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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:46:31 AM |
I think Paul McCartney has a toddler right now.. eh?
Yes. And any future woman who comes into his life has to deal with crazy-ass Heather Mills. So I guess there are some middle-aged or elderly guys with toddlers who have chaotic lives in the same way most middle-aged women with toddlers have chaotic lives. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:07:10 AM | live2ridenh
If, as you say, your 'intent' was 'support'.... then please tell me why it was necessary for you to begin by utilizing my username and then saying, 'Young Lady' Hmmmm?
I used your user name, and the words young lady, in a nice way,, so I thought, if you think I meant anything other than that, again I'm sorry,,
I was letting you know there are many people who did not agree with mr spit replays, I happen to be one of them.. I will say this though, it's not up to me to judge his replays, or even attempt to react to them in a hostel way.. mr spit still is entitled to his views and opinions,, as well as you and I. If a poster feels they need to defend themselves with mr spit,, let them do it,, I haven't been appointed the the go between,, I am here to voice an opinion, and possible defend that opinion if I feel it's worth defending..
Believe me, neither I nor anyone else in this thread 'misread your intent' there....
I'm sorry but I don't believe you,, if what I said had an impact on others here,, I would guess,, they might have wrote something to that effect. But again that would be ok too,, because,, if someone sees my view different,, I certainly will not get bent out of shape over it.. most of the time I wear my BIG BOY PANTS...
Yes, and please do convince us that mr. spit was 'justified' in addressing the OP by ordering her to 'Calm down'...
It's not up to me to judge that statement,, do I agree with it NO.. but,,, the person who might want to react to that might be the one mr spit is referring to, again,, I wasn't assigned the task of poster defender,, I could have voiced an opinion,, but didn't find it necessary..
You two musta fallen from the same nut tree
My reaction to that is,, statements like that mean absolutely nothing to me,, all it really dose is prove ignorance through hostile gestures,, and I won't fall pry to such nonsense.
Like I stated before, a fire will go out, if your not feeding it fuel,, with that said,, all posts made by you toward me in a negative way will not be replied to,,
Best wishes,,, | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:43:21 AM | | absotluley, unless its like the guy who posts all negativity about single moms, hey grandmas are the same as single parents in a lot of ways these days. makes no difference to me, we can take him to a ball game | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:27:41 AM | Let's be clear.
If you see a woman in her mid-forties with a young child under the age of 5, you can conclude one of the following in most instances:
The father was a drunken one-night stand.
The father was an ex-boyfriend who couldn't hack the responsibility of helping to raise a child and split the scene.
The father is in prison.
The woman just came out of a long, bad marriage where the child was a last resort to keep the marriage together.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule; but in most cases, that is what a new guy would be dealing with when contemplating dating a woman in such a situation. These women are entitled to the utmost respect and consideration.
..........But remember: woman over 40 + child under 5 = Bad News for dating. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:11:23 PM | Hmmmmm what a mixed bag it seems... I am now 46 and proud mother of children aged 25 21 18 and a 3 year old yes a 3 year old. I am also the proud grandparent of a 7 month old grandson whom i look after full time... I feel that i am a better parent to my 3 year old as i have mellowed am more mature and i have more time to spend with her even though i do work... I am not tired out as was sugested in one reply I have more energy and i am enjoying parenthood second time around as i feel i am not being judged by society as being a young parent whom is bound to make mistakes...
I do find that men in my age range tend to shy away from me because of my child which i understand fully... however saying that why is there this big stereotypical view that children are binding and tie you down or why do men feel that there will be little or no love for them if young children are in the equation? Surely parental love and relationship love are two different types of affection? As for having a child when my youngest at the time was 15 ,no it wasnt a silly mistake on my behalf and i would do it again tomorrow given the chance even if it means i will live the single life forever....
So to all you men out there that say they would not date a woman in their 40's with small children all I can say is you really do not know what you are missing out on.... | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:19:49 PM |
I am now 46 and proud mother of children aged 25 21 18 and a 3 year old yes a 3 year old.
IceKrystals: Much respect to middle-aged mothers in your situation. It would be interesting to know the circumstances behind the birth of the youngest child; but it's understandable if you do not wish to divulge that information. No one wants any poster to feel embarrassed here. Suffice it to say that even children conceived under chaotic circumstances can be raised well and be successful throughout life. Good luck to all middle-aged mothers with these challenges.  | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:21:34 PM | hmmmmm Spitfire its stereotypical narrowminded views like yours that really prove to me just how selfish men can be... It alsop begs the question of how many children have you fathered when you have had drunken one night stands?
