| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:43:04 PM |
As for our feelings towards paying support...
Yes, we hate paying support because many times it is used by the mother to provide her with things instead of providing for the child. My ex is a prime example of women like this.
Despite the fact that she makes half of what I do she has a similarly sized house.............blah.......blah.......bbblahhhh....
^^that was a snipet from your post in msg #2. In your message, your explaining and giving reasons for why *some* men feel justified in not paying support for the kids that they helped to create.
It is funny how alot of men interput the phrase "child suppport" into an obligation that is based totally on what the finacial loss might be for them.
I have no problem with anyone disagreeing with me regarding the unfairness that exists in the court system....What I have a problem with is tainted opinions from people such as yourself who don't have the ability to sympathize outside of your own situations...unless it is to make a politically correct opening remark....which is exactly what you did in msg #2.....If you feel like your taken advantage by the court system....then do something about it...
I am on topic...have always been on topic...you went off topic in msg #2 when you decided to give examples and excuses for why some men desert their first families.
Lizbeth, I am glad you are omniscient and can tell what my reasoning was for writing or doing something. That really explains a lot about you and you posts judging and denigrating anyone who disagrees with you. Please show me where, anywhere, that I said men should not pay for the kids thay they have helped create. Complaining about having to pay is not the same as not paying. For being so all-knowing, I am surprised you can't understand that.
How are my opinions tainted? Because I don't agree with you? I do sympathize with mother's who have to deal with ex's that don't support their kids. Like I said, those men disgust me. Just because I can see why I and others have complaints about how much we are made to pay in child support, doesn't mean I can't sympathize with people who are fighting to get their ex's to pay support. But then again, you are omniscient and know what I am doing and thinking, so I guess obviously I can't do that.
Explain to me why isn't seeing a mother who abuses the money that is to be used for the child but instead uses it to provide herself with things when the father is barely able to make ends meet a valid reason for a man to complain. The OP asked why some men complain, and I gave one reason that we do complain - because many times the mother is abusing the system. That is not making excuses for men who desert their families, that is an answer to the OP's question as to why some men complain. Again complaining is not the same thing as not paying.
And do something about getting child support changed? How are we supposed to do that when the courts are hopelessly biased against men, and when men do complain to legislators about how things are and trying to get child support laws to be made more equitable, feminists and women like you use character assassination to make it seem like we are wanting to skip out on our kids. How many men in this thread did you call names because they dared disagree with you, or didn't defer to your almighty judgment and wisdom. Now try facing that type of attitude at a societal level and against organizations who are given beneficial treatment by legislators and judges.
Using your brand of flawed logic, any man who answered the OP's question is making excuses for men who don't pay their child support. Which just isn't the case since complaining about having to pay is not the same as not paying. | |
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novgrl
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Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 127 | |
| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:46:38 AM | I know the feeling.. My ex was abusive so I took our 2 daughters and moved to to other end of the province. He never paid a cent of child support. Then I get married and have another child, eveything is great he nevers sees them and never pays a dime, guess you get what you pay for. Then after 5 years he calls me up and aks for ME to bring the girls 5 hours away to his wedding ! LIKE BLOODY HELL !!! I laugh and hang up the phone. 4 or 5 years later he calls and wants to tell my girls about thier brothers ! LOL are you insane ! But because I have always alloweed his family to be part of my daughters life they find out about them and when the one boy died, I thought have a heart I took to girls to his funeral, what do I get for this, him making promises to the girls that he will be part of thier life more. Empty ... damn right they were. But now that my girls are 13 and 14 he says he dont care what I have to say cause thier old enough to make thier own chocies about going to see him as the law states that the child can choose which parent to live with at 13 ! So he gets off with no child support all these years and then can walk in and take my kids! Wheres the law in that.
Well all i can say is thank god my girls were raised with good values and have told him just what I always thought they would... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ? Yha well shove that in your wallet !
