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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > what do cheaters feel?      Home login  
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 BackintheWest
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 101
what do cheaters feel?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
With all do repsect to some to of the post that I have read Tina100%'s being possibly the worst, I think that people need to realise that cheating has very little to do with the emotion of love. It is lust....it is not done typically to be with that person but to have that person want you....to know that you are desirable. In Tina's case, which is very sad indeed, the man's actions are inexcusable. He is not taking responsobility for his woman nor his child and for that he should be executed. On the other hand, does a person who cheats do it out of a lack of loyalty to his partner....or is it just that they realise the difference between love and lust. I think many of us can say that we have felt love but never had sex with that person...and most certainly we can say that we have had sex and never loved that person. So the question becomes, is it really that unreasonable for a person to rationalize cheating? And in the end, what is cheating? And by sleeping with somebody who can provide for you something that your partner cannot, is that truly cheating?
 Belly Drummer Girl
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 102
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/9/2005 4:07:49 PM
I have never cheated on someone and never will. I have too much respect for other people. I believe if you are unhappy you work on the relationship or you decide to leave. You should not try and have your cake and eat it too.

I have known a couple of people who are cheaters though and the one common thing I notice is they rationalize it. Somehow it's not cheating in their minds. A big lie I hear is that it's not cheating because they never had sex with the other person. I just roll my eyes and say you have got to be kidding right? So it's o.k if your girl/guy then does the same thing to you as long as there is no actual intercourse. Sad I tell ya.

I have been tempted though once. I am no angel. I was in love with someone amazing whom my parents did not approve of because of his background. I met someone through my work and we were just buddies. It was weird we both were dating other people and we both started to sort of fall for each other. Nothing happened. We never went on a date, we never kissed, but he and I shared some words about each other. He was everything my boyfriend was with one exception - his background would not offend my family. We were both very tempted but nothing happened. It could have happened but it didn't. We both had far too much respect for our partners and were not going to blow what we had with them. I felt guilty for a long time that I liked someone else as well as loving my boyfriend but I am glad I never did anything I would truly regret.
 salamander000
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 103
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what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/9/2005 4:20:23 PM
What do cheaters feel? Probably other cheaters' bottoms....
 ShaunaDanielle
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 104
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/9/2005 4:35:47 PM
How could it hurt more to cheat than be cheated on? That makes no sense. I think cheaters are stupid, horrible people who feel nothing...they don't care about anyone but themselves.
 Blastkist
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 105
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:18:12 PM
I don't know what a cheater might feel and frankly, I really don't care LOL!

They already got theirs...I won't be sticking around to be fooled twice. Bubye...loser!
 good2bebad
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 106
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/10/2005 12:07:28 AM
Weird. I've never cheated. If I'm not happy in a relationship, and like someone else more, I leave it. A lot of my friends have cheated. Only later in life do they feel bad about it. At the time I don't think they did. Not sure though.
 unhooked
Joined: 5/14/2005
Msg: 107
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/15/2005 11:36:42 PM
okay....so it wasn't exactly like your situation, but with my ex, she suddenly
had all these things to do, going out all of a sudden with "her friends" from work,
and when she finally left, she took the car, left the kids and the bills....i was
working part-time, while going back to college....she spent the entire bank account
on a camping trip with her friends....which i later found out that her "boyfriend"
was at (wow, how can you have a "boyfriend" when you're married)....and since that
time, to make a long story short, i trusted her twice, almost went to jail because
of it, got burned, shafted, and finally used (and our kids, too).....