And why does a woman over 40 with child under 5 equate to bad news for dating? i for one know that i have a reliable babysitting force if i care to date but lets be realistic generally men view women 40 plus as desperate for a mate, sexual encounters, etc etc etc.....and if there is a child in the equation that said woman is less likely to take you home to her house for sexual encounters as she has a child to consider .... Wow im glad im a mature woman with a child under 5 to protect me from vain self centered men like yourself................... | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:27:05 PM | | Why would i feel embarrased by having the gift of life bestowed upon me regardless of circumstances??? And no I am not afraid to say how i have a beautiful 3 year old child in my life at my age...My sister was her birth mother whom sadly died when Libby was 9 weeks old of cancer, I didnt hessitate once about bringing her up I even sacrificed a relationship to do it... and yes Ib would do it again if i had too...She has gave me a new meaning to my life and i love her as my own and have just started adoption proceedures... | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:29:14 PM | IceKrystals:
If you didn't even give birth to the child, then that's not exactly what we're talking about here. Good job for you as an adoptive parent, though. Sorry for the loss of your sister. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:43:59 PM | spitfire6844
Because you directed this to all of us,, I feel compelled to respond.
The information you stated,,
Do you have publications to back up such points of view,, If so please post them, where we men and woman can look that information...but like anything not all information would always be considered valid..
Now if that information is not available to you,, what gives you right to put woman in such negative light.. Have you yourself been in a couple of bad relationship's with woman that fit your scenario,, I'm sure some woman may fit,, but not the way you describe it to be.
However, that does not settle well with me,, stateing all woman or most fit your scenario.
You seem to forget,, some woman choose to have a child for many positive reasons,,
Yes woman over 40,,
1) you suggested a woman who got pregnant while on the pill was an opps,, that may be so,, however, some woman may be on the pill for other reasons, such as health, I am no expect on that,, but she may have wanted a child but couldn't for other reasons,, Now I made an assumption here,, but so didn't you by suggesting that child was an opps.
The father was a drunken one-night stand.
Lets assume that was true,,, so what,, that woman has a right to do as she pleases,,also while taking responsibility for her actions,, That act in it's self does not make that woman unfit, or a woman that another man wouldn't be interested in, she should not be condemned for that or by you..
The father was an ex-boyfriend who couldn't hack the responsibility of helping to raise a child and split the scene
So that makes a woman, unfit,, you would better off advocating for that woman,, bye condemning such actions of a man..
The father is in prison.
Now your stretching for reasons,, give us/me a break....... 
The woman just came out of a long, bad marriage where the child was a last resort to keep the marriage together.
I can not confirm or deny that,, but that can happen to someone at any age,, matter of fact all you just posted could have happened to anyone at any age,,
Now lets look at the positives,, why a woman would want to have a child in her 40+
1) her career was important in her early years....
2) she may have felt she wanted to experience life in a different way in her younger year...
3) she want to wait till she felt she was more mature to raise children,,
4) she could not have children,, and decided to adopt...
5) she was married, happy too... yet her husband passed away..
6) hell she just loves kids and wanted more...
7)new medical procedures, allowed her to have a child...
I can keep going with my list,, but I do hope you see my point,, just because a woman in there 40,, does not mean they are unworthy of a man,, and men should not beware,,
Just to say this again,, I would gladly date a woman with a young child,, matter of fact I would rather do that.. I have my reasons,, some are selfish, other are not,,
In closing, I think you are dead wrong with your attack on woman in the 40+ I think a little self reflection is in order for you, on why your thinking is so negitive,,
good luck | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:39:04 PM | spitfire6844
you said this........
If you didn't even give birth to the child, then that's not exactly what we're talking about here. Good job for you as an adoptive parent,
However the original post was this.......
I have found that most people my age will usually shy away from a woman that has young kids. Almost all the people I meet are done with parenting, and now want (quite comprehensively) to explore another phrase in their life, while younger single parents usually expect to date someone their own age.
Is their any hope for a woman past 40, I wonder? What is your experience and what are your thoughts?
spitfire,, the OP never suggested, where children come from or who's they may be.. The fact remains, woman at the posters age with children,, she could have also adopted,, so who are you to suggest it can't be part of the topic,,
I think your off topic,, therefor, you should start your own forum...
