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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:54:32 AM |
why do men think they can use women for sex?
And why do women sit back and let themselves be used for sex? Is it ignorance, desperation, low self esteem?
You know, if you want to avoid getting hit by a bus, you need to learn to look both ways before crossing the street. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:58:58 PM | for hundreds of years now men and women have been having sex and to say its always men that use women is just shallow ,,,,,sounds like your mad with yourself more than anything else
not to much lately ,[47 yrs old now] but years ago this happened to me almost every friday night !!!! lol | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:27:00 AM |
why do men think they can use women for sex? Posted: 3/4/2008 10  54 PM Dear Vixenette: First: it's very courageous of you to post it here. Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?" Well, I'll certainly not ask you any foolish questions, or criticize you. I know why you did it - because your body has needs. Sexual needs. There is no shame in having them, or in satisfying them. But when you do, you put yourself in risk of being hurt emotionally. Does if feel yucky when a man whom you slept with, a man whom you liked a lot, a man who acted like he was going to stay with you for a while just start ignoring you? Well, it does – unless you learn to think about it from a different perspective. (By the way, it feels nowhere near as yucky as being stuck in a marriage with a man whom you came to loath. Nothing worse than being married to a man who doesn’t satisfy you, and yet you owe him fidelity! But I digress – let me go back to our subject…) Let’s face it: a good old double standard is still alive and well. A man tells you all the nice things you want to hear, but in his heart of hearts, he despises you for sleeping with him too soon. So, what do you do? Put breaks on your own sexuality? Wait until third, fifth, or twentieth date to go to bed? No. Doing so would mean lowering you head and tacitly accepting a perpetuating that old double-standard morality. Don’t lower your head. Be proud, and don’t deny yourself our own desires. Keep going on dates, and when you feel like sleeping with a guy – go ahead and sleep with him. And if he dumps you after that – than you have accomplished two things: 1. You discovered that he double standard in his head, that macho sterotype of dividing women into “madonnas” and “whores” – which means you wouldn’t want him long term anyway. 2. And you still get your sexual desire satisfied! Trust me, there are guys out there who respect a woman more, not less, for knowing what she wants and going after it. Keep looking, and you’ll find one of them. Best of luck to you, and may the Spirit of the Universe bless you.
Yes, and while you're at it...pass the aids, because you will soon be a candidate for such diseases. Look, if you want someone to respect you, first you have to respect yourself. If you want to satisfy those urges, there are a lot of ways to do so, without making yourself into a whore. Notice, I didn't say a prostitute, I said a whore. A prostitute is paid for sex, a whore gives it away for free. So, if you don't want men to treat you like a whore, don't act like one. My mother used to tell me something that has saved me from many of those uncaring, insensitive men. She said, "Get to know them well, first... then, hold the quarter between your knees, until they have a wedding ring on your finger. When you do, they will respect you, you will respect you, both of you will be happier." That was the best advice I ever got! Needless to say, I never felt sorry, the morning after. Instead, I woke up to coffee and breakfast in bed, and a hubby who cared about me, deeply. How about any of you ladies? Ever wake up sorry the morning after? How about the next evening, or the next? I know I didn't! :) | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:15:24 AM | LibreComoElViento wrote:
"First: it's very courageous of you to post it here. Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"
Well, I'll certainly not ask you any foolish questions, or criticize you. I know why you did it - because your body has needs. Sexual needs. There is no shame in having them, or in satisfying them. But when you do, you put yourself in risk of being hurt emotionally.
Does if feel yucky when a man whom you slept with, a man whom you liked a lot, a man who acted like he was going to stay with you for a while just start ignoring you? Well, it does – unless you learn to think about it from a different perspective.
(By the way, it feels nowhere near as yucky as being stuck in a marriage with a man whom you came to loath. Nothing worse than being married to a man who doesn’t satisfy you, and yet you owe him fidelity! But I digress – let me go back to our subject…)
Let’s face it: a good old double standard is still alive and well. A man tells you all the nice things you want to hear, but in his heart of hearts, he despises you for sleeping with him too soon. So, what do you do? Put breaks on your own sexuality? Wait until third, fifth, or twentieth date to go to bed?
