| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:01:12 AM | I am by no means the kind of person who could even entertain the idea of staying on any kind of dating site (even for the forums - c'mon, there are millions of other forums out there that cover your other interests, you don't need a dating site forum) and there is absolutely no way I'd stay involved with someone who refused to take their profile down.
I'm sorry, but I don't buy the "I'm here for the forums" crap for a second. I also don't buy the "I put not single/not looking" because in fact, I've been contacted by several men who have that on their profiles and are asking me if I'd like to meet them. Upon further conversation, I hear "Well, I'm currently seeing someone but I don't think it's going to work out."
To which my reply has always been, "I'd say to let me know when that "think" becomes "fact", but I wouldn't want to ever be in her shoes, so good luck with that." | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:05:59 AM | once you've met the person you think is the One, its time to leave dating sites if this is the venue you met someone thru. thats how its SUPPOSED to work.
in alot of cases it doesnt. lots of people here are chat/sex addicts. they eat sleep and live to chat, or are fastly looking for their next sex fix after using the previous person emotionally and sexually. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:50:37 AM | | Without a doubt I would be off POF profile and all if I was serious romantically with a woman. I did use to do the ol I am seeing someone and saying it in my profile but I would get some emails from women ironically. Being single and on POF is hard enough dealing with the ups and downs, let alone leaving a profile up when you are in a relationship. Most definitely delete my profile off here in a heartbeat. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:15:02 AM | | I too would leave the dating site or sites ,if I was in a committed relationship. And I am a member of another forum for all other interests besides dating. Leaving your profile up means that either you aren't as into that person as you would have them believe, or you are hedging your bet(which has serious problems all in itself). Evaluate why you are really here, be honest with others and yourself. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:26:11 PM | ladydelaluna wrote:
****** I'm sorry, but I don't buy the "I'm here for the forums" crap for a second. I also don't buy the "I put not single/not looking" because in fact, I've been contacted by several men who have that on their profiles and are asking me if I'd like to meet them. Upon further conversation, I hear "Well, I'm currently seeing someone but I don't think it's going to work out." ******
I was seeing someone from E Pembroke, NY... we'll just call him "S"... I met him here. He wanted to be exclusive almost immediately, but he said he wanted us to stay on POF to "encourage" others and to show them that it works. I didn't want to stay on here, but I thought we'd only stay until after we showed up at the following mingle and surprised everyone that we were together. "S" had told me that he would get off the personals but he never did it... made a big deal about writing something in his profile about how he had someone in his life that made life so worth it.... and he changed his profile to look like he was just looking for friends.
Yeah... friends with benefits!! He was contacting women and telling them he wrote that about his daughter. He was cheating.
I won't ever even entertain another exclusive relationship with someone I've met online unless I see for myself his profiles are deleted (as mine would be). I won't be that kind of sucker again. You are very right... there are forums all over the internet... you don't need a dating forum if you're serious about a relationship. Then again... if someone stays here, that should be your sign that they aren't.
Sharzi | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:34:11 PM | In words of one syllable or less....
HELL YES!!
I don't even get on the forums all that often, and even then I don't get on many threads...so staying on a dating site after I met someone I want to be with in my mind would be tantamount to trying to have the proverbial cake and eat it too. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:18:08 PM | DAVID LEWIS wrote: "However, some people who are
in serious relationships aren't exclusive. As long as you're
not harming, manipulating, misleading or deceiving others
you're free to pursue whatever relationship format works
best for you".
Ok Mr. Lewis! Two people - Harry and Jane. They meet, find themselves drawn to each other, lots in common, there is plenty of chemistry and before they realize it, they are in a serious relationship.
Jane is so happy with Harry He's everything she had ever hoped for in a mate. Harry is also happy with Jane. She is loving, kind, caring and makes him feel 10 feet tall. Jane no longer looks at other men and wonders if she made the right choice. Harry however, still has a wandering eye and the occasional "I'll be working overtime" reason for not spending an evening with her.
Janes stays home on those nights feeling bad that he has to work, but Harry isn't working, in fact he's out at a bar, chit chatting up other women and being a bit of a don waun.
Tell me Mr. Lewis, exactly how is this NOT manipulative? NOT misleading? NOT deceiving? NOT going to harm anyone? How can anyone be in a serious relationship and NOT be exclusive?
I can't WAIT to read your reply! lol I'm not being a smartarse here, I just don't understand your kind of thinking. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned when it comes to serious relationships. After all, the operative word is SERIOUS, not whimsical.
If you are implying that Jane DOES know aboutHarry's 'hobbies', then I think we are talking about something entirely different. I believe it's called __________????
BTW, love your last bit...........Something might also happen that improves your relationship. For example, an upgrade or addition to your harem.
