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| | Re: what do cheaters feel?Page 2 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | Statement: There is no excuse for cheating.
If you have it in you to cheat and try to get away with it, you will try again and again. You cant blame your girl or boyfriend for 'making'you cheat. If the sex is boring-YOUR sex is boring, If this new person is more interesting or more attractive than your current partner, get your greedy self away from that poor trusting person. You dont deserve them. And if you're cheated on, lucky you find out what a jerk they were now rather than later. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/23/2005 7:13:47 PM | | Thank you so much for starting this thread, I really want to know how a cheater feels when he is cheating on someone. I just broke up with my b/f and yeah, he has like more than five girlfriends. And yeah, I was stupid enough not to know about it. Even though he was caught in the act, he still made lame excuses. I agree, once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't think that they have feeling at all, they just do what they want. Also, I think you guys are right, those cheaters just think about themselves. However, I do beleive in 'what goes around comes around and I think one day, they will koe the pain that they cause us. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/23/2005 7:17:57 PM | | Helena, I totally agree with everything you have to say except for "I really want to know how a cheater feels when he is cheating on someone." I think it should say HE/SHE is cheating. Take care of yourself, things will work out for you for the better! | |
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Srima
| | Joined: 2/19/2005
Msg: 29 | |
| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/23/2005 7:41:22 PM | The one that just cheated on me - ha, it is his game! He plays video games for fun at his home all the time (i liked them to, but all the time come on - i should have caught the BIG sign). For him it is a nice BIG game. Get a girl - tell her what she wants to hear - turn around and tell her what only he desires, once she is suckered (all the easier to string along while seeing several girls) and then whamo on to the next one and ignore her like she does not exist (yeah he is pretty sad) and he is still on this site! Go figure......Sure he may pull his ad off 9and put it back on when he gets what he wants from the next girl) but he will be on sites like this i am sure for years to come .... :-(
He has no soul and i have no desire to really have anything to do with him. I really do not find him attractive anymore even though initially i really liked what i was getting to know about him, even with his flaws. It seems he is a player because he is scared of letting any women get close - you find out to much about him and he runs away. Sad! I could not imagine living that way and he will eventually get what is coming to him - i am sure it will not be pretty!
Live and learn - this one is not learning to live.... ahhh players - an empty game!
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KMT
| | Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Cheater
Posted: 2/23/2005 9:19:14 PM | I dont really think it is fair to sum up all cheaters the same, yes I cheated, he cheated we both cheated one night stand things, we had a great marriage for 16 years, then we decided to do the bar thing and that just don't work for marriage..We both messed up, do I feel remorse??everyday of my life, I regret what I did and what he did, we have been seperated for 6 months and it is killing me, this was my highschool sweetheart together total of 20 years..I was drunk when I cheated, does that make it okay, no I know that it doesn't but I do know that I would have never done that had I been in a sober state of mind.
I don't know how people cheat or have affairs rather, I did it one night and told him(my husband) the next morning, I couldn't lie to him..He cheated also and told me, thing is he feels I did worse cuz I knew the guy and he knew the guy, lots more to our story but just wanted to point out that this cheater hates what she did, didn't even enjoy it,cried in the middle of it and made the guy stop..Still hoping for reconciliation but at this point we only fight, he says noway could he ever live with me again as a husband, but who knows in time maybe, I am on here mainly looking for friends and companionship, I get lonely, hard to go from being married so long to not really having anyone, I also have been a stay at home mom our entire marriage so I don't really know alot of people, mainly his friends and well, they are his friends..Anyway, I can feel all of your pain, cuz I have been on both ends..Hope this helps some of you know that sometimes cheaters hurt too!!! | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/23/2005 10:04:41 PM | The monster cheated because he stopped loving me and he was to spineless to leave me for her...so he just played with me for more than a year and then I caught him. During that time he chose to stay and lie and cheat and lie and cheat. It was all my fault ofcourse. I was not the woman he wanted me to be. We were together for 25 years.
I still want to kill him.
I gave him my youth and in return I got dumped. How does he feel? I don't think reptiles feel? He justified his actions by finding fault with me. Fine. Why didn't he just leave me in the beginning? What I want to know is why cheaters don't just leave the person they are cheating on?
I could never cheat. I would not be able to live with myself. I would not be able to get in bed at night with the person I was betraying. I wish he would of had some morals. I thought he did. Wrong.
