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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:47:58 AM | After spending most of my life being married to the mother of my children and having her lie and cheat , I find myself with a desire to do things differantly..
I now make sure that I don't get taken advantage of in the first place..
I don't ask girls out on a date..
They ask me to accompany them to various functions including their bed.
Sometimes I say yes , but only if I have a true interest in them..
If you screw on the first date, then don't complain unless you feel that you didn't get what you paid for..
You did remember to pay this guy, RIGHT?
If you didn't pay him then maybe that's why he didn't come back.. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:53:29 PM | | I'm with you forkeeps. I love your honesty. There is a phrase in Spanish - "mejor sola que mal acompaniada" - trans: better to be alone than in bad company. I've been married twice - one was a good one - he died - other was a re-bound, and problematic from the get-go. I think men are fine - but we are different. Another little phrase I heard from a well renowned counselor regarding intimacy and sex. Women give sex to get intimacy - men give intimacy to get sex - Everyone I have shared that one with seems to agree - nothing wrong with either - just different viewpoints. OP - keep on trucking. Guys, don't be so thinned skinned - No matter how you slice it - OP's date could have at least acted like a mench and not ignored her. That I believe is the difference between a boy and a man - OP, sadly you hooked up with a boy in a man's body - easy mistake to make. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:55:58 AM | | you answered your own question, sleep with someone on the first date/meeting, most men are looking for a challenge, when the challenge is gone, so are they. never sleep with anyone that soon unless you understand it may only be a one night thing | |
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| Well why do women use men for money?
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:21:28 AM | Women do the same thing!!! Same with sex.....
If you didn't want a ONE NIGHT STAND, you should have never went to his house!
You said yes as soon as you walked in the door. HELLO!
You can't even follow your own rules....
WOMEN NEED TO STOP BLAMING MEN AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
Especially the ones with multiple kids.... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:40:10 AM |
I also made it clear that i wasn't into one nite stands. We agreed that our relationship wouldn't be either of those things. He was so nice and gentle. Didn't make any moves at first. He looked like the average cute boy next door type. We talked for awhile, then we watched a movie. During the movie we started kissing and one thing lead to another. We ended up in bed. Now i was absolutely positive I would be seeing him again. Tt sounds to me, OP, like you two were interpreting things from opposite sides.
He heard you say you're not into one-night stands, yet he saw you decide to have sex with him that night, so his impression of you was based on your behaviour, not your words.
In your view, his apparent agreement about not treating sexuality as a one-night stand sounded like he had some genuine feelings for you, so having sex with him would be 'making love'.
In his view, you say one thing and do another. He probably thought you say that to all the guys, so he figured hey .. whatever, let's go for it, since he knew he wouldn't be back.
Sorry to be blunt, and sorry he got under your skin enough to prompt your post. I hope you can find some wisdom through your experience. | |
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JLWTV
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Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 506 | |
| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:01:52 AM | | I think those types give the rest of us a bad rap, then some people end up making a blanket generalization across the board ie "men" How about some men or people. Anyway, Just chalk it up as a bitter life lesson. It can never be considered a mistake if you learn from it. Sounds like you are on the right path. Good luck | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:53:49 AM | He heard you say you're not into one-night stands, yet he saw you decide to have sex with him that night, so his impression of you was based on your behaviour, not your word
This deserves a quote. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 4:21:32 PM | you had sex with him on date number what...one??? helloooooooo wake up!!
How long does it take for women to realize that if you are sexually available a man is moving right in...
sigh. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:34:48 PM | I've found it's a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" for women, and I'm frankly sick and tired of all the posts I've read here (from both males and females) telling this woman she's a slut for putting out.
Sorry High Road self-righteous males, but if you're going to relegate a woman to slut status if she puts out when YOU are the one coming on to her and making her think she will be rejected if she doesn't put out on the first date - then you're the hypocritical ***hole and you don't deserve the respect of any decent woman. How dare you blame the woman?? If you're posting yourself here as being someone looking for more than just getting laid, then keep it in your pants and act as a gentleman, the way you claim in your profile. Otherwise if you're just looking to get the rox off with whoever you can get your hooks into, then be honest about it in your profile or find the nearest street corner and whip out your credit card.