OYI!   I'm sure that kind of thinking will land you TONS of 'serious' requests for a relationship  | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:36:00 PM | | One thing I learned about POF is if your online but taken you will get more emails for dates, I dont know why(now I know). Better to take your profile off if you really truly like a girl a lot and a lot. I'm single now, but once im happy dating someone it never fails finally women want to get to know me. Please it would be nice getting attention that Im now single. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:01:47 PM | Well I DID remove my profile, initially. But - when you can't sleep, or you have a spare moment, it's great fun to play in the forums. I missed it. I made a new profile and here I am.
No, I'd never 'chat' with another man (in that fashion) and I don't 'IM'. My profile is hidden, is very 'blah', AND catagorically states that I'm involved and not looking.
(and we DO absolutely spend all the time we can together - but 1 night a week apart won't kill us and might actually be good for us) | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:21:14 PM |
and we DO absolutely spend all the time we can together - but 1 night a week apart won't kill us and might actually be good for us
Why does it have to be spent apart and on a dating site forum?
Why don't you go and spend time with friends or family? Or actually get offline and DO something that interests you but doesn't involve a dating site? I don't understand... like I said, there are millions of forums on hundreds of thousands of topics - why a dating forum? | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:35:13 PM | Hell, YES!!! Writing in the forums is fun. But I really think if people want a relationship to work they need to get out of the cyber world and back into the real world!! Every person I know who kept a profile after they got involved ended up cheating. e.g. three of the guys I met on line are married now...one happily so with a lovely little daughter << he took off his profile early on in their relationship, the other emails me asking to get together every time his wife is a) out of town or b) they have an argument << he still has profiles on a few sites, and as for the third one his wife's secretary found an email from some woman he'd been chatting with online that contained directions to her house and then some!!!! << he also kept a profile on.
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:52:02 PM |
Why don't you go and spend time with friends or family? Or actually get offline and DO something that interests you but doesn't involve a dating site? I don't understand... like I said, there are millions of forums on hundreds of thousands of topics - why a dating forum?
Well, I dooooo spend time with friends and family - lots - and plenty at work. I also spend time on ME doing things I like. But I met him thru PoF, and before we met, I was a forum addict - and met a few very dear people that I love to correspond with thru here. I also like to read what some of the others I'm used to seeing (here) have to say, and the entertainment factor is very high. I don't spend too much time with the telly, unless it's to catch the latest headlines on CNN or a weather update. Besides - there are so many topics covered here in the forums on PoF - why go elsewhere? | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:12:53 AM |
and met a few very dear people that I love to correspond with thru here.
There are other ways to communicate with friends...phone, msn, email, person to person. Anyone in a relationship who says they are on here to keep in touch with friends is 1) kidding themselves and 2) opening the door for problems in their relationship.
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:47:38 AM | | Absolutely!! Why would anyone want to stay on the website if they are in a relationship. To me .. that is just asking for trouble. If a person continues to leave their profile up regardless if they say that they are taken "within" their profile, that just sends up lots of red flags. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:33:58 PM |
The only thing better wrote: Anyone in a relationship
who says they are on here to keep in touch with friends is
1) kidding themselves and
2) opening the door for problems in their relationship.
They could also be opening the door for improvements
in their relationship(s). | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:52:45 PM | | Not necessarily... and for the same reason the forums are here. Despite the fact we are on this site looking for love, somehow we have failed in a certain part of our experience and need some advice from others who may have had more success with the issue at hand than we did. So it would still provide an excellent source of information from a bunch of different people to continually improving on your current relationship. Would be up front about it though because sooner or later your significant other will find out and would probably get mad at you for it if they didn't understand that you were just using it for tips. It's a whole other matter in my opinion if you are in a relationship and looking for another... to either concentrate on the relationship you have or end it and move on. It's a bit disrespectful to be looking elsewhere from a current situation... | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:57:12 PM | I said this.
Yes I would leave dating sites if I were to get into a serious relationship,,(the one)
I don't think I would leave POF though,, I would change my profile to friends and rewrite my profile.. I enjoy the forums,,
It's like reading Pent House,,, Day of Our Lives,,, Current Events,,,, Funny Papers,,,
Sex Education (or not)... The best part is we get to voice an opinion/view, with very little monitoring,, Keeps my mind active, more open to other views,,
I would like to add, If to some, being here on POF might include some trust issues, or thinking temptation, why not give your partner access to your account,, matter of fact share in the account,, have him or her meet the friends we have on line,, meet theirs as well,, we would do that in real life,, meaning the friends we know and hang out with..
If by chance it is trust issues,, being on this site will not make those trust issues go away,, what about real life,, some one has a better chance of meeting on the street and cheating.. | |
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| Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:09:47 PM | | Like so many others on this thread I have to say if I become seriously involved with someone then yes, I would leave the dating sites. But I would do so because I want to and not because I am requested to. I would actually leave the sites before it came up in conversation once I felt we were approaching that point. I actually like the idea of sharing an account for the use of forums however and if at some point I am in a relationship and feel it's time to delete my "single" account I will approach my mate with this idea. If he'd rather not do that then I would respect his wishes. | |
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