| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:49:22 AM | 49? You can't be this stupid or naive that you have to ask for advice.... but talking about moving in so shortly after meeting someone you've never known doesn't seem like the most clever of considerations.
Nonetheless, great catch on the drunken cheater...you sure he's not 25?
Don't be a donkey. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:51:02 AM | | My advice is to leave him now. This same thing happened to me. It is not worth the headache. If he really loved you and u loved him you would delete your profile from POF. Sounds to me like he is not ready to settle for you. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 11:03:03 AM | i would take him and kick his ass to the curb and tell him how you like it now. when i met ya i was looking and when i leave your sorry ass i will still be looking. but this time i will choose my man a bit better. once a loser always a loser. once a cheater always a cheater. WHAT HAS HE DONE FOR YOU LATELY? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 11:48:38 AM | You should go on line to your profile, send him one of your roses and a message, "Hmm seems like you were missing one." 
Its amazing how common this is anymore. Almost makes you not want to date, well it did me anyway. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 1:43:36 PM | Spice...that is too funny and a great idea!
When my ex found his first wife was cheating on him, he hired a detective and found she was sleeping with a co-worker. The detective got pictures. My ex had t-shirts printed with one of the pictures of them in a compromising position. He then mailed the t-shirts to everyone in their office! Sometimes a 2 x 4 "up side" the head gets their attention! 
Rose Mary | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 1:48:41 PM | If you go looking for trouble, expect to find it. If you don't trust the guy, then you will find 1,000,001 ways to justify (to us and everyone else) why not. If you did trust him, you wouldn't be checking up on him, would you? You just happened to find it on POF. Next time it could be, he looked at another woman's picture, or a porn site, or .... you fill in the blank. You could check his pockets, double check receipts... why?
I suggest finding a mutually trusting and compassionate relationship. Without trust and the ability to give trust, there is nothing.
Just remember, if you go snooping and looking for trouble, you're bound to find it.
0.02 | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:04:22 PM | | leave him...he's playing with you...your mind & your feelings & still fishing.... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:10:53 PM | Serend, message #3 hit the nail on the head, it is exactly what he's doin.
Girl, I guess it's time to kick his ass to the curb. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:22:06 PM | OP, this really has nothing to do with your partner's activity on PoF.
It falls under one or both of the following categories:
(1) my partner did a dealbreaker fully knowing a dealbreaker was being done
(2) we had "the talk" and my partner did not respect the terms of the agreement
One mistake, maybe forgive but definitely not forget. Twice, there is a pattern, better get used to it if you want to stay in the relationship. You better review your dealbreaker policies. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 2:27:47 PM | ".....and doing the POF thing on my computer in my living room" So you know that he is on the computer and what do you suppose he is doing on it? Getting the the forums?
Your on it also....so what is the difference between you getting on the site to chat with other men while HE is getting online and chatting with other women.
I think it's because he sent a rose to someone and it was not YOU.
It probably does not mean anything and to make it a point for both of you to put SINGLE NOT LOOKING in your profiles. | |
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tru218
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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 61 | |
| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:10:43 PM | He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 9 11 AM
Get rid of him. I did not live with my man .. but he swore he was true and that he was not looking for anymore. Yeah ! I am married . But planned on in May to live with him. I walked in to his house and found him on the pc on a sex site . He tried explaining that . But then next time i found a used condom .Again he saids it wasn't what i think. Next i found a picture on his dresser as i was getting dressed to leave. He noticed and thought i hadn't seen it. I knew then he was a big liar and i was leaving my hubby for this ? Plus this man has cancer ..If your man is doing this ! Don't fall for any excuse. He will NOT stop. Mine sent me a Dear John Letter yesterday saying he found another . So look somewhere else. Kick his ass to the curb
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scads
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Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 62 | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:29:35 PM | | I agree with he's not done looking ...... dump him now or you'll be dumping him later after putting in time ,emotions for him when you could of been looking for someone more of your character . A relationship is a matter of toleration and how much are you going to put up with his bad behavior? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:31:47 PM | I have to agree with Nicky in Msg 7... It is obvious.
As for those out here wanting to know why she is checking up on him... I don't condone it either. If you felt the need to look at your PC history after he was on it and then have been keeping tabs on him ever since... there was and still is something in your gut that is telling you this relationship and situation is not right. If you can't feel secure and trusting with him then it is time to go.
We all have moments of insecurity but usually if you have a strong enough feeling there is something that is at the root of it. Unless you are just plain neurotic on a regular basis. But one thing I have learned from experience... your gut is usually right.