no, cheaters feel only FOR THEMSELVES, not for anyone else!
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 108
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Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/16/2005 12:27:28 PM
I have to agree with all those that have, unfortunately, experienced the pain and sadness that cheating brings to the table. I was married to what I thought was a wonderful woman for nearly 9 years. I met her and her son, we all took a liking to each other soon afterward. I moved in with her, because I needed out of the apartment I was in and she needed help with her living situation, and it was great for a while. I soon began to notice her "letting" me take over parenting her son and handling all the everyday decisions and she was more involved with work. Eventually we married, had a son and things went well for about 5 years (the critical years) and soon afterward we moved to where I am now. We got a job here and it was good for about another 2 years then she began to want to "hangout" with her friends after work more and more at the bar. Needless to say her friends were a group of single, self serving, worthless ****es anyway, single because nobody wanted them due to their attitudes and beliefs that everyone was there to serve them and make them happy. So, she got in deeper with this crowd of loosers and eventually developed the same mentality they did, 'I need to be pleased more and since they all were cheaters I should be too'. Now she goes and meets this a-hole at work and gets close to him and sees that he and I have many similar interests (great way to open the door for him) and so he and I hit it off and become friends (or so I was stupid enough to think) and all was good right? Hell NO! Since I had to move to a weekend shift at work for a short period that was the brass ring she was hoping for. Suddenly that prick was always a part of the picture and she was making excuses to have to go to his place for one thing or another or have him over, mind you she did a great job of hiding it from the boys. Then it got to the point that he was over nearly immediatly after I went to work and hung out there for hours. I soon after saw the writing on the wall but didn't want to believe it and eventually she left us for him. So I divorced the **** and they had a good time for about 3 years then things began to fall apart between them and she started to become more civil with me. Eventually it totally fell apart, after they had a kid, and she comes to me one day and says, "one of the stupidist things I have ever done was leave you" leave me? leave me? you dumbassed **** you cheated on me, left the kids (her son and ours) for a looser that was 33 years old and still living at home. Well she comes up one day and asks, "do you ever think about us getting back together" what balls she showed. I look her in the eye and say "not for a second". I told her I would never trust her again and would not go through that shit again-ever! Did she feel anything? no, it was "my fault" it happened and if "I" had done things different she woud have not needed to seek outside attention, ya right, whatever. So I say good luck in your single life lady, we are on friendly terms and that is it, but I built an emotional wall for many years and still wary at times but still willing to try again with the right one. Wow, long post, sorry it was a long one-just thought I'd share.
 nadia1
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 109
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/16/2005 12:46:54 PM
i felt nothing when i would cheat because i was not inlove yet then i finally got a taste of m own and on and on its the most hurtful thing and it kills a relatoinship because even when only you know god knows and things will come get ya in one way or another i just think guys and women need to realize evey thing you do wrong lust cheat flirt fantasize while your sleeping with your lady or man its always going to be done back to you twise as hard its crazy how carma works my ex could make me feel so bad about myself and i would leave in the car and have men going crazy over me all day i dont even trip god my ex has killed me inside i dont think i will ever share my love to anyone i feel everyone is just playing themselves
 jimi77
Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 110
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 10/16/2005 2:01:21 PM
very touching storys from them that have been cheated on, and them that have cheated.. deeply moving..


this one touched me most.. awesome choise of words...
I watched my fiance melt with misery




i mentioned this before.. but i listen to a interview with a lady that had suvived the death camps in WW2.. lost her family, friends, and so on.. "her words" nothin hurt me more then when my husban cheated and left me.. at least with the death camps you understood the evil and faced it together.. in heart break its just you, and you don't understand the evil that was inflicted.. intresting thought.
 jr42hlp
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 111
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:14:30 PM
i really don know if writin a prisoner counts as cheatin but it pissed me off, i love my wife we are jusy comon law, but i told her 13 yrs ago ide never leave her im still here. apparently it did not work out with the big bad white supremest nazi fat ass. i call on phone he still ther oh ma god im scared of fudge packer. i work have for long time i shouldent have to deal with crap, i feel bad every night i want her back home. but should i trust her shes left every year for 13 yrs not this long though . i know u dont want to hear me wine on here. i miss the good ole days when u could trust someone . too many people to compete against i geuss. im not playin no more. its not funny no more im not 14 im 42.
 jr42hlp
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 112
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:25:14 PM
i finally talk to my ex after 13yrs we seem to be gettin along. i love my girls they grown up now i missed that. im a grandpa it maded me fell ok. now this one jealous of ex cuase were talkin now there isa not a chance in hell we will get back she dont even ask . she burned that bridge 13 yrs ago she trys to set me up with her friends, she nows how im feelin now at least she still mite care about me . hope i was some help mybe we talk someday. its only jr
 married_guy
Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 113
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 12/24/2005 2:14:13 AM
[Quote]
Man I feel your pain. My wife of five years cheated on me and destroyed our marriage. She suffers from a mental illness which is no excuse, [/Quote]

