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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:56:23 PM |
why do men think they can use women for sex? A better question is why does a woman feel like they are used when the experience was clearly consenting?
I don't get it. It's also real easy to misunderstand what "explosive chemistry" means, and how a "Vixenette" usually behaves on first dates.
Also, I wouldn't mention anything about "no sex, no kissing, no one-night stands", anything that could be construed negative, before meeting. It sounds resumptuous, like anyone who is graced by your presence could not possibly feel like kissing and sexing you upon meeting you for the first time.
Of course it's ok to feel this way, but instead of pinning the failure of this dating experience on this guy's apparent "deception", perhaps you take some responsibility for the failure? Upon further review, you acted in ways that make you feel uncomfortable, how about recognizing your desire to have sex as something positive and recognize there is a time and place for everything? Instead, you look for people to acknowledge your rationalization that somehow you were "used".
I would like to know how other men feel about this happening to a woman. Unless a woman were raped or drugged, I don't feel bad about a woman consenting to have sex with a man on a first date, and then the situation turns south on the woman. I could write a book on women's flaky dating behavior, but I choose not to relive sour-grape experiences.
This ain't rocket science. If you are on a date, you feel sexual urges gurgling inside you, or if your date comes on to you sexually, yet feel that first date sex is inappropriate, squelch the situation. This advice is applicable regardless of whether it is a man coming on to a woman, or vice versa (believe it or not, lots of women throw themselves unwelcomely onto guys in first date sex moves). | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:06:31 PM | | with regards 2 vixenette the same happened 2 me on a date he gave me flowers and we had a good evening than he went home a few days later he decided 2 turn up he was full of himself and i just knew wot was next yes we had sex he wanted 2 see me again dont they all say that never heard from him again i dont blame myself but i never let it happen again let alone go on another date 4 a long while | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:06:41 PM | I'm in my sexual prime, and I love it! If you're true and honest to yourself, you won't have these self-depricating feelings of remorse when something like this happens again. And trust me it will, if not to you, to another female.
Ladies, we got start looking at dating in a whole new light! If you're strong, confident, and feel good about yourself, why would you let some guy bring you down, like that? We have needs, too...There's no reason to be ashamed of them. If you know what you want or need, go out and get it! There's some good toys on the market, but nothing compares to the warmth and touch of another person's body!! So ladies, start dating like you have a penis and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the amount of sex you can have!!
More women should have this attitude. If you have it, have it cause you wanted it and took it, not weren't sure but gave it. It's all mindset and dynamics. And don't feel bad about it.
Disengage yourself from the emotional part of it, and just enjoy it - unless you're involved and attached, it's just a dildo that walks and talks. No harm in that, right? I doubt many men would argue it. | |
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mxk883
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Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 79 | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:41:38 PM | I guess I am a bit surprise that you have never experienced or known someone that has experienced this before? You did tell him you were not looking for anything serious and not a one night stand, obvioulsy he wasnt either. I would say he believed what you original said.
When you chose to let the moment move into complete intimacy, hes not really to blame for failing to put a stop to it, when you also had that choice to make.
I wonder if he thought that what you originally said to be true but after the fact, makes him not believe what you say, since you said one thing and your actions said another. Its unfortunate that you didnt think at that moment what the consequences would be later for yourself.
I would agree that he was not a decent person or a mature man to just completely ignore you after the fact, but its true that you didnt take time to get to know him well enough or you would have realized he wasnt worth sharing such an experience with.
Sorry that you got your feelings hurt but, although a harsh lesson, it should be a lesson well learned. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:54:34 PM |
Don't forget it occasionally buys you dinner or drinks as well!
Naahh, I buy my own most of the time...besides, human dildos aren't necessarily for public display. They can cramp your future inventory. LOL | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:04:04 PM | Haven't read the other responses, maybe I'll do that next. Very first thought in my head when I read this question? Men think they can use women for sex, because some women let them. Duh.
