| HE IS STILL ON POF !!!
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:46:31 AM | First off, good for you, OP, that you made the decision you did. The main reason I see it that way is that it was obvious the two of you saw things differently in your relationship. It seems the internet has opened a whole new can of worms for some people, a type of addictive behavior where they look for a rush by seeing who they can flirt with / attract / meet / have sex with / etc. Probably a self-esteem thing with most of them.
BAIT ME!, you asked the question "WHY GO THRU ALL THIS EMOTIONAL TROUBLE WITH ME TO KEEP ME." Because you are a sure thing and convenient. That guy isn't looking right now for the type of relationship you want. Move on, kiddo. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:04:18 AM | Kick his lying *ss to the curb, get him out of your house, out of your bed, out of your life. If he would lie about that he will lie about aids, hiv, stds, pregnancy, other women, prostitutes, gay men, and God knows what else. He may be a thief as well as a liar and take you to the cleaners.
You know in your heart you dont want someone with pathetic loyalty, no morals, ethics and either he is dating, looking for something better or playing you, NONE of which make for a good honest relationship.
Dump the chump and move on.not that you really "have" him.... poor thing, some men are just **sholes.... never grow up, think the grass is greener, dont know what they have till they screw it up...
Get your self esteem and get him the heck out. Anyone that tells you different is not looking out for your best interests
BL | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:20:52 AM | Maria you did the right thing, but did you notice how some of the men reacted on POF? most said, "you should not be checking up on him" Well BS, how else would you know if the guy is a liar or not? There were some that made it sound like it was your fault for finding out, (weirdos) and some that were totally on your side and thank God for them.
Men and women lie and cheat. Not all men and not all women, when they do they really hurt people with the lies. It seems to me that the people that lie and cheat are immature, selfish and self absorbed. When a person gets really hurt by someone they become more sensitive to others and stop most bad behavior. It is called growing up. Some guys dont put any emotion into sex, lie all the way to the bed, then leave and start over so they dont see cheating as any big deal, it does not mean anything to them, why should it mean anything to you? Well the tune sure changes when the cheater gets cheated on, oh my you would think they discovered the feelings of betrayal... , thank goodness there are plenty of fish... and that there are still some good ones left on both sides..
BL | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:17:33 AM | If you even find yourself suspicious with the need to check up on him, it is time to get out. If you are inclined to be so emotionally moved that you have to result in backdoor investigations, it's time to get out. It's all a waste of time and, at 49 you probably have some intuition that can detect Bullshit on your radar. If you are so blinded by a need for love that you are willing to try to overlook those little things that cause you concern - not like leaving a wet towel on the bed - it's time to get out.
It's truly not about the BS that people pull on here or the guys that don't agree with your tactics. The real issue is that you allowed yourself to be drawn into it. Is it about him being on POF or is it about the fact that he tried to hide it from you? I think the latter is the more salient issue because you don't seem like the type that wouldn't allow your partner to have friends. Any man that wants to cheat is going to be smart enough to evade your detection methods. Yet it sounds like he went out of his way to allow your insight - or he was just a complete moron. Either way, stay out of the drama and stop settling. Again, you have to have rules to wade through the waste high muck that is the BS of dating or you will end up in the hen house. Rules set a standard and why should you bend your own standards? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:27:39 AM | Uhhhhhhhhh DUH how old are we now??? do you need to be hit with a board girl??!!!
I say he's still feeling the waters out there for more...
Move on you are obviously a caring woman and don't need these imature games men that can't grow up and commit continue to play even after they say they will you are too old for this crap!!!!! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:52:00 AM | ya he doesn't sound like hes too worried about the relationship if you both have discussed and expressed an agreement not to be actively sending messages to other women/men and viewing profiles...
i can understand if he was here for forums only since some do message ppl about topics discussed on forums...a profile being hidden..in these cases only ppl on forums are the only ones you will get messages from... or some will ask can you look at my profile and tell me what needs to be fixed
what are the context of these messages though? are they talking about topics on forums or flirting?
if its discussing topics on here i wouldn't worry so much but if theres flirting in them then leave him cause hes up to no good for sure then | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:06:48 PM | Oh yes, he's a LOVE ADDICT!
They are as addicted to the thrill of a new relationship as an alcoholic is to drink!
.....and they're seasoned liars too. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:35:55 PM | I was once in a non-exclusive relationship as he didn't want to settle down.
I was so happy as I felt he was special, and I allowed the relationship to continue,
after 6 months, I let him go, wow, he chased me, promised me the moon, I
didn't follow him or check up on him, He kept on chasing me, at least 6 times,
then I realized underneath it all, it was the challenge, not the person I was after.
He still has an interest, nothing like putting the shoe on the other foot, not
intentionally, just funny how life works out. You always want what you cannot
have, however, I learned from this experience, not to go non-exclusive. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:54:11 PM | Super detective work. He's a bum. Put his Roy Rodgers string tie in a box and put it on the street.
