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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:52:51 AM | I really think men are idiots. When sex is freely given and offered to them they can't handle it and disappear. They would rather sit alone and jerk off to some fantasy than be with a real woman who knows what she wants and likes. Women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. A man makes it very clear how important sex is to him, but if a woman chooses to indulge a man, he blames her for being too easy, and pulls a disappearing act because of his caveman thinking. I don't want to touch someone unless I am genuinely interested in them and can't understand why anyone, man or woman would sleep with someone they can't stand. It seems a lot of men have the mentality that they wouldn't belong to any club that would accept them as a member. So I guess women have to play that age old game of "hard to get". Let the games begin.  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:57:44 AM | Why carnt people just be honest, saves alot of time, hurt and hassle, life to short.
If you want a bit off fun and both agree then fair play, but leading someone up the garden path just to get sex should be a crime lol..x | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:13:10 AM | I really think men are idiots. When sex is freely given and offered to them they can't handle it and disappear.
Wrong. We disappear because we know that "freely given" sex has the highest tag price, and we don't want to be stuck with the bill. Anyway, if we're such idiots, what does falling for an idiot makes of you?
They would rather sit alone and jerk off to some fantasy than be with a real woman who knows what she wants and likes
The question would be: If I'm only interested in her body, why should I care if she knows what she wants and likes? Moreover, what's so great about ? If she knew what "I" care and like, that would be something, but who cares about her "knowing what she wants and likes"? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:50:05 AM | Rock Collector - Wanting to continue to a physical relationship with someone is not "falling for them" . If a man needs someone new everytime he wants sex he will eventually run out of options and cause himself a whole lot of unecessary time and efforts. A good lover cares what a woman wants and likes. I just say for those who see sex as being an extremely brief and fleeting means to reach the big O and move on - why not just use mechanical means and cut out another human being all together? Why pretend? Why even imply that you like someone by spending any amount of time with them?
""I really think men are idiots. When sex is freely given and offered to them they can't handle it and disappear.
""Wrong. We disappear because we know that "freely given" sex has the highest tag price, and we don't want to be stuck with the bill. Anyway, if we're such idiots, what does falling for an idiot makes of you? ""
They would rather sit alone and jerk off to some fantasy than be with a real woman who knows what she wants and likes
""The question would be: If I'm only interested in her body, why should I care if she knows what she wants and likes? Moreover, what's so great about ? If she knew what "I" care and like, that would be something, but who cares about her "knowing what she wants and likes"? """
Wanting to continue to a physical relationship with someone is not "falling for them" . If a man needs someone new everytime he wants sex he will eventually run out of options and cause himself a whole lot of unecessary time and efforts. A good lover cares what a woman wants and likes. I just say for those who see sex as being an extremely brief and fleeting means to reach the big O and move on - why not just use mechanical means and cut out another human being all together? Why pretend? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:25:52 PM | ^^^^
because the palm sisters don't cut it for a lot of guys we want the real thing. The ones pretending are the ones who think they have a future with every single person they sleep with.
It's simple if you don't want men using you don't allow yourself to be used if you bang him and he bolts on you, tough. learn to pick better next time. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:16:58 AM | Ok Zain - So why is the idea of having a future with someone that you sleep with so awful? If Miss Michigan doesn't work for you why not seek a sex business professional and get the deed over and done with quickly without affection?
So if we never put out a guy will fall in love and stick around? That's crap and you all know it. And to think men wonder why women play games with them?
Zain said,"""because the palm sisters don't cut it for a lot of guys we want the real thing. The ones pretending are the ones who think they have a future with every single person they sleep with.
It's simple if you don't want men using you don't allow yourself to be used if you bang him and he bolts on you, tough. learn to pick better next time. """ | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:22:03 AM | "Ok Zain - So why is the idea of having a future with someone that you sleep with so awful? If Miss Michigan doesn't work for you why not seek a sex business professional and get the deed over and done with quickly without affection"
A Strawman. I never said it was awful. It's dangerous to make that assumption with every person you sleep with. As for hiring a professional a lot of men do that ironically enough they are the ones who get bashed more then these so called idiots who use women for sex.
"So if we never put out a guy will fall in love and stick around? That's crap and you all know it. And to think men wonder why women play games with them?"
