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 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 51
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thanks for giving me advice and for not being judgemental as some others. i've learned my lesson and will try not to beat myself up for letting my heart get in the way.
 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 52
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:11:38 AM
so zopz you agree with treating women with disrepect. yes i gave 'it' to him, thinking we would still be seeing each other. if he wanted to treat me like a whore and use me for sex, he should have said so. but we discussed seeing each other again. and if i was going to use a guy for sex, i would have the decency to talk to them again and at least tell them that i didn't wish to see them again. i at least deserved that much from him.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 53
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:19:28 AM
OP, you broke your own rules, and so did he. Why you slept with him, only you know the answer to that, you wanted nothing serious, that makes sense, your on your first date,, "I think". You say you made a mistake,, well may be he did too. may be he had no plans on calling you again either way. ( I don't agree with that) but I'm not him. May be he thought sex sucked, and didn't know how to end it, (end what I don't know).. Something you left out,, did he spend the night? Did you two wake up together, if so,, was in a hurry to leave.. did you have breakfast talk about the night, and whats going to happen next. Again, I wasn't there, but I would think if you both broke the rules wouldn't you both have liked to talk about that before he left.

Hey, I have my share of one nighties, good or bad,, this isn't about be,,but that would never happen to me.. You can't expect everything to go your way, you shouldn't make rules in one moment, then break them under passion/lust or what ever,, responsibility rest in your hands,, because you weren't looking for any thing serious,, yet you still slept with him,, as he did too,, a few mixed messages,, how much more haven't you told us.. may be this guy is a nice guy, may be he isn't,, but you played him as well,,
Id say, both are at fault, yet you need to feel good about your self,, that should be well before you sleep with anyone,, as many have said it takes two,, that is part of being an adult,, accepting responsibility for your actions and not blaming or trying to justify what you did at there expense...
May be it's a learning experience,, we all go through them...Next time bring a chaperone
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 54
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:22:55 AM

i've never done that before and have learned my lesson to never do it again.


sweetie...we have all..NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!


i just can't understand why he couldn't be man enough to talk to me the next day and say i had a nice time with you but i don't want to pursue a relationship with you.

because that complicates things..and leads the question WHY!!...no one ever wants to explain why!..perhaps he doesnt have a reason..except for....because! and you arent going to accept that..are you?..If you would..your a bigger person then most of us!


anyway we used protection because i insisted on it. something i did right, i guess. but yes i am planning on getting tested because he most likely has done this before. even though he said he hadn't been active sexually for 6 months and didn't have any STD's. but obviously i can't trust what he says.


ahhhh....so if he HAD called you the next day and told you he had a great time...then you wouldnt worry about being tested?..That is the one of the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. STD's dont work that way....they dont all of a sudden disappear when you get that call the next day. You should have thought about STD's BEFORE you did the deed. Even if you did use protection. LAFFS...Cause after the fact my dear............................thats something you cant take back!!

I do agree though.. about "no one has a right to judge you"..we have all done things we wish we hadnt at one point or another. Some of us just choose to learn from it and move on..instead of wondering why it didnt work out the way we may have wanted it or why others do the things they do.
 DonQ
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 55
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:28:10 AM
I'm really sorry you got taken advantage of like that. It sucks that someone did that to you.

But I gotta agree with whats been said before: you did ultimately make the choice to accept his advances and sleep with him. But it does seems to me that he was just looking for a piece of a$$ and thats what he got. Once he got it he was gone. If thats all he wanted he MIGHT have hung around in the short term until you gave it up. If you absolutely stuck to your guns he probably would've gotten tired of the chase and looked for easier prey.

And thats what he was: a predator with you the prey.

As long as there is ONE woman who'll give in quickly to their advances, men like that will be around. Thats kinda why I really liked the movie Boomerang. A player got played and really got a taste of his own medicine.

Buck up my dear. Consider this a learning experience and move on.

BTW: what are you doing this Saturday night?
 heathenspirit
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 56
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:34:03 AM

if he wanted to treat me like a whore and use me for sex, he should have said so. but we discussed seeing each other again.


Generally women don't respond particularly well when you say "I would like to treat you like a whore and use you for sex." It's not all that romantic.

Often men want to have sex. In fact, most of the time. So, they know that women almost never give it up without the appearance of romance, respect, and the potential for love. So, men pretend. They say want the woman wants to hear.
Yah, it's game playing, but as evident in the OP, it often works.

