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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:42:09 AM |
You see it as rejecting everyone, they may see it as waiting for the one who they really want. Man I wish more people thought like this. Thanks Betty. Maybe that line will catch on. I don't get many IM's and when I do I usually indulge the person and chat for a while. A lot of the people who email me though give up their MSN address fairly quickly, and I have no problem jumping onto a chat box with them right away. It's no different than messaging except that it's quicker, and if things don't go nice then you can delete their contact and block them if need be. But if I'm bored and have nothing up I might sit and chat with a girl for an hour or two, and have even gotten stuck in a conversation for as long as 5 hours once. But most women I've chatted with take a bit of offense when they find out I'm not interested in seeing them romantically or that my interests lie elsewhere and I apparently "led them on" all that time. We never spoke about dating. We talked about life, work, school, kids, things we like to do. So why is it automatically assumed that if I agree to chat on MSN I must also agree to date them? Or sleep with them? Why can't a guy just make friends? And then after they've gotten upset with me then they want me to remain friends. ?!?!??!?! I'm supposed to just forget the tirade that just occurred and now be your friend when you weren't interested in being my friend a few minutes before? Sorry, not interested. I know there are many women out there not like this and I meet a fair bit of them on here and that's great. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:43:02 AM | | OP - what I see is that there are people that have their view of a date and presuppose that you think the same way which is not reasonable. I can say from a different perspective that I don't get mail unless I initial. And I may or may not get a response. So it seems one sided. I also think there is a never satisified attitude. Like if you only had one more pic. Or if you do one more thing. Nothing is good enough. Its like being married without being. I call that abuse not love. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:45:25 AM |
And some don't want someone so bad that they'll date guys that aren't for them. You see it as rejecting everyone, they may see it as waiting for the one who they really want.
Sorry, I guess I've been scanning too quickly.
To note...it's funny lately the 3 women who have turned me down (in real life, not online...well, kinda blew me off because they had been 'seeing someone')
Lately....their "relationships" if you call it that ended in a brief 3 to 4 months, and I cannot help but kind of smirk at that. Here they turned me down, dated a guy that didn't last hardly at all.
Here they dated a guy they were attracted to, and it was rather a short-lived relationship (if you call it that.) A "fling" I guess?
And the woman in question did not know the other woman personally, it's just that her male co-worker talked about her alot.
Also, to note....I have met real life women in some of our "Group outings" to have put ads up recently, and I'm asking them, "So, how come you're not dating any guys in our group of "friends" and shes like "Well, if it didn't work out, it'd be awkward"
ANd Im thinking, "Come on, we're not CO-workers, lol"
Apparently, there's this large group of us that hang out alot, quite frequently that we see each other quite often. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 179 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:47:29 AM |
Some of them appear in "My matches" so I check that most frequently, had emailed these ladies in the past, and of course always got the "READ/DELETE".
I would have to say I'm the cream of the crop by these town's standards...
Funny, I actually happened to see one of my "rejectors" at a local store, I wanted to say "Hi" but , since she rejected me, I figured what's evne the point, ya know..... ....she might die an old spinster if she's as unrealistic in her expecations as she is.
UglyBetty....lol...seems like you're the only one that's paying attention to my posts....seems no one else has an answer, unless they are addressing other points.
Oh I know .... it's all about you, right? Boo Hoo
Well I read your posts and your profile. If you sent me a letter with a profile like that I would just delete also. You get what you give. Why the hell can you not understand that? Of course I am thinking you use this profile to do your fishing with. Otherwise enlighten me.
Also you comments in regards to women that I quoted above ... and they are one huge turn off. You act like they should be GRATEFUL for you to contact them, I have no doubts that shows through.
Savona | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:12:00 AM | You see it as rejecting everyone, they may see it as waiting for the one who they really want.
Sometimes what a person wants is different than what they are realistically able to get. Sometimes what a person wants is based on silly things such as a man's income or the size of a woman's breast. A person is entitled to have any requirements they want. But many ( not all ) people who are very picky about how they date often complain about not finding someone. Can't have it both ways. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:15:36 AM | True that there is a lot of "players", users and predators on dating sites; and that some of them are really good to present you a "public" image that looks totally convincing; thus some do not even bother to make an effort to display a well done profile or even have little faith into the "pics" thing.
I wonder, why be on a dating site and only have a one liner profile? Does it can also mean that you are so self absorbed or that you have nothing to say? Reasons can be various, but what ever they are, one line is just one line...it doesn't worth much!
In the example you showed us, OP; it does raise several questions; especially liked the fact that he doesnt know how to upload a pic...but do have a tmobile with some (contradiction about knowledge); just for a start.
yes indeed he tried to use reverse psychology on you, and at that stage, it shows that "something" is terribly wrong. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:18:33 AM | | I'll admit, I'm picky...but atleast I'm honest about the type of person I want to pursue a relationship with. I'll go out to dinner and 'date' different people, but I'm set in my ways for what I want long term. I know my 'dating pool' is a puddle...but it's what I want. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:20:35 AM | Otherwise enlighten me.
