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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/26/2008 1:28:10 PM |
There is no point in giving up except to live the life of loneliness and dispair. Can you admit that this statement might possibly not fit everyone? I wouldn't mind being alone, but I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to despair...got too freakin' many hobbies, interests, things to do...many of which would be slowed or side-tracked by marriage. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:56:23 PM | | Oddly, I hear the same old bull from women, "I'm different" then you start seeing them and they are no different, so its not a man thing, its a human issue. To be honest, I am fed up with it too. The need to be loved is a human one, not a female one. I won;t say I am different, I am me, love me or hate me. I have met dates, who just weren't right for me, and seen them 2 or 3 times, then told them straight, they are not the one for me, but I get this from women, "I'm not looking for anyone" "I have relationship/commitment issues" but they still want to see you, maybe I'm the dumb one here, in thinking, I clould be "the one" for them. Maybe I'm not, it;s got to the point now where I am scared to meet anyone, cos it just ends up a big ol' mess! | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:44:02 PM |
It seems like I keep going through the same cycle all the time. Guys all say "I'm different" but end up doing the same types of things. Are there any men that are truly looking for a deep & lasting connection with a woman? If not, I want to know so I can just give up. If so, any ideas on why I keep running into the same scenarios, and how I can avoid them? I'm tired of ending up feeling used. I deserve a good man!
Could it also be you going into each new relationship and expecting the relationship to turn out like the last ones that "failed"? Then spending the time looking for any hints of it being similar and bolting out the door first chance available. If it keeps happening like that maybe it's not really the guys to begin with and it's in fact you. You may be coming on too strong in search of that "deep connection" or you may try to do the impossible by expecting more love, trust, respect, etc. from them than you are willing to truly give yourself. Many would pretend for instance that they are "trusting" the other person, yet having their fingers crossed the whole time looking just for that one little sign of mistrust, even if they have to fabricate it themselves, to have a reason to escape the relationship and point fingers in an endless victim drama until they wake up and realize what they were truly doing all along. I don't really know you that well, but I say to you if there is the possibility that you may be doing something like that, admit it... change it, then move on because if it is truly happening, no matter how far or fast you run, the truth of it will eventually catch up as it always does and will hurt that much more the longer you ignore it... | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:56:52 PM | | We're out here, I know I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Every day that passes is one less I'll spend with her. I don't know the things these men keep doing so I couldn't say I'm different or not. I know what I want and it's difficult getting there. I do know we look at things differently, so I hope that's not the problem. Don't chase, just get comfortable with who you are and let things happen. That means you can't live day to day expecting to get screwed over. It doesn't mean take down all the walls your probably putting up, just lower them so you can see over the top. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:28:04 AM |
...Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime...
Hmmm let's take this statement apart from the heart (not logically). O/P ~ How do you define "men?" What is your ideal man & can you describe him? Next what does "true love" & "a lifetime" look like from your perspective?... I don't see your profile. "Jeanieweeman ~ Msg 2" says 'Don't give too much...mystery is a good thing..." Well not giving anything leaves me (us) wondering...
So let's assume you've hidden your profile (similar to a resume) for whatever reason, it defines who you are, what you're looking for & hopefully sets out your boundaries & expectations. People who read your profile get a sense of what you are like, your interests, what makes you tick & so on. Then they match it up to their ideal mate (& I use the term loosely here  ). They may ask themselves, "Hey this person sounds interesting, I want to meet her OR Holy crap, she lists all her baggage and/or previous baggage... (negative aspects)." So tell us, what does "True Love" mean to you & whose lifetime are we talking about? Remember a lifetime does not equal a life sentence. It's about working together, having fun, taking the good with the not-so-good, learning & forgiving, letting go, taking each day one-day-at-a-time. Building upon a strong emotional foundation that will endure time & distance. Developing trust & respect. You can't live in your future & you can't live in your past, you can only live in the moment & make a difference to those around you & the man of your dreams will see you & want you. Let your inner beauty shine & all the "GOOD" guys will be beating a path to your door to meet you. Same criteria & expectations applies to men too, hopefully we're NOT all looking for someone who will greet us the moment we get home, who never complains, who is always ready to go someplace, that's the dog's job.
jorel78 ~ Msg 94 - wrote ...a lot of women think that we (men) are all dogs...
Hmmm, some of us spend a lot of time licking our.... ah... ah... ah... wounds, yeah that's it. Some may even have that dog-kicked-in-the-a$$-look too. Just tell em "Deal with it!"
