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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:56:13 PM | That's what you call one night stand, which you said you are not one, but then you gave in. Its really your fault, unless he did it against your will, but you consented with it. Dont blame men, its really us women who does it because we let them. Go fishing some more, forget the guy.  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:57:03 PM | | Because some men are stupid asses that think with the wrong parts their anatomy. I am sorry for your pain. You deserved better. I know, please don't ask. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:03:24 PM | | I'm gonna answer the question you posed in your headline - because it may answer the content of your post as well! Men think they can use women for sex because some women let them! Simple as that! If not you - others have and men will simply go for what they desire and they desire sex!! Ya can't blame them - because evidently the women they fvck - want sex too!! Don't get angry when men are simply going on what they have learned they can get - whenever they want it! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:10:14 PM |
Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"
It has nothing to do with morals. It has to do with unwise decisions: a woman sleeps with a man before she gets to know him and then finds out he isn't considerate. Surely she understood that there was more than one possible outcome for her actions--if she didn't at that time, she does now. Is he a creep? Yes, but that does not absolve her of the decisions she made.
Why do men think that they can use women for sex? Because some women let them. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:27:11 PM | If you want a LTR with a guy, here is my list of top ten "what not to do's" on a first date:
1. Be late...especially not calling before your meeting time to tell him you're running late.
2. Go to his or your place alone, even if he promises he won't try anything.
3. Tell him you've waited all your life for him.
4. Get slathering drunk - either before or during the date/meeting - especially if it's on his dime.
5. Talk about your ex's.
6. Show up looking and smelling anything but fresh.
7. Plop your cell phone down on the table between the two of you, with ringer on, unless you forewarn him that you are expecting a very important call.
8. French kiss or allow groping.
9. Talk about sex.
10....and last but not least (drum roll please) DO NOT sleep with him!!! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:58:31 PM | Vixenette: there is a type of guy who lives off his own charm and image in order to get conquests (have sex). Once he's succeeded in having sex, he no longer feels the need to put energy into maintaining the charming front. That's why a guy like that suddenly won't call and won't make any further effort to even acknowledge your existence. There are a lot of guys like that, and you, at 32 years old, have no excuse falling for that.
When you meet a guy with super-charm, manners, and wit, you need to be careful that that's not all there is. Rarely will someone have that much surface appeal, yet also be substantive and have character. There are a few people (men and women) with the whole package, but not many. If you can accept the fact that guys like that will drop you like a used condom when they're done, then you won't feel hurt. But, if you don't want to be involved in those types of situations, it's better for you not to sleep with guys right away, and take a little longer to let them show themselves. Good luck! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:13:35 PM |
made it clear that i wasn't into one nite stands This is YOU saying this to the GUY right???? We ended up in bed Shocking!!!..totally shocking..lmao You're serious? You say one thing but do another. Confusing signals is what you are sending out here. You're messed up..not him so don't be blaming HIM for your own moves. Is it my fault for sleeping with him on the first date?
Sure as hell isn't HIS now is it? Or are you expecting to get sympathy because you had sex with him and feel guilty?
Nope..no sympathy for you whatsoever. If you can't follow through with your own convictions it hardly makes the man the scum bag for doing what would be natural. Course he's going to want to have sex..It's NORMAL!!!
Perhaps it's time you stopped using booty as a way of trapping men into long term relationships?
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:17:05 PM | Wow, I am sorry he fell of the earth after being with you. Hmmmm Maybe he ran home to his wife. Told her he just slept with the most beautiful woman and is no madly in love with you then she threw his cell phone in the tiolet and couldn't call you back. He is in the process of getting a divorce and will be back with a ring to put on your finger!
Could happen? Just let it go. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:43:01 PM | Although I believe some women/men use "booty" as a means of enticing someone into a long-term relationship, they simply won't stay if they haven't a reason too. I have no idea what makes some people think they can trick/manipulate some into an LTR......wouldn't it be simpler to ask. What makes women think that men are opposed to a long-term relationship, cause I see a lot of guys on the forums that are looking for just that.
