| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:38:02 PM | I depsise being treated like I'm blond-major difference in blond & blind.
I see, I feel, I read what isn't said. I read what is. I tire of needless trifiling ways.
And all the while...placing one foot in front of the other, I think. I think about the people that might have known love, might never know love, hit & missed, crashed headlong...all the different experiences that make us who we are.
And I forgive.
Life is too short to hold a grudge or hate...
letting go feels so dayum good. | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:44:02 PM | God, we made love tonight
like the first love between man and woman
i felt as Adam deprived all those lonely years
wants and yearnings unfullfilled
and then completed and coupled
upon seeing, feeling entering my Eve
i felt as if God creating the universe
i knew paradise
God we made love again today
we will rest on the seventh | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:47:19 PM | Exhuasted....don't think I can make another step this night.
so Elijahblue's mom...what do you think the "main" problem is?
excuse me? main being WHAT?
Audio sensory, space issues, anger management, frustration from him to make his feelings understood, frustration from school calling me again & again to pick him up rather than do a 504...b/c as the special ed teacher stated...even if we DO a 504, that's no guarentee that you won't have to come pick him up...
those are a few anyway
yes mam, we are leaning toward Aspberger's with him...esp w/ his auditory stimulation problems.
I'm exhausted...no matter how badly or quickly I want everything fixed for him to have a better quality of life...it still wipes me out. I'm grateful these are the only problems...
But doesn't every problem have a gift hidden in it somewhere?
G'night.
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:51:59 PM | Ju Ju...
I certainly hope so...
What a challenge it sounds like you face.
It takes a special person to handle what you are doing.
A person who really cares. Wants what is best and even
though exasperated, keeps on going.
I beleive the universe gives special gifts to those who face
extreme difficulty and persevere.
Big Ups to you... | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:56:16 PM | “But doesn't every problem have a gift hidden in it somewhere?”
One has to stop and really consider that question
That’s me always with a question
Questions
Always get me
In fact I have come to love them
An awakening in some ways
A thoughtful view structured in a way
That forces me to ponder and review
Go within and ask
Introspection
Seriously
Those problems that have blasted me
Those times and those things I thought so lousy
Have often resulted in the greatest blessings
In the long run
And for reminding me of that JuJu
I truly thank you | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:19:30 PM | Thanks, ya'll.
It's hard to view the complexities of who he is, because I want the best for him...his quality of life, his ability to speak in his own voice & be respected for who he is...
I don't mind him possibly having Aspbergers...it could be much worse.
The up to it is the intellectual genuis (sp) that he is...his way of looking @ things & solving problems...his dr. said yesterday he loved kids with his traits b/c they think out of the box...wow, huh?
Gifts are often hidden in plain sight. | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:24:27 PM | Kids its always the pits when its kids
I have never understood gods logic on this
Yea I know hes got a plan a vision
That we as mortals can never see
But dammit why the kids man
It shakes my core to see kids go
Through hell with no apparent
Reason or rhyme
But thankfully hes got you a
Heart so true to stand behind
The word UNCONDITIONAL
I commend you, for what you do
Not looking for commendations
Or a parade to celibate you kindness
I commend you, for what you do
Because hes part of you
People like you Mam are the true heroes...I know you don't want to hear that but just my opinion..
Almost forgot think on this one though your the gift!
Thank You
Marc | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:29:40 PM | Ever feel like this?
God I'm just drawing a blank...
Limbo like
There is a giant spatula
held by a giant hand
Trying to scoop me up
flip me upside down...
Tired of going for a ride
Just want to
Move on down the road...
Something doesn't feel right though.
I keep waiting
For what I don't know.
But you ever feel like
You're supposed to wait?
Drives ya fvckin crazy...
Never felt like this....
Feels important though...
But you never know
Do you?
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:06:22 AM | ^^ oh yes....THAT feeling....it's enough to drive u nuts...
it's like the worlds holdin' it's breath
turnin' blue
waitin for you
to do the heimlich maneuver
but you just can't quite
get your arms around it
but your arms are growin'
and the world's knowin
and waiting patiently
for what?
we'll see | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:22:19 PM | Wow the worlds waitin on me ! I didnt know
Hell I never get those dam memos
Shit gota go
Get it spinin yanno! | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 3:09:05 AM | JuJuBee,
I just popped in here for the first time in a while and saw what you're going through with yor son. I understand, as my son is autistic. High functioning, for which I am most thankful, but it still requires some extra effort on the parts of his mother and I. He's probably the most amazing child I've ever met, and I'm sure you feel the sme about yours.