Im not bitter... LOL just wish guys would think alot farther in the future then pay day !! | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/24/2008 7:01:53 PM | Only men do this?
Women never leave their kids?
its a fact that the less you see someone the less they think of you..
so a parent that doesn't look after kids will generally lose contact with them
after 5yrs++
Male or FEMALE!
Women aren't any better than men or vice versa.
Why shouldn't an ex remarry and start a new family?
if someone had a child and then has more.. his income needs to be divided between his dependants.. so the first child will logically get less.
That's life. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/24/2008 7:17:19 PM | | Well I just broke it off with my kids father. When we got back together, he was seeing someone else. She found out that he was coming back to be with his family, she claimed that she was pregnant by him(which was a lie). He has said time and time again that, he didn't know if he wanted to see our kids becuz' that meant he would have to deal with me!! He wanted me to close out the CHILD SUPPORT account several times. And, I told him that I would (but, never did-I'm not stupid). Men want their cake and they wanna eat it too. I ain't with all that. But anyhow, if the c.support is court ordered they have to pay it, unless the mother closes it off. Men don't like it but, I believe that if you didn't wanna deal with the woman later on in life about CHILD SUPPORT, then, ya shoulda wrapped it UP!!!!! | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/24/2008 7:19:28 PM | just for the record..
I have sole residency of my daughter
the mother just visits when she can be bothered.. 4 hrs every 2 weeks..
sometimes 3hrs when she gets bored.
the UK's CSA agency had to send bailiffs after her.. for a measly £31 a week.
not paid for 2 yrs.
If a parent just takes kids away without going through the legal system and then
doesn't contact or let the kids see the other parent..
why do they complain about not getting any child support?
The courts can chase up people in Europe/UK..
the main question is it right to deny children to see both their parents?
In cases of abuse it usually is best to involve the courts, not simply 'abduct' your kids. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:08:27 PM | Wow... it looks like you've gotten over 5 pages full of responses already, so not even sure you're still following all of this?
But for whatever it's worth, I think you have to learn a little bit about the specifics of a guy's situation before rushing to judgement. I'm in the rather unusual opposite situation; my ex-wife owes the child support and I have my kid full-time. Still, a couple of my best friends are divorced men who A) do complain regularly about their child support order, yet B) would probably consider starting a new family at some point.
In both of these cases, their ex-wives were pretty clearly suffering from some mental problems (one was certified bi-polar/manic depressive, and the other had a wife who fit that profile pretty clearly, despite never having an official diagnosis to that effect). In my opinion, neither of these guys really did anything that deserved a divorce. Their ex's simply became impossible to live with, and frankly, dangerous too!
Our family court system is so hell-bent on enforcing the concept that "a child is best served by having as close to equal time with both parents as possible", it really doesn't give a fair shake to guys who were financially wiped out by a "mental case" ex-wife. They may have already had most or all of their possessions taken from them before the divorce was finalized, yet the court will do little more than file a judgement against the other party, ordering a repayment of the debt. Of course, this will usually go un-collected, and expires after 10 years. Meanwhile, the child support order is still put in effect, disregarding anything the ex-wife already obtained and/or resold for profit. (To hear the courts' explanation, they simply say that if you don't want to pay all that child support, you should work something out with your ex so you share custody closer to 50/50. Otherwise, it's all done by an unwavering, state mandated formula.) | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:55:35 PM |
Im not bitter...
Yeah, you're not bitter.
You only;
1) Moved hours away making it difficult for him to have regular contact with his kids.
2) When he did make an attempt, you didn't allow him to have access to the children in order to have a relationship with him.
3) Made his family have to be the ones who tell your children that they have half-siblings instead of letting him do it.
4) Say that men need to think further ahead than payday.
None of those actions are in any way, shape, or form evidence that you have some lingering animosity towards him. Nah, couldn't be.