So, if women did actually respond favourably to lines like "I would like to treat you like a whore and use you for sex" then men might actually start stating their intentions honestly. Until then, the game demands creating the illusion that's it about more than just the sex. Even when it isn't.
 pinkytime
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 57
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:36:12 AM
because women let them is the simple answer..........
 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 58
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:38:49 AM
OP, here's something that may help you take it a little less personally. One is my opinion, two is the modern relationship advice equivalent, that I happen to subscribe to based on my own experiences and talking to my friends. EVERYONE should read #2.

1 - Don't look view your sexuality as something to give or that you "gave him", to which you expect ANYTHING in return. Do it because you want to, but really, for either a man or woman to expect much beyond what happens in the moment is slightly manipulative and a good way to end up disappointed.

2- This is not my theory, but I have found it very much to be true for both genders. When two people have sex too quickly-before comfort and real bonding have been established, this is very often the result with one of the two parties:

The Girl: She realizes afterward that she doesn't really know the guy and isn't that comfortable with him, and regrets having been intimate. Now- mainly because of societies stigmas and stereotypes-she feels like slut. Like she was used. And these feelings can actually intensify if she likes the guy, since she is worried about his opinion. VERY OFTEN, in this case, it is the girl who will not call the guy back because she associates these feelings of guilt and shame with him, which makes her feel like crap. So she chose to avoid him.

This was not entirely the case with you, because you were willing to call him again. But I have exchanged MANY stories with guys who were totally confused when they hooked up with a girl too soon, there seemed to be attraction and chemistry, and she just bolted or pushed them away.

The Guy: The guy has sex too soon and may fear the worst-that there is now some unspoken commitment, or that he feels pressured to now act a certain way because you were intimate, or he may realize that he's not as into her after he's thought about it more (this happens all the time with dating where no sex is involved, where you feel totally different about a situation after having some time to think about it).

There is always a possibility that either party could have been just out to get laid, but the scenarios above happen more often than you think. And it only takes one of these parties to feel this way for the whole thing to come crashing down.

In other words, it may not have been a rejection of you personally, but a rejection of the now complicated situation that is now ahead of both of you.
 ktengu
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 59
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:39:21 AM
It's a fair exchange, don't act like you didn't get anything out of it. I love how girls think they get used for sex. You don't like sex?
 racer256
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 60
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:39:59 AM
I have no great answer, but using someone is a little wrong...Weve all done it, though...Dont give it up on the first date, "Wait till the second date"!..Jus joking...You have to feel comfortable with the situation, stand you ground...If you dont want to get used, dont give it out so quickly...Sometimes with GREAT CHEMISTRY, THE FIRST DATE...NO PROBLEM...Next time wait...Hang in there..
 Tumbao
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 61
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:40:28 AM
This seems blunt, but I can't think of another way to put it: You having sex with him doesn't create any obligation on his end. Perhaps he wasn't going to call you the next day, regardless. People do have a tendency to take the easy way out...I'm sure for him it was easier not to contact you anymore than to explain why he was just gonna "hit it and quit it".

If you took having sex with him out of the equation, would you still be [as] upset that he didn't call you?

I'm not being unsympathetic...it can't be a good feeling for you. But he could be on the other end thinking that he can't trust you because you said one thing and did another. It may have hurt your feelings that he didn't respond to your email, but he may have felt it would be rude to reply just to say "no longer interested".

Given the scenario that you described...it doesn't look like he used you for sex. It seems like a mutual thing with one or both parties having regrets afterwards.
 Messalina1
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 62
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:40:56 AM
I am a serial dater and a one night stander and I would like to tell you this. I don't remember calling or e-mailing a guy who didn't reply after ****ing me. I'm sure it has happened once or twice though. Follow this simple advice:

If you say I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU TONIGHT then DON'T!!!!!!!

It's very simple. One thing doesn't lead to another YOU and HIM lead it. If you give it, give it from a position of POWER. If you like to play weak willed little girl, that's how you would be treated. On top of all this try to be exciting in bed. I've had threesomes and bisexual experiences and oh my, don't some of these b******s just lie there and moan! It's not enough just to be beautiful to be exciting. Until then no, you are not worth a reply to your e-mail.
 firegurl61-17
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 63
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:47:59 AM
I am sorry this happened the way it did. Be more careful next time to not give too much of your heart and yourself before knowing it will be working toward a long term relationship. You made a lousy choice as alot of men and women do, but you shouldn't be hung from the rafters for it. Just hang in there and learn from it...I would cut off all contact with him, as some people like this are repeat offenders...men and women. If he tries to contact you..don't answer. You can reclaim yourself respect and the lesson learned here will be worth something.
 indehills
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 64
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:55:21 AM
OP said:


That is cruel and inhuman.