No. Doing so would mean lowering you head and tacitly accepting a perpetuating that old double-standard morality. Don’t lower your head. Be proud, and don’t deny yourself our own desires. Keep going on dates, and when you feel like sleeping with a guy – go ahead and sleep with him. And if he dumps you after that – than you have accomplished two things:
1. You discovered that he double standard in his head, that macho sterotype of dividing women into “madonnas” and “whores” – which means you wouldn’t want him long term anyway.
2. And you still get your sexual desire satisfied!
Trust me, there are guys out there who respect a woman more, not less, for knowing what she wants and going after it. Keep looking, and you’ll find one of them.
Best of luck to you, and may the Spirit of the Universe bless you."
Libre, that is the best post I've ever read on these forums. You are very, very wise. Thank you so much | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:21:32 AM | SweetThang wrote: "Yes, and while you're at it...pass the aids, because you will soon be a candidate for such diseases."
How do you know they didn't practice safe sex?? A little presumptuous on your part...... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:21:44 AM | SweetThang wrote: "Yes, and while you're at it...pass the aids, because you will soon be a candidate for such diseases."
How do you know they didn't practice safe sex?? A little presumptuous on your part...... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:49:47 AM | Why do Men this....
Why do Women that.......
Why are men this?
Why are women that?
This is getting very repetitive. Everyone Bashing the WHOLE Opposite Sex just cause of one or two incidents. This isn't a a pace for a battle of the sexes NOR a place to put DOWN the OTHER HALF the of the ENTIRE HUMAN race!!! Get REAL! Grow UP and MOVE ON!!! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:59:40 AM | What annoys me is that those of us who don't sleep with a guy on a first date and make it perfectly plain to guys we meet get lumped into the “all women say that… but they soon put out after a bit of sofa surfing!” category.
Thus we end up with guys who have a sulk and a manstrop when they try it on and we still say no! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:05:41 AM |
Yes, and while you're at it...pass the aids, because you will soon be a candidate for such diseases. Look, if you want someone to respect you, first you have to respect yourself. If you want to satisfy those urges, there are a lot of ways to do so, without making yourself into a whore. Notice, I didn't say a prostitute, I said a whore. A prostitute is paid for sex, a whore gives it away for free. So, if you don't want men to treat you like a whore, don't act like one. My mother used to tell me something that has saved me from many of those uncaring, insensitive men. She said, "Get to know them well, first... then, hold the quarter between your knees, until they have a wedding ring on your finger. When you do, they will respect you, you will respect you, both of you will be happier." That was the best advice I ever got! Needless to say, I never felt sorry, the morning after. Instead, I woke up to coffee and breakfast in bed, and a hubby who cared about me, deeply. How about any of you ladies? Ever wake up sorry the morning after? How about the next evening, or the next? I know I didn't! :)
er... a tad harsh!!! And from someone who is divorced it didn’t really work out all that well keeping a quarter between your knees now did it…
Human beings have needs, No I wouldn’t do what this lady did but neither would I sit in a glass house throwing stones and calling her a whore! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:54:12 AM | | "She dresses carefully to attract his attention, and he wonders what she looks like without clothes. She wants to look deep into his eyes, but he's looking down at her chest. She imagines dinner with candles, and he imagines them writhing in bed. She is ruled by her heart, and he is ruled by the vision of two legs spread wide apart. She is honest and sincere, and he puts on an elaborate act. In the end--if he plays his part well--he gets what he's after. And she...well...she hopes this time it will be different. What is it that women don't seem to get? Or are they, too, just playing a part?" | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:43:39 PM | | I didn't call her a whore...I 'described' what a whore is, according to the dictionary. ;) If the dictionary says it and it happens to fit someone's lifestyle, then so be it! Actually, it did work out, for many years. Unfortunately, people do change as they grow older, and when that happens, sometimes one party outgrows the other and becomes discontent with their green grass. The difference, though, is I was married for 28 yrs. Needs? Last I checked, you can live on an island without sex. Thus, it is NOT a need, it's a want! ;) | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:46:52 PM | | You can practice safe sex all you want, however, regardless, of what you use to protect yourself, no protective measure is 100% safe, less not doing the deed, of course. So, if both parties are committed to a long term relationship and already married, and they both have strong moral values, the odds of the relationship lasting is fairly good. In fact, according to previous studies done on the subject, it's 35% better than the average couple. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:40:41 PM | Cor... bitter much???