Having a child with specal needs isn't easy, but it's rewarding. Keep your chin up!
- Render | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/21/2008 5:14:26 AM | because of them
i am who i am
priviledged to be
it was said so
eloquently
thank you for choosing me
amazingly
am touched deeply
by the gifts they bring
hearts sing
smiling
exhausted
with a sense of peace
a true release
floating away
in the sweetest of dreams
ever so grateful for their being
because of them
i am who i am
ever so priviledged to be | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:56:54 PM | "i am who i am"
because who i was is gone
leaving pieces of the whole
to carry on
and on
and on
pickin' up the pieces
arranging them again
more pieces found
upon wondering around
that fit better
with whats within | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:23:27 PM | "i am ash" since you said you didn't care what we wrote on here....I have an poem i wrote and i want to share with you all let me know what you think of it!
You Was My Angel
When you was alive it was so hard to get the word's to come out, i wanted so bad to tell you how i really felt.
Everytime i tryed to put the thought's into word's and tell you, it was like i frozed or i stuttered whenever i tryed to tell you.
I just gave up on trying but now when i think back on the time's that i have tryed to tell you and it felt, and seem's not that hard.
Now you'r gone forever and i will never get a second chance, to say or do those thing's.
When you was alive you made my life whole, you made me feel like i had something to live for.
You made me happy you made me smile from the inside out, before you came along i was lost.
Without a trace you showed up and you picked me back up on track, i would give up everything just to have that day back again.
The sadest thing is i knew and felt like you was "the one" for me, and i screwed up.
I'm sorry that i have let you down, i would have gave anything to be the one that died.
When you died a huge part of me died right along with you, but i know i can not be with you not right now.
That day will come when we will see eachother again, I'm sorry that i let you down. I'm sorry that i can not be up there with you, i miss the time's we shared i miss how you made me laugh and smile.
You made me feel like i had something worth living for, and i did that "something" was you.
I know i need to get over you'r death, and move on but how can i.
When my whole world just came tumbleing down on me, and the only one that can put it all back togeather is you.
You'r not here even when i need you the most, you was like an angel sent from above to watch over me and help me get through my problem's.
I thank god each day for what he has did and sent me, you was my angel and i should have treated you better than i did.
I'm so sorry that i let you down, i just pray that you forgive me.
I will never forget you i love you, and i knew just how lucky i was to have found someone like you.
Just remember something there will never be another you, someone like you only comes into my life one time.
Please forgive me and always remember that i love you, and always will!
Rest In Peace Jeremy Hazlinsky.
(About one of my best friends since i was around 11 or 13-now) | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:48:16 PM | i know that feelin' darlin........and trust and KNOW that because you are still here....there is "something" worth living for...not only yourself...but another more grand purpose that you're not aware of....God doesn't make "placeholders".....*hugs* to you.....the pain of loss is a tough pill to swallow no matter how you look at it....
I wrote this about a best friend that i lost when i was 15....
Something went wrong,
why?.... i can't say
but i lost a very close friend today
doug, who was funny, sweet, and smart
who is away from me now
but close at heart
Doug...who like dinosaurs..
was one of the sweetest guys
with smooth perfect skin
and big beautiful eyes
doug....was loveable....crazy,too
and kind
there's a reason behind all of this
that i have yet to find
your family in mourning
your friends trying to be brave
we will all cherish
the happiness that you gave
it will take quite a while
to accept that you're gone
but you will ALWAYS live in our hearts
Clinton Douglas Jones
(and feel free to post whatever you'd like to here...thanx for stoppin' by) | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/21/2008 2:22:08 PM | Hi Grandma...
Oh my god...
The shock was like somebody
slit my belly wide open and let
everything out... just look
my whole being lying on the floor
nothing I can do.. but think of you...
Gone....
How ... why... who...?
God must have made a mistake
You see I really need you..
You know how you always made me feel special.
Always told me "it was gonna be ok and just
keep going it will be fine...
Life is tough and thats why everyone has
a special person they can turn to no matter what."
And I was not always listening
But I felt safe when I was there
Your sweet smile the way you always
just shook your head and chuclked
when I would say something crazy all the time.