susan | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/25/2005 11:30:36 AM | Keyaa1
Yeah, I have the same question too! Why? Why don't cheaters leave us alone at the beginning? Why do they still be with us? My ex is a cheater and I really feel stupid when I was one of his ho#s. The answers might be that they, cheaters, are greedy, they want to have us all. For me, I don't want to be anyone's spare part. My ex was so nice at first but right after I found out that he cheats on me, he turned out to be an evil, calling me names and stuff. And right after he was sure that he can't get my money anymore, he left me. So, I think some cheaters know that they can use us as ATM, and that's why they stay. There are still some stupid and naive girls left and these girls are willing to do everything for their guys. For me, I don't take back the cheater. Long for him? Yes, but I won't take him back. At first, I thought that my ex stayed with me cuz he loves me the most. if he really loved me, he wouldn't cheat at the first place. Probably, he never loves me at all and maybe he was with me for the sake of financial stability and it makes me think that what cheaters care is themselves, their only 'selves'. ( I'm not talking about getting drunk and have sex with other girls/ guys) What I have to do right now is be happy with myself (It's hard, yeah cuz I am still mad at the cheater) and that's the only thing cheaters can't take away from us. My problem right now, is like I am cheater phobia, lol. I don't know who is lying and who is not. | |
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DrPhil
| | Joined: 3/30/2005
Msg: 33 | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/8/2005 6:30:44 AM | true story: i was married to a wonderful guy.......about 4 yrs into the marriage i developed a crush on a coworker........i went to my husband and laid it all out before him..........we talked all night.............i never cheated on him.......but i said we need to restore the magic..........i want my crush to be on you instead of someone else...........and we worked at it...........and it happened.....and i loved him till he died.............so where there is honesty in a relationship, and confidence that this person loves you no matter what..............there is no need to cheat..............
cheating is done by ppl who dont value their own choices............ | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/8/2005 7:17:22 AM | | My situation was almost identical to brokendad's. Sure it hurt like H*E*L*L*, and it took a loooong time to get over. But I truly hold no remorse towards her now. She has bi-polar disease and had a lousy childhood. With all that against her, it would have been a miracle had she stayed. The one that never really got over it was the daughter that I raised alone for the last ten years. She went out on her own the end of last month, but I fear for her. You see, I am recognizing signs of bi-polar in her (she's going on 19) which started at this same age for her mother. I love my daughter and still care deeply about my ex, but all I can do is pray they do right by themselves and don't continue to hurt others in the process. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/8/2005 5:29:18 PM | | How do cheaters feel....honestly I don't think they do or they would give more thought to their actions. Have I ever cheated on a partner...NO Have I ever been tempted...Yes but when temptation approached reality I could never reconcile with myself the damage it would do. Trust is the the thread that holds all relationships together. I have been cheated on by my ex..........she wanted to work things out.....Could I forgive..YES Could I forget..NO would trust ever be the same..NO...moving on. Interesting phenomenon I noticed because we did try marriage counselling...Phsycology does not seem to treat adultry as an abusive action against your partner and yet in my experience and it seems from others that it may be one of the most destructive behaviours that damages relationships. Verbally assault your partner=BAD you, Hit your partner=bad you, Drink to much=bad you, Use drugs= bad you..ETC. Sleep around...Oh! your partner must be doing something to drive you away, your needs aren't being met..poor you. ???? Personnaly I think Phsycology is a science in its infancy period...creates more questions than answers. These proffesionals can be helpful on occasion but as a group I'd say they are highy overpaid and over valued.Question for you all.....why do some people cheat and others not....I don't but I don't think of myself as special or anything...maybe common sense for me just as if I am driving on a mountain road turning right on a hairpin curve.....I instinctively know that to turn the wheel sharp left will not have a positive effect on my life....maybe its as simple as that "think first,act second" some do , some don't. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/9/2005 10:54:57 AM | | i just love these people that say they would never have sex with him if i was sober.you were sober when you went to his house.it is like comparing a drunk on the highway that tells the officer that i got drunk at the bar and did not have a way home.YOU WERE SOBER WHEN YOU WENT TO THE BAR.what a lame excuse. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/10/2005 2:16:00 AM | I don't understand how any one can cheat on someone that they are with. To me it is incomprehensible. What hurts me the most is that someone that just loved you, can do a 180 deg flip and become someone elts compleatly like I was at fault. And also it is imposible to justify somthing so wrong!!!
p.s. I apolojize if I sound negative but I have been freshly gutted like a fish, and the wound is so deep I am inside out.
P.s.s I needed that venting session, thanks for listening. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/10/2005 9:45:05 AM | My ex said she felt guilt, freedom, remorse and hope at the same time.
My last two marriages ended with the women cheating. It's the only thing I won't stand. I can only answer from that side of the coin. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/11/2005 3:05:31 PM | I messed up the last couple of years of my marriage by cheating on my ex-wife.
I had ALOT of family and friends die on me, and instead of smoking, doing drugs, or drinking, I was stupid, and I handled my grief by making girls feel great. (because it was something I knew I was good at, even when I didn't feel like anything I did was good)
I know it was stupid and wasn't an excuse to do it. I've learned alot, and have been faithful to my girlfriends I've had since my divorce. I lost my 3 boys, and I pay my child support, even though it keeps my finances close to nothing. My ex-wife married my ex-best friend. So I learned my lesson in an extremely hard way, and I learned to focus my energy on something else when things are going bad (punching bags and gym workouts ;) in my life.
