| are the ladies expecting to be swept off their feet
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:17:54 AM | No. I've been in what I'm going to presume was her situation. Actually, a lot of times back when I internet dated frequently. I would click with someone online and it is going really, really well. Meet at a Starbucks and the physical chemistry just would not be there. At all, nada, zip, so NOT going to work for me... it sounds to me as if this may have been the situation and she wasn't mature enough to handle it in an appropriate manner. It is very difficult to tell someone that you are not attracted to them. They almost always take it personally. I've met with men who were gorgeous....they just didn't click for me. It sucks but remember, in the future that "it's" not there until you actually meet in person...perhaps meeting someone sooner, prior to spending all of that time getting your hopes up, would be the thing to do.
You seem like one hell of a guy...pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start again. You really wouldn't want someone around that does not know how to deal with any type of conflict, would you? | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:20:09 AM | | At least you are getting results! You at least made it to starbucks! Maybe one reason there was no spark was during your three weeks of communicating she created this image of you in her mind. She also created in her mind how the first meeting was going to go. When she finally met you it probably did not match what her image was of you. At that point she decided to move on. Simply stated, her expectations of you where to high in her mind. At least you know so you can move on. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:21:16 AM | Hi fellow SRV lover,
What she did to you was rude. However, she did you a favor. She allowed you to figure out (very quickly) that she was not the girl for you. Too bad she didn't have a backbone to tell you to your face.
Keep the faith! There is someone out there for you.
Liz | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:24:11 AM |
The whole time she just has this look like something's wrong.
Something was wrong, like abby156 said in another post, she didn't feel any sparks.
I know I have acted similarly to what she did when my date turned out to be different than what I had "envisioned" from the profile, phone, etc., but would never even consider ditching someone. That's just bad karma and downright rude.
Next one might be better and never give up.  | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:42:16 AM | There was absolutely nothing wrong with this woman, and there isn't a man on this earth who hasn't had or will have the same thing happen to him. Also women have exactly the same experience too.
It's really very simple, but if you don't understand human nature or are so full of yourself to the point of being insensitive or unable to emphasize with the opposite sex, you'll never understand it.
When you chat over the phone, IM, or email, you're only establishing a "paper" identity. A better term might be an abstract identity or personality. Only small parts of the total you are being presented in these exchanges. However, when you meet the woman or man, you present your whole self.
There is a huge difference between this paper personality and the physical and emotional you that suddenly appears at a meeting. If you're observant and you carefully study the expression on his or her face when you first meet, you can tell exactly where this meeting is going to go.
Assuming you can read a face and it isn't positive, you might as well end it right there. I have without any regrets. However, you can persist and pay attention to her/his body language plus how friendly and animated the conversation is. However, there are a few key things to watch for in the body language that'll tell you how well you're doing. There are also some very good techniques you can use to stimulate interest.
However, we don't even have to go that far. She was bored, unhappy, uncommunicative, and finally wanted to get as far away from you as quickly as possible. If you had been a bit more sensitive to the situation, you'd have let her gracefully slip away.
The Eagle | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:05:26 PM | Mini golf or some cute activity is never under-rated.
I actually suggested that when she seemed to be showing some displeasure with walking around the mall and she said that she hated it. (Probably because she couldn't bail if we did that... Not sure)
I actually met her off of OKC (I'm not exclusive to any free site) because I like the matching and tests there. Plus I think people are a little more receptive to talking to you if they see a high match percentage with you. (or even if someone takes my match-me test, I usually take that as an invitation to contact them)
But on the other hand I've been on dates that started out similarly but took an hour or two before they opened up. This date lasted slightly less than two hours. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:10:46 PM | srvblues,
Sorry about your experience. I don't see why she went to all that trouble to show you she wasn't interested. It kills me that people just can't be honest. If you're not interested, then you're just not interested, no sense in leading someone on. She's a stupid chick. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:12:22 PM | | this girl wasnt interested . plain and simple. She was to coward to tell you so she just shut down like you stated. Find someone else its her lost! | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:54:20 PM | I find the responses of men (and some women ) here very telling. In the case of some men, it's evident that they just don't like women.