Bottom line ~ be the kind of person you want to find. I want someone outgoing, so I'm outgoing, I want someone looking for true love, so I am the epitomy of true love (not lust) LOVE!!!!! Be willing to show it, and so on...
There are many of us looking for true love, & willing to make it last for a lifetime...even forever... 
**~Remington55~** 
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:10:58 AM | Speaking for myself I am seeking true love with a deep and lasting connection.
I been doing this all my life, thought I find it once, comes to find out I was wrong.
I dont believe in giving up when there troubles.
I think some people give up way too easy.
Its takes time, yes, but its takes working things out too.
My two cents... | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:57:19 AM |
The thing is, I really go into stuff with an open mind. I don't use my baggage to judge the new guys I try and befriend or date. To do so I feel would be like inviting the same things to happen. So, I go in with a clean slate, no expecations, yet the same things keep happening. I want to believe in love but how many times can a person be broken hearted and still be a happy good person?
Duh..42!!!
But seriously you are looking at this all wrong. Not to make this scenario over simplistic but haven't you ever lost something and searched for hours to find it, couldn't, then the next day while searching for your keys, find what you wanted yesterday?
The point is things are much easier found when you aren't looking to hard for them.
If you keep looking for the "one" with such intensity your chances of find him/her are much lower.
As the almighty wise Dorthy from finding nemo suggests "Just keep swimming!"
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:01:59 AM | | Don't even think of giving up. There are plenty of men out there, like me who still believe in true love, still seek romance and are still available. I'm in the process of wrapping up a very sad divorce after 24 years, but I have not lost faith. Somewhere, a good woman is waiting, maybe she's reading this right now, and she's going to be the recipient of all my love, and all I've learned from the hell I've been though. I can't wait to meet her. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:20:03 AM | (Sorry all, I haven't read all the replies yet. I will go back and do so.)
OP:
I would love to find "true love for a lifetime". In fact, I once thought I had found it, which is why I got married. These days, I'm feeling more cynical, and I'm not sure such a thing exists. However, it would be wonderful if it did exist and I would definitely not run from it. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:12:46 AM | | Yeah, we're out here, but no one seems to notice. I think that lots of the problem (not finding someone) has to do with the fact that sometimes your expectations are too high though. It isn't just women though. Some of us guys do it too. However, having said that, ALMOST everything is negotiable to a certain extent. Perhaps women should try this sometime (negotiation/compromise) lest they end up being "old cat ladies".......... | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:05:53 AM | | Yes there are men out there looking for a long relationship built on love and trust,because I'm one of them.I had a good marriage for 30 years untill my wife started going through a mid life crisis or something and left.She has messed things up so bad now that there is no hope of repairing our marriage,but I loved bieng married and long to be in a marriage where we are both committed to one another and are there for each other in the good days and the bad.Keep looking and praying I am sure that there is someone out ther for us. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:16:01 AM | Op, to answer your thread title, I have to say that I hope so. That is what I am looking for, what I dream about. But then, I am not a man and many times I ask myself the same question you have!! I am on the verge of giving up on the online route....the only thing keeping me here is the idea that there just may be a man in my area that is genuinely looking for someone like me and the type of committed relationship that I invision. I have met a couple of good men, but so far, not the one...I have also met and dated a couple of men that I fell in love with, but that sadly missed the mark as far as being ready for commitment and monogamy....both of those men had a bigger attachment to dating sites than to me.
Someone suggested the Mars and Venus book as being helpful. I have read a few books which have helped me tremendously in choosing a lifetime partner....two that I highly recommend are:
1. How to Avoid Dating a Jerk by John Van Epp
2. Are You the One for Me? by Barbara De Angelis
It takes practice to put the suggestions from these books completely into play.....I still ended up hurt from my last two experiences, but I noticed that I really knew what to look for and to trust my instincts....and as hard as it was, I ended the relationships early because I knew one or several things weren't right....and sooner is much better than later! In the future, I hope to follow the guidelines even better and find out even sooner. I am not looking for perfection, I am not looking for what may be right for some other people....I am looking for what is right for me. Be proactive and educate yourself....find out what is right for you....these books will give you the confidence to "use your head, not only your heart when choosing a partner". It will make it easier to sort through this "catalogue" of would-be suitors, online and offline.