I don't believe this was the OP's purpose and from a mans's perspective.......why would he stay if he was looking for an LTR (and that remains the ????) and she "doesn't want anything serious". Logic would tell any man or woman to move on to someone who wants an LTR.  | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 8:50:41 PM | Why would a decent man looking for a LTR continue with someone who gives up the candy store on the first night? He has to be thinking...how many others has she done this with? Is this my Dream Girl?
OK, have sex on the first date if that is what floats your boat...but then don't whine when he doesn't call back. If you are going to play in the Big Leagues you have to be able to handle the rejection.
If you want a quality relationship, you need to BE THE GIRL he would want that relationship with.
If you just wanna have a casual fling, do it, take it for what it is worth, enjoy the moment, and stop moaning when he doesn't call you back. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:13:40 PM | "First: it's very courageous of you to post it here. Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"
Well, I'll certainly not ask you any foolish questions, or criticize you. I know why you did it - because your body has needs. Sexual needs. There is no shame in having them, or in satisfying them. But when you do, you put yourself in risk of being hurt emotionally.
Does if feel yucky when a man whom you slept with, a man whom you liked a lot, a man who acted like he was going to stay with you for a while just start ignoring you? Well, it does – unless you learn to think about it from a different perspective.
(By the way, it feels nowhere near as yucky as being stuck in a marriage with a man whom you came to loath. Nothing worse than being married to a man who doesn’t satisfy you, and yet you owe him fidelity! But I digress – let me go back to our subject…)
Let’s face it: a good old double standard is still alive and well. A man tells you all the nice things you want to hear, but in his heart of hearts, he despises you for sleeping with him too soon. So, what do you do? Put breaks on your own sexuality? Wait until third, fifth, or twentieth date to go to bed?
No. Doing so would mean lowering you head and tacitly accepting a perpetuating that old double-standard morality. Don’t lower your head. Be proud, and don’t deny yourself our own desires. Keep going on dates, and when you feel like sleeping with a guy – go ahead and sleep with him. And if he dumps you after that – than you have accomplished two things:
1. You discovered that he double standard in his head, that macho sterotype of dividing women into “madonnas” and “whores” – which means you wouldn’t want him long term anyway.
2. And you still get your sexual desire satisfied!
Trust me, there are guys out there who respect a woman more, not less, for knowing what she wants and going after it. Keep looking, and you’ll find one of them.
Best of luck to you, and may the Spirit of the Universe bless you."
This is all just a nice, polite, politically correct way of saying "Go ahead and live like a whore without a soul, and just let yourself be used by any scumbag masquerading as a 'man' that comes your way."
I suppose because this woman had a bad marriage, she feel qualified to tell women to live like whores, albeit in a euphemistic way. She obviously despised her husband, and treated him like crap; hence his inability to satisfy her. Well, what about her ability to satisfy HIM? Maybe--to quote Peter Steele--loving her was like loving the dead. Did she ever consider that?
Here is a better idea--take out a loan and go buy yourself a good amount of self respect and self esteem. You were obviously hurt by this guy. Do you want to put yourself through this again? And if you follow the above advice, you will eventually become a jaded, soulless woman incapable of having a meaningful relationship consisting of TRUE love. What's more, you will lose respect not only for yourself, but for men, and you will grow to hate men. Don't let this obviously bitter woman's negative experience influence you.
One may say that you can separate your emotions from sex. You CANNOT! And I think you know that all too well. You may as well try to separate heat from fire. And what good is getting your sexual desires satisfied, if it means developing a jaded heart, and becoming emotionally dead? And by the way, sexual desires are just that--desires. Very different from needs. You will NOT die if you don't have sex. Sex is too good a thing to make it no more big a deal than buying a cheesburger at Burger King.