She isn't a stupid chick. Again men just don't understand the differences in the socialization process between little girls and boys. Many women have great difficulty being honest with men. For one thing, they haven't been taught to be assertive. Another is they are afraid "to be real" fearing for their own safety and security.
I wouldn't want to be a woman meeting some strange man for the first time. In fact, I don't really recommend Internet dating except for the intrepid. I've known a lot of men in my life, and the vast majority of them I wouldn't want dating my daughter!
If y0u're a younger person, I'd highly recommend building a social network among your friends. Even hanging out at your favorite bar or club is probably more productive that trying to hook up over the Internet.
In any case, I'd carefully think about the format of these meetings. I'd pick a safe public place and keep it short. I certainly wouldn't go with this person anywhere no matter how much I liked them. Finally, before I met anyone, I'd nail down the person's identity and let my friends know about him and the meeting place.
The Eagle | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:58:52 PM | | Yeah I had one girl who took a few months before she'd agree to meet me, she said she was nervous about meeting someone online. So I e-mailed her a copy of my driver's license and said she could print it out and give it to someone she trusted so if something bad happened, it wouldn't take them long to find me. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 1:05:43 PM | | Ah, just remember that she's only one woman. I don't think it's fair to suppose women expect to be swept off their feet immediately. The woman (I really should say "girl") obviously has some issues to work out if she can't even be bothered to show some common courtesy. Seems to me that perhaps you've dodge a bullet OP. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 1:09:47 PM | | Did you not find it strange that you had these great conversations on line and when you met her she went mute. To me that would be a red flag. She could have been honest. Lucky she wanted to meet so soon. You only had one week invested. Sounds like shes been through this before to ask for the meet after 3 days. But she obviously hasnt learned to say I really dont think we have a connection. Too bad. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 1:17:21 PM |
Sounds to me like she was just rude
Agreed, very rude...ditches you for her friends (heck, she might have not had even friends at the mall, and was just blowing smoke up your bum). | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 2:13:18 PM |
...And she used the separate cars as a ploy to escape....
I'm sure she used the separate car as the escape method...but a guy should NEVER offer...not on a first date. If she already looked uncomfortable, THAT would have sent warning bells ring-a-ding-a-linging...
The whole "blind" date thing is scary enough for a woman even in a public place. Then you offer to take her in your car leaving her no way out.
Then you have the possibility that she is still involved with someone or married. In a public place she could run into her runnin' buddies who might ask "Where's (insert sig others name here)?
We cannot act like we how someone may act in a stressful situation. People have anxiety attacks....or issues with how stress is handled.
Just chalk it up as a learning experience and what never to do on a first date ever again. Let THEM make the transportation decision...don't suggest or offer. In this day and age of women disappearing under strange circumstances....you should have been aware of how that may look to someone you've never met. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:42:54 PM | I have to agree, I am sure she got a bit scared with the offering to ride in your car to a different place. I know that would be a red flag for me. I would be thinking, I just met this guy, he wants me to get in his car.... No way... He could take me to a place where there is no one around. He could kill me. He could rape me. I would be wondering what was going through his mind that he would even suggest such a thing on a first meeting.
I am sure she had friends on standby and I am sure she told at least one person if not more exactly where she would be just in case. I know I would. I would also be telling them if you do not hear from me by a certain time to come looking for me. The internet is a scary place. The world today is a scary place. You never know what even the nicest man or woman is capable of turning into. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:41:18 PM | | I don't understand why you made the decision to extend the date despite numerous signs she didn't want to be there. In answer to your question, trying to sweep a woman off her feet on the first date comes across as desperate & unrealistic. No matter how much time you spend chatting online it's not possible for you to know how compatible you'll be IRL. Think about it in the context of the date you're talking about. Let's say you spent hours planning a long, expensive date and then you meet up and she doesn't like you. You'd feel a lot worse than if you'd just paid for a cup of coffee. The best first date is a first "meet", with very little money spent...like meeting for coffee at Starbucks. So you did nothing wrong there. What you did do wrong is try to extend an obviously bad date and you asked her if she wanted to get into your car. Of course, she was wrong also by lying and leaving you hanging like that. That's inexcusable and I don't buy the safety argument that someone else posted. In most cases, any woman who's expecting to be swept off her feet by someone she's never met is a little strange and the same goes for a man who plans to do that for someone he's never met. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:41:51 PM | Too bad there are some people out there who do not understand "respect"
A while back I connected with someone on line - we did the MSN thing for a few weeks and she was "intrigued" as was I.