Good luck to you and us all! | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:44:37 PM | | Ultimately I would suggest ignoring everything the world, including me is trying to advise you on and follow your heart. It's like the old saying "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime..." So just close out all the ruckus of what you heard that is chattering in your mind and truly open your heart, using that intuition that everyone has. If there is a person you intend on being happy with, your heart will let you know with joy... | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:09:05 PM | I would echo everything that Burtonm had to say. My story is nearly identical, the one big difference being that my wife terminated our marriage after 15 years. When I said the words at that altar, I meant them. Commitment was the backbone of those promises, and I had signed on for life. To the cynics, no I didn't cheat, drink, gamble, abuse, overwork, ignore, smother etc. And this was a woman I could never have believed would kill a healthy, living marriage.
So yes, we are out there. Ready despite the disappointments in love, for we know that we have what it takes to contribute to that best kind of marriage, and we know that the fatal loss of commitment happened within our partners and not ourselves.
That said I believe that it is significantly more difficult to find a new marriage partner now. I was 27 when I met my wife, far better looking than I am today, full of the natural spunk of youth. Now I'm 56 and doing the best I can on looks and energy. Had she stayed, my ex would have been able to look at me now through her memory of me at 27. A new woman will only see me as I am now. I think this is true for a lot of us.
Now that I've said that we are out there, I must add that at least for me, I'm not going to marry just any woman who wants to marry a good man. I still need to be attracted to her physically, emotionally, intellectually, and in personality before I stand once again, ring in hand, hoping that this time my new love will really mean it when she says, "Till death do us part." | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:48:31 AM |  Leah,
the one thing i can say to u is dont ever look back always look forward in 10yrs time it wont matter and dont get angry get even the best way to do that is to not let them show that you give a rats arse, pick yourself up dust your self off and say nexttttt but just try to look at it as their lose, not yours hey there r too many fish in the sea some are nice while others are barracuddas and guess whats so gr8. life goes on for you. and no matter what you look like on the outside tis what you r on the inside, i look at the fact taht when we r dead we all look the same, boney and ugly lol. you go girl and dont ever give a man the pleasure of knowing he has hurt you or made you feel less than you r. kkk good luck in your search you sound like you deserve someone special not just any idiot.  | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:42:03 PM | I think this is just BS the whole commit for a life time
the divorce rate is like 80% right now and I am single and all my married friends are miserable- I watch them scream at each other - have children and do everything wrong
But I sincerely do not know one person in a relationship who is truly happy | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:57:10 PM | Another post with the OP doing the same thing over and over wondering why it keeps turning out the same.
And the usual answers from people preaching what hasn't worked for them but insisting they know the right answers.
From my experinces many men are looking for true love for a lifetime?
First they have to find a woman who is willing to date them, then the personalities, needs, desires and wants have to be similar enough to make an LTR viable and to top it off both parties have to make it an on going romance to keep it from stagnating.
Or they can do what some many others here do, be unhappy and proud of it.
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:16:38 PM | | I am. And it's not easy. I have been searching on several sites for almost 9 months now and only had brief hope at best. Granted I am looking for an extraordinary woman. And they just don't grow on trees. At least not in my neighborhood. And for several months last year was flying to Alexandria,Va every 3 weeks to be with "the one" who after 7 months decided she wasn't cut out for a monogamous relationship until cohabitating. My mom keeps urging me to go to church. But the woman I am looking for is a little more of a devil. Ah well, when I least expect it she'll probably bump into me at the bookstore. But I want the woman to grow old with and still be horny and happy til the end. | |
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| Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime?
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:41:24 PM | | Yes, you have to be in "a story" with someone, like maybe involved in a project, or sport, or hobby, or some sort of happening thing where you work together and keep doing things that connect you, "without sex". You have to have something way outside of sex, so a guy can see you in many differnt venues. After a guy has had sex with you, he's finished. The mystery for him is gone. You should hold out on sex, in exchange for a committment. Not the other way around. If he is interested, then he will still come around, without the sex. The reason why you feel used is because somewhere in the media, you were taught to believe that guys loved the sex part. WRONG! They will disrespect you and be unable to trust you for the long-run. They may stay for a few months, but in the back of their minds, they cannot trust you, because you gave it up too soon..... so they further dis you by abandoning you. You say that you deserve a good man. Then, act like a good woman, and believe me, a good one will come around. All those who cannot wait for sex are too immature for relationship anyway. | |
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