| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:24:36 PM | This is what happens when you play detective. Do whatever you want. It's up to you. Women are four times more likely to forgive men that have cheated on them than men (80% to 20%). Do you consider this cheating? You had better figure out what you're likely to forgive, because this guy sounds like a knothead who'll likely need a lot of forgiveness.
The Eagle | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:30:17 PM | I bought the book "Catch him and keep him" or something like that. The best thing i've read in the book is "if a man doesn't know what he wants, then he doesn't want what he has".
In short, and sad to say, if he is still looking he's not satisfied. And this has nothing to do with you. Do not internalize his actions. Meaning don't make it mean there is something wrong with you.
Follow your gut! You all ready know what to do. It's better to be alone than to be with someone who isn't sure he wants what he has.
Good luck! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:31:17 PM | Mahalo, OP, for the posting and the follow-up notes. Interesting discussions your topic has sparked . . .
You know, this behavior seems very prevalent on internet dating sites, as evidenced by all the folks - mostly women, it looks like - who said the same thing had happened to them. The internet dating site addiction has become a recognized phenomenon, and it's one reason why I've been a bit wary about using them at all. You're much less likely to connect with a dating site addict if you don't meet them on a dating site, right? Like you're much less likely to connect with an alcoholic if you don't go to bars . . . and in terms of your comment about your ages, OP, addiction and lack of self-control don't have any age limits.
But PoF has more social networking aspects than other such sites, and it's the reason I continue to be active in the forums here, for now. But it is, first and foremost, a dating site. If someone is in a committed relationship there's no real reason for them to be here (hey, PoF forum junkies are addicts, too  ) . . . there are plenty of other platforms out there for non-dating-oriented social networking.
But you already knew the score, right, OP? You just couldn't quite believe that it had happened to you. It's painful and sad but one of those proverbial learning experiences . . . which also know no age limits . . . | |
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smuroF
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Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 129 | |
| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:56:34 PM | This is what happens when you play detective .
Don't even go there, Eagle........
OP:Had this thrown in my face by my loving 'BF' of almost 2 years from POF. ( who has been cast *out in the trash months ago, by the way*) I did feel a bit guilty when he said those exact words to me.....but played P.I. again anyway, only to find out exactly who she was and what had been going on alot longer than I thought. If he had been "just looking" (supposably,that's a guy thing) its the same as every guy want to do, and I could have been much more at ease with discussing it with him.
Its your PC....Be glad you know what your BF *( B=Baby F=hehehe) is doing behind your back. Fooled you once, shame on him. Twice? Shame on you.
Good Luck,
LM  | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:04:31 PM | TIME TO LEAVE!! COME ON HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO DO THIS>
YOU DON"T NEED IT>>IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME SEVERAL TIMES ALSO.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF CYBER DATING.
IT COULD BE WORSE YOU COULD BE MARRIED TO HIM.
LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT MEN.
I LOVE MEN BUT TAKE THEM WITH A GRAIN OF SALT.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF..BEST OF LUCK. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:51:26 AM | If you ladies have all this time, I have some Everglades property that needs some landscaping. Geesh, wanting to believe is not the same as absolute truth.
I suspected someone once, then I moved on. I think Eagle was tryin to insinuate that maybe sometimes we shouldn't get our panties in a bunch when we go around asking questions we really don't want the answers to. Plus, his stats are correct and he's right to say women should stand up and stop being pushovers in love. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:16:11 PM | Msg 130,
I am going to go there. I'd find it disturbing and perverse being in a relationship where I had to check up on the other party. I've never done it, and I'm never going to do it.
Somehow I feel if you get involved with a guy you have to check up on whose fault is that? Sure I understand he isn't a very admirable person, but still shouldn't you examine your own judgement about whom you pick?
There's another matter too. Exactly what is the nature of the offense? Is he just chatting with some woman or is he sleeping with her? Even folks in committed relationships have wandering eyes and talk to other folks.
Unfortunately, holding a relationship together is a tough difficult task and it starts to become near impossible as we get in and out of them and get older. Also, one must determine their degree of forgiveness in all human situations. Many men and women have strayed but have stayed together due working things out.
I can't judge what good or bad. Certainly human relationships are very fragile and require a lot of effort to work. I notice that POF is just full of POed people who when faced with difficulties just cut and run. In many of these cases, they're doing the right thing, but other times I feel they are throwing out the baby with the bath water.
I think every person should sit down with themselves and draw up a list of deal breakers. Each of them should be carefully thought through. For many people, the list would be so encompassing they probably couldn't have a relationship with anyone!
The Eagle | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:31:03 PM | Mom use to say " If you find your husband while shopping at a bar, you will find always find your husband there fter you marry him " Im beginning to think the same holds true for online dating... its an addiction much like drugs drinking ,gambling and porn.
I know IM gonna get alot of nasty replies for this post..... hope I didnt step on any toes  | |
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smuroF
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Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 135 | |
| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:01:04 PM |
who when faced with difficulties just cut and run. In many of these cases, they're doing the right thing
And I do believe I stated I would of discussed it with him if he said he was just looking.....
Therefore, Sometimes it is the right thing to do. Do you want to tell her "Don't worry, baby...He's being true to you" and stand behind that statement as if it were you?