Another strawman. I never said that, and I already know why women play games with men. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:03:22 AM |
So if we never put out a guy will fall in love and stick around? That's crap and you all know it. And to think men wonder why women play games with them?
Nope, but if you say, "I don't do one night stands or sleep with people I just met" about 10 minutes before you proceed to do just that, then you can hardly blame a guy for not having any respect for you. If you claim something follow through, then you can't be culpable for the RE-action another has to YOUR action.
It is really very simple. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:29:25 AM | If Miss Michigan doesn't work for you why not seek a sex business professional and get the deed over and done with quickly without affection?
Because it's mostly illegal, and every attempt of making it legal is twarthed by female protests. So, in the extent they prevent us from having a safe, legal sexual outlet, we will keep pretending in order to have sex. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:27:38 PM | | Men think they can use women for sex because women allow them to. You said that you weren't into one night stands and then you did exactly that. The guy was a player and you fell right into it. He probably saw you as an easy conquest from a mile away. Learn from it. If that isn't what you want, don't do it. And don't have expectations of people who haven't made any promises to you. You'll avoid a lot of disappointment that way. By the way, women do this to men, too. It isn't just a guy thing. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:59:11 PM | A woman has a right to change her mind. It takes 2, so why when the guy initiates and the woman reciprocates, is she the bad person? Are we still holding to that double standard that a promiscuous man is just being a guy, and a woman seeking to have both physical and emotional needs met is dumb trash? There is usually a lot of coersion, and very likely deception from a guy. Would you say that if a woman dresses provocatively she deserves to be raped? I say when a man obviously pushes for sex on a date whatever number of dates that he has had with her, he is implying that he wants the relationship to be more than platonic. Therefore HE knows what he is getting into and can't be surprised when trouble from women he has used, starts coming his way (maybe even unwanted child support and STD's). I have 2 platonic male friends who notice that once they have slept with a woman, her attitude changes towards the relationship. Of course it does! She sees the relationship as progressing to a whole different level. She sees it as she has shared a part of herself that maybe she doesn't share that freely. C'mon guys - you can tell the difference between a slut and good girl who is having a moment of weakness. You should be flattered that she is willing to make an exception for you! If someone gave you a new car you wouldn't just take off, never thank them, and never speak to them again. Is that how you would want a guy to treat your sister, mother, or daughter? In a loving woman's eyes she has just shared a valuable asset with you. Why can't a person just be decent afterwards and thank them, and clarify that they are not in the market for LTR?
""""Nope, but if you say, "I don't do one night stands or sleep with people I just met" about 10 minutes before you proceed to do just that, then you can hardly blame a guy for not having any respect for you. If you claim something follow through, then you can't be culpable for the RE-action another has to YOUR action.
It is really very simple.""" | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:11:11 PM | You should be flattered that she is willing to make an exception for you!
Unless I was the ONLY exception (as in, she was a virgin), there is no reason to be flattered for being just one exception of many.
In a loving woman's eyes she has just shared a valuable asset with you.
Cry me a river. She gave sex. She received sex. Unless you think a woman's punani is more valuable than a man's joystick, she received exactly what she gave.
Why can't a person just be decent afterwards and thank them, and clarify that they are not in the market for LTR?
Ok. In the words of Douglas Adams: "goodbye, and thanks for all the fish." | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:17:31 PM | Well Rock Hunter,
I guess in your part of the world, there are plenty of sheep to choose from that won't bother you for a second date.
""""Cry me a river. She gave sex. She received sex. Unless you think a woman's punani is more valuable than a man's joystick, she received exactly what she gave."""" | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:58:35 PM | I'm gonna join the "I agree with Libre" club here...but add that, while it's true that you DID make the decision to sleep with the guy, and maybe you hadn't agreed on anything further happening, I understand your disappointment. There was no reason not to extend a little common courtesy, I think what he did was just plain rude. But I still agree with what Libre had to say...you learned something valuable about him, that he's not worth any more of your time. And, fortunately, you *didn't* play that old double standard game, so you were also able to have a satisfying (I assume) sexual encounter. I'm afraid that's just gonna have to be enough to get you though until the next time.
Don't let these people who are acting as if YOU are somehow to blame for the guy's rude behavior convince you that you did anything wrong. The only thing you did "wrong", in my opinion, was expecting a man to behave with some courtesy after the sex was over. Live and learn...but even at my ripe old age I still never understand what makes people so RUDE. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:19:35 PM |
A woman has a right to change her mind.