You helped me
you saved me
you loved me
when I felt nobody did...
and just about the time
I started to get a clue
you remember that day?
You had to go away...
But I was gonna visit.
I usually would just wave
But something
made me go run after you...
give you a big hug
kiss you and say thanks
and I love you!!!!
something made me do that...
The next day a car backed out
into the highway
and you were gone.
I still see your face when I am alone...
what did you do to me?
Your smile your presence
You saved me...
I will lways remember your goodness
It will always live on in me...
I don't know what made me run to you
But when I did; you put something in me
and I will always be glad I did....
The tears come sometimes when I remember
just how good you were to me.
That goodness that deserves tears
I haven't met too many people
that affect me like that....
I miss you but
you're still here
aren't you
right here
right now
smiling... | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 5:52:21 PM | hey L&L...
i love your granny poem...
there is no other like a grandmother...
mine's still hanging on...
she decided she's gonna just take her time (she's 94)
i asked her once why she still treats me like i'm 14
she said cuz i act like it...
and you know, being around her i still do!!
you are ever so right
she is living in your heart
and she is right here
smiling! | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/23/2008 3:34:57 PM | hey ash, finally found you. 
upon return,
it seems that along these shores
my sadness tastes like salt
and captured wild horses.
do you remember before?
the way you moved our nights
over to one corner,
danced with me for days
until someone spotted our happiness
soaring with the sea birds.
The collectors they sent
who threatened to rape and kill us both
if we couldn't prove love has a price?
then dragged us back
gagged and blindfolded
our fresh broken hearts
to be sold to the highest bidder. | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:02:26 PM | i want to breathe
strong arms around my heart
catching muted cry of agony
as tears escape
creating a trail deeper than river's path
i want to look in his eyes
see
no fear, intimidation,
or games
only he
and i
our kids
and all
that will ever come | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/23/2008 6:45:47 PM | "my sadness tastes like salt
and captured wild horses."
fu@kin brilliant man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that soooo burns into the psyche
"my sadness tastes like salt
and captured wild horses. "
. .like pillars of Lots wife
reanimated
into horned scarabs of defial
and chain lightning chained
to a balloon
filled with Aphrodites breath.
(these are but thoughts inspired by thinking back upon those dark days when there was no sunshine nor rainbows, only the maelstrom.)
Been hankerin to do one in the original spirit of this great thread (Ash, you know..) and then up popped Hoper with one of his doozies. so many starters to chose from. LOL) if that didnt kickstart my muse nothing would
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Posted: 7/23/2008 7:34:30 PM | just couldnt resist it...
"our fresh broken hearts
to be sold to the highest bidder"
going once
..going twice
....sold
to the Dahmer of Love.
the chamber walls are a delicacy in some Fool's country.
slow steamed in wild abandonment
salted with the dried tears of "captured wild horses"
and drizzled with blood de demi-glace' | |
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| don't care what you write...
Posted: 7/23/2008 7:53:28 PM | "like pillars of Lots wife"
remnants
of rememberence
of luxury
thermal brines
spit slews
of this stew
upon the great floods
happening
no time to say
"wazzappenning?"
just "poof"
and proof
that he meant what he said
i wish just once
someone had made note
of her name before she was dead
(glad you found me hoper....and glad you drug Looney's lazy bytch of a muse back from vacationing
 ) | |
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Posted: 7/23/2008 8:05:57 PM | (huh.huh..he said Dahmer of love)
"our fresh broken hearts
to be sold to the highest bidder"
or is that "bitter"
yeah...
who you callin' quitter
broken heart?
nuttin' that some duct tape can't fix
so remember that
when trying to tame the cat
and you decide to hurt her
just for kicks | |
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Posted: 7/23/2008 10:18:38 PM | Tinted glass hides the tethered beast
while projecting the rosy exterior
grasp the rail and lean way out
shouting, "HERE I AM, HEAR MY WILL!"
but you can't, or won't
desperate measures create desperate times
stumble off the bloody battlefield
proclaim another victory, if you dare
I lay in shambles, wrecked and ravaged
crawling below the alter of your deaf ears
sacrificed, I cry out to an unjust goddess
who cackles in delight at my torment
Oh horrid muse, why do you thwart me so?
Why have you rendered me mute with all I have to say? | |
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Awwww Marc....awwwwww 
JJB
