| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:05:24 PM | To me, being in a mutually exclusive relationship means no longer being a member of a dating website. Now I understand that many people here have made friends that you are not romantically interested in, but that needs to come out the moment you agree to go exclusive. You can't form a relationship without the foundation of honesty and trust.
I understand he may have made friends with other women, but the fact that he is sneaking around doing it, albeit not covering his tracks well, shows that he has not stopped looking I'm afraid. His sloppiness speaks volumes.
If I were to date someone from this site or indeed someone else not related to POF, the respectful thing to do would be to rescind my membership and notify my partner of anyone I was to remain in contact with outside of the site. Or at the very least change my profile to say I am no longer available. Does his profile say he is still single?
From where I'm sitting it doesn't look too good. Sorry to be the bearer of rotten news, but it looks like you reaching that conclusion anyway. I wish you luck. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:31:07 PM | LMAO! he sounds like a dumbass to me lol. inoticed your ages at the bottom and got a good laugh ,sorry but i seriously thought you guys were like kids for him to be acting like that lol.find yourself a good guy hunny this one ain't even worth your spit!  | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:22:50 PM | | Tell him and be very blunt about it that you and him will be going separate ways. He is using you for his benefit at the moment (and I am presuming that you are being faithful to him for this is only one side of the story that I have seen at the moment). Also, he may turn the situation around and try blaming you for some reason. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:28:11 PM | I will have to agree to a certain degree with hellofagal about the men, but also realize that women do the exact same thing as well that they say to men that the man is the one and only. Don't get me wrong, there are men and women that screw around with the opposite sex and lie.
But I can only speak for myself that I had to tell one person that we are going our separate ways and to not contact me again because she said that she cared about me but yet she would use me to her advantage (not sexually but in reference in me always paying for things and that she wouldn't buy anything for herself) and that when she put herself in a predicament, she would turn it around and blame someone else (and she tried to blame me for a few things). | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 2:59:13 PM | At 55 they still do this? Geez. As hard of a pill it is to swallow,the majority of us have been there and done that with someone we care about deeply. Its a hard choice to make but YOU need to trade up. Period. Dont wait for him to keep dogging you out and treat you this way,dont spy on him anymore either.You found the proof the first time, dont keep looking... its a waste of your precious time and energy and you WILL get over it. He isnt ready to see how much of a good woman he really HAD. So why dont you show him and walk away! :) Good luck to you sweetie... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:17:05 PM | | Just a side note since you mentioned roses; you can actually send more than two roses a month, if you are smart enough you can figure out how to do it. Some men use this ploy all the time so it looks like they have never sent any roses, right guys!!!! some of us ladies are much smarter than you think. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:25:11 PM | I checked to see if you live in my area ( lol ) I was sure I know him... we have all met him...... once youhave the internet bug... its hard to break.... he may not be looking and may really love you.... he just may have a hard time breaking old habits....... your still on here ??? or you could not have made this post...........
If you love him sit down and talk about what is really going on.... don't force him into promises he can't keep ....if you can't live with who he really is ... WALK AWAY. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:47:45 PM | | recently discovered some men are on this site, as well as the other zillion sites combined. The one i discovered on this site had been passing out e-mails and roses to tons of women. He couldn't even remember who he had contacted, phoned, or e-mailed. Sad, sad, sad!! Oh well- glad that i didn't go meet him. I can see how some of these dating sites get bad raps for themselves!!!!!!!! There are a lot of players on these sites. Maybe that neighborhood bar, might not be so bad after all.... to meet an unattached guy., and i don't even drink that much.. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:52:01 PM | You know the answer. DUMP HIS A**. I would be livid if I were exclusive with someone and he were playing around with other women PERIOD but at your house on your pc. WOW, what a loser. Put your pole back in the water  I wish you the best. Paula | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:36:38 PM | I agree with all the others here -- it doesn't get better in this type of situation... it seems that he's still looking even while he has you and you will never be what he truly wants;
I went through something similar to this - and nothing I ever did was enough -- I personally wouldn't waste your time -- move on now before you have a lot of time and energy invested | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:03:04 AM | Well, let me just add to the posts.... this happened to me... I thought he was a great guy... told me how much he wanted to be with me... i found him still active on here... he did the same thing, try to tell me it was nothing, all that bullsh*t.... said it wouldn't happen again... I saw him STILL on here after that... well... took matter into my own hands, since I knew he would just tell me it was nothing... I had my friend, that is on POF, message him... and well... to make a long story short.... we put the bait out there, and he took it... he was telling her how it had been 9 months since he was in a relationship... how he wanted to be with someone who trusted him... he even gave her cell number so they could get to "know" each other.... and well... I busted him... and he still tried to say it was nothing.... and now i'm a happily single girl again!!
I don't care how old he is... it just means he knows what he's doing... and he's just playing with your emotions... most men just suck!! (sorry guys... but I did say most not all!!!)  | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:23:10 AM | IF one is going to TRY to pursue a long term relationship a dating site is no where to give that relationship a chance....period. Obviously he either had a change of heart (as many do) and was again "fishing" OR he lied to you in the first place. If you discussed being mutually exclusive, bottom line, it was an insult to you. You have already had at least two "heads up" about what this man is all about. (for you anyway)
In any event, do you need to endure further insult? That would be up to you. What did he say about sending the "rose"? You didn't say. I happen to think the cyber"roses" a bit corny but that's just me. -grins- If it were me I can't say, that after a few instances (maybe more for all you know) of his lying I would have to say........Bon Voyage` and Adios. -waving - Good luck in this, I truly mean that. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:34:46 PM | tupelohoneytx,
sorry to say but Yes even at the mature and season age of 55+ they still do this...who would ever had thunk???!!!
life is a learning experience! I guess even when I'm in my wheelchair in the nursing home I'll be reading "The Law of Attraction"! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:47:14 PM | for the love of god....you know what you need to do....get rid of this loser. Holy crap. Or go right back on pof and start dating again.
why do you need to ask at all????? Have some self respect and do not let this lying sack of shit continue to screw you while he searches for someone better to dump you for.