I didn't call her a whore...I 'described' what a whore is, according to the dictionary. ;) If the dictionary says it and it happens to fit someone's lifestyle, then so be it! Actually, it did work out, for many years. Unfortunately, people do change as they grow older, and when that happens, sometimes one party outgrows the other and becomes discontent with their green grass. The difference, though, is I was married for 28 yrs. Needs? Last I checked, you can live on an island without sex. Thus, it is NOT a need, it's a want! ;) | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:51:36 PM | I have found that whore is a strong word. I use the term Tramp.
Let’s see, she had sex with a total stranger the very first time that they met.
Hmm, yes, both terms fit extremely well. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:11:04 PM |
"She dresses carefully to attract his attention, and he wonders what she looks like without clothes. She wants to look deep into his eyes, but he's looking down at her chest. She imagines dinner with candles, and he imagines them writhing in bed. She is ruled by her heart, and he is ruled by the vision of two legs spread wide apart. She is honest and sincere, and he puts on an elaborate act. In the end--if he plays his part well--he gets what he's after. And she...well...she hopes this time it will be different. What is it that women don't seem to get? Or are they, too, just playing a part?"
Okay this has SOME points.... but "elaborate act" pmsl.
Rule #1 for players is "don't chase them...ever", rule 2 being the one that applies most is "just give them any excuse that they can later blame you for their own poor choices"
She sent mixed messages by saying one thing but doing another. This alone is reason enough for most guys to bail, who wants to stay with a flake? She was horny and got what she wanted but now has a need to blame someone. Well it looks like he was horny too and also got what he wanted by letting her blame him so she doesn't have to accept responsibility for her own art in what happened.
Not to mention it must kind of sting to shag someone then find it wasn't so good they just had to comeback for more, start dating and playing house etc... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:20:29 PM | Why is the man using you for sex? Was it not good for you too? You can use a man for sex too you know. What he did after was being a jerk for sure.
You shouldn't feel used... Two adults had fun and sex. Lucky you!! You Got lucky, | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:02:20 PM | Users are everwhere, OP.
In a way we're all 'users' in that we're trying to satisfy or achieve or be happier by being with another person etc but some people are cold-blooded users who want to extract things from us without balancing things up by giving what the other person seeks.
Folks justify their attitude by seeing the entire world as 'out to use them' and turn it into a case of 'diddle before you get diddled'.
I've interacted with and avoided a lot of ladies who just want sex. Even worse though I married a woman who just wanted babies who initially played 'I love you' but as soon as she got pregnant with our first dumped me but I managed to keep the relationship going (I was determined to be a dad).
At the time I loved her and I came to believe I wasn't 'good enough' for my wife - mainly because she kept acting that way at certain periods. Anyway 4 babies later I saw a long-drawn out pattern - she only liked me when we were making babies and she wanted 2 more. I realised that when final baby 6 appeared the 'relationship' would be over - she'd never spoken about any of this and with us planning a 3 year gap between each child it took a few children to see the pattern.
So I spent 2 years getting her to be honest and finally she told me she was just using me as a sperm donor and she'd never loved me and hadn't told me because she felt sorry for me (she was doing me a favour by being with me, oh lucky me). She still wanted to have sex 'for old time's sake' even when I told her I was leaving - which I couldn't do.
So although using someone just for sex is disgusting I think using someone to create children with a father a mother knows is going to be undermined and split off from the family when the final baby is produced is even more calculating.
Underlying all of this of course is that this is nature's way - nature uses us by providing these reproductive drives causing us to 'do the dirty' (I don't do the dirty, by the way).
I have a female colleague who recently went and slept with a stranger just to get pregnant - I don't think she even knows the guy's name. In some ways the maternal drive can be just as insiduous as a man's sex drive although apparently it's labelled more 'honourable'.
I do sometimes want to say 'there's a person behind my pen*s' but then wonder would that be true? I do hope so. | |
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