Okay, first my profile is unviewable, so you must be viewing someone elses profile. And no, this is not the profile I'm fishing with.
Btw....Judging someone's character based soley on their posts, is not representative.
Also, this thread is about the Unrealistic or Outrageous expectations
I was wondering if anyone googled the "Settling for Mr. Good Enough" ? The author seems to be on the mark with this. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 184 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:24:57 AM | I have really noticed that *most* not all men who constantly throw in the $$$ issue are usually men who got none. Hahaha so what the hell do they worry about ... Oh I KNOW ... that is their excuse for women not wanting to date then ... hell after all they just ...
HAVE TO BLAME SOMEONE ONE OR SOMETHING ... other than their perfect selves of course. Talk about low or complete lack of self-esteem.
I have to tell you ... that is an old song, and a piss poor excuse for not getting the girl.
Savona | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:27:55 AM | Catcingnj - I agree with you! I never contact a man that is not looking for someone like me. I know what I want and what I'm attracted to. Even if some guy looks absolutely great in photo and profile and I want to contact him, but he says he is only interested in woman 35 and under; there's no way I'm going to contact him - it's just disrespectful because he's not looking for a 38 year old!
Now, I do agree that "in person" changes everything, but unfortunately that's not the world we are in here on POF. I might look and act a lot younger, but that is not his concern or for me to desperately "try" to convince him otherwise. Why would I? Just seems demeaning to me. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:29:08 AM | Northeast,
I'm asked a lot by my friends and especially people I chat with on here why the hell I'm not locked up in a relationship yet. It's by choice mainly. I've met some great women but ultimately one woman has captivated me and the rest pale in comparison. I'm rather selective these days and so the rest have been really great. But this one in particular is fantastic on every level and why would I not give it a shot and be patient for a good thing so that I could be with someone I wasn't completely into? This woman has had some logistical problems seeing me and her life has been REALLY busy the past few months so it's been hard. But I stuck with it and it's starting to pay off now. I personally don't complain about not being able to find good women as I find lots of them, and I've been on dates with many of the ones I've found. So speaking for me this doesn't equate.
Okeedokee,
Most singles networks in cities don't date within. They are mainly social networks, used to get single people out and doing fun stuff again and making new friends. You'd think it'd be to meet people and find love but for some reason it never works out that way. Why? For the same reason your female acquaintance stated. They are in this group and they do things together. If they dated and it didn't work out it'd be weird and uncomfortable and it would disrupt the balance of the group. She, as well as all the people I know in these types of groups, love their outings and their group time and wouldn't want to jeopardize that for anything. It's the people you meet outside of the group while you are out on these outings that makes the difference in their loves lives. And for you to scrutinize those three women who turned you down because their relationships went up in flames after 3 or 4 months is crazy. Three or four months isn't a fling. It's a relationship that didn't work out. People dont' just jump from one LTR to the next. Most people go through a number of couple monther's before they find something worth keeping. You seem to be rather hung up on those that reject you when you should be focusing your attention on changing your approach and fixing up your profile so that you avoid rejection a little more and attract more people. I'm not sure how much you look to date online though so I could have the wrong idea of you here. But your profile says only here for the forums yet your posts say otherwise so I'm as confused as the rest. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:31:45 AM | Deuce,
That's why I said many ( not all ). I know what I stated doesn't apply to all picky people.
I have really noticed that *most* not all men who constantly throw in the $$$ issue are usually men who got none. Hahaha so what the hell do they worry about ... Oh I KNOW ... that is their excuse for women not wanting to date them ... hell after all they just ...HAVE TO BLAME SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ... other than their perfect selves of course. Talk about low or complete lack of self-esteem.I have to tell you ... that is an old song, and a piss poor excuse for not getting the girl.
I didn't say all or most women are golddiggers. Money is just one example to prove a larger point. I also used the size of a women's breast as an example and you didn't complain about that. That figures. This has nothing to do with low esteem or not being able to get any women. I'm simply stating that some people are single due to having unrealistic or outrageous expectations. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:38:38 AM | Actually, the whole irony of it, that plenty of people have "coupled up" in these groups, they just put on a front that they "aren't looking".
I heard one female said that it's a "Singles group" regardless of what people say it is.
Changing your approach does nothing, changing your profile esp. does nothing (changed it plenty of times myself actually).
Just an FYI, I use another profile, I use this one for the forums. Not sure how are you able to see my profile, because I thought I had hidden it.