And yet, MissMewsic, why does it seem like in essence what you are saying is that a guy *doesn't* have the right to change *his* mind?
I have 2 platonic male friends who notice that once they have slept with a woman, her attitude changes towards the relationship. Of course it does! She sees the relationship as progressing to a whole different level.
Funny, not that I agree with the OP's "guy" by any means, but she "made it clear she wasn't seeking anything serious at the time" (her own words) - and maybe thats what he wanted, and suddenly she's tossing "expectations" on it as to wanting it to be more ("progressing to a whole different level") - which *isn't* what he wanted, and so he changed his mind?
Why can't a person just be decent afterwards and thank them, and clarify that they are not in the market for LTR?
Hmm... interesting, because *I* would have assumed that if she flat out told me (as the OP implies she did) that she "wasn't seeking anything serious at the time" - that she *wasn't* looking for a LTR??? How is it that *she* can say she wasn't looking for anything serious, and then suddenly change her mind, and thats "OK" in your book (she has a *right* to change her mind?) - and yet if he *wasn't* looking for "serious/LTR", he should suddenly accept that she changed her mind and want the same?
Not by any means saying I approve of his actions, or actually of her actions - or disapprove - two *consenting* adults can do whatever they want. But just because one of them suddenly changes their mind about what they outright *said* they want, doesn't mean the other person suddenly has to want the same, does it? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:17:34 PM | Sure a guy can change his mind at any time before he decides to get naked.
I'm not saying a girl should change her mind and laugh hysterically after he has dropped his pants for the first time - although that would definitely put a rude dude in his rightful place. Chances are both parties have already decided if they would want to see each other a 2nd time regardless of what the sex is like, so the user already has planned a premeditated blow-off. To be able to tell a person - "hey I don't think we are a match, but I think you're hot and we could just have a little fun tonight" Ignoring someone after you've had sex is just so immature. Guys get all uptight, when really all a girl is doing is just giving a friendly follow up and hello, not a marriage proposal.
""""And yet, MissMewsic, why does it seem like in essence what you are saying is that a guy *doesn't* have the right to change *his* mind?""""
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:25:51 PM | Sure a guy can change his mind at any time before he decides to get naked.
Ah, wait, so after *she* "made it clear to him I wasn't looking for anything serious at this time.", and then proceeded to get naked with him - its perfectly ok for *her* to change her mind *after* they get naked together... but its not for him?
ignoring someone after you've had sex is just so immature.
Not arguing that one, I agree, but then, didn't it take "two to tango"? Does it make her all that more mature to say she wasn't looking for anything serious (sounds an awful lot like "NSA" to me), and then get upset that he isn't interested in 'more' - and she goes posting up on POF about jumping in the sack with a guy she barely knows?
Guys get all uptight, when really all a girl is just giving a friendly hello, not a marriage proposal.
Wow, getting naked and having sex is "just a friendly hello"?? Geez, I must be meeting the wrong women, most of them just say "hello" to me and chat on the first date - not hop into bed with me!  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:27:31 PM | | It is sad that you got used although you can't blame the guy because you can't keep your legs crossed and used no self control over your precious body. He only did what come natural to guys is sex. You should use self restraint next time and have some control of your hormones or get really good at using guys the way they use women. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:30:00 PM | It's shallow and wrong to lay the blame on one sex , I'm sorry to say,
there is no need to bash anyone on this topic. Well it's like this if
you choose to be used then you will be , if you choose not too then
you won't. You can't be used unless you allow it or want to be. There
is the word no and no is no! Those that have un regretful sex it's there
choice for allowing it to happen. It's not just men using women I'm sorry
it's women playing and using men too! It's like not being able to have a
piece of candy and your diabetic and you know what sugar does to your
body , you think just one little bite and I can get away with it be fine eating
it well that is how it is when you allow your self to be used for SEX cause all
can get away with it thats why it's done and not all do this but to slab men thats
wrong it's EVERYONE both men and women! It's all GENDERS. Play nice and
be fair in calling the kettle black! In other words don't point the finger just to
one sex that is wrong again it's ALL sexs not just one !
