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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:19:19 AM | wait...wait....lemme pull out my violin
ok ok i know your feelings are hurt but this is the way it is...there are men and women online that are looking just to have intimate encounters..will they admit it probably not BUT it is up to you to keep your clothes on sissy! He didn't force you ...did he? Oh, and by the way i checked out your profile and it has intimate encounter written all over IT! And HEY! that's great if that's what you want etc. But, if you are trying to be miss goodie two shoes here cover the ole cleavage and quit posing on your bed! Jeez!
take a pic of you standing in front of a church fully clothed and write more about yourself...maybe they'll be attracted to what's on the inside.. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:06:57 PM | | Just wanted prairiechick to knowthat this is not necisarily a guy thing. I have had more then once women do the very same thing to me. All I can say is at least we found out in a hurry that these people were not the type of people we would have wanted to keep in our life anyway so we live and learn. But yeah it hurts to be treated and used as a piece of chopped liver. After a couple years on these sites nothing the human race does suprises me! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:38:39 AM | Quoted by Trinb; " Oh, and by the way i checked out your profile and it has intimate encounter written all over IT! And HEY! that's great if that's what you want etc. But, if you are trying to be miss goodie two shoes here cover the ole cleavage and quit posing on your bed! Jeez"
I suggest you reread my profile over again. It doesn't have intimate encounter on it at all. It even specifies do not contact me if you're looking for; intimate encounter, hang out, activity partner and on. Get some glasses. And there's nothing wrong with my picture being taken sitting respectfully on my bed. And clevage showing. Didn't know there was any showing and who cares if it is. You make it sound like I am barely dressed laying spawled all over my bed in a provocative pose. Give me a flippin break. This sounds more like jealousy than anything. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:49:23 AM | Oh and by the way, I checked out your profile as well Trinb. Talk about looking for an intimate encounter. That would be you hun. Your profile states you're looking for hang out. To me that reads 'looking for sex'. And under your 'do not email me if' box. No mention of you not looking for intimate encounter. Think before you speak.
P.S. I wouldn't put down other people's pics if i were you. At least I have one up. Where's yours? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:45:42 AM |
Oh and by the way, I checked out your profile as well Trinb. Talk about looking for an intimate encounter. That would be you hun. Your profile states you're looking for hang out. To me that reads 'looking for sex'. And under your 'do not email me if' box. No mention of you not looking for intimate encounter. Think before you speak.
P.S. I wouldn't put down other people's pics if i were you. At least I have one up. Where's yours?
I agree. I looked at your profile and noticed it did say you were NOT looking for intimate encounters and it's not like you were all tramped up in your pictures. Looked like possibly a simple college dorm room to me. I've noticed that original poster's profiles get scrutinized here no matter the subject. As a bbw I'm accused of trying to hide something because I don't have pictures of every inch of my body posted. Trinb is looking pretty closely if he thinks that's a cleavage shot.
and sweetie - don't let people here make you think you did something wrong. The guy was jerk afterwards and unfortunately you'll never know why. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 9:07:25 AM | | thats why i dont sleep with women on the first date.guys who do are players and as karma has it they will gettheres.but dont treat other men like this because of what he did.women and men ,when are you going to get looks are overated when.i am saying that and i am goodlooking. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:47:39 PM |
thats why i dont sleep with women on the first date.guys who do are players and as karma has it they will gettheres.but dont treat other men like this because of what he did.women and men ,when are you going to get looks are overated when.i am saying that and i am goodlooking.
Wow...Mr generalisation.
There are actually some women out there that do enjoy sex you know, and don't do it out of some 'favour' to the guy (like he bought her so many gifts and romantic meals she felt obliged).
If a guy and a woman know they are going to have sex on the first date and there are no false expectations set (like the guy making out he wants some long relationship), where is the problem here?
I don't understand the idea that women don't enjoy sex and it's only the man who gets anything out of the whole thing. Not every woman wants a long term relationship with every man she sleeps with...so this idea of 'all men who sleep with women on the first date' is ridiculous. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:48:15 PM |
take a pic of you standing in front of a church fully clothed and write more about yourself...maybe they'll be attracted to what's on the inside..
And they 'll IGNORE her in DROVES.
trinb, I'm not gonna bother to check your profile for gender...just offer the suggestion that you need to either calm down, or else return to whatever convent or monastery from whence you came.
Cindy O | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:12:11 PM | There are actually some women out there that do enjoy sex you know, and don't do it out of some 'favour' to the guy (like he bought her so many gifts and romantic meals she felt obliged).