Here is even better advice--hold out for a good, decent man. They do exist! Develop a friendship with him. And if you think he has potential to be more than that, then try dating him. And if you find that you and he are a good match, then marry the guy if he proposes (or you can propose--heck, it's the 21st century, right?). And then I guarantee you that you will be satisfied not just sexually, but in EVERY way by this man. And even secular studies show that marital sex is better sex than one-night-stand sex. Of course, you have to be married to the right person, but that is why we have a thing called courtship. Take your time, and let true love develop. It WILL happen for you! Have faith!
Just make sure you do well to work at the relationship. All relationship take work--a fact that was obviously lost on Libre. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. But you can achieve a successful, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship.
Don't give up! Decent, good men are out there! Don't sell yourself short, and DON"T follow Libre's idiotic advice. Don't become a jaded whore. You're better than that! Okay, so you made a mistake. Who hasn't made a mistake? Learn from that mistake, and move on. Remember--no man can use you without your consent. I wish you all the best. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:18:29 PM | ok charles maybe you should take a break from smoking crack through the lead pipe. it seems to be screwing you up there fella.
not sure if you noticed but it sounds as though you may be a staulker. most areas have laws against your behavior. even if there werent laws those of us who are normal dont behave that way because we just know its wrong.
get some help
and too the writer of the question
i agree the silent treatment is wrong
i have had many one nite stands, but even if i had no intention of ever being with the women again i still maintained a freindly relation ship until she got too pushy or started acting like charles on the cross dressing nights. personally if the sex isnt great why bother with a relationship?
sure the soulmate thing would be great but would it be worth while if the sex was lousy?
not that sex is everything but it has to be good or why bother with all the mood swings drama ****ing whining ect... | |
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jlynnh
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Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 116 | |
| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:20:31 PM | I didn't read every ones responses to many to read!
If you decide to have sex with someone make sure that you can handle it afterwards, be it good or bad. If you can't handle it, then I would swear off of sex! hehehe I mean really, you just need to look at it as... you gotcha some and so did he!!! Anyone can say anything, but if you really meant what you said you would of followed thru with it! So you didn't, he didn't! For the rest of what you said, I say....C'est la vie!! | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:26:41 PM | ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't actually buy your story, Why would a grown woman would want to HANG OUT with 18 year olds?Yeah, I know must have a lot in common.AND I think it is called HOOKING UP.But let's say It is true, Is there any chance, that grown women would take ANY responsibility for their OWN actions??????? AND stop blaming others for their own stupidity.
You decide who you date,sleep with, have a relationship with. You own 50% good or bad.You CAN'T change other people,BUT you CAN change your behaviour,thinking and actions. If you sleep with somebody on the first date, I really fail to see the How are you being used? It is called LUST. He wanted it, you wanted it, I believe you were there to say YES, or maybe he asked the neighbour and got permission.Is that your story?
As for why he never called? Lots of possible reasons, maybe he got hit by a bus, or you sucked in bed or whatever. Sleeping with somebody on the first date, you ALWAYS take a chance, It might turn into long term OR a one nighter.It is up to the two people who got involved, to make a deceison. If the table was turned and you did not want to pursue it, but he did, then of course he would become a stalker. Isn't that special? | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:46:07 PM | Wow tigerpurrz you sound like a bitter woman. I'm not the messed up one here.
You don't know me. I don't use booty to TRAP a man into a LTR. If you read my question carefully, I stated I was not looking for a LTR. My concern was that he didn't bother to contact me afterwards. I tried to contact him, but he didn't respond. I feel like I at least deserved the courtesy of a phone call or email from him saying "hey i had fun last nite(cuz he did) but i don't wish to see you again". I may have been a little hurt, but not as much as I am now. Booty call is not a normal thing for me. But I fell for his charm and was promised a casual relationship. Which to me is not just a sexual one. Have you heard of a boyfriend before? Not marriage. No serious committment. No one nite stands. But I guess you have more experience with this as you are much older than I.