 ~ Brenny
Word: Nothing is ever for free there is always a price on everything
even sex and love ~We all have minds and know how to use them and there is
always the word NO!!!! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:38:03 PM |
A woman has a right to change her mind. It takes 2, so why when the guy initiates and the woman reciprocates, is she the bad person?
So does a guy. In the OPs case, obviously something happened to spook him. Perhaps he doesn't trust women to behave civilly when they are rejected.
Are we still holding to that double standard that a promiscuous man is just being a guy, and a woman seeking to have both physical and emotional needs met is dumb trash?
So we get to pick and choose the stereotypes and privileges that are convenient for us? If you have the prerogative of changing your mind but a man is nothing if not committed to you, something is wrong.
There is usually a lot of coersion, and very likely deception from a guy.
Wow. ... wow! And just exactly how is that behavior reinforced? Y'all ignore us unless we're practically breathing down your necks. It can take a long time for a man to figure out how to show interest and express desire without putting you under pressure. It's not an easy skill to learn--though it is well worth it if for no other reason than for a man to retain his dignity.
Would you say that if a woman dresses provocatively she deserves to be raped?
No. Of course not.
I say when a man obviously pushes for sex on a date whatever number of dates that he has had with her, he is implying that he wants the relationship to be more than platonic.
Correct. He wants it to be sexual. But a relationship that includes sex does not necessarily imply a long-term commitment. That all has to be openly discussed and agreed to before either person can make such a big assumption.
Therefore HE knows what he is getting into and can't be surprised when trouble from women he has used, starts coming his way (maybe even unwanted child support and STD's).
No. Just as the provocatively dressed girl really shouldn't expect to get assaulted, a man who's had sex with a willing partner shouldn't either. When it happens either way, the aggressor is the one to blame!
I have 2 platonic male friends who notice that once they have slept with a woman, her attitude changes towards the relationship. Of course it does! She sees the relationship as progressing to a whole different level. She sees it as she has shared a part of herself that maybe she doesn't share that freely. C'mon guys - you can tell the difference between a slut and good girl who is having a moment of weakness. You should be flattered that she is willing to make an exception for you!
Well, if the same message is coming from her mouth and her behavior, that's true. And it is _extremely_ flattering when it's about love and respect and not manipulation and need. But it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes.
If someone gave you a new car you wouldn't just take off, never thank them, and never speak to them again. Is that how you would want a guy to treat your sister, mother, or daughter?
Of course not. But if the car turned out to be a high-maintenance project, one you couldn't give back, and something that looked like it could be a real problem (see your comment above about women making trouble and feeling self-righteously entitled to do so), you just might deep-six the thing after the test drive and never look back. Love can be a gift, but it can also be a demand.
In a loving woman's eyes she has just shared a valuable asset with you. Why can't a person just be decent afterwards and thank them, and clarify that they are not in the market for LTR?
Because we have no expectation that we'll be met with the same kind of respect you'd like from us when we deliver the bad news to you. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:00:05 PM |
Apparently you are not a very good judge of character. Also, I am not sure exactly what is left between "not looking for anything serious" and "not into one night stands?" (Does not exactly provide a precise definition of what you are looking for.)
Maybe a MTR? Something you don't really expect to go somewhere, but you figure you can at least treat eachother decently. Fun, sex, exploration... but a defined lack of pressure. Which is how many good relationships begin.
Alas for the OP... That guy was a jerk who probably read "not into one night stands" as "please, respect me?" and "not looking for anything serious" as "yeah, let's hit it and quit it!!" Not really the fault of the OP IMO... that guy was predestined for lameness.
Unless it was his first girl ever, there's a chance he didn't know exactly what she wanted... But it's more likely that he knew he was using her and did it anyway... At very least, it was poor form to not call at all after. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:59:49 AM |
Wow. ... wow! And just exactly how is that behavior reinforced? Y'all ignore us unless we're practically breathing down your necks. It can take a long time for a man to figure out how to show interest and express desire without putting you under pressure. It's not an easy skill to learn--though it is well worth it if for no other reason than for a man to retain his dignity.