It's amazing, you see him as being wrong for not paying child support but you feel completely justified preventing him from having access to his kids. That says a lot about you. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:00:24 PM |
I believe that if you didn't wanna deal with the woman later on in life about CHILD SUPPORT, then, ya shoulda wrapped it UP!!!!!
Same could be said for women who keep having kids with losers who don't want to support them. How many years have men been told "it takes two to tango"? Maybe if women don't want to have to fight to get a man to pay for kids, women should "put a cork in it" until they find a man who is reliable and won't run away from responsibility.
Of course, that would mean that a woman was taking responsibility for her own actions.... and society just can't have that happening. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:44:03 AM | Lizbeth, I am glad you are omniscient and can tell what my reasoning was for writing or doing something. That really explains a lot about you and you posts judging and denigrating anyone who disagrees with you.
^^^eastindyguy,
I do not judge anyone who disagrees with me...I simply debate the opinions they hold from my own personal experiences and from reading others.
Complaining about having to pay is not the same as not paying. For being so all-knowing, I am surprised you can't understand that.
^^^Taking credit for paying child support, while complaining about it is not the same as being a supportive parent...and is probably not percieved by the other parent as supportive....however...I am surprised you can't understand that.
Here is my brand of logic.......I have two boys...I get the support my ex wants to pay...unless I continuously go to court to fight for more (no thanks..been there)
My ex pays 50% more in support to kids from a previous relationship with his ex...(not his kids btw)
I have earned the right to be a little judgemental regarding subjects like this.
I have learned that money is secondary to what kids need to grow up as healthy adults.
I have learned after many years that fighting and keeping tabs on my ex's lifestyle and expenditures will only frustrate me and take my focus away from what is truly important...my boys...
The most important thing I have learned is that kids need both parents..
No amount of money can replace a parent spending time with their kids.
So forgive me if I am a tad bit pretentious when it is regarding the never ending complaints and various other gripes some men have.
I believe this thread asked a simple question...I don't think it is right for men to start a relationship...that will have finacial obligations...until they have satisfied their first obligation of support to the existing children.....
If you have a valid complaint or concern about the support you pay as a NCP.....you might want to pose it as a question instead of a complaint....sometimes......it's all in the delivery | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:06:28 PM | guys you r gonna hav to accept that if u r the custodial parent (mummy or daddy) ur ex cant or wont pay my ex pays the bare minimum cos he is made to but **** it i get the best bits and no amount of money ot ****in is ever gonna change that, yes its not fair but id rather i managed without my ex (who my kids idolise) my mum did a great job on her own an i love my dad but he really doesnt compare to my mum and never will
cee | |
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lr_ar
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Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 138 | |
| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:22:44 PM | | I am getting ready to go through the child support battle and i kow i have a friend down in Florida and her husband pays 50% of his pay being he remarried so he has a nother family to support if he hadnt remarried it would be 60%...i dont know how it is here in Wisc.and i also dont know if they go by the state the child lives in or the state the father lives in | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 1:48:36 PM | It's about $350 a month. Yeah, he doesn't make diddly. 35 year old man working for minimum wage and part time and living with his mommy all to escape what he should be paying in child support.
*edit* Oh! And it's only $350 a month due to arrearage. Once he gets caught up on that my actual CS amount is $200 a month. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:14:56 PM | Ok I understand some of what you say but not all.
Here's a scenario for you. It happens all the time.
Ex says she wants out, done, cant live this way, over. Man agrees and obliges a messy divorce. She gets hitched up again 6 months after the divorce (now we know why she wanted out) and now wants increase in support. Former hasn't had a job change or increase in pay but gets dragged into court for what amounts to a hi, hows it going, session with the judge. She gets angry as EX is holding out on her and makes life hell on earth. Two years later Former finds a decent gal willing to take on the responsibility of Instant Step Mom. Ex is now furious as he is spending his attention on her. Ex drags him into court AGAIN for an increase in support. Nothing has changed since the last increase so nothing is awarded. Ex is fuming mad because she cant touch the Formers new wifes income. FOUL she cries and proceeds to play more games, making life a living hell. 6 years later Formers wife has a baby.. EX is frothing at the mouth and claiming the same thing you post here.