PLEASE....WAKE UP. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:52:08 PM | | You know enough already, do you really need more validation from here. Leave | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:53:11 AM | | Just an idea here, but have an open relationship. Tell him to date, because you know that he is anyway, and tell him you are going to date. If Friday night comes around and you both are free then go out together. See if he has a problem with this. Who knows maybe you will find someone you were meant to be with. I can't imagine you thinking that this one is the keeper when he lies to you, to your face too! | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:39:33 PM | If red flags are going up this early...I think it's safe to say you might want to reconsider this man.
Even if the messages mean nothing, he knows that you don't like it and don't trust him because of it...he's disrespecting your wishes by doing it anyway.
If he were a hockey nut and you expected him to stop watching it, that's different, but when he's writing to other women...buh-bye. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:01:24 PM | There is an easy way to find out for yourself, without a doubt, what his intentions are. You know the guy. You know what he likes in women. So make a new profile under a fake name with fake pictures you find from the internet. Make sure to get pics you know he will like, but that don't look like models or anything too outlandish. Then set up the profile, give it a little time and then check him out. See if he takes an interest first. If not, then send him a message. Once he responds, it should be easy to find out if he's still looking or not.
I'm sure some people will say, "That's playing games and not honest to do something like that." And I couldn't agree more. But if that's what it's come to, then so be it. I would hope I never meet a woman that wanted to do something like that for no reason, but if I tell her we are in a committed relationship and then I do stuff like this guy is.......I guess I have it coming. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:00:15 PM | Check his Profile. Is he looking for a relationship or just Friends/Chat/Email, etc.? Chances are, he's talking to other people trying to figure you out, wondering why you're so suspicious, and why you draw the conclusion that he must be cheating on you. He has to talk to someone and he can't talk to you! That's the problem with women.... they say nothing's wrong when really there is.
Just 4 You
Victoria, BC, Canada | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:15:51 PM | | What about you? You've got him, but you're on POF. Imagine how he feels, wondering if you're setting up dates with other guys behind his back? If you think that's different, then please tell me... how is it different? Sounds like some ladies I know... if men see another woman, it's down-right cheating. But if women see other men, it's just making sure she's got the right guy. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:24:32 PM | Hey Maria,
I understand that it is not in some people's nature to date. They find someone they like and decide that they should be exclusive since they feel the person likes them back. Some people know what they want and I don't judge people but some people see attempting to be exclusive after a few weeks as a bit premature. I could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet this idea started with you. Maybe he didn't want to lose the situation he had and decided to go along with it. Even if it began with him, he knew that you'll go along with it.
Trust, respect and friendship is important in any relationship. Once trust is gone, respect will follow and you might not even have a good friendship. Sometimes maturity and honesty has nothing to do with age.
If you don't want to break up with him, ask him for a break. That would mean not speaking to him for at least a week during this time. If this guy doesn't bother to call or check with you, he doesn't miss you and doesn't need or even want you. Don't be furious. Just simply say that you think he's betrayed your trust and the fact that he doesn't think anything was wrong with his actions, makes you think that you guys need time apart for now. Please be the calm and collected one. And please don't withhold sex. Nothing turns me off more than a woman using sex as a weapon. If he is fun, attractive, and sexy as you say, getting laid wont be a problem with him. I'm not saying have sex with the guy after what he's done, but don't use sex as a manipulative tool. I don't like manipulative women and it's more grown up for you to bring up taking a break anyway.
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:26:37 PM | Hello,
He is jeopardizing your relationship and definately not sending out the "committment" vibe signal ... I would not live with this man --- at all. How will you trust him in the future?
Too often we want to make excuses for someone because we want it to work so badly-- so we ignore the signs and seek outside validation in hopes that somehow we are wrong -- if we are then it makes it your problem not his and thus you can give him another chance... NOT!
Seriously hon-- ditch his ass. Who does he think he is at HIS age to be such a player anyway. His ass is sagging off his back! lol
You go girl-- get rid of the jerk and remind yourself of how valuable YOU are and find someone else. It will bolster your self esteem and you will feel TONS better.
Sorry this has happened to you but again dont make excuses. Boot him.
Good luck hon!
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:30:12 PM | I have no problem with a long term partner having a profile here--as long as I have his password and he has mine. I enjoy the forums and won't give them up...I will respect someone enough to offer my password so they can see what's going on...I expect the same in return. I know it probably sounds odd, but there are too many ways nowadays that secretts can be kept...mobiles, texting, messaging, myriad of email addresses, even more dating sites, chat rooms...I kind of look at my things like I do cctv cameras--if I don't have anything to hide then it doesn't concern me at all.
I don't want to not trust someone...as I see it, disclosure is the best way forward. Keep in mind this is in a very, very serious relationship--I wouldn't be talking about moving in with someone in a month so it'd be timed very differently to the OP. | |
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