Mental illness, cheating, lieing the whole time.... yeah I went through the same thing... we resolved it but, the pain will never go away completely, to be so used really rips one apart.

Never put a woman on a pedistal..... it puts them at just the right height to kick your teeth down your throat!
 Strings6
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 114
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:02:44 AM
What do cheaters feel? perhaps excitment over their new relationship, based on their level of conscience maybe a little remorse for what they did to their previous partner.Then as the new becomes old and they realize that this person is not perfect either and the urge to go shopping again sets in,the cycle repeats itself.
 Domeroth
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 115
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:28:36 AM
It's to my understanding, that they don't know. They don't even know why they did it. The rest of us being smarter than that, know it was for self-gratification, selfishness, and inconsideration.

To that end, I'm sure someone out there won't treat you like that.

Peace and be well
 pink506
Joined: 1/5/2005
Msg: 116
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History
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 3/26/2006 6:16:41 PM
they feel awful... because they got caught
 Thelibrarian
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 117
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:00:43 PM
Hey Jimi:

My ex was cheating on me with 2 other woman. Both of whom I knew. Sickening. Currently he is having an affair with a married woman. And, get this, he is being "faithful" to her. Or so he says. Unreal!

In this boy's case, he feels nothing, not one damned thing. He doesn't care who he walks on or through as long as he gets his swerve on. Oh yes, and did I mention, the woman is his best friend's ex (Yes, she had an affair previous to my ex). She was with P for 5 years. Sad thing is, all of us (whom are friends) know about the affair, his best friend doesn't. Talk about making us all feel like crap! Every time we see him with our friend P we just feel sick to our stomachs. He has no idea and it would kill him. He actually wanted to marry the girl and help raise her daughter. My ex, doesn't.

I think for the most part, the folks that do this kind of thing consistently have no conscious, so it doesn't bother them.
 Red1963
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 118
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 3/26/2006 7:28:17 PM
Hey Jim,

People can agree or disagree, I have to tell you from the flip side. Because I've never cheated on anyone ever. But I've been cheated on through out my life more times than I care to admit. What's worse is more than once by the same person even after forgiving the 1st time or two. My mistake. When this happens and you confront the person. The initial reaction is to deny. I've never been a push over for that. The truth always comes to the surface. They always say I'm sorry, but it is not heartfelt.

When someone who is suppose to love you yet can take this love and shatter it into pieces, what can they feel? In order to feel, you must have a conscious. And that conscious should bother you. But if you cheat and cheat again, it must not bother them enough.

A cheater will excuse their behavior with all types of excuses. But in each case always, for the most part, feels justified in their cheating behavior and almost always blames their partner.

A cheater feels justified;
A cheater feels no remorse;
A cheater feels nothing;

I don't need anyone to tell me I don't have a clue. I have a Masters Degree on the receiving end of the fence.
 HEARTSMART
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 119
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:45:43 PM
People live in a world of sorrow...so if no one was out there to hurt you, me, them, then how would ever find the blessing......cheaters are like****oaches....build the motel and watch them register for a room lol.....cheating starts way before the Work related cheaters are the best for it....long hours....same women with the same sad stories about how their man being an old grump...or same men talking the same thing about how great it would be to see LouAnne with her bra off....next thing you know it's coffee out of the building, then the ride home for the car pool......blahblah