Also - wankers need not apply, if a woman states in her profile that she's looking for long term and not to be treated like a piece of meat that's out there for the taking. If you want to treat women as such, then why the hell don't you leave us alone when we state in our profiles that we're looking for long term? Are you functionally illiterate or something? Focus on the profiles of those who tell you they are looking for casual sex, instead of wasting the time of those of us who aren't.
To the women, including the OP: I make it crystal clear in my profile that I'm looking for long-term, not catting around or being treated like a free call girl service. If I go out on a date and say "no" when some jerk comes on to me, that's their loss, not mine. Still, I've been told that I'm a prude by both men and women on other forums when I've reinforced this. In the past I felt somehow obligated to put out, if some jerk paid for my dinner or drinks. No more. If they can't read my bloody profile, then they can soak up the cost of trying to get me drunk so they can get their noodle wet. Their problem, not mine, and they can go back to wanking to their porno sites if they don't like it.
To answer the OP question of why men think they can use us for sex: it's because they manipulate us into feeling obligated, and mindless bimbos with no self-respect reinforce this view. As far as I'm concerned if I make it clear in my profile that I'm NOT looking to be used as a meatsack sperm receptacle, my ass is covered morally when someone takes me out and is told NO at the end of the night on the first date. If they're too illiterate or horny to read plain English, that's their retardation to deal with, not mine. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:38:55 AM | | Why do women think men are using them for sex? Hmmm, thats a good one. It brings back that old saying our parents used to tell us when we where kids. It takes to to tango. This is the wolf your talking to. Misled for the reason of a woman haha. Yet in this time and in era's past. The woman has always had the say on who she's gonna sleep with. The only thing that puts this in dispute, is that after it was said and done, the choice then for the individuals, is that one moved on. Love let alone seduction comes in many forms. Obviously all the chemistry was there for these 2 individuals to hook up as passionately, or you know, get in, get off, and get out as it had happened that evening??? Hopefully girlfriend you got off like a wild minx. Lets face it, hmmm yet liking the sound of that, my bad. It's not some peoples better experienced qualities. That's men and women alike. I've dated a lot in between 2 long term relationship, 1 lasting 9 years, the other 6, to find out even women use men. Especially after putting there wedding bands back on as there heading out the door. Those 2 were definately had some issues at home that weren't being dealt with. But I seriously had no clue. I was used, I enjoyed it emensly, and would probably do it again. Yet I excepted it for what it was. The right chemistry, followed by the right timing, with enough foreplay. to make even the best of some of your romance novels seem tame. The rest of the world calls it a one night stand. In otherwards, it was something that was unplanned, led to what it did by 2 consenting adults, from which one moved on by choices of there own from which they shouldn't have to explain themselves other then to be respectful enough to let the person know that maybe there is someone more suited out there then them??? At least I'm man enough to face a woman that way. I figure thats why a percentage of us put seeking friends, or someone to hang out with, if it goes farther than that? That way, we don't set ourselves up for a fall or disappointment if something like this comes into our court of play. We just take it for what it is till we finally find that person that we'll wake up every morning to, let alone go to bed spooning or cuddling every night with. Oh! and for some of you women using the saying slut! Come on now, are you still living in the 80's? I like to think of the sexes as EQUAL, if your not liberated and your own predator of what you want in life, then ladies, you got to get out more. Atleast that's my oppinion. So does anyone know of a decent woman or a friend, that would like to hang with a fun guy from time to time, who just wants to treat them as an equal, and maybe see where it goes from there. You now know a little how I think. As for the rest, just ask. Take care all | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:44:44 AM | tekn0kat, msg 514
To answer the OP question of why men think they can use us for sex: it's because they manipulate us into feeling obligated, and mindless bimbos with no self-respect reinforce this view.
