| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:30:03 AM | ^^^ She said he had been looking at various women's profiles.
I don't buy that she accidently ran across him being here twice. Whatever helps her sleep at night. I think some people are naturally suspicious and look for signs that the other is up to no good. Some of this may be learned (caught x bf) some may be neurotic (insecurity) but it all ends up the same.
I still say, if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. (in some way, some form) If you don't trust a person, then they aren't the right one for you. If you have to go snooping, then you don't belong with them.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Some people spend a life like this, never allowing themselves to trust.
That's not saying the OP is insane, or wrong. I simply make the observation that some people go looking for the signs and always seem to find "something."
OP I hope you find someone who you trust completely. Some people never do. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:42:17 AM | Hi Maria. You did the right thing. I know it's difficult when they try to attack you verbally and are projecting that you are the problem.
I've known several women whose husbands were having full blown affairs. When confronted, each husband began verbally attacking the wife about their lack of trust, and how dare they even think that....yet in all those case, the husband later admitted the affair. It just seems to be a natural response to come out on the offensive.
You hang in there, Sweetie. You'll find an honest and true man...I truly believe they exist.
Rose Mary | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:52:23 AM | | Sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it to. He's still looking for a reason....... Look at it this way, if it were you still browsing around on POF while in an exclusive relationship what would be your reason for doing so????? Exactly, you're looking for something better but keeping what you have in the mean time. It happens all the time whether we like it or not. People always think it's greener on the other side of the grass but will continue to mow it until they can cross to the other side. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:09:10 PM | Honey - btdt - it meant only one thing - while I was exclusive (out of what I thought was a great thing going) he was busy busy busy
yes, being here can be innocent. But there are red flag signs - follow them - u wont be wrong and in the end, save urself alot of grief...I wish I had listend to my gut | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:31:47 PM | A lot of people using POF for chatting !
In fact too many chat and dont date....................... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:15:33 PM | If it is for forums, then ask him to change his profile (others have, u see it everywhere).
If you are still suspicious, you could always make a fake profile, seduce him, then meet him somewhere.
Can I come and hang out and watch? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:39:47 PM | Oh my...I would say he was one that I dated, but you are not in my area...
RUN. I listened to the "excuses" for several months. It kept happening. I broke up with him and he was on POF again that same day and still is..
Take care. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:01:51 PM | ok, here's a different twist... or maybe not...??
I, too, have met someone here on POF a little over a month ago. He wants to be exclusive and at the same time insists on keeping our profiles posted. According to him, he likes to exercise his creative writing with women he has met all over (and he is quite a clever writer!). I mentioned that there are plenty of other places on line to explore his writing talents (other than a "dating" site). Perhaps it is too early in the relationship to want him to stop POF? He has majority custody of 3 children, our time together is limited, so I don't believe he is seeing anyone else... is this about his ego? or my trust? I kept mine up for a while and just recently hid it, I am confident enough in my feelings for him... Am I a fool? I trust him... and at the same time, before I took mine down, it hurt to see him on POF regularly... As I see it, this is the serious down side to all of this internet dating thing...
Feedback? | |
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HulaH
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Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:38:37 PM | Leave him.
If he's "commited" to you in a relationship. That means you don't pursue others..
Thats how I was brought up. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:51:28 PM | | aspiring angel is so rite bout her HAPPENING across info on him its not a coincidence | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:56:07 PM |
As I see it, this is the serious down side to all of this internet dating thing...
No, actually, this is a serious down side to the guy you're dating. It doesn't matter how you met him. If he's dishonest and doesn't respect and honour the commitment he made to you, that's the guy he is. You can't blame his character flaws on the method by which you met him.
You also can't blame him for dishing out the crap you and the OP both seem willing to take. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:20:30 PM | | You gotta be related to my ex. Theres another site id like to go to (not were i met her) that has a chatroom and from when i was searching i got to know a lot of ppl from all over that i liked talking to, I had changed my profile to hey i found someone not looking whatever. Shed still freak out... ehh whatever | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:35:53 PM | winny,
I am not freaked out...nor am I possesive... just wanna be ok with it... that's why I asked for feedback...
and... he has not changed his profile, big diff as far as I'm concerned! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:58:23 PM | Oh you women are HILARIOUS!!!
Every one of you with the DUMP HIM!!!
She doesn't HAVE him!!! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:14:28 PM | Regardless...respect and good manners say that when you are involved with someone, get off the dating sites. Very simple.
I am amazed at the response of the man who got his hand caught in the cookie jar! Trying to steer the blame to the lady! Ladies, when you know in your gut he is putting one over you, follow it through.
One plus one = two. When something doesn't add up or make sense, look into it. Confront him reasonably. If he starts telling you stuff that you want to hear, then you are enabling him. He will continue his behaviour.
When your partner starts to turn the boat around to you (blaming you) because he wants to bail out of being accountable for his bad behaviour, then it's time for you to jump ship! Don't bother with getting the truth from him. It will never happen.
Something for you women to consider. It's not your vocation in life to change a man, to fix a man, or to make him into what you want. He is who he is. If you accept that, then ask yourself, can I live with this kind of man for the rest of my life?
Not likely! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:46:41 PM | Sorry to hear your story, BUT what can I say.
You have to decide what "YOU" want or what "YOU don't want and that includes what you don't want to put up with.
My good friend said she does not believe in internet dating because it turns people into people that all of a sudden have commitment issues, because "you never know" there just might be someone better out there. OR maybe your new bf always had commitment issues, even before he discovered internet dating (which was before he met you) - OR maybe he is ADDICTED to internet dating as in "addicted to the internet"
The new "internet age": you love it and you hate it.
Me I come on this site to read all these stories but I must get some sleep because I am selling my house and moving my son and me closer to my son's high school prior to fall 2008.
So all the best and I do hope you end up getting what YOU really want.
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:51:11 PM | That's a good one. LOL. I had a friend who did that along time ago (say about 5 years ago - and NO it was not me, because I was not internet dating then). She really shocked the guy.
Why bother because the original poster has already caught the guy.
Bye for now | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:51:56 PM | Yes and we all know: "Life's a stage we're all players". Can't beat them, join them.
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:58:16 PM | Yes I saw on the Maury Povitch show one day this guy was about to meet his secret crush and Maury asked him: "but don't you already have a girlfriend" and the guy on the show said to maury in response: "Well I'm not married you know"
In other words marriage was a true commitment to the guy on the maury povitch show and he felt he was still single and could see others-meet others even if he had a gf because he was NOT married to her.
Just some observation of mine about 2 yrs ago (while watching the maury povitch show). And please excuse the spelling.
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/13/2008 10:00:32 PM | It seems to me that he has some sociopathic tendences in that he might be fearing commitment or feeling like he should be fearing commitment (sometimes men do things b/c it is what they think it is to be a "man" i.e. not wanting to commit to one woman). He is subversively using a passive aggressive behavior to make you profess how desperately you want him and express that to him (maybe he desperately needs to be wanted). So, I say, if you have a healthy, happy relationship otherwise and you can be the aggressive, take charge one in the relationship, go for it. In other words, you will have to be the one who passionately declares love b/c apparently for one reason or another, he's not capable of it. Yeah, really I think he's a little baby in a man's body. But, it seems from your description that you have a pretty good relationshp, so you need to figure out what exactly you will tolerate. | |
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| Don't waste your time
Posted: 3/13/2008 10:14:03 PM | | Just get rid of him,don't waste your time life is to short. If he want to be involved with the computer and the women then good bye. Maria can can do better then that. Once a cheater always a cheater. | |
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