If a guy and a woman know they are going to have sex on the first date and there are no false expectations set (like the guy making out he wants some long relationship), where is the problem here?
I don't understand the idea that women don't enjoy sex and it's only the man who gets anything out of the whole thing. Not every woman wants a long term relationship with every man she sleeps with...so this idea of 'all men who sleep with women on the first date' is ridiculous.
I agree badboypassion! ...........and what is so terrible about women who enjoy sex AND want something long term with someone? If guys would stop buying into "The Rules" girls and settle down with a woman who likes THEM, and ALSO likes sex, instead, I wouldn't have to sit and listen to a guy tell me how frigid his ex was all of the time. (I do realize that might be a lie) And of course maybe she was frigid because he was an a-hole to her. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:25:27 PM | | First of all...let me tell you something. She doesn't need the top 10 on what to do...she is a grown women who can make her own decisions...and it's just as much his problem as it is hers. He could have stopped it at any time just like she could have and it didn't happen. So do go blaming her and making it sound like it is all her fault. Go easy on the girl...and just let her know yes mistake learn from it and move on...don't try to be a "father figure" I'm sure she has one of those already and didn't ask you to step in and try to fill those shoes. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:34:28 PM | | what makes you think he used you for sex... maybe you used him for sex? the better interpretation is that you both just tried sex with each other and it wasn't that good for him. what if it had been the other way around... you might have not liked him in bed and refused to go out with him again even if he called and called. if that were the case, would you have used him for sex? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:57:15 PM | Hi Prairiechick,
You seem like a nice, sensitive lady, and I have been through this exact dilemma with my best friend, who had a one night stand with a guy five years after her divorce - it was the first time in five years that she had sex!
Honey, we are all naive to some extent. We want to believe the best of people. I know I do! And unfortunately we get let down.
This is what I told my friend: If you go to bed with a guy on the first night - there's nothing wrong with that, but you have to accept it for what it is and not expect anything afterwards. It is just the way a lot of men (not all) are wired.
Someone made an analogy once regarding men and sex to gambling which I think is very true: If a man goes into a casino and has his big win up front, he is done for the night. But if he has little incremental wins, then loses some, then wins a little bit more back, nothing could get him away from the table. It's the hunter-gatherer instinct, apparently. So the theory goes.
There's nothing wrong with one night stands, but you have to be able to accept that that is all they are. If you want more, you're taking a big risk by going to bed with them before they have proved themselves in that they really like you.
See this as an important learning experience and - if you want more - keep them waiting in future. I'm sorry to say it but it's the only foolproof way of weeding out the ones who are out for what they can get from the guys who are sincerely interested in you. Ultimately, this guy is still a total creep. You had a lucky escape.
Hugs to you honey
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:01:14 AM | Someone made an analogy once regarding men and sex to gambling which I think is very true: If a man goes into a casino and has his big win up front, he is done for the night. But if he has little incremental wins, then loses some, then wins a little bit more back, nothing could get him away from the table. It's the hunter-gatherer instinct, apparently. So the theory goes.
I don't think it's a hunter/gather thing at all - instead, many guys will assume that the woman has done the same thing with many other guys and will lose respect for her. If a woman really wants a long-term relationship with a guy she literally just met, she should not sleep with him on the first date. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:26:30 AM | Thanks Stargirl! I appreciate the wise advice. I agree totally with you. It seems like you know exactly what you are saying and can say it in a respectful way. It's nice that you didn't feel the need to criticize me.
Quoted by Aboone; "Go easy on the girl...and just let her know yes mistake learn from it and move on.."
My sentiments exactly Aboone. Thanks!
Quoted by Missmewsic; "I agree. I looked at your profile and noticed it did say you were NOT looking for intimate encounters and it's not like you were all tramped up in your pictures. Looked like possibly a simple college dorm room to me. I've noticed that original poster's profiles get scrutinized here no matter the subject. As a bbw I'm accused of trying to hide something because I don't have pictures of every inch of my body posted. Trinb is looking pretty closely if he thinks that's a cleavage shot.
and sweetie - don't let people here make you think you did something wrong. The guy was jerk afterwards and unfortunately you'll never know why."
Thanks for the support Missmewsic! I don't think having a one nite stand is a crime either. I realize it's not the best way to guarantee a second date. I am very careful now. I try to weed out the players from the gentlemen. It really narrows it down. I am planning on going on my first date this weekend since this incident over six months ago. He is actually going to take me out to dinner at a nice restaurant. And says he's bringing me a surprise. I'm really looking forward to being treated like a lady should be treated.