Wow, talk about eschewing accountability for your own actions. This poster exemplifies why men often treat women like children - many of them are just that, and need to be treated as such so that their undeveloped minds can cope and eventually grow up. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:10:38 AM | | Men do not use women for sex. Having sex is a mutual decision to engage in a pleasurable activity. If a woman feels "used", then it is probably because she is trying to manipulate the man through sex, and does not succeed in that attempt. In that case, it is really the man who has been used because there is a hidden agenda to which he is not privy. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:44:54 AM | 
Tekn0kat
now that's what i'm talkin' about you tell it like it is.. that's right it's not the womans loss if she chooses not to have sex with a man just cause he ask for a piece an then exspects the woman to give it up on demand.. it's his loss..he's always got his friendly hand who never tells him no.
there is a double standard of women of she's damed if she does it an damed if she don't.. if she gives in an decides to give her goodies away she gets labeled as fast easy sluty a whore a this an a that.. an if she doesnt an stands her ground. she still gets labeled as a prude sexually respressed told to go become a nun..etc etc..
but the truth is in the end wether you do give it away or keep it to yourself.. most of the time the guy will take off an dissapear anyways becasue either he got what he wanted goal accomplished no matter how long he waited or he takes off because he doesnt wanna wait an it's all about his selffish needs so he moves on to go hunting for his next "victim"..
also let me say when a woman does choose to have "relations" with a man wether it be the first night or 45th night..who said it has to be a 1 time thing..just becasue sex did happen.. ok so a woman states she wants to hangout an have fun,,but isnt looking to really date or rush into a relationship she just wants a real cool friend to enjoy life with..but at the sametime in the same breath she also says but she doesnt want a booty call or 1 nite stand..
shes just clearly stating what she does want an what she doesnt want.. so what,,, she wants to have fun an if sex does comes into play.. why does it have to be a 1 time thing.. especially if it's good an you enjoy the company ur with,whats wrong with hanging out an spending time with the person ur being intimate with..
i think some men got some hangups an freak out an think o she wants a boyfriend or she wants a relationship an then the guy starts freakin out an acting like a 16year ol kid o im not lookin for anything serious blah blah blah.you would think you just told them that they only have 3days left to live they way they act when a woman talks about wanting to spendtime 2gether or wanting to date or looking for something serious.no calm down man quit cryin',,,maybe she doesnt wanna date you or even be in a relationship with you at all..maybe she just wants to be a cool friend someone to enjoy life,party with ,an have the added bonus of "sexual relations"..
so where in there does all that read 1 nite stand or dating?? it doesnt.. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:44:54 AM | As for the poster who said some men manipulate women and then blame them for what happens, I sort of see your point about the double standard, and I do wonder why some guys will try to sweet-talk a woman in whom he has no lasting interest just so he can get laid ~ whereas if he'd been upfront before sex, he knows she wouldn't go for it.
On the OTHER HAND,
Men do not use women for sex. Having sex is a mutual decision to engage in a pleasurable activity. If a woman feels "used", then it is probably because she is trying to manipulate the man through sex, and does not succeed in that attempt. In that case, it is really the man who has been used because there is a hidden agenda to which he is not privy. this occurs because some women want to acquire a man for a committed relationship, and somehow assume sex is a guarantee of feelings. Then the woman who feels she 'gave in' will resent him for not being as involved as she thought sex would cause him to be.
If she truly does not want one-night stands, and says so beforehand, she has to STICK TO IT instead of deciding to sleep with him after all just because he said some nice things that made her think he's in it for the long haul.
All the guy sees is her lack of conviction. If she had held to her statement, he might have had a different image of her, and quite possibly followed it up to know her better.
So who's manipulating whom? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:19:20 PM |
As for the poster who said some men manipulate women and then blame them for what happens, I sort of see your point about the double standard, and I do wonder why some guys will try to sweet-talk a woman in whom he has no lasting interest just so he can get laid ~ whereas if he'd been upfront before sex, he knows she wouldn't go for it.
