM | I agree 100% with Tigerwoods0924, I actually compliment a man when he is honest. I think if you know exactly what you want you should not settle for less. Kudos to you Tiger.  | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:47:29 AM | Yeah, I have to agree.....I get a kick out of women, that really don't look all that great themselves, an reject ME because they are pretty much equal to ME in looks.
Had this happen recently, I met a cute/average looking woman (in her early 40's.....met her at a real life party)
Then, I happened to catch her on ad ating site...I did email her, saying "Hey, you look familiar, it was nice meeting you at the party."
And she did respond that time, I guess just to be nice, she was new to the area, and exploring more social venues. She told me she enjoyed the party, and meeting new people.
I did reply to her, with the "Yeah, it beats online dating, you can actually get to know peopel face to face just like you and I just did, so no pressure because we already met in person briefly."
Though I didn't ask any questions in the email about her...she did a "read/delete" so I guess my email didn't really ask questions to warrant a response.
But still....
It just seems even not so great looking women are wanting some kind of "hunk" and if she's in her 40's...well....she really needs to change her criteria when it comes to men's physical appearances.
Sure, you can be 20 year s 0ld and get away with being shallow, but 40 something? I don't think so. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:53:36 AM | ^^^I think I need more information on how you know she was being picky by not liking you back at her age.
Don't people have a right to follow what they're attracted to? Perhaps she had no attraction to you. Is that allowed? Many people encounter one sided interest in the course of time, very few are mutual. If you weren't attracted to her, would you have assumed the same?
Perhaps she had no idea you were expressing interest, and thought the conversation was over. Perhaps she was embarassed that she met someone on a dating site that she saw in real life.
You have no idea what happened, really. It was a random conversation on the net with a woman you barely knew. How do you figure she turned you down because she was looking for better than you based on that small exchange?
Sometimes you're sensitive to certain things because of a personal issue, and what's really going on has nothing to do with it. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:03:24 AM | Perhaps she had no idea you were expressing interest, and thought the conversation was over. Perhaps she was embarassed that she met someone on a dating site that she saw in real life.
You have no idea what happened, really. It was a random conversation on the net with a woman you barely knew. How do you figure she turned you down because she was looking for better than you based on that small exchange?
Okay, bad example...
Hm, in this case, I sent her another email...this one asking her basic questions...we'll see if she answers.
However, as far as this "mutual attraction" thing....personally, I think people ARE attracted, but they are thinking they could do better.
Like ME for instance...honestly, it doesn't take MUCH for me to be PHYSICALLY attrated....in all seriousness.
"Yeah, she/he's cute...but I like that good looking hunk over there. SOmetimes they even hold out for the guy, waiting for him to ask her out. While she rejects the guy who already asked her out. (the one that she thinks is "cute" but think she can hold out for better). | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:06:53 AM | | The problem I have with online dating is that the men on here seem to just want their Models. Someone who has substance and a wonderful personality such as myself, are left with no emails, no interest. The only interest women like me get, are men looking for a drunkin one night stand or a hookup buddy because god forbid they are seen in public with a BBW! LOL. So pathetic. I hate the dating world! LOL. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:12:17 AM |
However, as far as this "mutual attraction" thing....personally, I think people ARE attracted, but they are thinking they could do better.
Like ME for instance...honestly, it doesn't take MUCH for me to be PHYSICALLY attrated....in all seriousness.
"Yeah, she/he's cute...but I like that good looking hunk over there. SOmetimes they even hold out for the guy, waiting for him to ask her out. While she rejects the guy who already asked her out. (the one that she thinks is "cute" but think she can hold out for better).
Seriously - it's about the interest level from the beginning. The difference between a woman who's attracted to a man and goes for him and a woman who "appears" to be but looks elsewhere, is this:
Either they don't like to be alone or have downtime between relationships, so they go where they get attention until they find what they want, or they stay where they get wined and dined until they find a guy who attracts them.
Women who HAVE to have boyfriends are usually the ones who do this, because naturally they can't have what they want all the time - so they typically just fill in the blanks, but they never lose the eye.
It's common that a woman like this will date a man they're not really into but that will do whatever it takes for her NOT to break it off (money, gifts, etc). He can get her to marry him even if he plays the right cards, but deep down he knows he's just trying to make up for an attraction that he knows isn't there, and never will be. In the end, many of these men end up with wives who cheat and they just ignore it or wives who divorce them, take their money and leave for men who thy're attracted to that don't have much to give.