<div class='quote'>I've met some great women but ultimately one woman has captivated me and the rest pale in comparison
Actually, this is unhealthy....to compare women to the last woman you dated is unhealthy
Also, back to the "networking with others in groups" senario...perosnally think its just an excuse that alot of women use not to date. Believe me, if Mr. Hunk came along, it'd be a diff story. Sometimes I think they are full of it when they say they aren't there to "date" anyone.
I had someone feed me that line, that they are there to "make friends" but turns out, I see people eventually coupling up all the time. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:43:58 AM | | wild heart...the age thing is a great point. I have a hard time believing I'm 40!! I work and hang out with mainly 20 -30 year olds. Only 1 of my friends is my age. I run most guys my age into the ground. Heck, blew my knee out playing football with 20 year olds a week after turning 40. I was dating women in their 20's because they had the same mindset as I do. Enjoy life!! They didn't have kids, and were done school. They have very little tying them down. But after a few short runs, I was told to try to date my age...besides to most 25 -30 year old women I'm 'too old'. The women I meet my age just are not 'outgoing' enough. They are tied down with kids, jobs or trying to start their life over after a divorce or something. I give them great credit for balancing all that, but it leaves so little time to enjoy life. I have a very simple life with a nice bit of free time. I need someone the same way, but it's very hard to find. But I don't go emailing women if I don't fit the age they are looking for. I don't want to be that 'creepy old guy'...haha | |
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Savona
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Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 190 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:43:59 AM |
I also used the size of a women's breast as an example and you didn't complain about that. That figures. This has nothing to do with low esteem or not being able to get any women.
Actually I did not use this becasue it is not a thing that ANY man I have ever been with, or been in contact with has stipulated to me ... I have seldom seen it written on the forums that men only go for the big boobs ... but regularly see men thinking women are gold diggers.
I have yet to see a woman write that a man had rejected her because of the size of their boobs as a REASON for not getting the man ... (NO I have not read every post)
It was a careless comment in regards to a man rejecting a woman by the size of her breasts for both men and woman, and so I chose to ignore such childish posts. I my own opinioin of course.
Savona | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:48:56 AM | I have yet to see a woman write that a man had rejected her because of the size of their boobs as a REASON for not getting the man ... (NO I have not read every post)
I have seen some women complain about men only going thin/slender women with super model looks and big breasts. Maybe not necessary in this thread, but on other threads. Maybe some men only go after these types of women, but not all or most. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:49:42 AM |
I have become to believe that dysfunctional predators who cannot maintain a committed relationship, keep recycling themselves into the single dating pool and as we get older, the pool becomes more and more infested as quality men get taken.
I agree, thanks for making this point. There's nothing more annoying than letting people know what stats you're generally looking at - and then having people outside those stats contact you anyway and try to convince you otherwise. I see "no one over 35" in an ad, it doesn't matter whether I think the rule doesn't apply to me or not; the bottom line is that he asked for what he asked for.
Example in profile "Looking for slim/athletic"
Contact: "I'm not in shape, but plan to be...." - um how is that a match?
Example in profile "I prefer blondes"
Contact: "I know you said you like blondes, but...." - BUT WHAT? lol
To me it just screams "I don't pay attention" or "I don't follow directions" or "I don't think YOU know what YOU want". IMO, not great people to date. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:00:54 AM |
Example in profile "I prefer blondes"
Contact: "I know you said you like blondes, but...." - BUT WHAT? lol
The athletic thing I can understand.....because you're looking for someone that can keep up with you...also depends on the degree of athletism, some people just basketball or tennis on the public courts, while other degrees of athetisms (sp?) will go bike riding for 50 miles for half-day (I just enjoy leisurely bike rides in the park).
Now the Blonde thing....well...I can see how that can be unrealistic if your limiting yourself to ONLY blondes, I mean, its just hair color for cryin out loud! LOL
So the person emailing you would have to think, "I'm sure this person would overlook someone who is a brown haired guy...she'd HAVE to, she can't be THAT ridiculous in her criteria, right?"
So they pretty much think "I' m sure she can be flexible"
I mean, I like big boobs on women, but I won't limit myself to them. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:06:28 AM | Or it means that to many have restrictions that are just not attainable in the dating world as we mature, and the unrealistic attitudes force some to ask no matter what????
Why would anyone put down that they only date "blond's"? Is it not possible to find another that looks great that is not fair haired?
I understand the physical side of what you are searching for, but if you do not exhibit it yourself, then why be so adamant about expecting it from the ones you date? To each his/her own, but, if truly wanting to expand your dating pool, it would be much better to eliminate restrictions, not add to them........ 
There are some things I just will not have around me, and those I have put on my profile restrictions, or stated in my profile in such a way, to let those that may be interested, know what to expect when contacting me, as I do them.