Where is it written that a former spouse must remain celibate while the other carries on with her life in grand fashion if she chooses? Why is it unconscionable that a man remarry or have more children? Why is it assumed that the ex husband must put everything on hold with his life but not the ex wife? WHY do we **** about support? Perhaps because some former spouses use the children as weapons against us. Perhaps because some former spouses cannot grasp the fact that they have lost control and the very fact makes them angry and vindictive. Perhaps because some former spouses soon discover that life on the "other side" isn't as glamorous as they perceived and, realizing that, they want everyone to be as miserable as they are.
Argh! | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:55:04 PM |
Why is it unconscionable that a man remarry or have more children? Why is it assumed that the ex husband must put everything on hold with his life but not the ex wife?
Well, and then there are those of us who are hesitant to even get into a marriage-type relationship because we can't afford to or who have been burned by having to pay CS for non-bio kids, which leads to threads asking why some men don't want to hook up with single mothers....
... some of us simply can't afford it. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:12:03 PM | "Doesn't make sense to me. They hate paying child support, complain about it, count the days til a kid turns 18, then consider starting a new family with the new wife. WTH?"
Simple answer: They start a new family because they can, with hopes it will work out. Nothing demonic or warped about a man seeking happiness after 18 years of slavery. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:15:19 PM | Wait just a second.. are you saying that 18 years of raising a child is slavery.. Holy mother of god.. if a woman said that.. she'd be.. ummm.. well, umm right!!!
LOL
Simply put, keep a wrapper on it unless you plan on raising more kids... yours, hers or yours together.. they all COST money in one way or another.
If I could have more kids, I would want to adopt as a single.. The thought of battling over child support with any many for any length of time again makes me simply nauseous.
I finally gave up.. I'd rather do it on my own than have the financial manipulations, condescending attitudes, snarky behavior that I had to experience with my ex.
Let him have a new "family".. its not like you can erase the errors of the first. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:38:19 AM |
No. I get about 50% of my daughters fathers pay. But only because he chooses to work minimum wage jobs. If he earned to his full potential, having a degree and all, it wouldn't be so drastic.
Wow, how does that make you feel?
Lets do the math here in Canada:
40 hours at 9 bucks x 4./3 weeks in a month is $1548.00 minus 25% income / bullshit tax is $1161.00 minus 50% (can't write it off) child support leaving $580 for you (tax free) and $580.00 for him, minus the 13% GST / PST and he's left with $513.00 (don't take inflation into account) per month or $119.00 per week to live on.
Sounds like a fair deal? | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:02:31 AM | It sounds perfectly fair to me seeing as HE quite is $50,000/ year job. HE moved back in with his mother. HE is perfectly capable of making more and I would get the same amount but HE is too stupid to realize that so HE chooses to work minimum wage jobs to keep from maybe having to give HIS daughter more money.
The way I see it, it's not my problem. It was all his choice to live that way. I did what I had to do to get what my daughter was due. I did not hire a lawyer which would have done a discovery and based the support on his earning potential and would have raped him for even more money.
Now want to talk about fair. As I said I get at this moment $350 a month. Which $200 is my actual CS amount. I pay $115/ week in daycare.......Um yeah, you do the math. | |
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| Men who ?@#*& About Child Support and then go and start a new family???
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:09:11 AM | Ladies stop whining about the amount of child support you get. If you live in Canada you get child support according to the tables.
The point of this thread is someone who asked why men start another family while complaining about paying child support. If it is the man's biological kids he should pay child support and the ex should just accept that he is free to start a new family..the same as she os. If she chooess not to ave more children she is still free to find her Mr Right.
As long as he is paying child support I do not see the problem. | |
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