Then those men come here and post "I gave her the world and she ruined/left me for a jerk who has nothing" threads.
Find women who don't freak out when they're single; those women don't have to hang on to men they don't have attraction to. There's no point. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:25:28 AM | | Unbelievable!, I know, Its amazing how many nasty remarks a gal can get while"trying to be polite" and stating you arent interested, Or you emailed several times back and forth, Then you decided hes not what your looking for, Then a Guy will get miffed and you can hear the attitude when they respond back, As for me any man responding back with attitude, Would NOT be my type, I could imagine how nasty they would be as a boyfriend. Men, you need to consider this when responding back, I understand its hard to emote when you are writing, I like to keep it simple and lighthearted, Hopefully they will ask questions of me Too! The online dating world is tough, Im certainly not relying on it for my complete social life. But Im staying open minded! You never know! | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:43:13 AM | i have had things very close to that happen to me as well and i just wanted to say way to stick to your beliefs and not have any guys jerk you around. i too ask the question what is wrong with people all the time. way to stick to your guns girl, keep it up:)
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:52:08 AM | | I have met a few people on dating different sites, and people seldom look like their picture. Either they look better or worst. So I don't require a picture to go on a date. The picture is for their benefit. I don't have a problem walking out on a date. Having said that the only turn off I have is a woman who looks like a man. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:52:35 AM | okeedokee444
Your post exemplfies exactly what the op posted....You seem to challenge her choice
of responding to your beacuse of her age (40?) and that she is average looking.
She is just not interested in you, but you have to make it about her. Like at 40, you don't get to choose who you want, you have to settle? Give me a break. Please check yourself. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:57:17 AM | Men: disrespect the women by being rude and crude sometimes to the point of revulsion. ( I am embarassed to be a guy with jerks like these around ) This happens apparently during first contact and after 'rejection'.
Women: ignore the guys that might just actually be good men. I say ignore, because that had been what I'm seeing. Send a nice polite paragragh, inviting the lady to visit your profile, then have no reply from her.
Is there any hope for this medium? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:04:48 AM | Lists of absurd requirements are a real turn-off. Moralizing or lecturing men is a pretty lousy way to attract them. What kind of person puts a list of nine items that must be met? How realistic is that?
One of the most bizarre was this:
"If you are anti-gay rights. Although this might sound prejudiced, I personally find someone with this belief pretty ignorant so if we're on such polar opposite pages, we'd clearly never work."
What are 'gay rights'? Why is this woman calling anyone who is opposed to 'gay rights' (whatever that means) 'ignorant'? Inquiries to the woman went unanswered. Can't imagine why.
I don't know what this woman is trying to accomplish. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:08:46 AM |
The problem I have with online dating is that the men on here seem to just want their Models. Someone who has substance and a wonderful personality such as myself, are left with no emails, no interest
Personality is important, but there should also be at least some physical attraction. Just because a man isn't attracted to you, it doesn't necessary mean that he only goes after slender/fit women with super model looks. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:09:37 AM | | I'm kind of curious what age the men (and women) that get upset over wanting to know or see them better before meeting are? Contrary to all the critique of on-line dating that you hear from people on these sites, I found it refreshing during my search. In the old days, I dated women that I met through work or social activities. The attraction was always based on physical characteristics. On here, there was admittedly a mild physical attraction if I opened communication (I never chatted with people that weren't willing to show what they look like because confidence is something I've always been attracted to), but it provided the ability to see if there was any intellectual or moral compatability before meeting. In my opinion, anybody that expects you to meet them without seeing what they look like or getting to know what they're about, isn't likely looking for anything long-term. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:16:30 AM | Okee,
I'm an average/cute woman. Men turn me down, even when they are only average looking themselves. I don't get mad about it. They have the right to not want to date me if they aren't attracted to me. Just because someone is average doesn't mean they have to settle. People can't MAKE themselves be attracted to what they aren't attracted to. I think our taste changes as time goes by, and we look at the total package instead of just looks. But I certainly wouldn't date a man I wasn't attracted to, even to have something to do. I sure hope a man wouldn't date me simply because he felt he was only average looking and had to settle. | |
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