I feel the guilt everyday I wake up, but instead of it affecting me the way it use to (the first year after my divorce kept me pretty down, pessimistic andnot wanting to try a relationship anymore), I work hard to not make the same mistakes ever again, and I see things totally different then when I use to.
Am I a better person after those events? I would like to think so, although some of the situation sucks. Would I have become a better person and "woken up" if I had kept doing it?
I doubt it, and I wish I hand't done some of the things I did. But you wouldn't be the person you are today, if you didn't make mistakes. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes!
-Joseph | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/13/2005 7:36:22 PM | I don't really care how they feel, to be honest.
People that do that break a covenant with love. They selfishly put themselves before the one person that loves them. That is not love. For that they will pay a price eventually.
It's not even about the one on one pain, more the breaking of that philosophy of what love means. If you are a true person that believes in love, you can never cross that line in any way, nor cause anyone else to. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/13/2005 9:02:37 PM | I am an honest cheater.I move on. I feel guilty and it demolishes my ability to lie.But everybody will always find their excuses to why they cheat.Cheaters are different too. I am a cheater with heart - I can't hold a lie.But it doesn't make any easier on those that are being cheated on.
No matter what sex you belong to -cheating hurts.Not just those who suffered, but cheaters as well.
It applies mostly to those who cheat based on being temporarily horny due to many reasons - influence of alcohol, short conflicts, quick temper,or the partner is so so so tempting (ha, what's the news).
Cheaters that do it on their loved ones, still love them.Yeah, take it this way.
Cheating is not just a physical thing. Mental cheating is scarier- cause it's a longer process, which hurts much more.
We love with our mind, our soul, our heart.
When we cheat, none of those three applies to us.
Cheaters always take their chances.
But what I found - I never cheated on my 5-year long boyfriend.Because there were no reasons.
Think inside.We give out more reasons to cheat on us.But than again,as previously mentioned:{It applies mostly to those who cheat based on.... blah blah.
So it HURTS TO CHEAT. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/14/2005 2:21:16 PM | I am still in love and in pain.After 4 years and our son being 18months old he cheated. Destroyed me. He went to jail shortly after,lost his mind cuz I didn't want him back. He spent 2.5 years working on me to forgive him. I saw 2 men and cud not fall in love as hard as I tried,cuz I new wen he came out of jail i'd be with him. Well he was out for 2 weeks,and had to live in another town. We talkd on phone every nite.The last saturday nite i spoke to him he said Ilove you and i will talk to ya Monday. The next day(sunday)I get a call from a 22 year old kid(I am 35 he is 42)saying my man ran off with his 47year old mother!!!
I am still stunned. I have not heard 1 word from him and its been 3 weeks. Our son is 4 and asks everyday, why doesn't daddy wanna be part of our family no more??
I tell him fighting back tears i dunno honey,but he loves you and youll see him again someday soon.What he feels i do not know,but I really don't think he has a clue of the magnitude of pain he is causing.I am walking around in a daze. This will effect me for the rest of my life.
I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Hats off to all the cheaters,takes a unique breed to inflict this kinda pain on someone you love. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/14/2005 2:39:58 PM | I fell in love with my boyfriend the day I met him. So that was 15 months ago, and I knew he was the one..
But I cheated on him. I don't know why and I don't blame anyone but myself. I'm terrible and I've lost him now. We broke up about a month ago because he found out. We still talk because I am absolutely lost without him but he says he's moved on and is over me.. BUT.. 2 weeks after we broke up was our one year anniversary and he said he didn't care, but then one day he suggested we could spend the weekend together and we did and it was absolutely the best and he actually said he still loves me.
Err off topic here, huh?
Umm point is, I'm hurting more than anything. He's coping ok I think; I'm honestly not sure though because he may be pretending. I miss him and love him and think I always will. I've blown off a couple other guys now because well, I tried to be interested but can't.
Cheaters do hurt; in fact I believe I'm hurting more because I will have to live with the fact that I messed it up. I know what I lost and I know that there was no good reason for it. He basically feels that I'm trash because of what I did. | |
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| what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/14/2005 3:07:17 PM | | Frankly no matter the cheaters reasoning, it's still cheating. A DECENT person would stop seeing the person they are with, whereas cheaters do not have the moral fortitude to do so. So who gives a crap what they feel. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/16/2005 8:30:45 AM | salamander: you have that one right, cheaters are self-centered.
I suppose they rationalize that they aren't getting (name your feeling or activity) so they are JUSTIFIED in finding it elsewhere.
Nah, comes down to a character flaw if you ask me. There is no justification in lying for self gain.
Salamander, your mom and that man were not cheating...there was no deception. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2005 5:11:44 PM | | i disagree one of my best freinds cheats on every woman he dates, hes gone as far as having five at a time. little unfair to other guys(every guy should have one before he gets even two), WAY unfair to the girls(no explination required, im sure). he felt he knew every game a woman plays, was happy that he could play them like he could, totally proud of being an ***hole. so yea, cheaters feel, they just dont feel remorse or guilt. just shameless pride. | |
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