If you feel the need to check his computer, cell phone history or his whereabouts... please look for the nearest exit and use it. Sometimes when you close one door it opens another to something much better. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:35:02 PM | | I think that should be a wake up call to you....TIME TO LEAVE HIM !!!!!!!!!! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:46:20 PM | Guess you've seen the writing on the wall more than a few times by now. Why you chose to overlook it, makes excuses, gloss over it etc is beyond me.
Whatever he says, whatever his excuses, and whatever promises he makes- he's still on here looking.
You may be " exclusive" physically, ( or NOT as case my be) that however has NOT made him " committed" to you and only you.
He's on a dating site, talking to, messaging, and perhaps MEETING others.
I would bet on the meeting part too.
If you can accept all that- fine.
If not- quit whining and crying and move on. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:55:44 PM | well I havent dated from online yet....still learning from others experiences.... quite frankly from what ive read in forums ... especially from long time online daters......
I doubt i ever will. ....... I can see...... just how sex addicts exist.... maybe online dating/ego/emotional addiction... etc could be addictive for some...... Op followed her instincts..... as we all should.. and found out before she moved in/rearranged her life......
they have sites for just proffessionals/education levels
money levels
attractive/beauty levels etc..
exclusive you might say...
Heres a fantasy of technology......hmmm
that to enter a site you use your retina.... and lie detector test.... assurring only honest people can join/access... now .. all the doubt/tension/stress/jealousy etc would be eliminated..
I know...... I know its fantasy technology.....
lol but didnt you just feel relaxed///calm just feeling that as a reality?...lol. unless of course your dishonest...... but then you get to keep some already functioning sites...
smiles/peace | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:06:51 PM | | Look, you had your suspicions, and there was obviously a reason you did. I mean, your suspicions were right - point blank! You're not responsible for him looking, and if you're uncomfortable about what he's doing, it's because he's not being honest with you. The way I see it is...I give someone my trust, until they burn it. Once gone...you never get it back. Personally, I earn trust by how I act; I don't get it simply because I'm involved in a relationship with someone. If he's not trustworthy, you owe him no trust, nor do you owe him anything else. If he's not trustworthy, it's NOT your fault! He made his bed, and you're obviously getting tired of his 'little' white lies. The question I have for you is...what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for him to own up; for him to tell you the truth? Maybe you're waiting for him to change? It will be a long wait, if you're waiting for that. Once a liar (or a cheat) always a liar (or a cheat). Cut him loose, while you still have some sense of sanity! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:07:37 PM | This is something that seems to be rampid with men and women on this site or any site for that matter. It seems everyone has the grass is greener mentality! Kick him to the curb and move on as fast as you can.... You have to keep the faith and believe that eventually the right man will come along that will show you how he feels for you by his actions not just his words.
Good luck to ya! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:12:57 PM | | I went thru the same thing with someone on here, best advice, old dogs dont change old habbits, walk away fast and dont look back, dont let your self get used or hurt if you can keep from it. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:37:45 PM | Hi, it's me, Maria with an update. I did follow my instincts (and the concensus of the POF poll) and ended this relationship, but not without his telling me (repeatedly) that I was making mountains out of molehills and similar such stuff.
I have taken a lot of grief for "checking up on him", what am I going to do next, follow him to work and etc.
The truth is, I wasn't checking up on him. I looked at my computer history because I couldn't find a website that I had accessed the week before for a work-related matter. The second time, I was taking a lunch break at work and decided to look at his photo on POF. Sophomoric perhaps, but I wasn't spying on him, checking his pockets, etc.
Anyway, thanks to all that took the time to post a response, see you out there on POF and in the real world! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 8:11:16 PM | Hi again, and BTW, my profile was hidden during this entire period. A few commented that I was online looking too, but in fact I was not.
I will be soon!
M | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 8:43:29 PM | The reseaching can be rationalized to the hilt, but you haven't denied the most obvious thing about your inclination to be suspicious. It' s from experience, right?
Nonetheless, only kids should jump into love...or livin w someone ... but everyone falls out of it. To much that is given, much is expected. Love doesn't rush, but it's two party consent when people do. Slow down and get to know someone before opening up your life. Everyone has a code and everyone must adhere to it. POF is nothing more than social networking, but you need to temper the natural desire to give away the password to you.
Take all of your experiences and create some rules that will set benchmarks or thresholds you will need to achieve and cross to feel that you know a new person. You cannot get to know someone well in only 2 months, but it works. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/12/2008 11:29:46 PM | I was on POF before in 2005. I met someone in person in May of 2005. I stayed on POF for another month, then removed my profile. When the relationship ended in 2006, I came back on POF in 2007.
This time I'm more interested in reading forum posts, and writing on some.
I haven't dated anyone since April 2006, although I've talked over the telephone and messaged many POF members. Maybe he is on POF just for the forums. If he is not, then I think I would seriously want to know why he is still on.
It may be time to look for someone else. | |
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