My solicited advice to you is don't sweat the small stuff (because that is who and what does it) focus more on the fact that you aren't and maybe you need to realize that if something is missing out in the relationship....you still there baby!!!!!!
 carrotsticks
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 120
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:25:34 AM
well lets see if i cn get threw this without yelling at my puter screen.. i was in a relationship for 4 years, before we got to gether i told him all that i wanted ie: i wanted children (2) i already had an 18 year old at the time, i wanted to be a stay at home mom (he had a good job) i wanted to return to work when the kids were in all day school, i also wanted to be married and have a house - in time... he AGREE'D to it all.. and yes i should of relized that when it sounds too good to be true i should of smelled a fish, anywyas i got pregnant the first year (i had been trying for 18 years to haven another child only to end up with 6 miscarrages) so got pregnant , he went to hockey games, came home late.. asked me to marry him , i said yes, angaed for all the rest of our time together,we moved from an apartment to a house further north - he new alot of people in this new area, he start goin gout and comeing home later than usual- but he had a cell phone so when ever i called him it was always answered and when i asked him if he was cheeting he would get on his kness and tell me no he is not. so then i let the gut feeling go about him cheating , the he got a new winter job where he is away from home for days at a time, then he met this old freind and hired him to work for him and they became buddys , well buddy had a wife and 2 kids at home and 1 on the way, so my ex would take buddy out to the bar and drink on company time and order wings, and my ex's cell phone would go off and it wasnt me callin ghim it was buddy's wife calling my ex and they would chit chat while in the bar bathroom, and my ex would also go to those (nasty) massage parlours and get "a massage" from the (nasty) women in there, then come home to me without even showering ( i found this out the hard way and i was so shocked i couldnt even talk i just went downstairs and slept on the couch, and the next morning all i heard was -- oh ya you realy want this relationship to work dont you ... anywyas,, yes he was visiting the massage parlours, he was flirting with his employees wife ( while she is pregnant with god knows whos baby) and he is bringing in hookers for the 'winter camp " guys to have - including himself... meanwhile i am at home with a sickly little girl- she has been in and out of every docotors office in the GTA and she goes to therspy 2 - 3 x per week and i do it all, and she hardly knows her dad at this age, also my ex's father has been diagnose dwith cancer and he comes to live here so i take care of him for 6 months while shayne is at work..so called work and he is ****ing everything in sight wheil i clean up after his father and shayne dont come home to visit with his dad.. unless absolutly told by his stepmother.. so he is geting more tempermentl i am not getting any sex and he is obviously gettin git somewhere else and he is not hiding the fact so i tol dhim to leave feb 25 2005, and he did peacfully-- he went right to his employees wife (she had a baby boy) and SHE drove her husband to the airport and told him to go back to newfoundland... so my ex moves in with her and they are together now and she has 3 kids and he has 3 kids - 1 of his kids with me and 2 othter with his previous wife.. well i confronted that ex wife of shaynes and i asked her if i was an affair in there marriage and she looked and me and said YES YOU WERE THE 12TH AFFAIR SHAYNE HAD on our marrrage,, i appoligised and asked her how and why she did it and she said that she was embarresed .. anyways i/we have come to the conclutions that shayne has very low self esteme he saw his father do the same thing growing up and alsohe only like think women and after you have a baby you are no longer thin- although the one he is with now is stick thin... do cheaters feel--NO ,,,he has no remores what so ever , he looks after himself and that is all, just cause he pays supposrt dont mean he looks after his kidsa all he is doing is corrupting them in to the same life syle, actually feb132005 he even picked up a women after playing hockey and he took her back to where he worked (there beds there) and screwed her all night , drove her home in the morning, came directly here and open up his valentines gifts from his daughter and i - ( i got 35 $) and he had messey hair -we went to bed that night and i was hopinf some some loving and when i felt his****it still had the reminents of his last ****... how sick is that!...and oh by the way he never wore a condom with any of the women ...and oh buy the way I am now being tested every three months for H.I.V isnt that a lovley life to live with a medicle fragile 3 years old,, while he is off pampering his ass and the girlfriends while he comes tomy door 2x per month with a smile on his face to p/u our daughter---he is lower that a snakes belly and i know he will get his -- just when?..........help.sorry for rambling
 ubergeekazoid