And to those who say i should know better because I'm 32. What? Age has nothing to do with anything. Rather it's experience.I am new to the dating scene, as I was married for 10 years and now divorced. My husband was my first lover. So I'm just learning the ropes. And yes I've learned people. No one's getting any more booty from this girl until I have known them a long time. And yes I'm sticking to my guns this time. Sex = Heartache. Being a prude = Respectful Relationship. Got it. It's unfortunate that all the goodlooking guys are just looking for one nite stands, gay or married and the not so goodlooking guys are looking for committments. Why can't there be a happy medium?
I am a sweet descent looking woman looking for a friend and lover. Is there any body out there looking for the same?
Oh yes I almost forgot. Thanks to everyone who was kind enough to be sensitive and not judgemental with me. Even when they don't agree with me. I'm not looking for sympathy. Rather some pointers on how dating is supposed to go. I don't need people bashing me. | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:51:41 PM | | You let your heart get in the way of this one date? Maybe he let his head get in the way. Maybe he has higher standards, and cant have a realtionship with someone who "puts out" with strange men, on the first date? Rechon? | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 120 | |
| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:51:59 AM | jesus christ, i am ashamed to be a human being belonging to this community that does nothing but bash down on someone that is already hurt and crying. i mean what do u guys intend to do? isn't she already feeling terrible? i have seen VERY FEW people in here with any sense of compassion or understanding.
so she is naive and trusting and BELIEVES what a man is saying. all i hear from guys on here is how women have become jaded and are playing games. and this is what happens to the one that DOES NOT. not only does she get taken advantage of and humiliated, being ingored and treated like dirt by a guy that seemed so honest and loving and kind just yesterday, he was her hope that maybe there is love and fairy tales, but besides that, she gets stoned with cold eharted cruelty by a whole community that professes to know better and be wiser, yet treats her innocent this way
she is beautiful the way she is, she has a sense of innocence left, and that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RARE! do u guys really not see it? SHE ACTUALLY BELIEVES WHAT SOMEONE SAYS!! ... not only that, SHE DOESN'T PLAY GAMES!!!
i am not saying it isn't dangerous and she needs to learn to protect herself, but just the fact she has so much purity left, it totally touched me!
don't listen to them baby doll. i know what it is like, to lie in bed at night and dream that maybe one day you can find someone you can trust. i know what it's like to want to trust someone. you want to believe him, and he sounds so convincing, doesn't he? and maybe this is the one you would never have to ever pretend anything to , or for... that you can just let go and give in, and have a moment of blissful happiness, and maybe this time it would, it could stick?
but it hardly ever does. does it happen? yes, it does. it happened to me once. i had amazing chemistry w someone, and we had sex, i didn't want to in my head, but it was just so amazing that i said to myself, that even if i will never see him again, that moment was worth it. it was fantastic, the best sex i had ever had. we were together four years.
did i meet a lot of bad cases? of course. for some i was bad myself. unfortunately, cupcakes, while we want to believe and trust people, you HAVE TO let them earn it. if someone doesn't, it's like a car ur dad bought u, one u didn't work for urself - u don't value it, and u take it for granted. it is not special to u. relationships are like that. and men and women are alike, there are plenty of them emotionally unavailable and cynical on both sides.
it is hard to control yourself when you feel strongly about someone, but you are too valuable of a gem not to have an alarm system, just as any valuable 'thing of beauty' in the world... let the one who deserves u drink ur sweetness, u dont want to end up in the dirt, thrown over the shoulder of a passer by, broken and agonizing.
i am here for u anytime u need someone to talk to. just send me an email subject line 'i need to talk to you', so i know its not from the guys | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:07:29 AM | HEY HUNNI DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP / WE DO WHAT WE DO BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN , I WOULD THINK A FEW WOMEN HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION (MEN ASWELL).......THE WAY I C IT IM 42 IF I WANT TO SLEEEP WITH A GUY ON THE FIRST NITE I WILL , JUDGE ME I DONT CARE LIFE IS FOR LIVING AND ENJOYING , AND ITS HIS LOSS THAT HE NEVER RETURNED YOUR EMAIL . | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:08:40 AM | Oh dear mother of God..... it was ONE DATE.
so she is naive and trusting and BELIEVES what a man is saying
Welcome to the new millenium..... trust no one until proven they can be trusted. Those naive days have been long over. Please don't try to pass off poor judgement as being naive.