::::::::However::::::::
One would think he would know how to empty cookies and log files. Maybe not. And maybe through conversations with you, he learned you know how to view log files. So maybe he left them there for you to see. That way he can slither out of the relationship without having to say he is no longer interested. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 3:41:15 AM | | I have met 2 men on dating sights who have done the same thing with me. I believe that if a man who does not love you and feels you will put up with it, then he will do it. He wants his cake and eat it too. If you are an extremely nice, caring person, he will take advantage of you. You have every right to check up on someone who is planning to get together with you and especially if you have found him on POF the first time. I would ask you to take a look at how easy going you are and see if you are not a bit toooooo easy going. I have found that I need to be more assertive about my dislikes in men's behaviors and you should too. Demand respect and if he wont give it to you, then he wasn't ever going to and you will be miserable with him. I cant say this is the answer, but I have found that it is definitely mine. Good luck to you. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 3:54:52 AM | | OP-you're a woman, and most women are familiar with the concept of shopping-well, when you're shopping for a car, do you walk around till you get a new one? No-you drive around in your old one till you FIND the new car...well, this guy is using you until he finds his new g/f, and he's being pretty obvious about it...IMO, if you put up with this crap, you're asking to be treated like a doormat-respect yourself,dump him, and always expect respect from your SO.(PERIOD) | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:05:19 AM | I like your answer about driving around in your old car until you find a new one.
If a man makes a relationship non-exclusive, why add to it with checking on him,
indirectly and directly he has told you he is not exclusive, which gives an option
if you want to remain in it, or leave. Save yourself more aggrevation, and just
realize, non-exclusive means a heart break, as you really don't have the person,
tough lesson to learn, just run in the opposite direction! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:14:16 AM | WOW,, I had to read it over to see if it was me,,,lol,
I had the same thing happen last year with a man, and we are no longer together, and i did love him so. But my feelings, for all there worth,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
He didn't feel for me or respect me, and it still hurts . good luck  : | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:44:57 AM | Well if someone does not make a verbal commitment then they can date whom ever they wish.
But if both parties have made a verbal commitment then they both should stick to it. And if someone broke that verbal commitment to me I would STOP seeing them, because I could no longer trust them.
It is sad because so many people only think of their own needs and wants and don't seem to care that they are hurting other peoples feelings.
I really don't know if internet dating is such a good thing after all. I have been doing research on internet dating for the past 3 years and am still not sure about the process as a great way to meet, only because you probably have to date SO many people before you find the right one for you.
All the best
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:50:43 AM | If you don't leave him you'll only get what your asking for......someone who will ALWAYS do that and you are going to be the enabler. If you're looking for a long term relationship dump the SOB and find someone else. I refuse believe that there aren't some great guys out there but I wouldn't waste my time on your jerk!
SS | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:26:05 AM | Ok this is my view whether you want it or not
Being on POF doesn't mean the guy is looking for another woman.......and telling him to take his profile off would be disastrous for you.......thats called trust, no trust, no relationship......
Ok, if the guy was going with you for a long time and was on POF then you have something to worry about........did he give you a ring?.........When you receive a ring and then he's on POF then you have something to worry about.......you have to dump him, he's a player.....
I have dated woman on POF and for some reason the woman wants you off of POF...why? is that such a threat?.......My girlfriend asked me to not go on POF anymore.........I stayed on......I have other lady friends who I chat with.......I picked my girlfriend, she's the one who I want to be with......and thats the bottom line.......
Is she going to pick and choose your friends, now if you let her do that to you.......You are a whipped ****........and she'll dump you faster and find herself a real man.... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:27:36 AM | He didn't respect you enough to take it down, or at least say he was in a relationship, after declaring a monogamous relationship?
He sent someone a rose?
He tried to blame it on beer?
I believe you have your answer, even if it's hard to take.
Get rid of the sleazy bastage. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:49:05 AM | cabadboy,
Thank you for your response... perhaps I am struggling with trust. I do trust him, have no reason not to... it is still hurtful to know he is chatting with other women and saying it's for his creative writing... as I mentioned in my previous post, there are a lot of other on line sites for exercising the writing skills. Why POF? And is the ring the only measure of committment?
Please see my first post for a better understanding of my situation... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:58:47 AM | What the issues abounding shows too is the amount of people who might be internet junkies.. and the longer some stay on the different sites the more the liklihood is that they become addicted.... I wonder about myself sometimes... not to mention the internet opens more and more sites for someone to venture off too so as the OP had discovered and others who have posted it does no good to track such ppl as there are many others to move on too when you aren't looking/checking up on... and I have heard of this site and that site and opened a profile in order to look around only to find many that are here ... are there ... and everywhere....
lastly if I feel I can't trust and the signs are subtle at times which can provoke that checking up on to begin with... but as Grandma always warned... be prepared for what you find.... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:14:20 PM | well OP ...
the real questions you need to think of is:
what does his profile say? does he say he's not looking for anyone and that hes with you? does he hide his profile so he can't be found in the search? what type of profiles is he looking at?
i ask these cause me and my ex while we were together kept are pof accounts active and sometimes talk to ppl from the site online....but we never met anyone and are profiles stated we were "not single/not looking" , also even in the description part we stressed we were in a relationship so anyone knew not to try and pull funny stuff...we didn't even flirt with anyone from online...
its interesting he says its for creative writing ....does he use the forums to help with his creative writing??? there are forums on here to help with creative writing but he needs to be on them for that excuse to work!!! if hes actually messaging chicks about life in general then i would be worried if the ladies are in your area...but if there on the other side of the world well not so much an issue... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:17:39 PM | | not to be rude but if you stay with this man you deserve what ever he does. you know the old saying.... f xxk me once shame on you f xxk me twice shame on me. i would like to hear what you decide if you want to messege me back and let me know. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:23:12 PM | | WHAT A LOSER? I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO IS JUST INTO YOU! THE SOONER YOU DUMP THIS AHOLE THE SOONER YOU'LL FIND A REAL MAN. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:24:21 PM | | WHAT A LOSER? I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO IS JUST INTO YOU! THE SOONER YOU DUMP THIS AHOLE THE SOONER YOU'LL FIND A REAL MAN. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE! | |
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