About a month ago I went on a 2nd date with someone who made it very clear that he had a high sex drive, was sexually frustrated in his previous marriage, and what a good and attentive lover he was, and how attracted he is to me. The date ended with a really great kissing session but no sex of course (my choice). After 3 years of voluntary celibacy I am ready for a little fun, so I made it clear to him about a week later how I felt about pursuing some fun with him. He lives only 25 miles away, flirts with me in instant message regularly and calls about twice a week, and yet he is too busy with work to see me in person. He claims it has also been 3 years for him too. Any man that is attracted to a woman and has been without for 3 years would be at her door in 30 minutes if she openly offered. If he can't get his butt over here or plan another date with me something is wrong. Perhaps his previous wife couldn't have sex with him if he was never around? I don't believe that any man is too shy, or too busy when a woman makes it very clear there will be no rejection. Now probably if I would have played the game and gave him the cold shoulder he'd be bugging me to death. Do women have to do all of the work now? I don't know how much easier we can make it on men. Anyway, after a month the thrill is gone and his time has run out. It's time for me to throw my line back in the water.
Correct. He wants it to be sexual. But a relationship that includes sex does not necessarily imply a long-term commitment. That all has to be openly discussed and agreed to before either person can make such a big assumption.
Correct - To a majority of women sex=intimacy. To men sex=oh goody I get to have sex.
No. Just as the provocatively dressed girl really shouldn't expect to get assaulted, a man who's had sex with a willing partner shouldn't either. When it happens either way, the aggressor is the one to blame!
Correct - Bad Karma can come back to anyone who puts it out. I'm sure users of either sex suffer in the long run.
Well, if the same message is coming from her mouth and her behavior, that's true. And it is _extremely_ flattering when it's about love and respect and not manipulation and need. But it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Beautifully put!
Love can be a gift, but it can also be a demand.
I'm not a big fan of much of the bible, but after attending many weddings I've heard 1st Corinthians many times. Love shouldn't be demanding. If it is, then it's probably coersion and manipulation.
Because we have no expectation that we'll be met with the same kind of respect you'd like from us when we deliver the bad news to you.
That's why a man should be a little more concerned about getting to know who SHE is before he sleeps with her so he knows if he is dealing with someone who is mentally stable or not. There are a lot of crackpots out there. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:36:02 PM | I do so appreciate an adult conversation about a topic like this. Very refreshing, MissMewsic!
Correct - To a majority of women sex=intimacy. To men sex=oh goody I get to have sex.
Yes. I might also say that women's mythology says that intimacy implies an open-ended timeframe, while men's mythology says that sex is scarce, momentary, and oftentimes used as bait.
What both men and women often fail to recognize is that we live in very different cultures, so what can seem like a kindly gesture within one context comes off as offensive and demanding (or patronizing) in the other. Thank goodness I learned not to take offense when a woman misunderstands my intentions and gets offended by something I said or did. It's much better just to back up, apologize, and translate, than it is to lose people over what amounts to nonsense.
Love shouldn't be demanding. If it is, then it's probably coersion and manipulation.
Exactly. In women's mythology, men resort to coercion (through intimidation) and manipulation (through whining) in order to get sex without commitment. In men's mythology, women resort to coercion (through guilt) and manipulation (through shame) in order to secure commitment after sex. Who would want to stick around for that?
Because we have no expectation that we'll be met with the same kind of respect you'd like from us when we deliver the bad news to you. That's why a man should be a little more concerned about getting to know who SHE is before he sleeps with her so he knows if he is dealing with someone who is mentally stable or not. There are a lot of crackpots out there.
Actually, the crackpots are the least of it. They're easy to spot and generally easy to escape from if necessary. The ones who are dangerous are the ones who are sane and clever, and who see women's mythology as the way things really are--instead of just their own cultural perspective. It's that sense of entitlement that spooks men most. Catch a whiff of that, and any guy who's at all skittish will be gone in the blink of an eye.
We crave sex, but men's mythology says that women generally have no compumctions about reducing us to slavery for it. So in the back of every man's mind is are the questions of what exactly you're going to be coming after him for, how much trouble you're likely to be, and how he can protect himself from you after the deed's been done.
A "hit and run" affair appears to simplifiy all of those concerns considerably.
However, the real bottom line is how, given our different mythological perspectives and cultural biases men and women of good will can learn to be kind toward each other generous with each other, and forgiving of one another when misunderstandings and melt-downs occur. Perhaps the differnce between the men and the boys is that men are willing to look at things from a woman's perspective. Perhaps the difference between women and girls is that women are willing to look at things from a man's.
So, maybe in those 1st-date interviews, we can ask prospective partners about situations where they've had the chance to do just that. | |
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