I'm assuming the OP doesn't live in a cave and should KNOW better the ways of the world on the most part by now....
jmo jj | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:06:05 AM |
But I fell for his charm and was promised a casual relationship.
You need to get your story straight, no sex you say.. but you have sex because he promised a casual relationship .. Casual may mean a one night stand with sex.
All I can say, if you can't get your story straight, your emotions straight, what you are looking for in order,, that confusion shows through like a shinning star, this guy picked up on that as well,, and said no way,, all you are is a bundle of issues he wanted no part of..
I'm not looking for sympathy.
You are looking for justifications for your actions,, at the expense of the man in this case.
So far all you have done was make excuses for you actions,, What you really need to do is say,, hey I let this guy do me,, why,, because you wanted him to.. dam he most have been good looking,, so lets try and keep him,, now I wouldn't call that naive, I'd say, a girl with a motive a mission.,, only it back fired and you know it,, Now it sounds like he did the right thing by not calling, where as before I did disagree..
It's unfortunate that all the goodlooking guys are just looking for one nite stands, gay or married and the not so goodlooking guys are looking for committments. Why can't there be a happy medium?
I was wondering, do you think this guy didn't call because he picked up on your attitude as well... | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:09:24 AM | I do not feel sorry for the OP one bit. Chances are she does this routinely, then whines about (in unison) "How she can't meet a nice guy."
On top of that, she said she wasn't looking for anything serious, well, that made the guy happy, because he's thinking, "Wow, I can bang her, and then never talk to her again! yay for me!!"
i am ashamed to be a human being belonging to this community that does nothing but bash down on someone that is already hurt and crying. i mean what do u guys intend to do? isn't she already feeling terrible? i have seen VERY FEW people in here with any sense of compassion or understanding.
Medana - I'm surpised you even feel sorry for her. Medana, this is common amongst single women....they find a "bad boy", he bangs her, probably even gets her knocked up or even gives her the "clap", and she sits around wondering why she can't find a "nice guy". LOL She's the one that's actually PART of the problem with dating these days.
She's Naive? I'd let her go if she was in her early 20's...but she's 32...she has no excuse....and chances are this isn't the first guy she's done this with. And you're 34, Medana...lol....I guess you're just as naive as well. Man, figured women would have gotten some BRAINS by their 30's...guess not.
If you read my question carefully, I stated I was not looking for a LTR. My concern was that he didn't bother to contact me afterwards.
Actually, that was the whole point....he figures, "Cool, she's not wanting an LTR, I'll bang her, leave her, and not call her back...because THAT'S how it works."
Not wanting an LTR is pretty much a pre-req. for a one night stand...OR maybe "Friends with Benefits". | |
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| why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:37:26 AM |
i made it clear to him I wasn't looking for anything serious at this time. But i also made it clear that i wasn't into one nite stands.
Good! You started off on the right track. Setting expectations and communicating them is a superb component to intergender relations.
The next day I emailed him thanking him for a nice evening.
Well played again. Post coital contact is the hallmark of a decent person if sex didn't occur on the same night you met (usually in a bar or club or grocery or book store). His problem is that he is not quality enough to return the gesture and at least say: "Hey vixen, thanks for $%^&. When you 'verb' my 'noun' with your 'nouns', it makes me want to scream!"
Is it my fault for sleeping with him on the first date?
Neither of you is really at fault, you simply chose the wrong guy to sleep with and, as these things go, you didn't find out until after the fact.
I would like to know how other men feel about this happening to a woman.
Personally speaking, I'm empathetic to your situation, but only to a point. Whenever I speak to a woman there is always going to be some level of investment on my part...and even though I require a certain amount of comfort to sleep with one on the first date, I tend to find that if things go south (afterwards) I can walk away from the situation without losing any sleep.
Don't cry over spilled milk, vixen. Sex isn't a zero-sum proposition, you BOTH got something out of what you shared.
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