I wonder why a woman would fall for the sweet talk method on the first or second date.. and have sex with man.. I wonder why and how a mature woman could even be manipulated,, Are you suggesting some woman can't make rational decisions for themselves,, If they can,, why blame the man,, if they can't make those decisions,, how is a man supposed to know that.. The problem is there are woman who have sex with a man while they are thinking, this is her way to capture him,, (as you also stated)
Yet a mature woman knows that to be different,, and if she chooses to have sex with a man,, she will have no regrets,,.. We should all know why that is,, mature adults are responsible and take responsibly for their actions,,
We are talking about having sex,, not making love,, Woman are not stupid,, but when it comes to the issue of sex,, why do some woman claim to be stupid/naive,, when in reality they are not,, Then why do you let yourselves be seduced by a man,, woman know the ways of some men..girls may not,,
Lets not forget,, those men who complain about the same issues of being used for sex,, That's tough for me to understand,, but I'm sure it happens,,
Men do not use women for sex. Having sex is a mutual decision to engage in a pleasurable activity. If a woman feels "used", then it is probably because she is trying to manipulate the man through sex, and does not succeed in that attempt. In that case, it is really the man who has been used because there is a hidden agenda to which he is not privy.
I agree,,,
I see these qualities with most woman..
Most women already know most men like sex....
Most women will not have sex on the first date... after that who knows,,
Most women want to have a heart felt connection,,
Most women want some sort of Chemistry,
Most women use their assets to attract a man..
Most women enjoy sex as much as men,,
Most women can not be seduced by a man,,
Most women can not be manipulated by a man..
Most women have a maturity about them..
Most woman are mature,, "not little girls"
Most women take responsibility for the actions,,
Most women, who have sex on the first date,, both the man and woman come back for more..that's been my experience..
Most woman like man for who we are,,
Now if your one who doesn't fall some where in that group above,, you may want to take a look at your actions and values,,
Now I can't give you a list of what most men are,, because I'm not dating them,, I only know me as a man...I'm sure there will be a scorned woman who does not fit into the real woman category,, and we will soon read a lot of negative issues/qualities men have.. Please take note,, I gave nothing but credit to the mature woman...
It is a mature man who will treat a woman with respect, whether he has sex with that woman or not,, as the mature woman will do the same,, we know that communication is important,, we also know that sex can be fun,, and enjoyed by both parties,, in the end no one needs to feel used if we are just honest,,
That's not that hard to find in either a man or a woman,, it's the ones who have issues with life, the ones who are needy and desire something that they can't find with in themselves that causes the bitterness toward the opposite sex..their happiness is dependent on the other person,, whether long term or short term.. the problem is it never goes long term, because their poor attitude is exposed in a short period of time..
That's enough for now,, that's just my openion... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:47:26 PM | Jeeze, i dont know. What i really want to know is, why when a woman wants to find a man to use for sex, there just doesnt seem to be any available?
Norm, what ya doin later? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:52:21 PM | LOL,,
My night is free,, like most nights,, I'll wait for you to show up,, wine and candles work for you,, I promise I'll respect you no matter what happens,, I expect the same..OK | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/22/2008 1:52:56 PM | | Its because they can use girls for sex, and it works the other way around to. I don't exactly agree with it, but it happens on both ends and thats a fact. I've done it once, in a similar situation, and I wasn't proud of it after the fact. But then again I found out a few years later she was using me as well, so we both laugh it at. I wouldn't say its your fault. Its both really. He probably knew exactly what he wanted and what his plan was. Maybe it was a long time since he got laid. That was my case. But I didn't stop calling. That is weird that he didn't respond.... so he is a looser. I think you just need to be ready to accept the fact that there are some guys out there like that and your going to run into them whether you want to or not. Through experience, your going to have to learn how to pick them and avoid them. Best of luck! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:44:10 AM |
women know the ways of some men..girls may not,, You're correct there: mature women know the difference, but I'm referring to 'girls' who haven't the experience.
Men aren't stupid either, so if a man senses a girl's inexperience, it's wrong of him to seduce her if he's not interested in becoming involved beyond sex.
Furthermore, I'd say it's lack of said experience that can lead to misunderstandings, rather than stupidity.
If a female, however, has been through it a few times without learning the lesson of her experience, that IS stupid.
If the male doesn't know any better, he can be forgiven for not realizing her signals, but
if that male, knowing the female is too naive to recognize a one-night-stand intention, still goes after her even though it's obvious she's infatuated with him, that's just wrong.
(and .. dear .. please use the proper spelling: it's 'women' _wimmen_ if you mean more than one 'woman' _woohman_ ... sorry, that just irks me a bit)
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The bottom line here is intent.
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