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 121
what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2006 8:28:49 AM
They dont have any feelings unfortunately...
Its a horrible thing to have to accept, but the bottom line, is, is someone has feelings for another person, why would they cheat? The truth is they never did have feelings to begin with...They only show remorse when they get caught.
 candlelight77
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 122
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2006 9:35:25 AM
I wonder if cheaters have any feelings--except for themselves. I think they live at the spur of the moment and for the thrill of doing the forbidden. The pain they inflict lasts not just a moment but a life time. Case in fact, my ex and my ex best friend. They carried on for years behind my back--maybe secretly laughing at how much I trusted them. When I found out, I thought it would destroy my life--but no--I lived on--I'm stronger than I thought. A few years have pasted and I still remain alone--but that happens when you're older. I guess I figure I'm better alone than to be with a cheater.
 brandy2847
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 123
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2006 12:28:40 PM
yes that would be nice wouldnt it
 chickinmobile
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 124
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2006 12:49:48 PM
i left for the army (national guard) basic training in march of 05 & came back in sept of the same year. while away (the week of mothers day) i got a carepackage from my sons father & a note. it spoke in past tense, used words like "used to love my sons mother, used to have feelings, used to want the best..." well, like anyone who leaves a family behind, i chose to have this scumbag on my checking account. i mean hey. i thought things were okay. well, with me being paid almost a grand twice a month from uncle sam for 5 months...i came back with about a lil less than 2 grand. & believe me...there wasnt much to the little i had once i had to pay some remaining bills that were in my name.
i didnt know where i was living b/c he had bought a house for him & my son. had a piece of sh*t automobile that wasnt worth amount of $ for a full tank of gas, had no money, no friends b/c his friends were mine, i mean i could go on & on you know?
nowadays, i have my son on every other weekend & every wednesday. now he's with the girl that come to find out he was cheating on me with before i left. im struggling a lil bit but im making it. but it seems that i just CANT get over it. over the lies, deception, dishonor, embarrassment, etc. especially when i have to see him & sometimes see him with her.
now. my question is: how do i learn to get over it? im tired of feeling like i did all this somehow, like i somehow deserved this. & how do i keep from taking it all out on my next boyfriend/girlfriend? & yes. since all this has happened, ive gotten with a few female coherts.
any advise?...anybody?
 mzalleycat
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 125
Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 4/17/2006 12:59:39 PM
my question is, why did the person feel the need to cheat to begin with? (particularly in long-term relationships). Cheating IMHO, often occurs (notice the word "often" not "always"), because the person being cheated on hasn't lived up to their end of the relationship.

I know of several relationships where one party has begged the other for years for some sort of modification in behavior in order to make the relationship work (i.e., they asked for the love they wanted, asked for the marriage/relationship they wanted, asked for the other to curtail their relationship-destructive habits [whether it be money-spending, partying, quality time with the kids etc.]) and the other party refused/wasn't able to accommodate and the cheater wasn't able/willing to throw away several years of relationship and so they got the love/respect/longing/needing (whatever), they were yearning for from another, but still hoped and prayed in the interim that they could make the relationship work that they were in. In most of these cases, if/when the cheater finally ended the relationship, the person who was cheated on finally admitted to their wrong ways and wanted to change but by then it was too late. In all of these cases, it was the cheater who felt victimized throughout the relationship. And I know in one of these cases, the g/f who cheated, said she was so sick after she done it, she actually threw up the next day and felt horrible for weeks afterwards, racked with guilt.

I can't answer for those who cheat on short-term relationships, that to me is obvious, they just weren't into the relationship and possibly too cowardly to end it or were just users/players or lacked self-esteem enough to be alone until a new person came along. But for long-term relationships, I always ask....what role does the person being cheated on play in the situation? And how hard are they working on making the relationship healthy so their partner doesn't feel the need to stray to begin with? It always takes two to tango.
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