I'm sorry, but ignoring e-mails and such is NOT cruel and inhuman.
 dentwebb
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 65
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:59:02 AM
"vixenette"

Well gorgeous, I would personally say you got what your profile asked for "some explosive chemistry" and that chemistry was exploded right into you! I would assume you enjoyed it?
 wondering1980
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 66
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:59:57 AM
well what happened to you happens to many others...a double standard...ask women as well why do they use men for sex....they tell you the same as most men who only want sex...
 JuJuBee
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 67
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:00:40 PM
I'm sorry you got hurt in the process. Maybe the lessons you learn now will save you heartache later down the road.
 SmartnSassy2067
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 68
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:09:52 PM
I must concur with Ms. Libre, that there is an ancient double standard that still exists to this day! Unbelievable, but it does. I recently ended a 3 and a half year relationship that started from one of those alternative sex sites...we realized that we had as much chemistry out of the sheets as we did, in them! It was fantastic...for a while. Eventually, that whole issue of me sleeping with him the first time we met, came to bite me in the ass! As much as we both went into it, knowing that's what we were doing, he held it against me every time we had an argument...regardless of what that argument was about. So, se'la'vi'...why am I viewed as having lower morals, when he was doing, and had done the same thing, in his life.

I'm in my sexual prime, and I love it! If you're true and honest to yourself, you won't have these self-depricating feelings of remorse when something like this happens again. And trust me it will, if not to you, to another female.

Ladies, we got start looking at dating in a whole new light! If you're strong, confident, and feel good about yourself, why would you let some guy bring you down, like that? We have needs, too...There's no reason to be ashamed of them. If you know what you want or need, go out and get it! There's some good toys on the market, but nothing compares to the warmth and touch of another person's body!! So ladies, start dating like you have a penis and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the amount of sex you can have!!

I know there's good guys out there, there's good girls, too. There's dogs and there's ****es...we all have to find that happy medium!

Be safe, everybody...
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 69
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:15:17 PM
Look at it this way, he is not using you for sex, it only happened once. It probably wasn't a good idea to have sex on the first date. I don't know why it ended there, I'm guessing he just wasn't interested in you after having sex?
 morphyboy
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 70
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:22:09 PM
Rejection is never easy to cope with regardless of the circumstances. It's not very nice of him to ignore your emails, but this sort of thing happens all the time, to women and men. Maybe you didn't do it for him in bed and he doesn't how how to tell you that. Don't take it personally. All you can do is move on and perhaps take things a little slower next time.
 andyorange
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 71
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:26:13 PM
Wait a minute. The sex was consensual, was it not? I would say that he no more "used" you then you "used" him. You both got the same thing out of it. Whether or not he decided to continue the relationship is a separate issue.
 ORCAANNA
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 72
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:29:42 PM
OP.... do not feel like the lone ranger. What you have described has happened to Women and Men for thousands of years. It is called sex!! that's all.... and you say he hasn't called you etc...- oh well, at least you know where you stand. My former husband could never really talk to me after sex either.... , and i wondered where i stood with him for nine years, and two children later....a lot of expended energy for not!!
 ciaobaby71
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 73
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:35:52 PM
Rude or not of him , you set yourself up for this one....
 marcia76
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 74
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:42:45 PM
OP - Don't see it as him "using" you. You got laid too didn't you? Chalk it up to a (hopefully) satisfying sexual experience and move on. He doesn't want to contact you afterwards? His loss.... no more nookie for that boy!!

Always practice safe sex - stay away from the kama sutra moves unless you're double jointed.....

Take care and don't let it affect your perspective too much.
 voltaire34
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 75
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:52:47 PM
Its a crappy thing dear. No you shouldn't expect such treatment cause of what happened. In my experience it usually has been the other way around women using men for sex and I can attest to that but this posting is not about that. Keep your guard up and make these guys get to know you and if they really care bout you they will understand that and either move along on your terms or move on. Do your homework on these guys and put them thru a couple of tests every woman does this you know this. Hope this helps...Keep your head up and be strong cause there are lots more worthy fish in the sea.
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