On why you wouldn't date woman,, and let this post move forward in the way it was meant to,, and not by, ripping or taking what people say and twist their feeling or words to suit your needs,, you really do need to move on,, if I'm out of line here,, would a couple of poster step up to the plate,, and say so,,, I'll move away,,
But I think it's only fair to say,, spitfire,,dissecting what many people saying is wrong,, | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:54:26 PM | My observations about middle-aged women are based on actual women I've known. The evidence is anecdotal. Most women I've known who are 40+ years old, do not become pregnant in long-term relationships. It's not the norm. I know many, many 40+ year old women, and not one I've known became pregnant at that late stage in a stable LTR. If a 40+ woman has a child, it's usually the result of an abnormal circumstance----not career-motivated, and not a conscious choice to wait 'til the age of 40.
Again, there are exceptions, but the exceptions don't nullify the rule. I think those posters who are objective on here about their own observations and experience would come to similar conclusions. Again, the exceptional cases do not nullify the rule. You'll see a lot more situations such as I outlined earlier rather than situations like that of IceKrystals. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 5:39:47 PM | Spitfire,,,
I will not argue your experiences. But that is just one view, and to place most woman in that category is still with out proven fact. Then still to make woman out to be some sort of failure, or undesirable, still is unjustified on your part.
You mentioned there are exceptions to the rule,,your rule,, why then, would it not be possible that all or most of the woman who posted here, are the exception to the rule,, or have you have lost the idea of innocent till proven guilty,, not that woman are guilty of anything.. but by your standards and experience they are,, unless they prove to you other wise,, just like Icekrystals did by her choice,, again other may not feel the need to prove anything to you,,just to confirm you experiences or to prove you are wrong,,
Sometimes our experiences in life are localized, meaning one must escape a narrow world and expand our thinking by visiting different ideas,,
An example might be,, someone who goes to a strip club 1/2 dozen or so times,, their first assumption might be, all woman that work in these clubs are sleaze bags,, However,, if someone spent some time with these woman,, you would soon come to learn that is not true..
"That is a fact from my experiances,, most woman are decient"
My point there is,, you should take the time to learn about the women who posted here before you make assumptions about them.
Here is another, a city boy may think all people who live in the country are red neck and uneducated,, again, some are,, yet if you spent more time learning about that life style.. opinions may change..
"That to is a fact from my life experiances, most county people are great as well"
I respect your experiences,, as I would like to think when you comment about a poster,, you in my opinion,, should not place them as a whole ,, but rather unique, as they are, and they just may not fit in your life's learning experiences,,
Now that is just my openion.. peace | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:01:51 PM |
I will not argue your experiences. But that is just one view, and to place most woman in that category is still with out proven fact. Then still to make woman out to be some sort of failure, or undesirable, still is unjustified on your part.
rdcnorm: You're taking yourself way too seriously on the forums. I respect your experience, and I don't question what conclusions you draw from your experience. I would expect any intelligent person to realize that anecdotal evidence is just that----it's anecdotal evidence. That's what I provided. It wasn't stated nor intended to be scientific. If it were a scientific analysis, I would have provided sources and indicated such. People generally state their conclusions in a declarative form even when those conclusions are not deemed scientific. That's normal discourse.
How I formulate my conclusions and my general style of posting is my business. rdcnorm: you just got OWNED by another poster on this thread while trying to back up her opinion when she didn't want nor need you to. It looked very foolish. It was complete asshattery on your part. Now, you're nitpicking my posts to try to redeem yourself. It's none of your damned business how another poster presents his/her ideas. If you want to refute someone's anecdotes with observations or information of your own which are germane to the subject, then go ahead. Otherwise, you're wasting your time. I don't give a rat's ass what you think, especially if it's off-topic.