Thanks again for your kind words! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:26:34 AM | | Darlin, I've got a few years on you and I hate to say it, but it gets no better. It seems that most single men, no matter the age, are looking for one of two things; either a motherly housekeeper with whom they can have sex or a one-night-stand. It doesn't matter how it starts, how much they protest or how much "milk and honey" drips from their mouths, that's what they are looking for. At the first sight of intellegence, they run. At the first sight of independence, they try to control. If you say no, they persist. No is a simple word that is too complex for them. They are sure you really mean yes and that you are trying to show them you are a "good" girl. It doesn't matter if you give them what they are looking for or if you manage to convince them that no means no; first chance they get, they will disappear into thin air without a word. If you men think that I have a bad attitude. You are right, but that attitude was developed over the years by men. I have too many "been there, done that" tee shirts. If you are sure I'm wrong, then prove it. Show me that there is an intellegent, articulate man out there that has a thirst for fun and life who can appreciate the same in a woman and isn't looking for sex first and foremost. I don't believe they exist. I keep hoping they do, but then I believe in love too. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:36:16 AM | Quoted by Ladyc4; " trinb, I'm not gonna bother to check your profile for gender...just offer the suggestion that you need to either calm down, or else return to whatever convent or monastery from whence you came"
Hi Ladyc4. Thanks for your reply! Trinb is a woman. You should read her profile. Then tell me which one is the trampy one. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:01:12 AM | Calif, people say the same thing about race and religion. Do you believe all black people are, or potential, criminals? That all Muslims are anti-feminist hate-mongerers? That all negative sterotypes of all races, relgious, and sexes that are NOT your own?
I don't believe you do. You look like a smart woman, very intelligent and well-mannered, but you know...
People do. People believe that all black people are criminals. That everyone from Middle Eastern descent wants to torture and kill all Americans. You know why? Because they've "experienced" that. They know what the world "is really like" because they're worldly, because it's all happened to them.
Honey, the world isn't black and white, like you want it to be. There are over 6 billion people, let's say half of those of men, take half of that for children and infants, so 1.5 BILLION men are looking for "a motherly housekeeper with whom they can have sex or a one-night-stand." That is virtually impossible.
But you've been hurt, obviously, so I can see why you feel the way you do. I even understand it on a certain level, but that mean your way of thinking is right or fair. Especially since I don't know the nature of this "bad" attitude or what sparked it. As a man, I apologize deeply for whatever wrongs my gender may have done to you in the past, and it's possible they will continue, not because they are men but because they are human. I know plenty of men who are abstinent, good at heart, a great catch...whatever you want to use to describe the ideal man. I know no "Prince Charmings" or "Perfect Men" however, and god help me if I ever do.
Take care Cali. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:29:28 AM |
Oh and by the way, I checked out your profile as well Trinb. Talk about looking for an intimate encounter. That would be you hun. Your profile states you're looking for hang out. To me that reads 'looking for sex'. And under your 'do not email me if' box. No mention of you not looking for intimate encounter. Think before you speak.
P.S. I wouldn't put down other people's pics if i were you. At least I have one up. Where's yours?
Holy crap we finally have it in the open, the few guys that might actually be using people for sex don't target women. They'd know what they want and go after it without excuses. High-school mentalities could be a targeting beacon however.
take a pic of you standing in front of a church fully clothed and write more about yourself...maybe they'll be attracted to what's on the inside.. And they 'll IGNORE her in DROVES.
An aging man-hating feminist speaks out on behalf of men everywhere.
Why do I think there is no truth in those words?
Maybe because that actually would be a reasonable suggestion for the OP if she were a religious person looking for the same. But of course there aren't any men in those churches for any reason other than some elaborate game to get into some womans pants  .
OP I know you didn't request a profile review here but the photo call could be part of your problem. Cleavage shouldn't be much of an issue, especially in a single shot or a few rather than in almost every single shot. But the bedroom shot.... doesn't say "easy", but it could be saying "broke", thereby attracting men that aren't the type you want. Just a suggestion but a few showing you engaged in things you enjoy etc might help. You could even catch someones eye because you share an interest rather than "yup she has tits, and she has a bed and apparently little else going on". SOme guys would see past that but why not weed out some of the others by making the look and read a little first? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:58:18 AM | Loonytunz, I fail to see how a photo of me sitting on my bed says 'I'm broke'. How silly. It's a flippin picture of me in my home.