We met for a drink - and it was a difficult conversation.
I followed up with her after - noting the lack of chemistry - and we both agreed we did not connect.
Much better than ditching someone! Sorry man. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:56:12 PM | Hi, sorry you had to meet a rude person like that head on. Some people do these drive by takes and then they are gone. What ever happen to being respectful and having fun with another person even if there are no sparks, so what! Sounds like she was imature.
It wasn't the place, it wasn't the friends , it wasn't any fine dinner. It was her and her bad attitude and disrepecting person that she is! I wouldn't want to meet her at a customer service counter! Geez, if looks is what she goes for then everybody that doesn't live up to her Idea of looks will be her own self-full filling prophecy.
You deserve better, at least someone with class!
Take Care and forget this rude one!
Chela | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 7:45:46 PM | That sucks, bud. Maybe she was just after the fantasy, and when reality hit her that you were there and a real person, who listened to her and yanno, were a generally nice human being to her, it was too much to absorb.
It happens, but don't get discouraged or become bitter from it - try again, there will be someone else who will treat ya better.
Good luck,
CG | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:10:09 PM | I think you were a total gentleman and very patient with her. She was the flake, and she should have had the confidence if she wasn't interested to say so and leave. Conversation is not overrated; I don't like when a guy takes me to a fancy place first. It should be casual. I think you were fine and you'll meet someone nice soon! Just be yourself. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:08:29 AM | Pirate Hooker!
(pir·ate-hook·er) noun
Usually someone with shoulder length brown hair who goes upstairs at parties for 2 hours and then comes down after her friends yell at her and everyone turns and gives her the slow clap.
Pamela Anderson; Kira Knightly, both examples of pirate hookers
"Yarrrrr, i burnt me hook on the pirate hookers scurvy ridden bloomers." "arrrr."
A female who frequently whores the male sex. This species of women are usually found wearing way too much make-up while flirting with men old enough to be their father. Pirate Hookers are also known to be extremely ignorant. For example, many Pirate Hookers will turn down the first half decent guy to ask them on a date and then later that night screw a dirty guidoed-out meathead.
A female who travels with a large group of men, servicing each one of them in turn to placate the crowd. This term was created in honor of the brave women who traveled with pirate ships on long journeys, keeping them sane and satiated.
You: I'm going to hang out with the ENTIRE football team tonight!
Me: Pirate Hooker.
You: I take offense to that.
Me: Shut up hooker. Be proud of your heritage. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:16:08 AM | | She proably didnt feel any chemistry of maybe fancy you. It happens. Just because you got on well on email it does not mean there will be anythere there when you meet. Happened to me numerous times. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:32:47 AM | | That is really sad and just plain ignorant on her part. If you are out here, meeting up with people, at least have the common decency to be up front and honest. If you meet up and there simply is no connection or spark, then be honest about it. I hate when I hear of this kind of thing happening to folks. It is disrespectful and gives dating a really bad taste. Keep up fishing. You will find someone who has some class. You deserve it! | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:06:16 AM | | That was just a Cop out... "Bored " ?? are you serious ?? How much fun and excitment can you have at Starbucks ?? This obviously is a case were she wasn't feel'n your looks.. Plain and simple .. She just some Shallow chick that needs to grow up.. Its all good bro keep your head up. | |
|
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:41:58 AM | i would hardly call that being ditched, you met for coffee (like suggested), however didn't pick up any good vibes -date over: should have known by her actions that by prolonging the meeting, you were beating a dead horse. (no compatibility) no reason to dwell on it -just move on.
maybe after a few days called or sent an e-mail to see if she was having a bad day. -then drop it if she doesn't show ambition. | |
|
Home
login 