And some men don't do this...pick better men. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:48:15 PM | You would expect a burgular to come back and explain why he robbed your house, you have to be an adult about your life, unfortunatley people are responsible for themselves.
It's really hard to tell someone you don't like them, especialy after intimacy, perhaps he has bad experiences with communciating that to women before........
your being so negative here..........
Perhaps he did like you, and after the sex, he realised you dont want any a permanent relationship and he couldn't get his head around it and he is the one who doesnt want to get hurt
I am confused by what it is you want and what you expect. why even bother trying to find someone if you dont want a relationship, or casual sex...... and why is it a big deal, you dont know him and he is probaly as confused as me by the whole silly thing....
I don't ever call people back and tell them I dont like them, or email them, I jsut dont contact them, they have normally proved they are off the planet or not on my wave length, and I dont want to communciate with them, I shut down walls come up and that is the end......
I have been so badly put off by a few people I have met through these sites, that they dont deserve a phone call or explanation and that is that.
they may not have treated me badly, but they have usually said something that indicates what and who they are and they have turned out to be the type people I cant stand, I am definatley not extending myself to them any further.
I dont like to be made to feel responsible for other people, it is obvious if someone doesnt get back to you that it isnt right for them.
It is up to you to know who your sleeping with, and you have made a mistake and you have learnt from it.
and as you can see their are people who will get to know you and love you and people who will run for the hills......
I cant imagine having to send an email or make a phone call to someone, telling them they are inmature, undeducated, unrealsitic, over emotional. desperate, have a severe personality disorder or mental illness are shallow, narrow minded, in expereinced, one sided, selfish, are game players, have unhealthy emotions and expectations that they smell or their personal hygiene is out of order, they have unhealthy atttiudes to family , x's and children, or that I'm horrified that such people exsist along with side me on the planet, etc etc.
It is just my opinion of these people and I think it is best kept to myself, becuse if I make an excuse they will know it is an excuse, cant win either way........
Silence is Golden, it says many words........
Their is nothing wrong with the fact that you slept with him, what is wrong is your expectation that a total stranger is going to care for you and show you courtesy respect and understanding and get annoyed about it.
He could be perfectly normal, and seems to be, its not normal to expect someone to call you abck and tell you what is wrong with you and to share their feelings with you if they already know they dont want to see you again.
If someone doesnt want to see you again you wont hear from them and that is normal, unless you have had a relationship of some type.
you have to examine your own emotions and feelings and where they are coming from, he hasnt injured you, the injury is coming from somewhere else, ego perhaps becsue he doesnt want you, or a past rejection or let down.
Your expectaions are way to high and you have made assumptions about him and the way people should and could behave in these situations.
you just don't know him and cant assume anything, or jump to conclusions.
Protect and look after yourself, and let it be, no one is at fault....... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:00:47 PM | hey vixenette...i certainly dont blame either of you for getting entwined in the heat of the moment.iam sure we all have but...he should have at least talked to you and told you the reason he was or wasnt going to call you anymore.iam on here often and if you want to have sex with me,,i will certainly call you.it just happened move on and forget it..but remember my name sweetheart don | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:16:24 PM | Hmm,because they can.The same goes for women using men for sex.The question here is,was it at least good sex??
As I get older I look at it totally different then in my 20`s or even 30`s.