Once again you are assuming things about me. You do not know me. You have no idea what's going on in my life. I don't know why you feel the need to criticize me in every way possible.
You're a bully.
By the way, what are you doing in your pic? Sitting on the couch? You must be broke and have very little going on in your life. Sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it?
My profile is just fine and so are my pictures. If you don't like them. Don't look.  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:47:29 AM | | OP, move on and do not make the same mistake again. Learn to learn and not do repeats, I really hope you do NOT do this again.. many men I have talked to personally in life have told me that they would never have respect for a woman if she was too easy to get into bed.. I am sure there are men who do not care about social/moral standards, but in our society it is overall not an accepted behaviour for women to hop in on the 1st night or too soon/before a commitment.. and I am not even talking religious, right/wrong, moral here, just what is socially acceptable/unacceptable.. Forgive yourself, get tested, pray if you believe (or even if you don't you still can, maybe this will help) b/c yes we all need to be forgiven and it can give you peace, and MOVE ON from this.. You will survive and let this make you a better woman not a bitter one.. Good luck in your future decision making | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:09:00 AM | Why do women let themselves be used for sex?
This coming from a woman makes me wonder if it's coming from a woman who doesn't like sex and resents any woman who outwardly does. I'm not saying that promiscuity is very good for a young woman's self esteem. This statement however(yes I know it's a question) is just reinforcing and perpetuating that old victorian or puritan attitude that a chaste woman is not supposed to actually enjoy sex, and although the women who seek pleasure do serve a purpose, but they are to be regarded by men as less than desirable human beings and avoided for future contact. Perhaps witch burnings might teach these wanton women a lesson? What a bunch of crap!
News flash - Women can support themselves now, can prevent pregnancies, drive cars, pursue a partner of her choice without being stoned to death, and can even VOTE!  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 2:25:14 PM |
Women can support themselves now, can prevent pregnancies, drive cars, pursue a partner of her choice without being stoned to death, and can even VOTE!
I agree completely,, women are wonderful, yet when I read about a woman, claiming to be used by a man,, It makes me think,, they are smart enough to vote,, hold high paying jobs,, take care of children,, yes and even their man, if they should have one,, many women have degrees from great collages,, They play sports better than many men,, women are far from stupid,, nor are women naive,, Yet when it comes to men,, they seem to want to hold the ace card,, That is their bodies,, when things do not go as planed,, all of a sudden they are used by men,, and that is crap,,
I believe in equal rights and equal partners,, It's about time for those women who are complaining about men and step up to the plate and take responsibly for their actions as well,, even if your with an a*shole man,, it's your right to speak out and take charge of who you are, isn't not limited to the work the environment,, who you vote for,, it's about taking responsibility for your actions,, and your actions alone,,, no matter who did what,, Mistakes are made by both men and woman,, if either party feels they have been or are being used,, one must ask,, How did I allow that to happen,,.....and look at yourself,,, and quit passing blame... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:00:32 PM | | I don't really think that women are necessarily being used, they are just disappointed when the man turns out to be not as nice as she thought, or the sex was not quite fulfilling enough. I don't believe that the word "used" should be used because consent is given on both sides of the coin. Someone just didn't live up to someone else's expectations. A woman is not stupid or bad for wanting to express her disappointment and I don't think women should think of themselves as used. It is demeaning when there is no reason to think of them like toilet paper. We don't think of men that way after they have slept with someone that let them down. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:27:04 PM | OP. used the words used,, therefore that is what the is about men using women,, If a woman is disappointed with a man,, that will happen more than once, whether in the bed room or in any other situation,, why post, or complain about it, as if all men are like that,, secondly,, as a man,, I my self have been disappointed in and out of the bed room,, so it;s just not a gender thing,,
Disappointment is a fact of life,, as for toilet paper,, that is a statement that no man has used,, if a woman feels that way,, one must remember we are in control of our own feeling,, even though the out side world affect us,, it's still our responsible to take charge,, even if mistakes are made,, before any one get into any situation,, they should realize what the out come may be,, especially when it comes to sex and one night stands,,,, so OP was left with dirty sheets,, a good time,, and the remorse,, lets not even talk about trusting a man or a woman,, how can you when they just met,, no one is that naive,, to say that they would,, and if they do,, please,, I need 200K,, and I'll pay you next week,, I'd bet if OP had 200K,, she wouldn't have trusted him enough to give it to him,, yet her body and piece of mind is worth so much more,, mater of fact priceless,, yet she gives that away,, without hesitation,, or by a few smooth words on both their parts,,, | |
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