If a woman says "tall' is a must......I do not initiate contact.........if a woman says "younger".......I do not initiate..........on and on......
Life is to short to mess with all of this, and that is why many many of us have given up on really using this as a dating site, and much more of social gathering of those that just may keep our interest......one way or another....... 
Just my opinion.........   | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:15:36 AM |
The athletic thing I can understand.....because you're looking for someone that can keep up with you...also depends on the degree of athletism, some people just basketball or tennis on the public courts, while other degrees of athetisms (sp?) will go bike riding for 50 miles for half-day (I just enjoy leisurely bike rides in the park).
Now the Blonde thing....well...I can see how that can be unrealistic if your limiting yourself to ONLY blondes, I mean, its just hair color for cryin out loud! LOL
So the person emailing you would have to think, "I'm sure this person would overlook someone who is a brown haired guy...she'd HAVE to, she can't be THAT ridiculous in her criteria, right?"
So they pretty much think "I' m sure she can be flexible"
I meant that in the sense of a man looking for blonde women...and a lot of em actually do say they prefer blondes. Yep, it's a hair color, but it ain't mine, so I skip it. I could contact him and lecture him about Nice and Easy, but why? The man wants blonde, he should talk to blondes. Doesn't matter how silly I think it is - that's my point, and that's why I used hair color. It's offensive of me to think I should contact him anyway, and he's got a right to reject me for it.
I understand the physical side of what you are searching for, but if you do not exhibit it yourself, then why be so adamant about expecting it from the ones you date?
I agree - if I didn't stay in shape and actually do a lot of physical stuff and eat healthy, then I'd have nerve (kind of) expecting someone else to be that way. But, my lifestyle is a big thing for me, and it's hard enough sometimes staying in a regimen without someone helping me toss it aside. I'd rather consider someone who gets my life and agrees with it than someone who totally doesn't agree with it, doesn't get it, or someone who wants to but thinks they need someone else to motivate them. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:21:59 AM | | I took my picture off my profile because too many guys without pics were contacting me. I don't think it's fair for them to see your pic, but I can't see theirs. I don't particularly like having my pic up either. But I certainly don't expect someone to meet me without seeing what I look like first. I expect the same courtesy. I find that 90% of the time when the guy doesn't display his pic, he's not attractive. I'm sure that is the same for women too. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:37:39 AM | No. It's not you. It's the internet.
And, hello, you cannot fall in love with a photograph or a profile... That is called projecting your fantasies about someone onto them... it's break from reality time.
The idea here, I think, is to sort through the people you might like to meet, from those you don't want to meet, so as to make the process a little easier. But there are those who don't get it. You can't just "order" a soul mate off the internet. If you could they'd be on Ebay, and I'd probably already have one... [Wonder what they would charge for shipping on something like that, eh?!]
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig."
I personally just hit the delete button. Why even waste your time? Those little piggys will never sing on key anyway... no matter how much wisdom you attempt to impart on them. [Toads Croak. That makes them easier to identify. Be grateful he wasn't smoother so you didn't end up having to endure this jerk in person.]
Incidentally, the female version of this carries a grocery list with her to the first date. She then systematically goes down her list to see if you might, possibly, one day be worthy of picking up the dinner check for her some time... | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:41:26 AM |
The man wants blonde, he should talk to blondes. Doesn't matter how silly I think it is - that's my point, and that's why I used hair color. It's offensive of me to think I should contact him anyway, and he's got a right to reject me for it.
Finally someone that gets it! It doesn't make that person shallow...it's what they want. What harm is it to you? So many of these forums are full of men and women bashing just because you are not what someone else wants, and you think you should be. If I contact a woman and she rejects me for ANY reason..so be it. It's not her loss either, its OH WELL...next. I would be wasting my time to email someone that wants a 30 year old with great hair. It's just hair..and age is only a number, right? Not to her. But Boo Hoo...I want a shot too!!! Too many people on here think they are entitled to a chance, a date, like you have something to prove. No you are not. It would be wonderful if more would look past a picture and a few words in your profile. But they don't, get over it. It's a fact of life, both online and real. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:59:29 AM |
If I contact a woman and she rejects me for ANY reason..so be it.
Yeah , but if you think about it, this thread is intended to criticize those who are perpetally single because of their, as the OP puts it, "Outrageous expectations".  | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:09:57 AM | yeah.
i find females have all these expectations.... some the same, some different.
but the interesting part is that it seems like, if i ever get to meet the person then they dont care anymore if i meet their stupid expectations or not. wich kind of pisses me off... because im still single anyways. and this just makes me think females are kind of like animals..... like, you just got to be confident, and hot and hanged and they want to talk about marriage and stuff.... it was cool for a bit when i first figured it out, but now its dull...
so perhaps i should try talking to females with no expectations.. any out there? .......... | |
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