My statement on the topic is the same. Most middle-aged women with young children are not considered datable because of the unusual, extenuating circumstances surrounding their late parenthood. As I've said earlier, I have a lot of first-hand evidence of that, and I've discussed the topic with real-life acquaintances. If anyone disagrees, beyond just ****ing about my forum style, you're obviously welcome to present your own experiences and evidence. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:02:01 PM | Fairsong,
Evening! I am happy and proud to say I will be 46 this September with 3 children. 11, 6 almost 7 and last one just turned 6 and has a disability. My heart goes out to you. Hun, just keep on going with your kids. Stay close to them don't let the worry of not having a man make you for one minute miss a second with those kids. Us parents have 1 chance at raising our kids. I truly believe that there is a relationship possible where the man would love to include children into his life and him into ours. I am fully aware and have lived the "there is worse than being single" life. I have come to the complete understanding that just maybe I need to wait to get into a relationship until after my kids are either much older or moved onto college after highschool. I used to fret about it. I have completely gave it to the future and whatever it may hold. There is a time and place for everything. I hope you are finding peace and happiness in your life. Kiss and hugs those kids of yours!
Take care,
Cathy | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:01:48 AM |
OP ~ ...I have found that most people my age will usually shy away from a woman that has young kids...
When my marriage ended and I met another woman, she had 5 children from 2 yrs old to 17 yrs old. I fell in love with her and since she had her children with her, they became a package deal. I accepted them wholeheartedly, however it took them 2 years to fully accept me. I didn't push myself on them and respected them individually. The youngest one was a terrorizer & in the beginning I couldn't stand him. I would not give in to his spoiled behaviour & set out my boundaries & expectations with love. His mother was patient & we never ever hit any of the children as violence begets violence. Eventually they all came around, by the time they all did, their mother fell out of love for me & we went our separate ways. Be there 100% & make a difference.
Children are a blessing. In many cultures, the elderly care for the young and guide them. They are an integral part of the family unit. It seems only in the Western culture does a family unit go out on its own & struggle. I was told this is how we must adapt & become civilized, perhaps I am not that civilized yet. Anyway, women who separate on their own with small children are sometimes cast aside and men do not wish to enter into a relationship with children involved. It takes a caring man to accept a women with children regardless of their ages. Being a positive role model and nurturing continuously allows for each child to grow & develop to be their best in this ever changing world. It matters not how old you are or how young the woman is, as long as you're both willing to take on that commitment & responsibility & share the family responsibility. The effort you put in now will be returned a hundredfold when it is your time later in your twilight years. And the benefits, the joy & the memories will last a lifetime.
**~Remington55~** 
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/23/2008 4:14:39 AM | Thank you all for your replies. It is good to hear from caring people with good communication and parenting skills.
It encourages me to hear about other people that are compassionate enough to evaluate the path of late parenthood from a positive viewpoint.
Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:08:34 AM | | Someone just told me about another woman who is 51 years old with a 10 year old child. She has never been married, and apparently only knew the sperm donor for a few weeks before she got pregnant. Needless to say, she hasn't had a date in years. My friend told me that this woman is a good person. However, it's like I said----most guys consider a woman in this situation a no-go. | |
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| Would you date a middle aged woman with a young child?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:52:09 AM | OP.....I don't have 'young' children, but I have male teens. It seems like it doesn't really matter what age your children are - some men & women just prefer NOT to date people with children still at home - period. I've even been told (by the ex b/f) that its better to either have younger children (pre teen) or kids out of the house. It seems like the idea of teens just scares some people - much like young children do. Our relationship ended because he realized he couldn't do the children thing again. His loss.
spitfire..
When you see a middle-aged woman getting pregnant, or who has a toddler, there is usually a chaotic back-story---unplanned pregnancy.....absentee dads......drug/alcohol abuse. Nothing good. Most smart guys are going to avoid getting involved with a woman in that situation
Did you ever think that maybe it was the women you associate yourself with that have the problems? Its NOT an aged based problem--you'll find the same situations across all of the ages, not just women in their late 30's or 40's. I'm sure a lot of the later pregnancies could also be a result of a 2nd marriage and them wanting children together, or a couple that had problems with fertility that were finally able to have them.
If its a RED flag for you - so be it. We're each entitled to our opinions but yours does come across as being rather narrow minded. While its ok to bring in personal data/stories such as (some of the women I've met that become mothers in later years were due to chaotic circumstances) versus ALL the women who are new mothers in later years have problems -with few exceptions. Its all in the wording. You're basing your entire red flag scenario on a few women that you've heard about. That would be like me saying "All men over 30 need viagra to satisfy me".....while in fact, it may only be a handful of men....
OP....I'm sure that there is someone out there who will love us AND our children. We just have to be patient and NOT settle for less than what we're looking for.
Good luck to all the single parents!
HR | |
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