If I`m going to get all worked up it better be worth my time:) | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:32:33 PM | | wow,I think your pretty dam hot myself,I can't believe he wouldn't want to see you again,that guy needs his head examined hun.Try not to internalise it too much,we all do it anyway,think of all the guys that pass by you and you say to yourself, nope, nope,uhh mabey,hmm,not in this lifetime,lol, just tryin to make you laugh, have a good night gorgeous | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:55:08 PM | | Tall and Dark said it all. However, rule number 1. Don't be going to HIS house to watch a movie (if you don't want to end up having one thing lead to another! 2. Get to know his friends and FAMILY, you will get a pretty good idea of who he is and what his values are if your meet the FAMILY and meet the FRIENDS 3. He doesn't want you to meet the family????and FRIENDS RRREEEDDDD FLLLAAAGGGG!!!!! Have him meet your family and friends (get feedback). And you both should be going OUT to events that you both enjoy, how else can you find out who he is and who YOU are with him. Enjoy each other's company (sans sex) the rest will follow if it's meant to be. And change your user name to something else (not so suggestive). | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:02:09 PM | | I feel terrible it happened to you.I personaly would like to have feelings for the person I slept with,not just sleep with them for sex.I feel that when two people have feelings for one another,it's just not 'sex",it's "making love". | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:03:32 PM | | first of all women use men for sex all the time and they can be much more detatched then men. A woman will say whatever then have sex with you and all of a sudden does not want anymore to do with you. What is all taht anyway I do know that they do say they don;t want anything more serious so now whats up with you I want to know you got what you wanted that night and did not want anythiong serious so why do you feel like you do | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:09:05 PM |
why do men think they can use women for sex?
WHY????? Because the women have allowed it.......
even though he said he hadn't been active sexually for 6 months and didn't have any STD's. but obviously i can't trust what he says.
LOL Ya think??? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:28:47 PM |
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Because you let him...thats why. Enough women do exactly like you did and thats reason enough for them to continue. You ask why men think they can...they don't think they can, they CAN.
If 1 out of 100 women jump into bed on the first date, that enough of a ratio to keep them trying. If it were like 1 out of a 1000 or 10,000...it wouldn't be as prevalent.
He moved on to his next target that night, guaranteed...if she didn't put out...he was on to the next.
I have a question...why do women keep asking the same question as you? It's the exact same answer every time.....because women let them.
In high school....the easy girls were not the most popular with the guys because they were hot looking...it's because they put out.
I work in the entertainment industry...that means a LOT or clubs, bars etc....at closing time...the vultures who struck out are circling around the girls who also struck out as well...99% of the time it doesn't matter what she looks like...if she puts out...she has a date.
You're 32 so must be relatively intelligent enough to know why he did what he did. Don't lie to yourself.
An ID like vixenette and "anything exciting" with an age range of 18 to 40 screams "DO ME" to 98% of the male population at large.
You've painted yourself as disposable material. And you're surprised that someone used you...sorry to be so blunt but geezus...what the hell do you expect? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:37:31 PM | vixenette..........I will try to approach this from a female/male perspective as follows:
O.k., you made it clear to him that your were not looking for anything serious which means what...
-"friends first", sex may follow
-"friends first", no sex will follow
-a casual get-together, simply to enjoy each others company
Then you said you were not into "one-night" stands, which mean't no sex on the initial date. So who's responsibily was it to ensure the evening would not progress into a one-night stand, certainly not his......from what you've described, he had no expectations but desired only to be with you, after all you were an attrative woman to him.
So you set up the dynamics or direction in which the evening would proceed, but you allowed a "path" for the evening to turn into a "one-night" stand. He now begins to question your integrity and/or honesty but proceeds with what he thinks you want, to appease you. At this point, he could have stopped the "path" of it turning into a "one-night" stand, but may have been afraid that you would see it as "rejection." The dynamics of the relationship changed from the original agreement, which leaves a lot of room for confusion for him, especially since you stated you wanted "nothing serious."
Now, maybe he wanted something serious prior to the evening but was willing to forego his expectation just to be with you.....and after the evening decided that his time was better spent on someone who did want a "serious relationship".
I mean no disrespect OP, but it was "YOU" who used him for sex. No harm done though.......I am sure there are a lot of women/men who make this mistake by creating confusion in the dynamics or direction that a relationship will proceed. Chalk it up to experience and learn from it. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:51:34 PM | | Because they can, the same way you used him. Face it, you wanted to have sex, you enjoyed it. Think of it as a good experience. Next time you should do the same thing but expect a one-night stand. Enjoy it. Then anything more will be a pleasant surprise. By the way, I am a woman. I've had both attitudes, and believe me, the second is much more fun! | |
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