You would do nothing?( except check your list)............Rite
*** Dancingstars....Your Mom was a smart woman! Nothing nasty here! Its wisdom we should all take! Both Males & Females! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 3:31:03 PM |
Mom use to say " If you find your husband while shopping at a bar, you will find always find your husband there fter you marry him " Im beginning to think the same holds true for online dating... its an addiction much like drugs drinking ,gambling and porn.
Yes it does seem to be an addiction to many. I just had an experience with this first hand. After you are in a relationship, there is no reason to be active on a dating site with a single profile.
If you have friends in the forum or host parties, fine. Cahnge your profile at least. But please do not string us along if you are still looking. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:03:05 PM | | Whatever the excuse, it is just that! If he is on here, he is without a doubt still looking! If you are on here asking then that should be all the reason you need to bounce. Speaking from experience, secrets don't make friends! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:39:53 PM | This happened to me with my last gf. This is one hell of a story.
We met on pof. We talked for hours on the phone before we met the first time. When we became exclusive, I turned my status to not single/not looking; as I enjoyed posting in the forums. I expected that she would do the same, only when I checked I was surprised to see that she did not change her status and instead put up even more pictures than before. I confronted her about it, and told her if she just wanted to be friends it was cool. She groaned a bit at first and then ultimately deleted her profile altogether. So we were back to the races once again.
Well I can say that her behaviour only got wierder. She eventually joined another forum that I post on, and there she privately messaged a guy asking him if he was from the same town that we were in. The funny part was that the guy was a very honest straight up guy, and married as a matter of fact. He actually responded to her private message out in the open in front of all posters, including friends of mine and eventually I read it for myself. He responded to the tune that he wasn't interested and that he was married.
When everything became public, she dumps me thinking that I was going to dump her first. She even was upset at me for not being upset with her, or not showing it. I told her that I didn't care for policing anyone, and that she was a grown up and I shouldn't have to lecture her. I am not going to tell you that it didn't bother or it didn't hurt. But in the end of the day I was upset at myself for talking hours off the bat at the get go, and letting the wool be pulled over my eyes so completely.
Anyway somewhere in this post I wanted to offer you some advice and that would be, to slow things down and not do anything in haste without thinking it out. The good thing about slowing things down, is that you can study him now but not with the wool over your eyes as when you first met.
It happens to best of us, and don't worry you can do so much better; and you will.
-classy | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:21:46 PM | Frankly, I can't believe that you are asking the question! What do you want us to tell you -- to stay with him? I suspect that's what you want to hear. Well, you're not going to hear THAT from me!
The answer is: L-E-A-V-E the as*hole! Then take some dignity courses.
By the way, you NEVER want to tell a man to hide his profile! Think about it. If you do that, he can be communicating with other women and YOU don't KNOW about it! Duh! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:23:34 PM | | Jollixpapillon, that's a great quote! I also have that e-book. I got it about 8 months ago, but I still haven't read it. I'm going to print it out and read it soon, though. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:27:09 PM | | Classydetective said that a married friend of his is on POF for the forums. What the heck for would a married man be on POF?! There are PLENTY of other forums that are not part of a singles meeting site! What he's doing is tempting temptation and possibly giving in to it. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:34:21 PM | | drop that douche!!!!!!!! there is NO WAY u should put up with that crap; i recently met someone i am very interested in and am conc erned she might be doing the same. give him one chance to close his profile , and if i happens again, cut off his penis. | |
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Wimmer
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Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 145 | |
| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:12:51 PM | The second a man gets on here you can pretty much kiss him goodbye!
It's like a big candy store in here and they need a taste of everything. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:13:41 PM | | he`s getting his cake and eatting it too...find you someone that you can trust....without trust-----------there just isnt much to build a relationship on....its like building a house in quicksand...it wont be there tomorrow....you need trust and communication.. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:26:37 PM | It's classic GIAG syndrome, unfortunately.
Anytime the elusive female intuition sparks start flying, there is usually a reason. Not a good one, either. The mere fact that you felt compelled to check on him is a huge red flag. I can't say I'd care if someone I was dating still had a PoF profile if they were a forum poster or we'd been dating for a short time. Effective communication is key. From the info that you've posted, he was making pseudo promises he had no intention on keeping. There can be no foundation for a healthy relationship w/o trust or sincerity. Good luck, OP. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:41:51 PM | | this has happened to me too, i feel sure he is back on here again, but has hidden his profile as you can no longer find him when you search, maybe that means he's left | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:56:57 PM | | well,what did you expect?...any guy you meet on here has a bevy of beauties who constantly keep refilling...he met you on here didn't he?...I think that probably women do the same thing...but men are probably worse since they lie like rugs...promise to be your one and only?....even married men don't keep promises to be faithful...and they tell us women to keep our cool cos as soon as we lose it,we've lost our man....does that tell you something?...or many things....even Hollywood women don't have faithful hubbies....and marriage is almost on it's way out....the worst mistake you made was to be intimate with him....and then figure that was it....sorry....older men are very hardened and lots of them are women haters because their wives stuck them where it hurts most...in their pocket book....probably most of the money was due to their wives holding down a decent job anyway....don't keep the faith...get real....and be just like them....don't make any promises either....he's out I hope....let us know who he is...lol | |
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